dick causing pain.

[AgonySceneGirl]

i'm just curious on this.
i've never been with a guy who was bigger than 5-6 inches. i have been messing around with a guy who is much larger than that, he's at least 9 inches and is thick to boot. My main concern is - will i get use to the pain during sex? pain isnt caused by something abnormal - its caused by his size.

 

[cowboy_choji]

take it slowly, try getting him to play with you more and use lubricant, don't try and take it all if you are not able just relax.

 

[SweetErika]

CC has good advice. Whereas you might not need extra lube, a lot of extra foreplay and to take it so slow with smaller guys, you may have to take those extra measures with this one, just to have a shot at it not hurting.

Is it the length, girth, or both, that's hurting you mostly? If the length is an issue, you can try positions that allow you to control the depth of penetration, like you being on top, and limit the penetration (e.g. spooning, putting your legs together, face-to-face on your sides).

I hate to say it, but I think the emotional aspect of this is definitely worth considering as well. You just got out of a shitty relationship where you were being emotionally abused, what, a few weeks ago? From what you said about it, that was a very painful and difficult situation for you, and I bet the wounds are still pretty fresh. It's very possible you're more tense with this new guy because of that. I don't know how well you know him, but even with new partners that we've known for a long time, it still takes time to develop trust and be comfortable being intimate with them, so our bodies can do things like tense up, not relax fully, not lubricate as much and not be as aroused.

So, perhaps this pain is also a signal that you're not ready for a relationship that includes sex yet, and you need to slow it way down and make sure this guy isn't yet another asshole who will use, and potentially abuse, you. Jerks will tell you different, but there's nothing wrong with really getting to know a person and waiting to have sex with them until you're fully ready, the trust is there, they've showed they truly care about you, etc.

There are ways to try to avoid pain, but sometimes objects are just too damn big for comfortable sex. At least sex without TONS of preparation and being fully ready physically and mentally/emotionally. So, you may or may not get used to it by finding ways to guard against it.

 

[thetwolezz]

i'm just curious on this.
i've never been with a guy who was bigger than 5-6 inches. i have been messing around with a guy who is much larger than that, he's at least 9 inches and is thick to boot. My main concern is - will i get use to the pain during sex? pain isnt caused by something abnormal - its caused by his size.

Ur sig line is sort of fitting, huh?

 

[emap]

Agony this has to be something mental not physical with your problem taking him. I get ridden by a guy that big all the time, besides the first few times of penetration or him taking a while to finish, I have little problem taking him. Granted a quick insertion isn't terribly good even after getting used to him.

I think in this case, you had best listen to Erika. It's not his size, it's the fact he is a guy and your not terribly ready for another guy on top of you.

Of course if you don't listen, buy lubes, and buy a largeish toy, at most as big as he is and well just play with that. It doesn't take very long to get used to something that big moving in you.

 

[AgonySceneGirl]

I hate to say it, but I think the emotional aspect of this is definitely worth considering as well. You just got out of a shitty relationship where you were being emotionally abused, what, a few weeks ago? From what you said about it, that was a very painful and difficult situation for you, and I bet the wounds are still pretty fresh. It's very possible you're more tense with this new guy because of that. I don't know how well you know him, but even with new partners that we've known for a long time, it still takes time to develop trust and be comfortable being intimate with them, so our bodies can do things like tense up, not relax fully, not lubricate as much and not be as aroused.

So, perhaps this pain is also a signal that you're not ready for a relationship that includes sex yet, and you need to slow it way down and make sure this guy isn't yet another asshole who will use, and potentially abuse, you. Jerks will tell you different, but there's nothing wrong with really getting to know a person and waiting to have sex with them until you're fully ready, the trust is there, they've showed they truly care about you, etc.

in all honesty - i agree with every word you had to say - but my only problem with it is, i cant stand being alone. i guess thats why i've stuck myself with the assholes and keep doing this stupid bullshit. i'm fucked, what can i say.

 

[SweetErika]

in all honesty - i agree with every word you had to say - but my only problem with it is, i cant stand being alone. i guess thats why i've stuck myself with the assholes and keep doing this stupid bullshit. i'm fucked, what can i say.

You have to try. Really, really, try your absolute hardest and prove to yourself that you not only CAN be alone, but you can actually learn to ENJOY it.

Besides, you're never alone. You've always got your son, and probably a lot of other people who love you unconditionally.

You're not going to get anywhere if you keep telling yourself you can't handle being alone or stay away from assholes. Make a "no men for 6 months/a year" rule for yourself and stick to it. If that's too hard, do it day by day, week by week, and month by month, like someone giving up alcohol or anything else they have a problem with.

You could also do a "no sex (oral and handjobs included) with men for a year" rule instead. Anyone who's really interested in YOU will wait to be sexual with you. And that is the type of man you want to attract. And need to attract, in fact, as you need someone who will be amazing to you and a really good role model for your son. As a woman and a mother, you can't afford to keep being used and abused.

