Dirty Talk, how do I do it?

[curiouslittlesu]

I love sex, I love all elements of it. Im uninhibited when it comes to sex except for one thing. When it comes to dirty talk, I just cant seem to get my feet. I make alot of noise, especially when I come, but words.... I just cant figure it out.

Does anyone have any advice on what to say? How to get past this "hump" in my sexual freedom? Its frustrating, especially because dirty talk turns me on so much. Is this a submissive trait, whereas, I like to be talked to, but cant figure out what to say?

Help!

 

[KlaytonFrost]

Maybe just start with a few words and see what works. You could throw in a "that's good" or a "fuck me harder" or something and work up from there. Figure out what your partner responds to and do more of that.

Other handy phrases to kick things off include:

"You're so big / tight / wet."
"I want you so bad."
"God, I'm so horny."
"I just want you to fuck me like a whore."

Etc, etc

 

[curiouslittlesu]

Maybe just start with a few words and see what works. You could throw in a "that's good" or a "fuck me harder" or something and work up from there. Figure out what your partner responds to and do more of that.

Other handy phrases to kick things off include:

"You're so big / tight / wet."
"I want you so bad."
"God, I'm so horny."
"I just want you to fuck me like a whore."

Etc, etc

Yeah, Im opening up I guess. Its just not happening as quickly as I would like it to. It seems when I do say something, it prolongs things for him. (but then he tells me he likes it when i speak up, so its confusing.)

I say "I want you to come on my tits" or "come in my tight pussy" and he will freak out and lose focus. Am I doing it wrong?

 

[KlaytonFrost]

There's no real way to do it wrong. However is right for you is what is right. I get the impression that you're not entirely comfortable with saying those things, and it might be that he's picking up on that rather than the words themselves.

Maybe go for lines that you really 'believe' in, so to speak. What would turn you on if someone said it to you?

 

[curiouslittlesu]

I get off on the animalistic noises, the grunting and panting. Im a total sub, so i like to be dominated. Told what to do, in detail. I like being called 'little slut' in the bedroom. For some reason that is exciting.

Is this a sub trait?

 

[LadyVer]

FWIW, you may be worrying too much about this. It's pretty easy to do, but when you're in the moment, trying to think of something to say takes the focus off what you're doing. Vocalizing should be spontaneous. Chatting on YM, etc, is a good way to practice what to say when in the moment. Good luck!

 

[Thefamiliar]

Actually I had this problem for a long time when I was younger, and still don't do cybering very well or sexting....

But in the moment it's a little easier it doesn't need to be complete coherent thoughts.

if you can get out "oh god" you can get out "I love your cock" ...lol

find your comfort zone for words that you can use without thinking ok that was dumb...

Please....
I want to feel you cum...
faster ...
harder ...

really - that is about all it is. Don't feel bad though, there are more guys than women that have problems in this area, so if you're guy doesn't do it, then tell him to practice with you, if nothing else you will have a lot of fun laughing during the sex.

 

[lonelycollegegirl]

I get off on the animalistic noises, the grunting and panting. Im a total sub, so i like to be dominated. Told what to do, in detail. I like being called 'little slut' in the bedroom. For some reason that is exciting.

Is this a sub trait?

I myself and a sub, so I'll try my best to give you some advice. I love being called names also like "slut" or "whore" and when whomever I'm speaking with says something like, "You're such a good little slut," I respond with a "Yes sir, I love being a good little whore for you," or something like that.

I spend most of my breath begging to cum, but the other occasional things slips in there. Like most others have said it really should come natural to you. I used to get embarrassed to say things like "Yes, fuck me harder please sir," or "Your cock is so big in my tight little pussy sir" but feeling comfortable with the person you're doing the dirty talking with makes is much more easier.

I don't know if that necessarily a 'sub trait' because being a sub can mean many things for different people, and some people may like being called names, that aren't submissive.

 

[RobertBarre]

Dennis Miller had a routine in which he joked about that akward moment at a wedding reception when we make the conscious decision to... begin dancing. As you say, "getting over the hump" is the hard part. Two things that can help us get over the hump are:

1) Starting easy
2) Practice

I think all the advice above is helpful in this regard. Start with the can't-miss standards that Klayton offered. If your partner is talking dirty to you, it should be safe and easy to add a "yes" and echo the sentiment back to him: "Yes, I want you to...." Phone-sex (or IM sex as LadyVer suggested) is a superb practice opportunity since talking dirty is the whole show.

Great erotic speech is a mix of the creative and the real. I would encourage you (once you feel more comfortable) to find what is true for you and speak that. Sharing your most intimate, vulnerable truths is the ultimate in eroticism.

 

[Riles]

Ugh, this is just the worst for me. Vocal sex is one thing, but having to think out a 'story' or even say more than a few encouraging words while in the act is a huge issue for me, so I completely feel your pain.

I'm a creative enough person when it comes to desciption, but only when I have my hands on the keyboard, pen or the discussion is on the more clinical "how to" side if you will. I clam right up if asked to say something during sex (phone or in person), it's like the connectors in my brain that work my verbal skills get shut off when my clit starts being played with.

