Dirty jokes that could be developed into good stories here.

[JohnSm123]

Post yours or tell me what stories you could make out of other people's suggestions. If you're too lazy to type down the whole joke, post a link to it.

Here are some I think are good...

https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/27ta60

https://aseannow.com/topic/29378-scottish-condom/

 

[Brandnewbuddy]

I know some jokes but I think the comedy would be ruined by expanding on the sex scene.

On the other hand, no harm in sharing a joke or two:

1. Guy’s wife has been making him run around all day so they can have a fancy party for their friends. Dude thinks he’s done when wife starts screaming at him because she wanted escargot and he didn’t get any. So she tells him to go down to the beach and get some snails.

Ticked off, guy goes there with a bucket and starts catching snails when a gorgeous woman in a bikini comes up to him. They get to talking, one thing leads to another, and they wind up fucking at her house. Guy falls asleep afterwards and wakes up hours later. In a panic he grabs the bucket and runs home. He sees a light come on and hears his wife come to the door. So thinking quickly, he dumps the snails from the bucket, tosses the bucket aside and starts yelling,

“Come on you little bastards, almost there, almost there!”


2. Married guy goes to a work function and gets to talking to the CEO’s gorgeous secretary. They hook up and make love all night. Before guy goes home for the night, he asks if she has any baby powder.

She’s confused but gives it to the guy and he puts it all over his hands and then slaps them clean.

Guy goes home and his wife starts questioning him.

So he says, “all right honey, I’ll tell you the truth. I was at the office party and I bumped into Sandra, we got to talking, started making out, so we snuck off and fucked in the copy room, then we fucked in the backseat of her car, then we went to her place and fucked all over the place in every room.”

Wife glares at him and grabs his hand:

“Don’t you fucking lie to me. I know you’ve been bowling!”

 

[CuttingEdge]

I got one, but it has been made into 4 trillion erotic stories over the years...

God was giving out perks to Adam and Eve in the garden, and was getting down to the very last details. "Well", he said, "I got two left, but for right now, which one of you want's to pee while standing up?"

Adam shot his hand up in the air, twitching, jumping up and down and yelling like a toddler, "Me God, please, please, please, let it be me. I want to pee standing up soooooooooooo bad".

So, God says, "Okay, since you want to so bad, you can pee standing up Adam". Then he turns to Eve and says, "Well, all I got left is multiple orgasms".

 

[faceache]

There's a joke i read in a porn magazine a few years ago. A woman is in a clinic for artificial insemination. She is on a table on her back and naked, legs secured in the air. The nurse tells her they don't have any bottled sperm to give her but they do have it on draught. Her eyes are staring out at us the reader, her face wearing a startled expression, as a naked man appears between her raised and spreadeagled legs.

I'd always imagined this turning into a gangbang to ensure she is impregnated and to ensure she didn't know who the donor was (privacy laws and all that).

 

[faceache]

I also read another joke where a woman is once again flat on her back on a table (maybe the same woman!) in a busy restaurant. Her dress is around her waist and between her legs is the waiter, fucking her. She says to her husband "I wish you wouldn't order in french, dear".

 

[Rob_Royale]

This really is a fun idea. I wish I could think of something better right now, but the old Scottish joke that ends, "I don't know where you been boy, but I see you won first prize," could be a lot of fun.

Ordering in French. That's a good one.

 

[jaF0]

Well, the first screen capture can't be told here at all and probably should be removed from the forum.

 

[Carnevil9]

Great idea! Here's mine. I first heard this joke from Buddy Hackett:

A young college couple both live in the dorms and don't have any place private they can go to have sex. So they sneak into the local cemetery and make love on a big flat grave stone.

The next day, the young lady feels very sore, and goes to the campus health clinic. The doctor looks her over and asks, "How old did you say you were?"

"I'm twenty-one, doctor. Why do you ask?"

"Because it says on your ass that you were born in 1852."

 

[JohnSm123]

https://aseannow.com/topic/29378-scottish-condom/

Regarding this one, I thought of something good. There is a magic condom that has been used by all members of a family for centuries, through generations. It can magically take gallons of sperm without bursting or even inflating externally, so it can be used over and over without worry. However, even that condom's capacity has its limits.

The first user was warned by the magic being who gave him this condom, that it must be cleaned up every 1000 years, or else it will burst, and all the semen it has taken will be released. The user said he/she wouldn't forget it, however, that info was lost through generations and centuries.

So, nowadays, there inevitably comes the time: suddenly, during the deed, it bursts.

 

[CuttingEdge]

Great idea! Here's mine. I first heard this joke from Buddy Hackett:

A young college couple both live in the dorms and don't have any place private they can go to have sex. So they sneak into the local cemetery and make love on a big flat grave stone.

The next day, the young lady feels very sore, and goes to the campus health clinic. The doctor looks her over and asks, "How old did you say you were?"

"I'm twenty-one, doctor. Why do you ask?"

"Because it says on your ass that you were born in 1852."

There is another Story Idea thread-starter right there. Cemetery Sex.

I am not sure I would say I have a Cemetery Sex Fetish, but admit I have done it several times in a cemetery. It is kind of fun because it could be considered taboo.

Me?

Not so much. If someone wants to have sex on my headstone long after I am dead, so be it. I hope they enjoy the experience.