Determining what wife wants

[coastnative1968]

My wife has said on numerous occasions, she's not interested in big cocks or playing with another female. I just don't believe her, she plays it off every time i say something, but I can tell it turns her on.I decided to create a phony email account and send her a pic with a request. i knew if she wasn't interested she would say something to me about it and probably be pissed. Well, she hasn't responded to the email, but she hasn't mentioned it to me either. i gave her a full day and decided to send her another request, the first was to join the husband and wife in a threesome, the second just from the wife to do a girl on girl. Still no response, still no mention of it to me. this just confirms to me that she is interested. The first pic was of a hot wife, and the husband had an 11" cock. i know damn good and well if she wasn't interested she would have been mad as hell that someone would send her something like that. Any advice s appreciated. To be clear, I am all for her playing with other males and females.

 

[njlauren]

If this is a real post and not a troll, I think you are projecting a lot onto your wife. Besides the fact that the fake e-mail you sent is not exactly a great thing to do with a married partner (it is deceitful and such), the fact that she hasn't responded doesn't mean anything. Are you sure she even saw it? It could have gone into her spam folder, if it is an unknown e-mail address. She could have read it, and assumed it was some troll spamming out messages. Or she could have put 2 and 2, and figured out it was you, if you have been talking to her about these things, and pushing her, then suddenly an e-mail comes out of the blue like that, she could have figured out it was you, especially if she doesn't go to web sites and such that could draw such responses. I get a lot of spam and weird things in my e-mail, and I don't tell my spouse about them either, I delete and ignore them, don't bother to tell because there is nothing to tell.

It sounds to me like she really isn't interested, if she was why would she blow off when you try to talk to her about it, if the spouse is willing, why would she say no if she wasn't interested. At the very least, she might be willing to explore it in 'fantasy talk' with you, but if she is totally blowing it off it probably means she is not interested.

Reading some of the stories on lit you would figure all women are into extra marital sex, they all want to be 'hot wives' or sluts, but the reality is a lot of people, women and men, aren't wired that way, that even if they have strayed or will stray, they aren't interested in the kind of thing you want, for whatever reasons (maybe they are turned on but are morally opposed, maybe they are afraid, whatever)......

My advice? If this is truly a fantasy of yours and you think your wife might be interested, don't push it so hard, you do that, try to sledgehammer her, and any desire she had would probably go right out the window.

 

[Noor]

If her spam catcher didn't get it, she probably just deleted the email and marked it as spam, that is what I do.

I rarely mention these things to anyone because why bother when you get them almost everyday? Occasionally if its something really amusing, I might mention it but guys have fragile egos and one rarely knows what will set them off.

Seriously, cock shots are boring as shit to most women.

 

[Eilan]

Sounds like you're the one who's interested in the idea of her being interested in big cocks and other women. Setting her up via a phony email is a dick move, too.

 

[GrrlFriday]

My wife has said on numerous occasions, she's not interested in big cocks or playing with another female.

Bolded for emphasis. If she's said this over and over again, perhaps it's an interest that you've got that she just doesn't share, or it doesn't pique her interest as much as it does yours. Do you both talk about your sexual fantasies with each other?

It shouldn't 'confirm' interest that she doesn't mention the emails to you - if anything, it should confirm that she's not going to let spam from strangers ruffle her.

 

[SweetErika]

If she was actually interested, why wouldn't she respond to the fake emails in some way (like "thanks, but I'm happily married and monogamous"), or at least mention them in some way to you? People who want to take action do just that, they don't ignore.

My guess is she spotted them as fakes right off the bat. Maybe she thought you were playing a joke and didn't want to fuel your fire or she wondered if you were testing her fidelity. Emails like you describe prompt more questions than curiosity, arousal, or anything else. For instance, how did these people get her email? Why would they think she's interested in such things? Why would a random guy expect a response to that type of message? Why did he send another email when she didn't respond to the first?

I don't think you're giving her brain and intuition enough credit AT ALL. Just because a lot of men would be dumb enough to fall for such a rouse doesn't mean many women would be. I'd ignore them, too. And I may or may not mention them to my husband, even if the content fueled major fantasies. Women get hit on all the time by random idiots. Men know this, so it's not really worth mentioning unless a relationship rule dictates sharing such things, it's especially amusing, the idiot could turn dangerous, etc.

