Did you ever start a fight on purpose?

[Perfect_Trust]

I realise in hindsight that I used to start fights with ex boyfriends who weren't very sexually assertive, simply to get what I wanted. I didn't really realise why at the time, just knew that if I could get them riled enough that I would get some of the action I craved.

So, have any other subs done this within vanilla relationships? Have any Doms/Dommes done this to justify their own actions in straight relationships. Did you realise why you were doing it?

Or am I just a bad bad girl?

 

[Retrieval]

You're just a bad bad girl.

 

[Perfect_Trust]

You're just a bad bad girl.

I'll try not to do it again.

 

[catalina_francisco]

No, I hate confrontation and I dislike drama and play acting in my private life.

Catalina

 

[Retrieval]

I'll try not to do it again.

God I love Subs, you're all just so...so....submissive.

 

[Perfect_Trust]

No, I hate confrontation and I dislike drama and play acting in my private life.

Catalina

But I never really realised why I was doing it, & hopefully wouldn't need to resort to that again as it's not a good situation.

 

[myinnerslut]

have i?
yes

in the relationship i have now?
no

did it get me what i wanted when i did it with my (vanilla, not that it should matter) bf?
no

do i regret doing it?
yes

would i recomend it to anyone else?
absolutly not

 

[Perfect_Trust]

do i regret doing it?
yes

would i recomend it to anyone else?
absolutly not

Totally agree. Unfortunately I cant change the things I have done, just try & learn from them.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

have i?
yes

in the relationship i have now?
no

did it get me what i wanted when i did it with my (vanilla, not that it should matter) bf?
no

do i regret doing it?
yes

would i recomend it to anyone else?
absolutly not

same here. and the 'nilla relationship i was in was NOT a good one. but i would start arguments to get that action that i SO craved, but honestly at the time, had no idea i was craving anything. i look back now and see it all, and what it got me was abused, so no, i don't recommend anyone doing it.....

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I realise in hindsight that I used to start fights with ex boyfriends who weren't very sexually assertive, simply to get what I wanted. I didn't really realise why at the time, just knew that if I could get them riled enough that I would get some of the action I craved.

So, have any other subs done this within vanilla relationships? Have any Doms/Dommes done this to justify their own actions in straight relationships. Did you realise why you were doing it?

Or am I just a bad bad girl?

I don't have anywhere near enough information to decide if you are a bad girl or not.

I can say, however, in the immortal words of the Strother Martin's warden in the classic prison film Cool Hand Luke: What we have he-yuh, is a fail-yuh to communicate.

For whatever reason, you were not open and honest with them in what you were needing. You resorted to manipulation to get what you were seeking, and that's generally not healthy for the relationship in the long run. It's good that you reckognize this behavior though, and I hope that in your current (or future) relationships that your needs are discussed, considered and met openly and honestly.

And no, in my past relationships I did not start fights to justify my sadistic impulses and actions. In my vanilla relationships I squashed this part of my soul to the point I became depressed and highly dysfunctional. Once I learned to be honest, not only with myself but with my partners, I started healing. It's a journey I am still making, one day at a time.

 

[Perfect_Trust]

I don't have anywhere near enough information to decide if you are a bad girl or not.

I can say, however, in the immortal words of the Strother Martin's warden in the classic prison film Cool Hand Luke: What we have he-yuh, is a fail-yuh to communicate.

For whatever reason, you were not open and honest with them in what you were needing. You resorted to manipulation to get what you were seeking, and that's generally not healthy for the relationship in the long run. It's good that you reckognize this behavior though, and I hope that in your current (or future) relationships that your needs are discussed, considered and met openly and honestly.

And no, in my past relationships I did not start fights to justify my sadistic impulses and actions. In my vanilla relationships I squashed this part of my soul to the point I became depressed and highly dysfunctional. Once I learned to be honest, not only with myself but with my partners, I started healing. It's a journey I am still making, one day at a time.

I wasn't quite sure what it was I needed, hence the lack of communication.

 

[ufireal]

I realise in hindsight that I used to start fights with ex boyfriends who weren't very sexually assertive, simply to get what I wanted. I didn't really realise why at the time, just knew that if I could get them riled enough that I would get some of the action I craved.

So, have any other subs done this within vanilla relationships? Have any Doms/Dommes done this to justify their own actions in straight relationships. Did you realise why you were doing it?

Or am I just a bad bad girl?

haha, i used to get in fights with my ex-girlfriend all the time because after she would make my favorite meal and then we would have raunchy sex.

 

[catalina_francisco]

But I never really realised why I was doing it, & hopefully wouldn't need to resort to that again as it's not a good situation.

Perhaps, but it just is not my style...I am fairly open and straightforward and though I will not be walked over, to manipulate through creating a scene even unconsciously would be out of character for me. I guess it just never occurred to me because I have such a strong aversion to conflict I do not usually go there unless absolutely unavoidable and after every other means of communication has been exhausted.

Catalina

 

[Perfect_Trust]

Perhaps, but it just is not my style...I am fairly open and straightforward and though I will not be walked over, to manipulate through creating a scene even unconsciously would be out of character for me. I guess it just never occurred to me because I have such a strong aversion to conflict I do not usually go there unless absolutely unavoidable and after every other means of communication has been exhausted.

