Well got lots of questions and hope i don't drag this out. Married 28 years, didn't know when i married my wife she had depression. So 2 kids later, fights about intimacy our whole marriage i'm going to check here... My wife has been on sertraline (zolloft in beginning) for 20 years, 50 mg a day. She tells me she has no desire for sex, she cant have orgasms and doesn't care to have sex at all. so of course im just the opposite lol. Match made in heaven. now she's in menopause. Can i get some input from the ladies on what shes going thru?? When we try to talk about it it turns into a bad conversation. love my wife but as i told her what do you want me to do with my sexual energy ? I feel bad about her depression and try to deal with it the best i can , but sometimes it really drags me down. i think will get things started thanks.
Depression , Sertraline and intimacy
- Thread starter hulmule
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newhere2learn
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I'm a guy, but....
My wife is bipolar. Unmedicated for years at a time. When "down" as she is currently, no sex for 2-3 years.
When "up" which will last a day, or up to a week? Sex again.
Meds numbed her, no lows but equally no ups. Intimacy was dead then too.
The weird one was zopiclone (sleeping pill) that they advised her to take with tramadol for chronic pain. Rather than make her sleepy, the zopiclone made her wet, really wet. Tramadol made her horny.
Drugs are just as unpredictable as depression I've found over the last 10 year.
My wife is bipolar. Unmedicated for years at a time. When "down" as she is currently, no sex for 2-3 years.
When "up" which will last a day, or up to a week? Sex again.
Meds numbed her, no lows but equally no ups. Intimacy was dead then too.
The weird one was zopiclone (sleeping pill) that they advised her to take with tramadol for chronic pain. Rather than make her sleepy, the zopiclone made her wet, really wet. Tramadol made her horny.
Drugs are just as unpredictable as depression I've found over the last 10 year.
Jada59
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- Dec 28, 2017
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I've never had depression but I was given antidepressants some years ago for off label stuff. Those things made me FEEL depressed, sick and totally non-functional. I realize that some people do need them. I do have some people in my life who do take them and say they can't live without them but I would try some other approach first. Those meds can certainly kill a sex drive. Had a male friend who had to take them and he told me that was the first thing that went.
As for menopause... I think I am atypical. I can remember my mom going through it. Witch with a B! OMG! Nobody wanted to go near her.
I mainly had wildly unpredictable and heavy periods that at times were so bad, I didn't want to leave the house. I also owned the world's largest collection of black pants.
Once that part was through, I had cold flashes. Yeah. Cold! And I kept thinking that I needed to pee. What can happen is that the tissues in that area will thin and can dry out. I now use a cream from Emerita that is a Phytoestrogen cream. You apply a dime sized amount twice daily to a fatty area of the body. For whatever reason, I don't need it twice daily. That will cause hot flashes. I backed off to once a day. Black Cohosh and Evening Primrose Oil can help too.
If she is suffering from dryness, there are a variety of things that can help. Coconut oil is great! There are various inserts available. I didn't care for those. I don't really have the dryness but for some hair brained reason, I tried some vaginal tightening pills. Let me get you a link.
https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B01ATY6Q9K/ref=oh_aui_search_detailpage?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Now... Getting her to take them would be another matter. Personally, I am normally as horny as hell, but these things magnified that so much, I quit after taking them twice. Thought I might do myself a mischief! They made me super wet too.
Figging is another thing that could help but again, she would have to be willing and it is painful. This is the insertion of peeled fresh ginger. Either in anus or vagina. Leave it in there for 20 minutes and she'll be ready to fuck anything!
That all being said... I think part of the problem is that the depression and the menopause could just plain be making her not feel well. And when women don't feel well, we don't usually want sex.
Sex to me is also very much a mental thing. I can give myself orgasms just from my thoughts. They won't be as strong as with direct stimulation but they're still good. She needs to find a way to get over that mental hurdle or hurdles. Sadly, there's not much you can do there. She has to see the problem and then decide to do something about it.