The reality is that wife-sharing is YOUR fantasy and you're trying to bait and push your wife into things she doesn't want to do. That's what any reasonable person who's being honest would conclude. You've already brought the subject up (multiple times, correct?), and she has not expressed an interest in taking your fantasies to reality. There are MANY fantastic reasons why she could be hesitant to explore sharing in real life, and a bunch of those are heart- and relationship-killers.

So, my strong advice is to let this go completely unless SHE brings it up on her own because she's obviously NOT interested in exploring these fantasies and you've painted yourself into a corner by sending those fake emails. If you bring it up again, she'll have all the proof necessary to know you tried to trick her by sending those emails. The sooner you admit to yourself you screwed this (and potentially your relationship) up by trying to bait/trick your wife, the better. Chalk it up as a big mistake and learn from it by communicating openly with your wife in the future instead of trying to be sneaky. Down the road, if you have another fantasy you'd like to explore, simply let her know it's a fantasy for you, then ask if she will let you know if she ever has an interest in exploring that, or any other, fantasy. You can use that 'put it out there, ask her to tell me if she's interested/willing to explore it on her own terms' technique for just about anything, and I suggest you do just that. Many people need time to wrap their heads around new and/or riskier ideas, so make sure you give your wife the time to do that and opportunity to take the next step on her own terms from now on.

That said, you COULD ask your wife if she'd be open to playing with your fantasies in ways she's totally comfortable with. WRT big cocks, maybe she's willing to do some dirty talk or incorporate a larger dildo into sex with you. For F/F action, perhaps she'd be willing to watch some porn, talk through a scenario, read a lesbian story as part of foreplay, or even visit a strip club with you. However, I would advise waiting until the dust settles from your email debacle to ask if she'd entertain any such compromises, and it's paramount for you to let her decide what she's comfortable with and respect those boundaries at all times. If, for instance, she doesn't want to go to a strip club, don't push it or ask again, period. You should simply empathize with her discomfort and let her know she's welcome to tell you if she ever reconsiders.

 

[Bramblethorn]

My wife has said on numerous occasions, she's not interested in big cocks or playing with another female. I just don't believe her, she plays it off every time i say something, but I can tell it turns her on.I decided to create a phony email account and send her a pic with a request. i knew if she wasn't interested she would say something to me about it and probably be pissed. Well, she hasn't responded to the email, but she hasn't mentioned it to me either. i gave her a full day and decided to send her another request, the first was to join the husband and wife in a threesome, the second just from the wife to do a girl on girl. Still no response, still no mention of it to me. this just confirms to me that she is interested. The first pic was of a hot wife, and the husband had an 11" cock. i know damn good and well if she wasn't interested she would have been mad as hell that someone would send her something like that. Any advice s appreciated. To be clear, I am all for her playing with other males and females.

If I had a dollar for every relationship wrecked by people using telepathy and surmise as a substitute for TALKING TO THEIR PARTNER AND LISTENING TO THEIR RESPONSE I'd be a multi-millionaire. And if I had a dollar for every relationship wrecked by people who aren't capable of taking "no" for an answer, that'd buy me a tropical island and a couple of yachts on the top.

The fact that she hasn't responded to it most likely means that she's not interested, and knows that replying to random internet creeps is a really bad idea, because it just encourages them.

The fact that she hasn't mentioned it to YOU might mean that she didn't think it worth mentioning every piece of spam she gets. Or depending on how insistent you've been on this, it might mean she already has her suspicions and is looking to confirm them before she tells you off (or calls a divorce lawyer, depending on fed up she is with all this).

As to how you can persuade her to get into these things: imagine that her secret fetish is to do you in the ass, hard, with a rough-coated strap-on. Imagine that you've already said "no". Now imagine she's asking "how can I change your mind?"

Think of your own answer to that question, and you'll have a start on how to change hers.

 

[fgarvb1]

WTF! Dude?

Do you want to fuck up the marriage you have?

 

[BeachMomma]

I just don't believe her
OK, 1 at a time. "I don't believe her." You're heading into dangerous waters, my friend. If you've made it as clear as you say, there's no reason why she'd lie about it. The fact that you don't believe her is saying a lot - and none of it is good.

