did you evr feel....

[pussykattlove]

did you ever feel like there was something wrong with you? when you give and give till there is nothing left of yourself. when you go through pain that is to much to be pleasure. when you ach to be touched and they ignore you. why is it when you give every thing and take nothing in return they tell you it is never enough? i feel confused. i don't understand what i've done wrong. i did as he said and more then he asked. i went to lengths that my body could not always handle, and yet it was not enough. i wonder what i could have done to make him want me. i would stand there ready for him always. when he asked for me, i gave my self to him. but never did he give him self to me. not even if i begged. was i wrong to ask? i would get on my knees before him in nothing and stroke him and kiss him and then he would slap my hand away and tell me "not now". i understand i was there for his pleasure, and i grew pleasure from his, but what about me? are these thoughts wrong? as a sub should i not think these ways? it almost dosn't matter now because even though i never said a word about how i feel, i was not good enough. he has left me now and i feel so confused. did you ever feel like there was something wrong with you?
Kat

 

[niteshade]

did you ever feel like there was something wrong with you? when you give and give till there is nothing left of yourself. when you go through pain that is to much to be pleasure. when you ach to be touched and they ignore you. why is it when you give every thing and take nothing in return they tell you it is never enough? i feel confused. i don't understand what i've done wrong. i did as he said and more then he asked. i went to lengths that my body could not always handle, and yet it was not enough. i wonder what i could have done to make him want me. i would stand there ready for him always. when he asked for me, i gave my self to him. but never did he give him self to me. not even if i begged. was i wrong to ask? i would get on my knees before him in nothing and stroke him and kiss him and then he would slap my hand away and tell me "not now". i understand i was there for his pleasure, and i grew pleasure from his, but what about me? are these thoughts wrong? as a sub should i not think these ways? it almost dosn't matter now because even though i never said a word about how i feel, i was not good enough. he has left me now and i feel so confused. did you ever feel like there was something wrong with you?
Kat

I think everyone has felt like there is something wrong with them at one time or another. I spent a very long time KNOWING there was something wrong with me, because that was what I had been taught. I think from the information you are giving us here that the only thing wrong with you is perhaps some bad judgment on who you trusted... and we are all guilty of that.
As for how a sub should think... even a submissive person is a human. That means that you come with your own personality, your own set thoughts and feelings. From everything I have been able to find out about D/s, your partner has a responsibility to tell you if you are doing something wrong. How can you stop doing it if you don't know what you are doing?

This is all JMO... I do not claim to be a sub, and I am not in the kind of relationship you are describing. I am sure the others will be along soon enough with their thoughts on what you have said, but these are mine.

Take a deep breath... Pour some wine... light a candle... and fill the tub with hot water and bubbles. For some reason, things usually don't seem so bad when viewed from that perspective.

Lots of luck,
Niteshade

 

[AnonymousSlave]

[B it almost dosn't matter now because even though i never said a word about how i feel...
Kat [/B]

Why?
Why did you never say a word about how you felt?
Did you expect that he could read your mind?

 

[pussykattlove]

scared

I was afraid. I've never beer very strong. i didn't know how to tell him how i felt. i had tried in the past and all that happened was him asking me if i had any more complaints. i felt as though my feelings were obsolete. i felt that maybe i was over reacting but when it came down to it, in the end, i knew i wasn't. after this experiance i now know that i need to let the other person know more. i will take all the advice any of you can give and thank you for your thoughts. i missed this place for a verry long time.
Kat

 

[pussykattlove]

by the way nightshade, thank you for the idea about the bath. it was wonderful and it hit the spot.
Kat

 

[bunny bondage]

okok, now this is just my opinion and that doesn't count for much cuz i don't know you, but here it is anyway. you are unhappy in this relationship, therefore you should not be in this relationship. there is nothing wrong with wanting to be loved, wanting affection, wanting attention. if my Sir didn't cuddle me and pet my hair and kiss me and tell me how lucky he is to have me i would boot him out the door so fast he'd travel backwards in time.

jmho...

 

[MissTaken]

Re: scared

I was afraid. I've never beer very strong. i didn't know how to tell him how i felt. i had tried in the past and all that happened was him asking me if i had any more complaints. i felt as though my feelings were obsolete. i felt that maybe i was over reacting but when it came down to it, in the end, i knew i wasn't. after this experiance i now know that i need to let the other person know more. i will take all the advice any of you can give and thank you for your thoughts. i missed this place for a verry long time.
Kat

It is difficult when any relationship ends. There are times that we get so wrapped up in another that when it ends, it feels like the carpet was pulled out from under our feet.

Yes, experience is talking here.

Take some time for you. It sounds like you need to focus on you, who you are, what you like and being the best "you" you can be. If you enjoy writing, write on. If you enjoy working, give it your full attention. I am not suggesting you forget your pain, but rather, do what makes you feel good, worthy and brings you pride in who you are.

I look back on my past relationships, and realize that while there were so many bad memories, so much pain, I embrace each relationship as if it were not for those, I would not be who I am now. I like me, and believe that the tragedies, pain and suffering are also part of what brought me to this space....not just the good stuff.

My best advice, don't look for another Dom right away. Stand on your own and with pride, then you will be ready to include another in your life. Breathing space is always a good thing.

Many hugs,
MissT

 

[A Desert Rose]

if my Sir didn't cuddle me and pet my hair and kiss me and tell me how lucky he is to have me i would boot him out the door so fast he'd travel backwards in time.

jmho...

Absolutely. It appears to me that not only was there lack of communication in this relationship but I do believe, you (kat) picked the wrong Dom.

