differing sex drives ???

[teemeup]

Just wanted to get some feedback on how anyone else may deal with differences in sex drive issues between you and your spouse or significant other?
Let me preface by saying that my wife is a great lover and is always willing to make sure I am sexually satisfied i.e. handjob, blowjob, but sometimes I feel guilty because she admittedly doesn't care as much about her orgasms and sexual release as I do. She doesn't generally orgasm from intercourse alone, but I do or am always willing stimulate her clitorally either orally or with my fingers to make sure she would orgasm. I would say she orgasms about 65% or our sexual encounters.
I absolutely LOVE to see and experience her orgasm and just wonder if I'm being selfish if she tells me she's happy with the frequency of her orgasms and our overall lovemaking and should just get over it.
Thanks for any comments.

 

[Beth87]

Its difficult, having been on both sides of that fence. You either feel like you're a pest or you feel like you're frigid.

You guys seem to be talking a lot about the difference and she is saying she is happy. If you believe her to be telling the truth then that's great

It's not selfish to want to please someone more...her saying she is happy doesn't mean you have to stop trying. At the same time she wants you to be comfortable about the 35% that she doesn't orgasm. So basically no pressure

 

[Sensualdreamer]

Just wanted to get some feedback on how anyone else may deal with differences in sex drive issues between you and your spouse or significant other?
Let me preface by saying that my wife is a great lover and is always willing to make sure I am sexually satisfied i.e. handjob, blowjob, but sometimes I feel guilty because she admittedly doesn't care as much about her orgasms and sexual release as I do. She doesn't generally orgasm from intercourse alone, but I do or am always willing stimulate her clitorally either orally or with my fingers to make sure she would orgasm. I would say she orgasms about 65% or our sexual encounters.
I absolutely LOVE to see and experience her orgasm and just wonder if I'm being selfish if she tells me she's happy with the frequency of her orgasms and our overall lovemaking and should just get over it.
Thanks for any comments.

Umm unless your wife is also a Lit member and she replies, the opinions you may receive really shouldn't hold weight. I wouldn't suggest you're selfish that you're wanting to bring her as much pleasure as you can...that's considerate & thoughtful, but if she's happy that's what matters...besides the last thing you would want is pushing her to the extent she thinks she's got to fake an orgasm (which it's rather easy to tell when women do so)

 

[AllenWmsUSA]

I'd say you're living what most married couples live. And it works both ways. I would have never ever expected my marriage to become as sexually dysfunctional as it is. Yet 20 years later, give or take, here we are. Square peg and round hole, although my "peg" isn't actually square. Figure of speech, dontcha know?

What's a person to do? I've got a commitment to my kids to stay and be their father. So I'm going to do that while exploring my sexuality independently however I choose.

 

[philos]

BE grateful she occasionally takes care of you. My SO has no sex drive and doesn't really care in the slightest about mine.

 

[DarthDahak]

I am the exact opposite. I will get my girl off with out any issues, but I honestly do not care one bit about getting off. And as a guy, this is pretty abnormal lol.

It can be a slight issue because even though I always get her off with oral/fingers/toys, she craves intercourse, and i'm not always in the mood for it. But we make it work

 

[nycj]

Mine has no sex drive, but feels guilty about it, so we are constantly apologizing to each other, or reassuring each other that we are not cheated or cheating.

 

[Frizzle_Fry]

Well....you can either buy what she says, let the issue go and be comfy with it or keep thinking about it untill it eats you up like cancer.

 

[the_voice_of_reason]

I kind of suffer with this. My SO and I have great sex when we have it, but she never initiates and turns down about 75% of my advances. If your not strong enough it can very easily eat away at your self esteem.
She says that it just never crosses her mind to have sex, yet she talks about sexuality (mostly flippantly) almost all the time.
I've learned just not to get up too many hopes and squeeze in some great masturbation where i can.
I wish we could discuss it more but there really isn't a solution without her making a conscious effort.

 

[storyreader84]

I would say my SO has an equal or greater sex drive but are likes seem to be slightly different. She talks dirty, gives great head, loves to receive but I always want to push the limits a little more and she doesn't mind routine. For example, we've been intimate for a few years yet she still feels 'awkward' taking control, I'm always the 'leader' which is fine but sometimes I want my lady to go ape shits and get on top and pound away. And yes we do openly talk about all this.