Describe this . . . .

[slyc_willie]

As writers, we necessarily have to broaden our scope of experience to include things we have not personally experienced. Not all of us know what it is like to give birth, get shot, get involved in a serious car accident, snort cocaine, inject heroin, jump from a perfectly good airplane at 20,000 feet, and so on. But sometimes, our characters do, and we have to do our best to either faithfully describe the experience, or find a way to "artfully dodge" it in a way that readers won't cry foul.

At the same time, to describe some of the above in a personally truthful way may not ring true with some readers, especially those who have not experienced such things. Take getting shot, for instance. Many years ago, during my military career, I was shot in the hip, and, several moments later, at point-blank range, in my side.

Now, I remember, fairly vividly, what it felt like -- at that moment -- to be shot. It happened in an enclosed room, and the sharp snaps of gunfire were almost deafening. Then I felt a hard, harsh tugging at my right hip, making me lose my balance. Then came this sensation of warmth. There wasn't any pain, just yet, but I understood somehow that something wasn't right.

As I started to move my right leg, the pain suddenly hit. It flashed through my hip, down my leg, across my abdomen . . . it wasn't very pleasant. But it didn't deter me. I was after a "bad guy," and damn it, I was gonna get him. So, being young and stupid, I got up, ran across the room, and tackled the guy who shot me. At some point during that altercation, he pressed the barrel of his pistol against my left side and pulled the trigger.

I don't remember that. I was too busy pounding his face with my fists. It was only after I was pulled off him that I realized I had been shot again. The bullet, apparently, had been underloaded, because it had become wedged between two of my ribs. Had it been a full-power round, I probably would not be typing this post, and none of you would ever have heard of me.

Point is, if I were to describe that scenario in a story, I figure half the readership would cry foul and explain to me in the comments section and private email how I "got it wrong." But, anyone who has had the joy of being on the receiving end of a bullet will tell you that the experience is not always similar to how it is depicted on film. There have been numerous documentations of soldiers being shot who did not even realize it.

Thinking about that makes me wonder how many of us describe a scene, a feeling, a situation, and do so while going on what is popularly referred to as the generally understood sensation. Take, as another example, the female orgasm.

Now, I've been around the block a few times. I have come to realize that not every woman experiences an orgasm the same way. I have had lovers who feel incredibly energized, as if they had just chugged a 16-ounce can of Red Bull, after an orgasm. On the other hand are women like my wife, who become extremely soporific and borderline incoherent as if they had just consumed an entire bottle of wine twenty minutes before.

Both are accurate descriptions of the aftereffects of an orgasm. Obviously, however, they differ greatly.

I once asked my wife what it felt like when she came. In a jumble of words, she told me it was like "sparkling butterflies dancing between my legs and crawling up through my body, making my chest burn."

At other times, it was more along the lines of "my nerves just exploded and I went numb."

Um . . . okay.

As a writer, I often feel at odds between what is popularly considered an adequate explanation for a particular sensation, and what I have personally felt or witnessed. More often than not, I simply go with the minimalist description and allow the reader to fill in the details. But now and then, I want to really describe something, almost as if I was in a position to dictate an accurate portrayal of events.

But I suppose that we, as writers, in whatever capacity we see ourselves, will have to understand that not everyone sees things the same way, feels things the same way, and certainly could not describe things the same way.

 

[RichardBacula]

"I had an actor once who was condemned to hang for stealing a sheep – or a lamb, I forget which – so I got permission to have him hanged in the middle of a play – had to change the plot a bit but I thought it would be effective, you know – and you wouldn't believe it, he just wasn't convincing! It was impossible to suspend one's disbelief – and what with the audience jeering and throwing peanuts, the whole thing was a disaster!"
-The Player, Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead

 

[SecondCircle]

Personally, that's really frustrating to me. When someone questions the plausibility of something I've written that I've pulled from actual experience. They of course are entitled to doubt something like that, but it is still frustrating.

And it could be anything, from the way a character acts, the layout of a setting, how something looks, or as you've said even the pain felt from some injury. Anything. It almost (for a second) feels as if someone is questioning your own reality or experience.