I'm not sure how you're finding these assholes, but I'd advise staying away from wherever they hang out and you're tempted to pick them up. If this is a result of spending time at the bar or drinking, stay away from those things. Good guys don't spend a lot of time at the bar or drinking, they might go out once in a while, but their social lives don't revolve around the bar or intoxicating substances. Anyway, figure out how you're getting into these bad situations and avoid the pitfalls/temptations until you can be around them without giving in.

As I see it, breaking your addiction to assholes and men in general is a great way to find new activities, friends and learn a whole lot. Stop looking at it as a closed door, and start seeing it as an opportunity! How amazing would it be to look back at this in a year and say, "Hey, it was kind of hard, but I did it, and I just met a wonderful guy who loves me for me, instead of just the sex!"?




BTW, I used to have a problem with the same kind of thing. I got tired of feeling used and hurt, so I decided to only have sex in established relationships. I met my husband and stuck with him, even though being treated well didn't feel right for a long time and I relapsed a few times. I still don't have casual sex with men or women, and I'm much happier for it. Some people can do it with no strings attached, but I need to know someone's with me for me and the caring is mutual. Being used for sex just isn't good for my heart or soul. I just had to set the rule for myself and stick to it by remembering the heartache the users caused. So, I know it's a hard pattern to break out of, but if I can do it, you can do it.

 

[PertPerth]

Agony this has to be something mental not physical with your problem taking him.

Not true. There is a condition called vulva vestibulitis (also known as vulvodynia and a few other things) which is basically a nerve pain problem where the vulva has too many nerve endings and causes pain. I've had it my entire life and am now considering surgery so I can have a normal sex life. My pelvic floor is also over active (my physio says that my muscles are so firm that they feel like a bone).
Sorry to get a little agro, I'm tired of people who don't know about it telling me it's all in my head.

Everyone has good advice. If your current boyfriend is a lot bigger than you're used to, it might just take a little more time and more lube for you to get used to him. Chances are things will improve with time.

 

[SweetErika]

Not true. There is a condition called vulva vestibulitis (also known as vulvodynia and a few other things) which is basically a nerve pain problem where the vulva has too many nerve endings and causes pain. I've had it my entire life and am now considering surgery so I can have a normal sex life. My pelvic floor is also over active (my physio says that my muscles are so firm that they feel like a bone).
Sorry to get a little agro, I'm tired of people who don't know about it telling me it's all in my head.

Everyone has good advice. If your current boyfriend is a lot bigger than you're used to, it might just take a little more time and more lube for you to get used to him. Chances are things will improve with time.

That really sucks to have a real physical condition be passed off as mental or a figment of your imagination. I know how shitty it is first-hand, and I'm sorry that's happened to you, too.

I'm guessing Emap's answer was based in part at least on ASG's history and what she said about never having a problem with sex before. That doesn't mean it couldn't be physical, and I don't agree with 'it has to be mental' because big cocks can definitely hurt (hell, small-average cocks can hurt if certain physical things aren't in place!), but in this specific case, most of it IS mental/emotional, like ASG confirmed.

You bring up an excellent point and useful info, all the same, and I'm glad you shared it.

 

[seamanstains]

babies head

just think about it for a moment,out of your vj can come a baby and that will be bigger than what your receiving now.
get him to muff you first a bit of clit excercises will get your juices working and it will slip in easier.
failing that either use the KY or better still a lotion called silk.

 

[AgonySceneGirl]

getting wet isnt the problem lol trust me.
my kid was c-section due to complications so no vaginal birth but i still see ur point.

 

[greeneyed_Lady]

There is also vaginismus — a condition where the vaginal muscles involuntarily contract, making any penetration painful or next to impossible. Sometimes this is simply a matter of mentally preparing yourself better. Here's the thing.. if you think it's going to hurt, your body will protect itself by tensing up in preparation for the pain, but by doing this you are actually causing the pain to happen.

One of the first guys I was involved with was huge... 9-10" and probably 3" thick at the head and top of his shaft. He was shaped a bit like a baseball bat, so was thinner at the base. And he was uncut, so I'm guessing that accounts for some of the thickness. At first it was like.. OMFG there's no way that is going to fit, let alone be enjoyable. It took a while but it was. Lots of lube, lots of foreplay, lots of time to prepare and relax. You being in control over depth of penetration is a good idea... get on top for example. He thrust a little deep a few times and pinged an ovary and bruised the cervix... talk about painful!! I miss that cock, but not the asshole it was attached to.

How about sex without penetration?? Just spend time playing and exploring and pleasing one another without actual penetration. This might be a symptom of you not trusting him to not hurt you... and I don't know much about your previous relationship other then what Sweet Erika said here, but it certainly seems plausible that it's connected to this problem.

I never had a problem with sex being that painful really, but after my second child was born it was months before I could relax enough to enjoy sex again, and I didn't have a vaginal birth!! I think the ex rushed things when we first resumed our sex life, and I wasn't quite prepared (not enough lubrication probably) so each time after that I'd tense up in anticipation, and caused a lot of the trouble to start with.

 

[infinity706]

Well, you could always get a dildo that's about the right size. That way, you can go at your own pace with it.