willywanker
just one man's opinion
- Joined
- Jul 11, 2000
- Posts
- 3,620
*I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day...Tomorrow is not looking good either
*I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
*Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
*Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
*Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing him again.
*I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
*Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
*My reality check bounced.
*On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
*I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
*You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
*Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
*Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
*Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
*A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
*Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you can't be
promoted.
*After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
*The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
*You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
*Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
*When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
*If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
*There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
*Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
*Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
*To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.
*Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.
*Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
*If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
*You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
*People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
*If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
*At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
*When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried
*Following the rules will not get the job done.
*Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
*When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
*The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for
everything that goes wrong.
*I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
*Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
*Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
*Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing him again.
*I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
*Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
*My reality check bounced.
*On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
*I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
*You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
*Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
*Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
*Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
*A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
*Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you can't be
promoted.
*After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
*The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
*You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
*Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
*When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
*If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
*There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
*Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
*Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
*To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.
*Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.
*Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
*If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
*You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
*People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
*If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
*At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
*When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried
*Following the rules will not get the job done.
*Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
*When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
*The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for
everything that goes wrong.