As far as writing what I'm unfamiliar with, I try to become as educated as possible on a particular item. Research an all that. If it's something extremely specific, I try to be as vague as possible or simply not include it at all, and stick with what I know. I'd hate to not be as accurate and plausible as I can be. I like to be immersed in a believable world when I read, so I think my writing should do the same.

 

[slyc_willie]

Personally, that's really frustrating to me. When someone questions the plausibility of something I've written that I've pulled from actual experience. They of course are entitled to doubt something like that, but it is still frustrating.

And it could be anything, from the way a character acts, the layout of a setting, how something looks, or as you've said even the pain felt from some injury. Anything. It almost (for a second) feels as if someone is questioning your own reality or experience.

As far as writing what I'm unfamiliar with, I try to become as educated as possible on a particular item. Research an all that. If it's something extremely specific, I try to be as vague as possible or simply not include it at all, and stick with what I know. I'd hate to not be as accurate and plausible as I can be. I like to be immersed in a believable world when I read, so I think my writing should do the same.

I try to do as much research as I can as well when it comes to depicting something I'm unfamiliar with. But, like you said, the reader is entitled to doubt.

One of my earliest stories had an Hispanic girl named Jennifer in it, and in the comments section someone posted something along the lines of me not knowing too many Hispanic girls because "not many of us are named Jennifer." I found that comment asinine for two reasons. One, by saying "not many of us are named Jennifer," the commenter admits that some are. And two, did this person never hear of Jennifer Lopes?

I live in San Antonio, Texas, where the population is predominantly Hispanic. There are numerous Jennifers around here. I've also met Hispanic girls with names like Tiffany, Brittney, and Emily, all names that, at least to me, sound typically "white." Imagine the outcry had I used one of those.

 

[Idarrau]

Maybe it depends on how close to the heart your description has to be. I am still new to writing in some ways and stay close to what I know. I guess that makes me a little scared to tread in to the deep waters of the unknown. If I were to describe what it takes to be a sniper and the feeling of having the right moment where the asshole moves to the perfect location, the breathing and concentration along with excitement, I would slip on a banana peel into a pond of sludge. It just would not be quite right without lots and lots of research to go with it.

However, concerning female orgasm- I find that it's like finding a part in your mind that feels only pleasure while pushing you toward a cliff. You get to a point where the feeling to jump is overwhelming and it only takes one more good prod to push you deeply into the sea of pleasure. My favorite part is the breath before the leap and knowing what there is not turning back.

That is also the suckiest suck suck part to have a knock on the door or fire alarm. The orgasm is usually worth the fire.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

As a youth, I was 17 at the time, I was involved in a motorcycle accident. I wan't going very fast, nor was I going slow, in fact I was accelerating around a corner. Here is what I remember.

The light changed to green. I accelerated slowly into the intersection making a left turn on to a major thoroughfare. Then I was looking up at the blue sky and a circle of faces looking down at me. I was having trouble breathing. Someone was pulling on the waist of my jeans. As I was lifted slightly off the ground the pain eased enough for me to breath. The ambulance came, whisking me away to the hospital where I stayed for a week. Three broken ribs and punctured lung back in '67 was no easy fix.

To this day, I don't remember a thing about the accident. My buddy who was riding with me told me what happened, but it didn't spark a memory.

(What happened. As I turned on to the busy street, there was a gas station across from it, a car pulled out of the station and cut me off. He said I swung wide without slowing and took the side of a parked car out with my bike. The bike went left, I went straight into the back of car in front of the one I sideswiped. I bounced out into the middle of the street.)

Yes, I was wearing a helmet and I'm sure it saved my life. I was told the trunk of the car my body hit had a dent in it the same size a my helmet. With out the helmet that would have been my head.

I'm 64 now and still don't recall what happened, just proving the mind is sometimes a horrible thing, but other times it's great at not letting you relive horrible things.

 

[patientlee]

I try to do as much research as I can as well when it comes to depicting something I'm unfamiliar with. But, like you said, the reader is entitled to doubt.