So, I have no advice, just a sympathetic ear.

 

[amofiga]

<<< I say "I want you to come on my tits" or "come in my tight pussy" and he will freak out and lose focus. Am I doing it wrong? >>>

It's probably not that you're doing it wrong but that he isn't into hearing you talk/act dirty. SOme guys have this notion that "good girls" are pure little virginal things that don't think/ace/talk slutty like that. Does he like it when you speak frankly about sexual things using gutter language or does he feel like women shouldn't say dirty things? In the past I found that women seem to have a tougher time using gutter talk than men and often don't like to hear it unless the place/time/mood is just right. I once had a relationship with a woman who was about as wild and kinky as you could imagine but she just couldn't bring herself to say the word "cunt". No problem with pussy or cock or dick or fuck but when it came to cunt, she just sort of mumbled it. It was sort of amusing in a strange way.

One thing I found that helped get people to get used to dirty talk is to start out writing it. Write him an erotic fantasy story like those here on Lit or have him write one for you. The rules are that words like vagina, penis, fellatio, semen, etc are NOT allowed. Those are words for the doctor's office. You have to use the "street" words. Make the stories as graphic and dirty as possible. First read each other's story and then take turns reading them out loud. I found that this helped with one woman I knew. I had her make a tape of a story I wrote and send it to me. She had been too shy to use such language and talk about such things to my face but could make the tape in private. Eventually, she loosened up as we got to joking about it.

As you might guess, dirty talking is a bit of a fetish of mine. Love doing it. Love having it done. Relationships where it couldn't happen were often "strained" in some ways. Good luck.

 

[curiouslittlesu]

Thank you! great advice, im going to start practicing!

 

[silverwhisper]

also, consider reading some erotica. find an author you like and pay attention to the phrasings. dirty talk can take many forms and what works for some is a total turn-off for others (e.g., i get completely skeeved out by "daddy" talk but for others, it's a total turn-on).

ed

 

[Carnevil9]

You might get some useful ideas from my story, "Dirty Talk On The Road." (see signature) It is based on an old girlfriend of mine who had a really filthy mouth in the sack!.......Carney

 

[dollface007]

I am big on dirty talk. It's probably a little more to get myself riled up than my boyfriend, but I know he loves it too. I don't expect men to respond to everything I say b/c they might be trying to focus on *not* coming at a given moment.

Try starting with:
"That feels so good."
"You look so hot."

Then move on to:
"You're cock/tongue/fingers feels so good."
"It feels so good when you [insert whatever he's doing]"
"I love fucking you"

Then get him involved:
"Do you like the way it feels when I [insert whatever you're doing]?"
"Tell me how much you love fucking me."


Don't use anatomically correct terms. If you give kind of a running play-by-play of what you're doing to each other in bed, it requires no creativity whatsoever! Start by whispering stuff in his ear...it will seem less embarrassing. Then you can work up to talking with more confidence.

 

[WhenInDoubtFuck]

It's been 9 days, so hopefully things are progressing nicely for you, but I had few thoughts on the matter. I absolutely love dirty talk but I would say the majority of people are not naturally capable of it. It's not part of our normal dialogue with other people. So were essentially talking about conditioning your mind to think in a different way, and allowing you to speak with "dirty" language. I won't go into all the psychology of this, but it's not something you'll achieve overnight, but as you already like hearing dirty talk and are eager to learn how, I'm very hopeful for you.

To start off, you might see how comfortable you are just saying some dirty phrases when you are alone, maybe sitting on your bed or looking in the bathroom mirror. It should help you feel more comfortable, but may require practice and patience. It might help to masturbate while visualizing you and your partner and injecting your dirty talk into the scene. Certainly Literotica stories are a great place to explore for inspiration and finding out what phrases turn you on. You also need to be communicating with your partner, so that they're aware what you are doing and don't cause "freak out" moments. They too have to get accustomed to you saying things that they're not used to hearing.

Your posts here do emit a submissive nature, and I'm going to assume he's already talking dirty to you. So it might help for him to guide or direct you to say certain things during sex. For example, asking if you want his big cock inside you. To which you respond with "Yes", but also return the phrase "Yes, I want your big cock inside me" This can be big in D/s situations, where one might not proceed until the desired answer is spoken, or possibly inflict punishment until it happens. Obviously that will depend on the dynamics of your relationship.

Communication is key in relationship, but even more so when experimenting with new things. Your partner needs to be able to support and encourage you, just as you would if the role was reversed. There's not really a "wrong way" to dirty talk, it's just a matter of exploring and improving and figuring out what works best for both of you. Like finding favorite positions or what outfits are sexiest, etc. Lastly, and this may sound cheesy, believe in yourself. You can be as dirty as you want to be if you set your mind to it. Best of luck.

 

[ketrell]

I would suggest role playing until you are more comfortable. That way you are acting out. SOmetimes just the little things like that will allow you to open yourself up more to being that way.

