Difficulty Orgasming From Oral

[easyluckyfree]

Hi everyone. First post, so be nice =]

I have always adored giving oral sex. It's my absolute favorite thing most of the time. I've heard from about 90% that I'm the best they've ever had.

Lately, I've been dating a guy who's just perfect, except for one thing. He seems to lack the ability to cum from oral or vaginal sex. He says that the only way he can cum is when he masturbates I know that this probably means he has masturbated too much over the years, and has desensitized himself. I am very frustrated over this. I don't doubt my abilities, I just think that there must be something more I can do. We're both young, healthy, and happy, so I can't really think of any outside factors that could be affecting his sexual health. He has no problems getting aroused. In fact, it's all too easy to... inspire him He just cannot cum from anything I do to him.

To anyone who has experienced a similar issue, how were you able to get past it? Thanks for your opinions!

 

[kaycee217]

Hi everyone. First post, so be nice =]

I have always adored giving oral sex. It's my absolute favorite thing most of the time. I've heard from about 90% that I'm the best they've ever had.

Lately, I've been dating a guy who's just perfect, except for one thing. He seems to lack the ability to cum from oral or vaginal sex. He says that the only way he can cum is when he masturbates I know that this probably means he has masturbated too much over the years, and has desensitized himself. I am very frustrated over this. I don't doubt my abilities, I just think that there must be something more I can do. We're both young, healthy, and happy, so I can't really think of any outside factors that could be affecting his sexual health. He has no problems getting aroused. In fact, it's all too easy to... inspire him He just cannot cum from anything I do to him.

To anyone who has experienced a similar issue, how were you able to get past it? Thanks for your opinions!

How many times have you slept with him? Is he sexually experienced?

 

[easyluckyfree]

We've hooked up about 7 or 8 times by now, but we are intending on having a long term relationship. We're both experienced. He says that it's always been like this for him, regardless of who he's with.

 

[kaycee217]

Hmmm, ok

What happens when he stops masturbating for a while? Can he come then? How often does he masturbate?

 

[easyluckyfree]

Unfortunately, things are kind of still in the beginning stages for us.... so I don't really have too many answers. He masturbates every day, mostly due to the fact that we can't get together every day. (We live about 45 minutes away from each other.) I would assume that masturbating less often might help, but I'm not sure, since he says it's always been an issue. I'm too submissive to simply order him to masturbate less. He gives the orders I'm just frustrated that one of my great skills (oral) can't fully satisfy him....

 

[StrayKat]

I had the same thing with my ex husband when we were dating. Just took some time. I wasnt making any fuss over it and he still loved it nevertheless.
In about month or two he had no more problems at all.

Maybe thats why he insisted on marrying me

 

[tinawill77]

Have you tried taking it slower, not with the blow job itself, but building the sexual tension throughout the night by dressing the way he likes and teasing him. Then, when you finally get your lips wrapped around his cock, he explodes.

That's always been my trick when a guy says he's never cum from a blow job.

 

[kaycee217]

I had the same thing with my ex husband when we were dating. Just took some time. I wasnt making any fuss over it and he still loved it nevertheless.
In about month or two he had no more problems at all.

Maybe thats why he insisted on marrying me

I tend to think the same thing, but the OP has mentioned her guy has always been like this.

What I'm curious though: has the OP's "boyfriend" had a long-term sexual relationship with one person. Has he, easyluckyfree?

 

[easyluckyfree]

No. We're both just kind of living the college life. He's really the only person I've had a desire to commit to, but we aren't serious enough that we've labeled the relationship. I try to restrain myself, and allow him to get super excited before I actually give him head. He's just different from the rest of the guys, I guess...

 

[satindesire]

I would assume that masturbating less often might help, but I'm not sure, since he says it's always been an issue. I'm too submissive to simply order him to masturbate less. He gives the orders I'm just frustrated that one of my great skills (oral) can't fully satisfy him....

Look at the bolded part here for a second. What makes you think you HAVE to 'order' him to stop masturbating?

Since this is obviously an issue, don't you think that he'd want to fix the problem by easing off the fap button a little bit? You don't have to order anyone to do anything...if he's as determined to enjoy sex as much as you are, then you won't have to order him, just ASK.

Communication is the key. If you can't freely talk to him about ANYTHING, then you don't need to be sleeping with him. It's not about being Dom or Sub and it has nothing to do with any BDSM aspects of your relationship. Improving an issue of contention in a relationship, especially sexual, means that both people need to be able to speak to each other ON EQUAL TERMS. No demanding, or "ordering".

Just talk to him.

 

[StrayKat]

I tend to think the same thing, but the OP has mentioned her guy has always been like this.

My ex was always like that before me as well. I talked to some of his girlfriends and I knew for sure.

He was born with hypospadias and circumcised as a baby. We always assumed that was what caused the problem. But once he started having orgasms he didnt need any more or different stimulation that most other guys do. So I assume it must have been something psychological as well.

He was masturbating a lot too, but I thought it normal since he couldnt get relief otherwise. When we were together I would "help" with hand, mouth, tongue, so basically he would jerk off in my mouth.
Maybe I just learned how to do it for him watching and actually doing it along, but it didnt take long since he had his first orgasm with only me touching. After that he never had problems.

 

[HornyNJGeek]

I don't know if this will work at all, but if you try exciting him in a different way that might help him, like if you try talking dirty during sex. just a thought

 

[easyluckyfree]

Thanks for all the input so far. I get that in order to enjoy sex more, he needs to masturbate less. I'm going to have to talk to him about that... But for the time being, does anyone have any technical suggestions for performing oral on someone who is more desensitized than most? Since he's never really had a mind-blowing experience with it, he doesn't really know how to advise me. He's not used to girls who love blowjobs. So some outside opinions would be helpful. I would like to pleasantly surprise him with something new and exciting sometime soon...

 

[StrayKat]

Thanks for all the input so far. I get that in order to enjoy sex more, he needs to masturbate less. I'm going to have to talk to him about that... But for the time being, does anyone have any technical suggestions for performing oral on someone who is more desensitized than most? Since he's never really had a mind-blowing experience with it, he doesn't really know how to advise me. He's not used to girls who love blowjobs. So some outside opinions would be helpful. I would like to pleasantly surprise him with something new and exciting sometime soon...

I already said what I did. I had him show me exactly how he masturbates, what spots he puts the pressure on and so on. Then I tried to do the same thing with my mouth.

I am not really sure you can just "surprise" him out of the blue with your technique and make him get over his problem but maybe your case is different than mine was.

 

[SweetErika]

Thanks for all the input so far. I get that in order to enjoy sex more, he needs to masturbate less. I'm going to have to talk to him about that... But for the time being, does anyone have any technical suggestions for performing oral on someone who is more desensitized than most? Since he's never really had a mind-blowing experience with it, he doesn't really know how to advise me. He's not used to girls who love blowjobs. So some outside opinions would be helpful. I would like to pleasantly surprise him with something new and exciting sometime soon...

It may not be that he's masturbating too much; he might just be masturbating too roughly or in a way that no mouth or pussy can compete with his own grip and technique. If that's the case, there's nothing you can do short-term.

Long-term, do what StrayKat suggested and ask him to masturbate for you to see what kind of technique he's using. You can try to mimic that, but also ask him to resensitize his body and mind by only using a very light touch with lots of lube when he masturbates. If that doesn't help, he might need to lay off the masturbation for a while, then add gentle touching back slowly.

For ideas on different techniques and such, check out the Blank Manual sticky at the top of the main How To page.