One of my earliest stories had an Hispanic girl named Jennifer in it, and in the comments section someone posted something along the lines of me not knowing too many Hispanic girls because "not many of us are named Jennifer." I found that comment asinine for two reasons. One, by saying "not many of us are named Jennifer," the commenter admits that some are. And two, did this person never hear of Jennifer Lopes?

I live in San Antonio, Texas, where the population is predominantly Hispanic. There are numerous Jennifers around here. I've also met Hispanic girls with names like Tiffany, Brittney, and Emily, all names that, at least to me, sound typically "white." Imagine the outcry had I used one of those.

I know a Hispanic Jennifer in San Antonio. Funny.

 

[patientlee]

For my FAWC3 story, I played around with point of view. I knew what story I wanted to tell, but when it came to the nitty-gritty details of labor, I kept thinking that people would criticize how believable it was. (Seriously, my longest (of 3) labor and delivery was 6 hours, start to finish. Women who have spent two days in labor before a c section think I'm making it up.)

My solution was to change the POV to the father telling the story. I figured that any lapses in memory, perceived inaccuracies, etc. could be bridged by the outside perspective. I didn't think that the change detracted from the story that I was telling in this particular story anyway.

 

[PennLady]

I've learned not to question too many experiences like this, because there is simply too much variation in the world and in people. Labor and birth are a great example, as it is different for everyone, whether it just is or whether they make it so. Seems to me, then, that things like orgasms, illness, whatever, can be just as unique. Just because it's not in your experience doesn't mean it didn't happen.

 

[3113]

Two pronged fork?

You bring up a good question and there's no solution that will please everyone. Just one that achieves a good story (I think). Which, in my experience, is to go two-pronged description.

One prong is the research (or personal experience) to keep it moderately accurate. This isn't just for those who know the reality (like you being shot), but out of a kind of professional respect. The vast majority of readers (sadly)don't care about accuracy and, in fact, often want myth over reality...but I think (totally my humble opinion here) that writers want (should want?) the respect of their peers. And ignoring research, not trying to be somewhat accurate, tends to lose you that respect. Doesn't matter if you make a lot of money and get a lot of readers, you won't be viewed as a "real" writer (as with Fifty Shades of Gray and the lack of research both on BDSM and on American slang, etc.).

The second prong is the one that remembers that "truth is stranger than fiction" and that we are poets. The truth of your gunshot might not make the reader feel like they're being shot. So, we kinda haveta take a few poetic liberties in order to make the reader feel that even if we're sacrificing some accuracy.

This doesn't mean that we do it with everything and forget prong #1. It means we carefully pick and choose to achieve the most immersive story possible. So, we don't describe the penis as twelve inches (even if such exist) because it will bring the reader out of the story as they read it ("I don't believe that!"). But when it comes to the orgasm, which we want the reader to feel with the hero/heroine, then we can embellish and maybe go above and beyond what's strictly accurate. Like volcanic explosions Because that will keep the reader with us more than something more accurate but less exciting.

Does that make sense?

 

[3113]

"I had an actor once who was condemned to hang for stealing a sheep – or a lamb, I forget which – so I got permission to have him hanged in the middle of a play – had to change the plot a bit but I thought it would be effective, you know – and you wouldn't believe it, he just wasn't convincing! It was impossible to suspend one's disbelief – and what with the audience jeering and throwing peanuts, the whole thing was a disaster!"
-The Player, Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead

Heh. Spot on. Let's hear it for Tom Stoppard's meta-contextual observations on plays and playwriting.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I always say that a good way to describe a person's face is to express the emotion the observer feels when they see that face. Same thing can work with orgasms.

"Out of the many times she'd bedded Thomas, she could not recall an orgasm as soul-shaking as this one was. It left her weak and trembling and close to tears. "

or alternately, "I came till I saw stars."

 

[PayDay]

I always say that a good way to describe a person's face is to express the emotion the observer feels when they see that face. Same thing can work with orgasms.