Catalina

I understand your point of view entirely. I was never a stranger to conflict though, growing up with two older brothers I always had to fight to be heard.

 

[shy slave]

Yes.

I have started arguements with Andante when I have wanted to cry about something unconnected to the arguement, yet felt unable to let go about it at that time.

It took me 11 months to figure that much out. Now I just need to figure out how to stop.

I have had arguements with every past b/f just to see how bad their temper is and if I could handle the outcome.
A sort of test, which may make me a manipulative person, but I felt safer having seen just how bad tempered they could become.

I don't think Andante and I argued until after my son died, and that was grief fuelled not intentional

 

[amadaun]

Start fights? Noo, not really. I used to be with a pretty vanilla guy though who just happened to be really into pro wrestling. To make the endless hours of Wrestlemania or what have you go by quicker, I would deliberately start arguments about whether a particular move or hold would be painful or difficult to escape from, playing the skeptic. Needing to be the man and to be right, he'd generally try to demonstrate on me, which was pretty much what I was going for in the first place and would lead to more amusing activities as often as not.

Yeah, he figured out that little tactic pretty quickly.

... </tangent>

 

[FurryFury]

I don't start fights. I only finish them. I hate fights. Back me into one and shit happens.

Fury

 

[Netzach]

I grew up in a scream or be lost kind of household.

I would like to get to the make up sex without the fight.

I don't fuck angry, that does nothing for me. So it's not that.

*shrug* nobody's perfect, work on your communication and walking-away-till-calm skills.

 

[myinnerslut]

I don't start fights. I only finish them. I hate fights. Back me into one and shit happens.

Fury

to quote the movie "Aristocats" (a disney movie)

"ladies never start fights, they only finish them"

ahh, the wisdom of kittens

 

[FurryFury]

to quote the movie "Aristocats" (a disney movie)

"ladies never start fights, they only finish them"

ahh, the wisdom of kittens

Indeed!

Fury

 

[IsabellaSnow]

I realise in hindsight that I used to start fights with ex boyfriends who weren't very sexually assertive, simply to get what I wanted. I didn't really realise why at the time, just knew that if I could get them riled enough that I would get some of the action I craved.

So, have any other subs done this within vanilla relationships? Have any Doms/Dommes done this to justify their own actions in straight relationships. Did you realise why you were doing it?

Or am I just a bad bad girl?

Ohmigod, yes. All the time. Ive since decided its pointless (for me) though, as it makes me feel like Im leading somehow....

 

[Perfect_Trust]

Ohmigod, yes. All the time. Ive since decided its pointless (for me) though, as it makes me feel like Im leading somehow....

Yes, maybe a form of topping from the bottom?

 

[ownedsubgal]

unfortunately i used to do this sort of thing in a past vanilla relationship. i wouldn't intentionally start an argument, so much as i would consciously and purposely do things that i knew would irritate/upset/hurt him, to illicit SOME kind of passionate, masculine response.

at the time, i was 17/18, and had no idea that i was submissive, no idea that what i needed was to be slave to a truly Dominant man, etc. all i knew was that i was "different", i wanted and needed something "different", my boyfriend wasn't fitting the bill, but as he was the first man to ever express a desire to BE with me beyond the sexual (before him, i had never been so much as asked out on a date), i thought that he was the best i could do. he was soooo nice. sooo sweet. sooo considerate and fawning. kinda like me, except with a penis. it was pretty sickening to me. so i would act out in an attempt to get him to "be a man" and get angry, or get violent, just SOMEthing. remember one day when things finally came to a head...i had been "acting up" for weeks...basically being cold to him, not responding to any of his physical advances (never saying no or pushing him away mind you, just NOT responding...which being the soft polite vanilla man he was, caused him not to have sex with me), never smiling or showing any enthusiasm about anything. my goal was to get him to stop being so nice, so good. to start "being a man" and show me my place.

well, this particular day...he did. he was finally fed up with it all. he yelled at me, cursed at me, reminded me of how i was HIS girl after all, and therefore he was entitled to do whatever he damned well pleased with me. when i still kept up my "aloof" act, and just shrugged and walked away, he grabbed me by the neck and threw me on the floor. he hit me in the face a couple of times. then he tore my shorts and t-shirt off and screwed me, over and over again until i was so sore and dry he finally tired of it.

in my head i was thinking, "woo hoo! this thing might work out after all...he's finally tapped into the man inside the bunny." but when he woke up in the morning, he was all sad and apologetic, begging my forgiveness. he actually cried looking at my blackened eye. he was wracked with guilt about his actions for a long time. after that, i stopped "playing" with him. i knew that he would just never be the kind of man i needed, and that wasn't his fault.

 

[wickedlady31]

yep

I am a nit picker...and it certainly pushes buttons...angry sex is best

 

[FurryFury]

I pity the one that thinks to get anger sex from me! I don't like to be touched, hell, I don't even like to look at someone when angry.

LOL.

Fury