I can tell it turns her on.
I'm assuming you DO know the difference between fantasy and reality. I enjoy a lot of kinky fantasies; if my husband tried to make one of them a reality, we'd have issues. Serious issues. Let's pretend for a moment that she DOES enjoy those fantasies. She may very well have enough common sense to know that if they became reality, there's a damn good chance that they'd wreck your marriage. Let's take it a step farther - she may even have enough common sense to realize that as fun as the fantasies are, they aren't enough fun to make it worth going through a divorce.

And for the record, she says she isn't interested, but you can tell it turns her on. You might want to check the warranty on your crystal ball; it appears that it's malfunctioning and needs to be returned.

I decided to create a phony email account and send her a pic with a request.
Phony email/email account - *sighs* I don't even know why I'm going to bother with this. Previous posters have already given you enough advice as to why this is a bad idea. When she finds out (and she will eventually find out), she's going to be PISSED. Did I say PISSED? I meant PISSED - at YOU.

i knew if she wasn't interested she would say something to me about it and probably be pissed
That's bullshit and you know it as well as the other posters and I. How many spam emails do you get in a day? Yeah. How many of them do you tell her about? How many do you respond to? I hope none. Most people with an ounce of common sense and computer know-how know that responding to spam emails is a ridiculously bad idea. From her perspective, it looked like all the other hundreds of spam emails that offer sexual invitations.

this just confirms to me that she is interested.
Again, it doesn't confirm shit.

husband had an 11" cock.
You don't seem to understand the differences between women and men. Men are visual creatures; women are not. Trust me when I tell you that you're far more interested in the size of a man's cock than she is. Cock pics are boring. Women aren't interested in the cock; they're interested in the man behind the cock. The way to a woman's heart isn't with your cock. It's with your mind, your attention, your understanding - basically YOU. She doesn't love you for your cock; she loves you because you're you. The reverse is also true; she won't love another man because of his cock - whether it's microscopic or gargantuan.

To be clear, I am all for her playing with other males and females
It seems to me that you're the one interested in it, and you're trying to coerce her into sharing your interest. My advice? Enjoy your fantasies, but leave fantasies where they belong - in your head.

If you insist on pushing this fantasy, I also suggest that you find a good divorce attorney. You'll eventually need one.

 

[NightL]

I live on the gulf coast, we have a bookstore with glory holes and private booths. I sucked my first cock there. Something about it is just a huge turn on.

...so it is actually you who is after big cock. Show her your above post and you can get all the big cock you want and she can get a chance of finding someone who values, respects and will be committed to her. If she exists at all.

 

[BeachMomma]

...so it is actually you who is after big cock. Show her your above post and you can get all the big cock you want and she can get a chance of finding someone who values, respects and will be committed to her. If she exists at all.

husband had an 11" cock.
Trust me when I tell you that you're far more interested in the size of a man's cock than she is.

The truth comes out. It always does.

 

[njlauren]

As to how you can persuade her to get into these things: imagine that her secret fetish is to do you in the ass, hard, with a rough-coated strap-on. Imagine that you've already said "no". Now imagine she's asking "how can I change your mind?"

Think of your own answer to that question, and you'll have a start on how to change hers.

That response is priceless, you made my night on that one!

 

[GrrlFriday]

If you've been using glory holes, particularly as the 'giver', you should get yourself tested for STDs, and inform your wife if you have any.

 

[Bramblethorn]

That response is priceless, you made my night on that one!

Thanks I think it's going to be my stock response for every time I see a guy asking how to badger his girlfriend into doing stuff she's already said NO to.

Just wish it didn't come up often enough to require a stock response...

 

[Eilan]

Thanks I think it's going to be my stock response for every time I see a guy asking how to badger his girlfriend into doing stuff she's already said NO to.

Just wish it didn't come up often enough to require a stock response...

Indeed.

 

[skimpycloud]

Wow...

Ok, just because your wife may get turned on by some types of things seen in porn, does not mean that she (secretly or otherwise) wants to indulge *your* fantasy. I like the occasional girl on girl action, but that doesn't mean I want to join in or anything.

As for the emails, you do her a great disservice. I wouldn't respond to an email like that which I hadn't solicited. But then I'd like to think that my fiance isn't so stupid as to not listen to what I say and then send an ignorant email when I don't conform.

Try asking her... Just a thought!!

 

[MatthewVett]

Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her.

No other way to determine what your wife wants, buddy boy.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her.

No other way to determine what your wife wants, buddy boy.

Oh, he's got the "talk to her" bit down, it's just the "listen to her reply" bit that needs work.