"Out of the many times she'd bedded Thomas, she could not recall an orgasm as soul-shaking as this one was. It left her weak and trembling and close to tears. "

or alternately, "I came till I saw stars."

Agreed. As minimal as possible and apparently understood.

Write enough to tickle the sensations of the imagination unless it's a major plot point.

 

[robertreams]

I too have had the experience of being told something that actually happened was implausible. One good example is that I was told that a man of mere 65 could not have arthritis and restless leg syndrome and osteoporosis, yet I myself had them at 59. On the other hand I have written some total bullshit that is so believable that no one has questioned me. After all, I have a degree from Florida state University that says I can BS in English! (Go Seminoles!)

 

[Hypoxia]

Each of us filter our sensory inputs through a matrix of experience, expectation, and individual neurochemistry. Our filters are individual -- my perception of an event will differ from yours because our bodies and memories and training are not the same.

Suppose I wish to describe some event. Do I describe it as it actually happened; or as I might have experienced it if it had happened; or as I guess an average reader might understand it; or in some other manner? How much reality can I inject into a fantasy?

 

[SecondCircle]

Each of us filter our sensory inputs through a matrix of experience, expectation, and individual neurochemistry. Our filters are individual -- my perception of an event will differ from yours because our bodies and memories and training are not the same.

Suppose I wish to describe some event. Do I describe it as it actually happened; or as I might have experienced it if it had happened; or as I guess an average reader might understand it; or in some other manner? How much reality can I inject into a fantasy?

All of those are fine, really. Like another poster pointed out, different readers and different people come from all walks and experiences, each kind of viewing scenarios with their own degree of scrutiny when it comes to "what is plausible."

I guess if I look at the subject as a reader, my main concern is to have a smooth immersive ride. Just like how things like bad grammar can ruin a story and pull you out of the moment, I don't like blatantly inaccurate scenarios that are such a sore thumb that it pulls me out of the story and has me questioning whether or not it's really plausible.

JBJ brought up something he saw in a story awhile back that stuck out like this. Something about a character piddling with the spark plugs on a diesel engine, which is mostly impossible because diesel engines don't have them. Things like that stand out as just incorrect. That will break the illusion and pull me out of the story. Those inaccuracies need to be avoided.

But as readers, we also need to be a bit more open and submit to the fact that OUR experience may not be the ONLY experience. If I read Slyc's gunshot experience in a story, I don't think I should be so arrogant as to think, "Well I was shot and it was not like that. He's full of shit." Or maybe we shouldn't be so nitpicky on certain little details like the "no Hispanic Jennifers" and trivial things like that. We as readers need to understand that there's a difference between bad writing and different takes on experiences.

 

[StrangeLife]

"I came till I saw stars."

Or alternatively...

"She felt blood engorging her external sex organs causing massive vasocongestion, supplemented by increased in inter-vaginal secretion. Then followed a series of rhythmic muscular contractions in the pelvic region with a frequency of 0.8 Hz... "

 

[RichardBacula]

Heh. Spot on. Let's hear it for Tom Stoppard's meta-contextual observations on plays and playwriting.

One of the things I like about that particular quote is that it includes the line: "you wouldn't believe it, he just wasn't convincing!"
The Player is aware that he's telling an unbelievable tale about reality being unbelievable, driving the point home even further.

 

[sr71plt]

I've noted here before that when I'm questioned on believability in mainstream espionage it's usually pointing to what came out of actual events and intelligence techniques. I usually have press reports to back me up, though, not least because it has to be available in the public domain for me to be able to write it in the first place.

It's not just in what is written, though. If you aren't Marvin Milquetoast, you aren't believed in anything you've done in life on this discussion forum either.

 

[SecondCircle]

I guess as a writer, it's one of those scenarios where you just gotta roll with the punches. Just like if someone doesn't like your story, if they just decide for themselves that something you wrote isn't plausible (even if it actually happened) there isn't going to be much you can do to change their mind. A person is gonna think what they want to think based on their own views. It's frustrating as hell, but there's no pleasing everyone.

