Demon Spawn

[Calamity Jane]

I swear if I did a DNA test on my 2 year old, it would prove Lucifer is her father.

I put her in her room for a nap the other day. Read the story, gave her her favorite blanket, turned off the light, and put up the baby gate. (Because a few weeks ago she ripped the door off it's hinges.)

A little while later, I check on her, and she's not in her room. But, her window is open, the screen is ripped to shreds, and she's happily playing on the swingset.

I bring her in, nail the window shut, and put her down for her nap.

Not long after that, I hear noises in her room. I go in there, and she's moving her bed so that she can climb onto it and over the gate.

I put the bed back and put non slip pads under it.

She learned to climb the gate.

I can't keep her in a car seat. 5 point restraints have nothing on this child. She slips out, stands up, and waves at the State Patrolman drving behind me. I pull over, swat her, put her back in her seat, tighten the straps, and away we go. 5 minutes later, she's laughing and waving and standing up in the back seat. I'm thinking duct tape as I pull over, put her back, tighten the straps again and drive off. No such luck.

If she had been my first, there never would have been a second baby pagan.

 

[Bob Peale]

Bet the Things don't seem so funny anymore

It does get better. Eventually, they make much more noise during the commission of a crime.

 

[April]

Cargo straps? Plastic tie thingies. You need a knife to get out of those.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Bet the Things don't seem so funny anymore

It does get better. Eventually, they make much more noise during the commission of a crime.

You just wait Bob, boys are easier. Girls are SNEAKY!!! And she's my second, I thought the first one was training. I was soooo wrong.

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[Calamity Jane]

My grandmother nailed leather baby harnesses to the corners of the dining room and strapped my uncles in backwards so they couldn't undo themselves. It used to buy her enough time to go to the bathroom.

Gawd, I so know that feeling. I put Unruly in the high chair today so I could go to the bathroom. It started out against one wall in the kitchen where she can't reach anything. When I came back out, she was on the other side of the kitchen tearing the phone book to pieces. She'd scooted the damn high chair 15 feet in less than a minute.

I'm thinking about super gluing her to the ceiling.

 

[Silverluna]

Goddess above!! Atleast you try and keep your little monster in the car seat....My cousin lets her little brat do whatever the fuck he wants....I swear , when she takes him out to dinner she must drug him....

 

[kiwiwolf]

Girls are fun aren't they... I've got three. I am terrified of when they get to the age when boys become interesting.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Goddess above!! Atleast you try and keep your little monster in the car seat....My cousin lets her little brat do whatever the fuck he wants....I swear , when she takes him out to dinner she must drug him....

Mine are pretty good in public. As long as there are snacks involved, they're pretty peaceful. Unfortunately, I can't afford to feed them 24 hours a day. I think bedtime will be brought to you by Benedryl and Chamomile tea tonight.

 

[Silverluna]

hehe....*giggles* thanks PCG you've managed to make me smile for the first time all day...

 

[Calamity Jane]

hehe....*giggles* thanks PCG you've managed to make me smile for the first time all day...

Wanna be my nanny? I promise you'll laugh all day long. Maniacal, scary laughter, but laughter nonetheless.

 

[bluntforcemama]

Houdini!

 

[Calamity Jane]

So, yesterday, naptime.

She's quietly playing in her room, not acting like she's going to sleep anytime soon, but quiet is a good second option.

I take my iced tea and my cigarettes and go sit on the front porch. There's a nice cool breeze, and I'm anticipating an hour of relative quiet...

2 seconds later:

CRASH!!!!

I run into Unruly's bedroom, and she has dismantled her bed. The mattress is on the floor, the railings (which were actually bolted to the bed) are laying on top the mattress, and the television is dangling precariously from its shelf.

How old do they have to be to go to military school?

 

[lovetoread]

I think my kids have the same father.

Demon spawn is what I call mine,as the Devil was their father.

 

[WickedAsianBabe]

Maybe its because they're girls! My sister has the same problem. Her dd used to vault over the playpen. Sis would put things on top of the entertainment unit and the kid would use the shelves as a ladder to get to the top! Friends came over with their kids and a portable playpen, my niece taught the kids that they could vault out of the damn thing!