Good lesson learned, though. As painful as it is now, you will be wiser and better for it in the future.

My best wishes to you.

 

[AnonymousSlave]

Re: scared

I was afraid. I've never beer very strong. i didn't know how to tell him how i felt. i had tried in the past and all that happened was him asking me if i had any more complaints. i felt as though my feelings were obsolete. i felt that maybe i was over reacting but when it came down to it, in the end, i knew i wasn't. after this experiance i now know that i need to let the other person know more. i will take all the advice any of you can give and thank you for your thoughts. i missed this place for a verry long time.
Kat

Your emotions are exactly that. They are neither right nor wrong; they are simply how you feel. They can, however, be reasoned with and dealt with. Have you ever kept a diary? Not a 'dear diary today i did this or that' kind of diary but more of an emotional diary, somewhere to write down your inner most thoughts and feelings. Sometimes, putting them in writing can help you to understand them so that you can better learn how to deal with them. It may not work for everyone, but it may help you to better understand yourself; it may help you to be a 'strong' person; give you a better sense of self. Just a thought.

 

[niteshade]

by the way nightshade, thank you for the idea about the bath. it was wonderful and it hit the spot.
Kat

No problem

 

[NYCgirl26]

Now this is just my opinion but even a submissive has needs that have to be met. They may be secondary to the dom/me's but they are needs none the less. Everyone has a right to have to have their needs met, but it is up to the individual (dom or sub) to find the person who meets their needs.

IMHO,
NYCgirl

 

[AnonymousSlave]

Speak up...

Now this is just my opinion but even a submissive has needs that have to be met. They may be secondary to the dom/me's but they are needs none the less. Everyone has a right to have to have their needs met, but it is up to the individual (dom or sub) to find the person who meets their needs.

IMHO,
NYCgirl

NYCgirl, you are correct.
Within that, a Dom should listen when a sub speaks his/her needs. But in order for the Dom to listen, the sub must communicate.

 

[pussykattlove]

thank you

thank you all so much. i will take your advice. and as for finding a new dom...i don' t know about finding one any time soon. but at least now i know that i can tell my dom how i feel and not be ashamed. it makes me happy to know that so many of you are willing to give me advice and help me with any questions. thank you.
Kat

 

[Daedalus77]

I have some questions about your relationship. I only ask because you have asked for advice. How long were you together? Did this start as a bdsm relationship or did it evolve? Did he meet your needs at one time or was he always that way?

However, I don't think you are wrong in wanting what you want but I'm wondering if you were wrong in the guy you picked and might need some advice to prevent the same mistake.

 

[bunny bondage]

Re: thank you

thank you all so much. i will take your advice. and as for finding a new dom...i don' t know about finding one any time soon. but at least now i know that i can tell my dom how i feel and not be ashamed. it makes me happy to know that so many of you are willing to give me advice and help me with any questions. thank you.
Kat

but of course, pussykat! that's what we're here for! i hope you stick around, we've got oodles more advice to give! ^_^

 

[pussykattlove]

answers

in reply to your questions Daedalus we stared out just dating. after 1 month he and i had sex for the first time. and he was my first so i was not quite sure what to do. after about a month things started to progress to domination. it just sorta happened and i was more then thrilled. it had always been my dream to find a dom. but then he changed. as people say the honeymoon was over. it was all about him. and with sex being new to me anyway i just didn't enjoy the act of sex as much as i know i should have. in fact I'm not a big fan of it. and for a while there he had suggested we might have a 3some. i was so stoked (I'm bi) then he just never brought it up again. we were together for 5 months when he decided we shouldn't be together any more. i was just so confused. it hurt real bad. but i have been talking to friends and reading things here on lit and i realized the intimacy level between him and i was non- existent so I now know how I should be treated and I have had my first experience with sex and a dom. next time I will be more carefull. if any one wants to ask anything eles please feel free. i feel so good now that i can talk to people who understand me.
Kat

 

[pussykattlove]

love y'all

by the way bunny hunny i will be going nowere! i love this place and all the advice all of you give. but most of all i love to read all the threads. some times i don't even need to ask a question cause someone has already answred it in some way or another. every one here is fan-fucking-tastic. Kisses
Kat

 

[bunny bondage]

Re: love y'all

by the way bunny hunny i will be going nowere! i love this place and all the advice all of you give. but most of all i love to read all the threads. some times i don't even need to ask a question cause someone has already answred it in some way or another. every one here is fan-fucking-tastic. Kisses
Kat

*blush* i'm so glad you're enjoying it here! and may i say THANK YOU on behalf of everyone here for taking the time to read some past threads! they're a great source of info as well! ^_^ of course, if you have a question you don't find the answer to, we'll all be super happy to help you out!

and remember - good judgment comes from experience. experience comes from bad judgment.

 

[Daedalus77]

I think you are lucky that it ended when it did. You could have been bled dry or maybe you were but I don't think so.

 

[bunny bondage]

I think you are lucky that it ended when it did. You could have been bled dry or maybe you were but I don't think so.

truetrue, daed. it's easy to let a situation like that get WAY out of hand. pussykat is lucky to be out already.

 

[Peter2002]

Nightshade and Bunny are correct

You sound like a wonderful girl -- with much pleasure to give. I don't think you're wrong to want pleasure in return. Submission is a precious thing that a smart Dom should cherish. Good luck.

 

[pussykattlove]

ty

thank you so much peter, and all of you. these are things that i needed to hear to know. i wish i had more friends like you
Kat