Some people like to wallow in their depression. Not sure why. If she's like that, there's not much you can do either.
One thing you can try is sending love. Here is one such technique:
https://www.vibrational-alchemy.com/telepathic/intro.htm
There are others. You can do an internet search on that.
There are some other techniques that could help. They fall into the category of Law Of Attraction. Not sure if you are into that stuff or not. If you are interested, you can PM me and I'll send you some links. I'd rather not get into that stuff publicly on this forum only because it is stuff that can be abused if someone is trying to do it for nefarious purposes. I should add that if you want to try this stuff, it is something you do need to study before attempting it.
I can say that you can look up Youtube videos from Dan Radiostyle and Agnes Vivarelli. They are my gurus. They speak of good stuff. And the things they tell you can actually help not only with your relationship but other areas of your life.
So maybe have a look at that stuff and if you are interested, I can send you a link for how to do this other technique.
As for menopause... I think I am atypical. I can remember my mom going through it. Witch with a B! OMG! Nobody wanted to go near her.
I mainly had wildly unpredictable and heavy periods that at times were so bad, I didn't want to leave the house. I also owned the world's largest collection of black pants.
Once that part was through, I had cold flashes. Yeah. Cold! And I kept thinking that I needed to pee. What can happen is that the tissues in that area will thin and can dry out. I now use a cream from Emerita that is a Phytoestrogen cream. You apply a dime sized amount twice daily to a fatty area of the body. For whatever reason, I don't need it twice daily. That will cause hot flashes. I backed off to once a day. Black Cohosh and Evening Primrose Oil can help too.
If she is suffering from dryness, there are a variety of things that can help. Coconut oil is great! There are various inserts available. I didn't care for those. I don't really have the dryness but for some hair brained reason, I tried some vaginal tightening pills. Let me get you a link.
https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B01ATY6Q9K/ref=oh_aui_search_detailpage?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Now... Getting her to take them would be another matter. Personally, I am normally as horny as hell, but these things magnified that so much, I quit after taking them twice. Thought I might do myself a mischief! They made me super wet too.
Figging is another thing that could help but again, she would have to be willing and it is painful. This is the insertion of peeled fresh ginger. Either in anus or vagina. Leave it in there for 20 minutes and she'll be ready to fuck anything!
That all being said... I think part of the problem is that the depression and the menopause could just plain be making her not feel well. And when women don't feel well, we don't usually want sex.
Sex to me is also very much a mental thing. I can give myself orgasms just from my thoughts. They won't be as strong as with direct stimulation but they're still good. She needs to find a way to get over that mental hurdle or hurdles. Sadly, there's not much you can do there. She has to see the problem and then decide to do something about it.
Some people like to wallow in their depression. Not sure why. If she's like that, there's not much you can do either.
One thing you can try is sending love. Here is one such technique:
https://www.vibrational-alchemy.com/telepathic/intro.htm
There are others. You can do an internet search on that.
There are some other techniques that could help. They fall into the category of Law Of Attraction. Not sure if you are into that stuff or not. If you are interested, you can PM me and I'll send you some links. I'd rather not get into that stuff publicly on this forum only because it is stuff that can be abused if someone is trying to do it for nefarious purposes. I should add that if you want to try this stuff, it is something you do need to study before attempting it.
I can say that you can look up Youtube videos from Dan Radiostyle and Agnes Vivarelli. They are my gurus. They speak of good stuff. And the things they tell you can actually help not only with your relationship but other areas of your life.
So maybe have a look at that stuff and if you are interested, I can send you a link for how to do this other technique.
Jada59
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- Dec 28, 2017
- Posts
- 23,941
Does she have someone she can talk to? Someone in my life is bipolar. Not quite the same as depression, I know. She finds that a good therapist can help. She also does various exercises and spiritual stuff to help elevate her mood.
Desiremakesmeweak
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- Jun 7, 2012
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No I don't think this is necessarily in the wrong place...
