RawHumor
Creepers Gotta Creep
- Joined
- Jan 24, 2002
- Posts
- 57,560
Okay, this is my (hopefully humorous) attempt at paraphrasing some conversations that took place late last week between a few people and an online friend of mine. Note that this is NOT an attack on the people below, since I actually like one of them and really don't know the other one. Read on at your own risk. I won't use anyone's real name, but they're not exactly encrypted either.
In this scenario, a college professor, Dr. M., is giving a lecture about how to wage a bantering cyber-war, otherwise known as a dick-flapping contest. His Teaching Assistant, Mr. P.C. is assisting and advising. The lecture has already begun as we enter the classroom.
Dr. M.: Now class, in any good dick-flapping contest, if your opponent shows the slightest human emotion, such as trying to be nice to you, or getting angry about the attack, that's a sign of weakness. Attack that spot like a rabid wolverine.
Mr. P.C.: Yes, and if your victim declares that he or she could physically dominate you in a real-life encounter, be sure to quickly call him/her immature.
Eager Student Raising Hand In The Back: Sirs, what if he really COULD kick your ass IRL? If he's well-tuned in martial arts and stuff like that?
Mr. P.C.: It doesn't matter WHO would win in a real fight, all that matters is how many shots you get off in the alotted time limit - and if you're a long-term member, you can always fall back on the knowledge that some people will back you no matter what you say.
Dr. M.: Thank you, PC. Now, when it comes to your attacks, anything is fair game. Assuming your opponent is a male, then you may attack his dick size, his avatar, his sig line, his title, his posting style, or you can go directly for the kill and call him dim-witted and slow. If you're trained properly in Tae-Dick-Flap-Do, your opponent will be caught off-guard by the sheer ferocity and rabidity of your attacks.
Mr. P.C.: And speaking of avatars, NEVER put your own face in your avatar, unless you're a really hot chick.
Dr. M.: Please, PC, we don't not refer to our students as "chicks". They are fine young ladies. Your point is a valid one, however. If you do not rate at least a 9.5/10 on the Beauty Scale, then please spare us all from having to view your picture. Let's look at this example here <overhead slide>.
As you can see, this person is a male. While he is not grotesque-looking, he does have eyes that I'd consider Mansonesque. Look at how he used a graphics editor to color the entire avatar red, as if he considers himself some sort of ARTIST or something.
ESRHITB: But Sirs, what if he IS an artist? If that's his occupation?
Mr. P.C.: Well, then he's a pussy.
ESRHITB: Well, yes, granted. But what I mean is, if he IS literally an artist, is he not allowed to post his own picture, artistically doctored, as an avatar?
Dr. M.: You're not paying attention, young lad. He is clearly only about an 8 or 8.5 on most people's Beauty Scale, and thus has no business showing us what he looks like with every post.
ESRHITB: I see. Can I ask another question?
Dr. M.: You'll have to wait until our next lecture. We're out of time for today, class. For next week, I want you to read Chapter 17 in your book - From Girly Man to Panty Waist to Nancy Boy - Key Attack Phrases to Remember.
Mr. P.C.: Don't forget to submit your essays on the way out...
In this scenario, a college professor, Dr. M., is giving a lecture about how to wage a bantering cyber-war, otherwise known as a dick-flapping contest. His Teaching Assistant, Mr. P.C. is assisting and advising. The lecture has already begun as we enter the classroom.
Dr. M.: Now class, in any good dick-flapping contest, if your opponent shows the slightest human emotion, such as trying to be nice to you, or getting angry about the attack, that's a sign of weakness. Attack that spot like a rabid wolverine.
Mr. P.C.: Yes, and if your victim declares that he or she could physically dominate you in a real-life encounter, be sure to quickly call him/her immature.
Eager Student Raising Hand In The Back: Sirs, what if he really COULD kick your ass IRL? If he's well-tuned in martial arts and stuff like that?
Mr. P.C.: It doesn't matter WHO would win in a real fight, all that matters is how many shots you get off in the alotted time limit - and if you're a long-term member, you can always fall back on the knowledge that some people will back you no matter what you say.
Dr. M.: Thank you, PC. Now, when it comes to your attacks, anything is fair game. Assuming your opponent is a male, then you may attack his dick size, his avatar, his sig line, his title, his posting style, or you can go directly for the kill and call him dim-witted and slow. If you're trained properly in Tae-Dick-Flap-Do, your opponent will be caught off-guard by the sheer ferocity and rabidity of your attacks.
Mr. P.C.: And speaking of avatars, NEVER put your own face in your avatar, unless you're a really hot chick.
Dr. M.: Please, PC, we don't not refer to our students as "chicks". They are fine young ladies. Your point is a valid one, however. If you do not rate at least a 9.5/10 on the Beauty Scale, then please spare us all from having to view your picture. Let's look at this example here <overhead slide>.
As you can see, this person is a male. While he is not grotesque-looking, he does have eyes that I'd consider Mansonesque. Look at how he used a graphics editor to color the entire avatar red, as if he considers himself some sort of ARTIST or something.
ESRHITB: But Sirs, what if he IS an artist? If that's his occupation?
Mr. P.C.: Well, then he's a pussy.
ESRHITB: Well, yes, granted. But what I mean is, if he IS literally an artist, is he not allowed to post his own picture, artistically doctored, as an avatar?
Dr. M.: You're not paying attention, young lad. He is clearly only about an 8 or 8.5 on most people's Beauty Scale, and thus has no business showing us what he looks like with every post.
ESRHITB: I see. Can I ask another question?
Dr. M.: You'll have to wait until our next lecture. We're out of time for today, class. For next week, I want you to read Chapter 17 in your book - From Girly Man to Panty Waist to Nancy Boy - Key Attack Phrases to Remember.
Mr. P.C.: Don't forget to submit your essays on the way out...