 

[verygirlyjess]

Just SAY it...

I love sex, I love all elements of it. Im uninhibited when it comes to sex except for one thing. When it comes to dirty talk, I just cant seem to get my feet. I make alot of noise, especially when I come, but words.... I just cant figure it out.

Does anyone have any advice on what to say? How to get past this "hump" in my sexual freedom? Its frustrating, especially because dirty talk turns me on so much. Is this a submissive trait, whereas, I like to be talked to, but cant figure out what to say?

Help!

If you truly love sex and all elements of it and are truly uninhibited then you must have some great thoughts that are going though your mind when in the act. Don't think of it as dirty talk. Just say what you are thinking. If it feels good. Express that. If you want more of something or less of something, express that too. Give direction. Ask questions about what your lover wants too. "You like that, don't you?" etc. If you feel like throwing the 'dirty' into it (and by dirty most people tend to mean using words we wouldn't just say in everyday conversation like slut and cunt,) then add that to that same phrase.

You mentioned that you liked dirty talk and like to be talked to. What do you like to hear? Do you think your lover would enjoy those same things? If so, just say it.

Let it be natural, however. Don't force it or you will focus too much on the "talk" rather than the pleasure.

Just my opinions... ;-)

 

[ManofExperience]

Agree - focus on the other person's pleasure

If you truly love sex and all elements of it and are truly uninhibited then you must have some great thoughts that are going though your mind when in the act. Don't think of it as dirty talk. Just say what you are thinking. If it feels good. Express that. If you want more of something or less of something, express that too. Give direction. Ask questions about what your lover wants too. "You like that, don't you?" etc. If you feel like throwing the 'dirty' into it (and by dirty most people tend to mean using words we wouldn't just say in everyday conversation like slut and cunt,) then add that to that same phrase.

You mentioned that you liked dirty talk and like to be talked to. What do you like to hear? Do you think your lover would enjoy those same things? If so, just say it.

Let it be natural, however. Don't force it or you will focus too much on the "talk" rather than the pleasure.

Just my opinions... ;-)

I agree with this, Jess!

For me, starting (at least) with a focus on my partner - "you look so beautiful/feel so good/taste so good" etc. is the best place to begin because it is natural and easy. I try to keep my eyes on hers as much as possible so that I can sense better how she is responding to the combination of talk and touch. When she seems to be getting more aroused, the talk and touch can get more intense - including more "dirty" although I personally think that there is no such thing between two consenting adults!

Focus on your partner - and you can never go far wrong!

 

[canadianpenny]

Just say what's on your mind

 

[Noor]

when I first started cyberring about 10 yrs ago, I had trouble with describing what I would be doing, but I got a lot of help from very patient cyber guys. I also read a book called Exhibitionist for the Shy which was quite helpful.

I am not exactly shy but I am also not an exhibitionist.

Not knowing the vocabulary makes things really difficult, and if someone isn't patient and understanding that you just don't know, things can get bad.

 

[Jessica_29]

If you truly love sex and all elements of it and are truly uninhibited then you must have some great thoughts that are going though your mind when in the act. Don't think of it as dirty talk. Just say what you are thinking. If it feels good. Express that. If you want more of something or less of something, express that too. Give direction. Ask questions about what your lover wants too. "You like that, don't you?" etc. If you feel like throwing the 'dirty' into it (and by dirty most people tend to mean using words we wouldn't just say in everyday conversation like slut and cunt,) then add that to that same phrase.

You mentioned that you liked dirty talk and like to be talked to. What do you like to hear? Do you think your lover would enjoy those same things? If so, just say it.

Let it be natural, however. Don't force it or you will focus too much on the "talk" rather than the pleasure.

Just my opinions... ;-)

very nice, Jess .

I totally agree.

May I add, it always helps to describe how your body is reacting to the messages (I'm getting wet now) and what your imagining (I would love to see your hard cock right now).

 

[hunnyblonde]

I completely relate CLS. I've never said most of the words you don't hear on prime time. (The language alone in the show Game of Thrones makes me blush.) I just cannot begin to imagine hearing those things coming out in my voice. LOL

I have found that a good lover will appreciate whichever way you go. I know someone in particular who currently appreciates one woman's verbal abilities, while still finding my inabilities cute. *grin*

But still... I kind of wish someone could teach me, because I've always wanted to have the freedom to say certain things out loud. So I hope that you've made some progress so that you at least have the choice to be shy and demure, or be an unabashed, mouthy minx, whichever you prefer on any given night. *smile*

 

[subwannabe]

If it's not you cup of soup for your personality my best suggestion is to act. Pretend like you are an actress or something and that it is not really you, you are just playing a part.

 

[imperitorts]

Start easy

When I first started dirty talk I was uncomfortable. I started by just saying what she is doing or what I wanted her to do.

Examples:
I love it when you do look at me
Touch my cock
I love the way you taste
Cum for me

Let it go from there

Enjoy