Developing Soft Limits

[ApprenticeApril]

So I know there's a lot of talk about limits. As in, pushing our boundaries, exploring, moving past soft limits. But I'm curious, has anyone just developed a soft limit? Something that was previously enjoyable?
About six-ish years ago when I started enjoying sex, I was very into anal sex. Very. But lately, the more and more I do it, the more and more I don't enjoy it. Of course I do all of the relaxing, making sure I'm turned on, patience, lube, all that. But lately I've been safewording pretty often during anal sex. Not anal play in general, just penetration. So I told him that I think now it's a soft limit for me. He was pretty understanding.
I'm just curious if I'm not the only one who has experienced this. Kind of new territory for me...

 

[SweetGigi]

So I know there's a lot of talk about limits. As in, pushing our boundaries, exploring, moving past soft limits. But I'm curious, has anyone just developed a soft limit? Something that was previously enjoyable?
About six-ish years ago when I started enjoying sex, I was very into anal sex. Very. But lately, the more and more I do it, the more and more I don't enjoy it. Of course I do all of the relaxing, making sure I'm turned on, patience, lube, all that. But lately I've been safewording pretty often during anal sex. Not anal play in general, just penetration. So I told him that I think now it's a soft limit for me. He was pretty understanding.
I'm just curious if I'm not the only one who has experienced this. Kind of new territory for me...

I think any time we have an issue with something, we can develop a less than desirable view of it. Possibly could you have had a bad experience at some point with anal? Think back to when this all started. Was there a specific event that might have triggered this reaction?

Another thought is that you are just rolling through a stage of life where anal isn't as appealing as it once was. Our tastes grow, conform, expand and contract throughout our sexual life so it is a natural conclusion to come to that this might be happening with you.

In either case, just ride the wave, enjoy what you still enjoy, continue to explore and try, thank God you have an understanding top and see where you go from here. Who knows where the wave will take you.

 

[ApprenticeApril]

I haven't had any bad experiences, and I'm pretty okay with the new change in my likes/dislikes. I realize our opinions change over time, I'm mostly just curious if anyone else has had any similar experiences.

 

[SweetGigi]

I haven't had any bad experiences, and I'm pretty okay with the new change in my likes/dislikes. I realize our opinions change over time, I'm mostly just curious if anyone else has had any similar experiences.

Pardon my mis-read.


I personally have never had anything I like become a soft limit for any length of real time. If something like this occurs, its more just situational. "I don't feel like doing X this time."

 

[FurryFury]

I used to enjoy oral sex very much! It was so taboo and dirty to me and that was part of the thrill.

After years of forced oral, to prove I "wanted" the sort of sex he did, with my ex, I became unable to bear oral or any mouth action anywhere on my body.

This was not a soft limit it was a hard limit unless I was drunk, drugged or had had a lot of great orgasms.

I tried to endure it for my husband at times because he seemed to want to do that so much but it wasn't easy. I felt pretty damned guilty.

We weren't in a D/s relationship then and we aren't now although we are now openly kinked with each other.

However, I've always considered myself owned by him and my body his.

He doesn't agree and has never tried to impede my personal freedom in anyway. So he gave me choices and insisted on knowing my preferences.

Ironically, my husband also was uncomfortable with oral being performed on him. So I wanted to get him over his hump as much as he did mine and we both wanted to give each other that sort of caring even more because there was a challenge.

What a tangled web.

When I started D/s SRP and researching BDSM I became even more sexual and far more open with my body. Suddenly he could do anything to me, without me shutting down my mind or squirming away or whatever, as long as my mind had already been stimulated enough and I'd sizzled long enough. What bliss!

However, it is still extremely difficult to get either of us off orally. We try. We aren't giving up. Emotional demons are so hard to exorcise.

 

[kinkyknickers]

Erm my new soft limit is.... I hate the taste of lube, I also don't like to use it on myself if I can help it. And.... I'm no longer a fan of vibrators or dildos.

I think the two are somewhat intertwined. I think the whole not flesh and blood thing is what does it. I'm kind of sensitive to the fact that they aren't attached to a person.

 

[Bandit58]

Anal sex has become a soft limit of mine too - I think because we have not been able to do it for so long (due to Sir's health issues) I have forgotten the "good" sensations it can create and can only remember the bad experience I had with it many many years ago.

I think maybe I will suggest to Him that we incorporate some anal play into our repertoire again, so I become more used to it again

 

[WickedEve]

I have a couple of things that I believe will soon become soft limits for me. I'm okay with doing them at the moment -- they're still fairly new and interesting -- but... Well, one is water sports. I think I'll eventually lose interest or just get icked out one day. He is the one who is really into it. There are a couple of other things. And I really believe the riding crop will totally freak me out at some point and become a soft limit. Maybe. No. I kind of like it.

 

[ApprenticeApril]

Erm my new soft limit is.... I hate the taste of lube, I also don't like to use it on myself if I can help it. And.... I'm no longer a fan of vibrators or dildos.

I think the two are somewhat intertwined. I think the whole not flesh and blood thing is what does it. I'm kind of sensitive to the fact that they aren't attached to a person.

That's similar to why I don't like using them on someone. I'd rather use my hand personally.

 

[ApprenticeApril]

I have a couple of things that I believe will soon become soft limits for me. I'm okay with doing them at the moment -- they're still fairly new and interesting -- but... Well, one is water sports. I think I'll eventually lose interest or just get icked out one day. He is the one who is really into it. There are a couple of other things. And I really believe the riding crop will totally freak me out at some point and become a soft limit. Maybe. No. I kind of like it.

Yay for watersports! With us, I'm the one that loves it, although I think he's been enjoying it too.
And I'm a little envious about the riding crop. I want to try one really badly but we just haven't gotten that far yet.

 

[WickedEve]

Yay for watersports! With us, I'm the one that loves it, although I think he's been enjoying it too.
And I'm a little envious about the riding crop. I want to try one really badly but we just haven't gotten that far yet.

Some aspects of watersports are fine with me, but he's an extreme watersports enthusiast. But I've been able to negotiate and come up with some interesting ways to satisfy him in that department. I love to negotiate.