Sometimes though, it is downright laughable what people think is not realistic. I know a guy that named his dog Frank. I thought this was kinda hilarious because he couldn't think of a name, but only thought about it for a grand total of 10 minutes before settling with Frank. His cousins name nonetheless. I used this in my Halloween story entry and received an email like, way after the contest was over from someone from the site (I guess) that said she loved the story, but thought it wasn't realistic that someone would name their dog Frank, and that it bugged her. I even addressed the silly name in the story in passing. I dunno maybe she missed it but I thought it was kinda odd that from the whole story she was concerned about a dog named Frank. Still I just kinda shrugged that one off. I mean, it's perfectly fine for her to have that opinion, but it makes me wonder about naming dogs in stories now.

*no dogs were abused physically or sexually in the above post, nor the aforementioned submission. Pervs.*

 

[sr71plt]

I usually let it just pass by--and often someone else posts that it's plausible.

Recently happened with a FAWC story. I wrote a bride as all sweetness and light until the wedding and then showing bitchiness. Someone posted that that was implausible (which led me to believe they've certainly led a sheltered life) and someone else pointed out for me that it certainly was plausible.

The character was based on my own daughter-in-law who turned into an obscenities-tossing witch--nerves, I guess--at her wedding because some of the flowers weren't the preferred shade of blue. (And, unfortunately, has pretty much remained in that mode.)

 

[SecondCircle]

I usually let it just pass by--and often someone else posts that it's plausible.

Recently happened with a FAWC story. I wrote a bride as all sweetness and light until the wedding and then showing bitchiness. Someone posted that that was implausible (which led me to believe they've certainly led a sheltered life) and someone else pointed out for me that it certainly was implausible.

The character was based on my own daughter-in-law who turned into an obscenities-tossing witch--nerves, I guess--at her wedding because some of the flowers weren't the preferred shade of blue. (And, unfortunately, has pretty much remained in that mode.)

Aye, I remember reading those comments. My thoughts were along the same lines, like "Really? How many brides have they met? They've never heard of those insane woman that nitpick weddings and drive people batshit?"

Part of me kinda thought maybe they were upset because that character wasn't what they wanted to read. They prolly just didn't like her. Which is fine, I guess, but they were certainly wrong to declare the woman as implausible. She bled reality.

 

[PennLady]

I usually let it just pass by--and often someone else posts that it's plausible.

Recently happened with a FAWC story. I wrote a bride as all sweetness and light until the wedding and then showing bitchiness. Someone posted that that was implausible (which led me to believe they've certainly led a sheltered life) and someone else pointed out for me that it certainly was implausible.

The character was based on my own daughter-in-law who turned into an obscenities-tossing witch--nerves, I guess--at her wedding because some of the flowers weren't the preferred shade of blue. (And, unfortunately, has pretty much remained in that mode.)

Goodness, do these people never read advice columns? I bet 1/4-1/3 of the letters that come through are about similar situations. A woman, or a man, reveals another side during the wedding planning or at the wedding. It's hardly unusual.

 

[patientlee]

I'll mention the show Bridezillas, although I'm pretty sure that most of them were total bitches to start with.

 

[Handley_Page]

Three broken ribs and punctured lung back in '67 was no easy fix.

To this day, I don't remember a thing about the accident. My buddy who was riding with me told me what happened, but it didn't spark a memory.

(What happened. As I turned on to the busy street, there was a gas station across from it, a car pulled out of the station and cut me off. He said I swung wide without slowing and took the side of a parked car out with my bike. The bike went left, I went straight into the back of car in front of the one I sideswiped. I bounced out into the middle of the street.)

You've reminded me of an incident on my motorbike from many years ago.
I was pillion to a pal going at a respectable speed towards my home, when a car pulled out from the left at an unmarked crossroads.

Sadly, the lady driver of the car missed pressing the brake pedal and hit the accelerator instead, thus putting said car where we wanted to go.
I remember the bang; and looking up saw the roof of the car vanishing behind me. I landed on my back. It still causes my to flinch 50 years later at times.