Different sexual desires

[youngrabbit]

I am in a long term relationship which is very stable and happy, lots of good sex , but I can not help wanting to act on my sexual fantasies. Although my partner is very adventurous she has different limits to me, and when we discussed my fantasies she made it clear this was never going to happen.

I would never cheat on her but there are many things I want to try and I can't stop thinking about it. I even have started discussing some of the sexual desires I have with a female friend who is in a similar position. I thought this would help but it's making both of us more determined to act on our thoughts.


Just really wondering if anyone else has been in this situation and how they handled it.

 

[masterdrakin]

Well you have just a few choices with your girl saying its not gonna happen with her.
1 you get her permission to fulfil it alone. ( not advisable)
2. You go out and do it anyway and never tell her (again not advised )
3. You dump her and go out and do as you wish. But if you truly love her that's again (not advised )
4. Burry it and let it go odd nowadays are ur not gonna be with this girl forever and u can act on it later. Best to not take the chance and screw it up with her and she be the one you lost over stupid stuff. Burry it and stop looking or talking about the subject with anybody but her. Trust me I have been there and choose 1-3 and lost the most important person I had ever met all over a fantasy something that was best left in my mind. But your gonna make your own choice but I highly recommend number 4.

 

[NordicOz]

Time for the stock standard answer.

Communication is the key here, you need to express your desires to her in a way that shows her what it means to you and why. Not just say "Oh baby, I want to ______ you in the _______ while _______ and ______ on you while you _______ and ________.....what do you say?"

You need to explain to her that it is a fantasy/desire but that you have felt it grow over time. Honesty here Is the key and remember to not be pushy, just relay your thoughts/feelings in a calm and honest way to open up the discussion, by doing this first, you are taking the lead and opening yourself up first, making it less awkward for her.

You then need to discuss why she is apprehensive about it and determine ways in which both of you could overcome these. If she is still reluctant then you need to see if there can be a compromise in your fantasy scenario IE: she is willing to _______ you but she is not willing to _______ while she ________ a goat. By finding a compromise you can maybe satiate a part of your feelings to a manageable point for now, leaving her with time to further come to grips with your desires and find her own resolution. Also by taking this 'slowly, slowly' approach, you can both overcome any apprehensions or misconceived notions she might have had and see that it is harmless (or not, you haven't gone into specifics).

Finally, If she still doesn't want to do it, you have a few options (which the previous poster has already mentioned). But there is of course one more that may work for you.

Drug her, with Rohypnol/Rufilin/any date rape drug. Now you can do this with or without her knowledge, though you should probably bring this up as an alternative in your original discussions. This way she has the choice of 'being there' but at the same time, not.

PS: I do not advise you do this without her consent as it is illegal for many different reasons.

 

[wicked woman]

Time for the stock standard answer.

<snip>

Drug her, with Rohypnol/Rufilin/any date rape drug. Now you can do this with or without her knowledge, though you should probably bring this up as an alternative in your original discussions. This way she has the choice of 'being there' but at the same time, not.

PS: I do not advise you do this without her consent as it is illegal for many different reasons.

You serious?

Just wondering who would seriously think of doing this to their spouse. My choice of friends must be limited. I can't think of a single one who would consent to their SO using a date rape drug on them so they could participate in a sexual act that they wouldn't do consciously.

 

[Boundlife]

NordicOz, those damn goats break up more relationships than sheep

wicked woman, don't worry he was joking

youngrabbit, have you ever been really excited to see a movie, but then been disappointed? Consider that before you make a desision. I hope you find what is right for you

 

[NordicOz]

NordicOz, those damn goats break up more relationships than sheep

wicked woman, don't worry he was joking

youngrabbit, have you ever been really excited to see a movie, but then been disappointed? Consider that before you make a desision. I hope you find what is right for you

Yes......joking......