28 years is still a lot of years in today's world. That must be said.
Today's medicine has become problematic in the sociological sense because it has clearly become too intertwined with politics and the politics of money. And this means there are bound to be disputed claims by the two 'obvious' sides of the modern psychological field - the purely neurological/chemical/mechanistic, and the modern analytical 'theory of mind' side.
...and that leaves no space for ancient traditional paths such as the Vedic or the, what you might say 'Orphic,' perhaps.
And so even the word 'depression' comes to mean a whole range of different things in the hands or perceptions of different people.
However, for me, when you used the word 'defensive' in your explanation, automatically for me this fits into the logical framework of the person themselves having emotional and ego-protective reactions to what someone else says and appears to move towards thinking or saying out loud. And that means we are talking about sensitivities and this 'could' be mediated by chemicals but that might not necessarily remove the underlying LOGICAL basis for some sensitivity whether imagined or externally real or externally real as well as internally 'brain-driven.'
Here's the real problem - what if you are having great sex with someone who is 'depressed...'
What then? Then you are talking about what empathetic requirements you will have forcing you to 'help' the other person maintain a longer term sustained sense of well-being, and not a sustained sense of 'depression.' Then it's about 'love' or empathy and mutual support. Right now, if the other person is depressed or having side-effects that harm you because of medical interventions, then there is no such thing as actual 'mutual' support going on.
Because if the sex is bad AND the other person suffers depression or is being treated chemically so that they are not wildly depressed and suicidal, for example, but have no sex interest IN YOU, then you are talking about someone who has become 'set-minded' and fixed into the so-called 'stasis.' Then YOU suffer. There is no legitimate way out of that, not if you want to maintain the role of the doctors in the picture; and some people take the risk of moving the medical practice out of it... And for some people it works and is possible and for others, maybe not.
On the surface this looks like it would be a whole question anyway, that no one could realistically supply any kind of authentic and functional answer to just via some on-line discussion page.
However I would suggest to you that you ask yourself what is your own 'fantasy' outlook that would be the 'best/most ideal' situation regarding the relationship between you and your wife.
Without that key clear objective firmly in your mind nobody's answer to you will stand any chance of ever really 'succeeding' because they will all be supplying 'answers' to permanent unknowns.
And that effectively means you are the only and the best guide to what the right way forward is. That is to say, FROM YOUR perspective, you are the best guide; and from your wife's perspective her doctor is the 'best' guide because she has already passed away her own right of self-management by assuming that she cannot, does not, and never ever will possess enough of the requisite technical knowledge to treat herself of the condition of 'depression' such as it has been applied to her condition as the official label.
Some people have chemical analyses done of what seems to be going on in their brains and it could be there are 'chemical imbalances' treatable by the ingestion of chemicals in that instance.
But if you are raising simply a standard question of whether or not various modern medicines have problematic side-effects, well, er, it's not a question, you're being hopeful. Of course they have; and some of them will kill you quickly, some slowly, and most will damage you badly no matter what. And if you think doctors care about you in this situation you are worse crazy than... well...
If we all had millions of dollars to spare we could give our partners big spaces with padded fences and whatever their egos were demanding from them.
And there is no pill for insufficient economic decadence, as far as all the academic literature I have seen says.
Wait a minute, there was this University course which guaranteed all passing students they would make a million dollars overnight just by drinking coffees and writing on Literotica; oh, no, wait another minute, correction, there wasn't such a thing after all.
The human race has an unfortunate habit of placing faith and trust in absolute and sheer lunacy and outright bald lies.
You're not alone.
And that's a problem because most people died when the flood came.
28 years is still a lot of years in today's world. That must be said.
Today's medicine has become problematic in the sociological sense because it has clearly become too intertwined with politics and the politics of money. And this means there are bound to be disputed claims by the two 'obvious' sides of the modern psychological field - the purely neurological/chemical/mechanistic, and the modern analytical 'theory of mind' side.