 

[Emerson40]

My wife has said on numerous occasions, she's not interested in big cocks or playing with another female. I just don't believe her, she plays it off every time i say something, but I can tell it turns her on.I decided to create a phony email account and send her a pic with a request. i knew if she wasn't interested she would say something to me about it and probably be pissed. Well, she hasn't responded to the email, but she hasn't mentioned it to me either. i gave her a full day and decided to send her another request, the first was to join the husband and wife in a threesome, the second just from the wife to do a girl on girl. Still no response, still no mention of it to me. this just confirms to me that she is interested. The first pic was of a hot wife, and the husband had an 11" cock. i know damn good and well if she wasn't interested she would have been mad as hell that someone would send her something like that. Any advice s appreciated. To be clear, I am all for her playing with other males and females.

You are right in not believing her. You sound like a keen observer who is very much in tune with not only what excites and turns your wife on, but how she actually thinks. Even I can see by your well worded post that when she says she's not interested, this is only wife-cravin-eleven-incher code, and what she really means is "bring on the big dong".
But why the silly email account nonsense? If you really want to "sway" her, sit her down and explain your homoerotic tendencies to her, and passionately detail your intense craving for cock a la grande. I am certain that once she hears about this, and your hob-nobbing with the knob-gobblers at the ol' glory hole, she will reach out to all her sex pals with 11" peni and you my friend, will have more fantasy and knobs to polish than you thought possible.
Don't waste your time with the emails. You haven't heard from her about this yet because she is responding to all those "enlarge your manhood" emails on your behalf, and is just too busy corresponding with that bank manager from Nigeria, trying to secure that $1,000,000 that will put you in a righteous crib, right on the coast.

 

[Noor]

Oh, he's got the "talk to her" bit down, it's just the "listen to her reply" bit that needs work.

Good point, the hear what she is saying and believe her part could use help too!

This is feeling kind of troll like, except for the weird email stuff, that just sounds so real ...

 

[Ellafun]

Sounds like you're the one who's interested in the idea of her being interested in big cocks and other women. Setting her up via a phony email is a dick move, too.

^^^^^^^^^^^^ ~ this.

You are right in not believing her. You sound like a keen observer who is very much in tune with not only what excites and turns your wife on, but how she actually thinks. Even I can see by your well worded post that when she says she's not interested, this is only wife-cravin-eleven-incher code, and what she really means is "bring on the big dong".
But why the silly email account nonsense? If you really want to "sway" her, sit her down and explain your homoerotic tendencies to her, and passionately detail your intense craving for cock a la grande. I am certain that once she hears about this, and your hob-nobbing with the knob-gobblers at the ol' glory hole, she will reach out to all her sex pals with 11" peni and you my friend, will have more fantasy and knobs to polish than you thought possible.
Don't waste your time with the emails. You haven't heard from her about this yet because she is responding to all those "enlarge your manhood" emails on your behalf, and is just too busy corresponding with that bank manager from Nigeria, trying to secure that $1,000,000 that will put you in a righteous crib, right on the coast.

 

[Emerson40]

cock a la grande

Does that come with ice cream?

Unfortunately for Mr Coastnative, no. Though I imagine he will receive a big ol' scoop of cold shoulder from Mrs Coastnative when he shares his proclivity for the glory hole scene.

 

[Lord Pmann]

I just don't believe her, she plays it off every time i say something, but I can tell it turns her on.

I fecking love this line. One of the best things I've ever read on Lit.

I'm with ya buddy. It's like all the girls over the years that hid their sexual attraction to me behind hostility and restraining orders/pepper spray.

 

[MsQuote]

... I decided to create a phony email account and send her a pic with a request. i knew if she wasn't interested she would say something to me about it and probably be pissed. Well, she hasn't responded to the email, but she hasn't mentioned it to me either. i gave her a full day and decided to send her another request, the first was to join the husband and wife in a threesome, the second just from the wife to do a girl on girl. Still no response, still no mention of it to me. this just confirms to me that she is interested.

How do you get that her non-response or having her not make mention of this (ass move) email confirms she is interested?

 

[Lord Pmann]

How do you get that her non-response or having her not make mention of this (ass move) email confirms she is interested?

I know, right? By that logic, Kim Kardashian wants to give me a blow job, right now. I mean, she's not returning my solicitations, that must mean she wants my cock.