No but seriously I was 99% joking. The 1% comes from a couple I know where the husband wanted to delve into "pee and poo" play but the wife was very much against it. She confided in me that it wasn't so much the act itself that was the problem but the smell (she has a very weak stomach apparently) and the mental imagery that would remain long after the act had been done. But she said she loves her husband very much and wanted him to experience his fetish, so she agreed to "go under"'so that he could enjoy his kink under the proviso that he then clean her up afterwards when he was done so to leave no evidence that what had transpired had occured.

I thought that this was very brave and loving on her part. Both these partners are still together, the husband has dropped the "scat" interest from his list of fantasies and the wife has since begun to entertain the idea of golden showers under certain conditions.

I don't see anything wrong with that scenario at all.

 

[NordicOz]

Double post

 

[Boundlife]

I don't see anything wrong with that scenario at all.

The biggest hurdle I see is getting something to knock you out. I couldn't trust something from the streets. besides his fantasy may require an active partner.

 

[NordicOz]

Yeah I agree with the reliability of the drug used, got to be careful there, the couple I know used a contact in the medical community to procure what they needed.

As for an active partner, I think your forgetting about the goat.....

 

[Boundlife]

Yeah I agree with the reliability of the drug used, got to be careful there, the couple I know used a contact in the medical community to procure what they needed.

As for an active partner, I think your forgetting about the goat.....

Oh the goat!

 

[SweetErika]

I am in a long term relationship which is very stable and happy, lots of good sex , but I can not help wanting to act on my sexual fantasies. Although my partner is very adventurous she has different limits to me, and when we discussed my fantasies she made it clear this was never going to happen.

Would you mind sharing what those fantasies/desires are? You're anonymous, and if we have a better idea of what the sticking points are, we may be able to suggest compromises and such that you could potentially discuss with your partner.

All in all, it sounds like you two have a fantastic sex life and relationship, so it may be wise to focus on that, rather than what you don't have.

I would never cheat on her but there are many things I want to try and I can't stop thinking about it. I even have started discussing some of the sexual desires I have with a female friend who is in a similar position. I thought this would help but it's making both of us more determined to act on our thoughts.

Have you considered what your S.O. would think and feel if she learned you were delving into your fantasies with a female friend? Would SHE likely be great with it, or consider it an act of dishonesty, betrayal and/or even a form of cheating? For example, I'd welcome my husband to discuss his sexuality with others, BUT if he's doing it behind my back (or really with anything less than total honesty and openness), I'd be very hurt and even consider it a form of cheating in some circumstances.

So, if you're against cheating (which is great and very admirable, IMO), I'd suggest making sure your partner wouldn't interpret what you're doing now as lying, cheating or hurtful. It doesn't sound like you want to cause her pain or fuck up what seems to be a wonderful relationship for the sake of talking about your fantasies with another woman.

Just really wondering if anyone else has been in this situation and how they handled it.

Yep, and I think most people who are in LTRs encounter this situation at some point. I've chosen to handle it with communication and suggesting compromises; failing a good compromise, I simply act out the fantasies in my head because I've learned that the reality is almost never as good and it's not worth putting all of the great things we have on the line.

 

[wicked woman]

Yes......joking......

No but seriously I was 99% joking. The 1% comes from a couple I know where the husband wanted to delve into "pee and poo" play but the wife was very much against in "she confided in me that it wasn't so much the act itself that was the problem but the smell (she has a very weak stomach apparently) and the mental imagery that would remain long after the act had been done (which she was not prepared to have). But she said she loves her husband very much and wanted him to experience his fetish, so she agreed to "go under"'so that he could enjoy his kink under the proviso that he then clean her up afterwards when he was done so to leave no evidence that what had transpired had occured.

I thought that this was very brave and loving on her part. Both these partners are still together, the husband has dropped the "scat" interest from his list of fantasies and the wife has since begun to entertain the idea of golden showers under certain conditions.

I don't see anything wrong with that scenario at all.

Thanks for clarifying both the 99% and the 1%.

Under those circumstances, I don't see anything wrong with it either but if I were her, I think I would have tried to come up with a better solution to the smell than a date rate drug. I'm all for lovers doing their best to please/satisfy each other.