...and that leaves no space for ancient traditional paths such as the Vedic or the, what you might say 'Orphic,' perhaps.
And so even the word 'depression' comes to mean a whole range of different things in the hands or perceptions of different people.
However, for me, when you used the word 'defensive' in your explanation, automatically for me this fits into the logical framework of the person themselves having emotional and ego-protective reactions to what someone else says and appears to move towards thinking or saying out loud. And that means we are talking about sensitivities and this 'could' be mediated by chemicals but that might not necessarily remove the underlying LOGICAL basis for some sensitivity whether imagined or externally real or externally real as well as internally 'brain-driven.'
Here's the real problem - what if you are having great sex with someone who is 'depressed...'
What then? Then you are talking about what empathetic requirements you will have forcing you to 'help' the other person maintain a longer term sustained sense of well-being, and not a sustained sense of 'depression.' Then it's about 'love' or empathy and mutual support. Right now, if the other person is depressed or having side-effects that harm you because of medical interventions, then there is no such thing as actual 'mutual' support going on.
Because if the sex is bad AND the other person suffers depression or is being treated chemically so that they are not wildly depressed and suicidal, for example, but have no sex interest IN YOU, then you are talking about someone who has become 'set-minded' and fixed into the so-called 'stasis.' Then YOU suffer. There is no legitimate way out of that, not if you want to maintain the role of the doctors in the picture; and some people take the risk of moving the medical practice out of it... And for some people it works and is possible and for others, maybe not.
On the surface this looks like it would be a whole question anyway, that no one could realistically supply any kind of authentic and functional answer to just via some on-line discussion page.
However I would suggest to you that you ask yourself what is your own 'fantasy' outlook that would be the 'best/most ideal' situation regarding the relationship between you and your wife.
Without that key clear objective firmly in your mind nobody's answer to you will stand any chance of ever really 'succeeding' because they will all be supplying 'answers' to permanent unknowns.
And that effectively means you are the only and the best guide to what the right way forward is. That is to say, FROM YOUR perspective, you are the best guide; and from your wife's perspective her doctor is the 'best' guide because she has already passed away her own right of self-management by assuming that she cannot, does not, and never ever will possess enough of the requisite technical knowledge to treat herself of the condition of 'depression' such as it has been applied to her condition as the official label.
Some people have chemical analyses done of what seems to be going on in their brains and it could be there are 'chemical imbalances' treatable by the ingestion of chemicals in that instance.
But if you are raising simply a standard question of whether or not various modern medicines have problematic side-effects, well, er, it's not a question, you're being hopeful. Of course they have; and some of them will kill you quickly, some slowly, and most will damage you badly no matter what. And if you think doctors care about you in this situation you are worse crazy than... well...
If we all had millions of dollars to spare we could give our partners big spaces with padded fences and whatever their egos were demanding from them.
And there is no pill for insufficient economic decadence, as far as all the academic literature I have seen says.
Wait a minute, there was this University course which guaranteed all passing students they would make a million dollars overnight just by drinking coffees and writing on Literotica; oh, no, wait another minute, correction, there wasn't such a thing after all.
The human race has an unfortunate habit of placing faith and trust in absolute and sheer lunacy and outright bald lies.
You're not alone.
And that's a problem because most people died when the flood came.
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Desiremakesmeweak- thanks for your input . 28 years wasn't easy. Talked of divorce, but i didnt want to be a quitter . Losing my desire for my wife because the sexual side hasnt been around for a long time. Taken matters into my own hands lol a lot to try and make it thru life. Just would like more, but its hard to justify divorce for that in my mind. what a battle it is, am i being selfish?. So i find a great sex partner but a lousy mother ? .She's been a great person/mother So thats why i stayed. Trying to learn ways to understand her better,wish she would come my way on sex a little. , and ways to figure out my own sexual demons. Next post ?? what to do with my sexual desires? Already one out there "Men who live in sexless marriage .Thanks !
