Democracy's okay, but why the balloon animal hats?

[shereads]

Who has Tums? Valium?

How I wish I could share with our friends from other nations, the tremulous excitement of the approaching Democratic and Republican Conventions. The moment is so close, I've already begun to feel the first wave of nausea.

Or is it pride?

Yes, that must be it. Every four years, our hearts and other internal organs swell with pride as we witness the spectacle of Democracy In Action. Granted, the conventions resemble nothing so much as a Vegas boondoggle attended by the Corn Likker Manufacturers Association, with some confusion caused by a scheduling error at the convention hall which causes Clowns, Anonymous and the Nevada Whorehouse Workers Union to crash the CLMA's buffet and force the attendees to wear balloon animal hats.

But if that isn't representative of democracy, what is?

I don't mean to imply that it's all frivolity, funny hats and confetti. There are also speeches, and every other decade or so some war protesters try to embarrass the host city and have to be beaten up. But for the most part, it's all good fun.

All in all, the conventions are an appropriate climax to the nominating process that began with the seriousness of the pancake breakfasts.

The good news is, when next week's Democratic convention is over, there is still the Republican convention to look forward to.

Kill me.

 

[Guest]

Scumbag.

 

[shereads]

Scumbag.

You're sexy when you're hungover like this.

 

[minsue]

Ya know what helps? Porn. Go, dear voter. Read some porn and suffer no more.

 

[shereads]

Ya know what helps? Porn. Go, dear voter. Read some porn and suffer no more.

Porn helps some, yes. But when I'm reading a dirty story and the dog turns on the TV in the other room, I sometimes get an unsettling glimpse of masterful Lord Ravensomeone wearing a flag lapel pin and wielding a red, white & blue flogger, and my evening just goes all to hell.

You see my dilemma, right? It's the dog. She loves the #$@! conventions.

 

[minsue]

Porn helps some, yes. But when I'm reading a dirty story and the dog turns on the TV in the other room, I sometimes get an unsettling glimpse of masterful Lord Ravensomeone wearing a flag lapel pin and wielding a red, white & blue flogger, and my evening just goes all to hell.

You see my dilemma, right? It's the dog. She loves the #$@! conventions.

ROFLMAO


Sorry. I can't even fathom a response to that. Laughing to damned hard.

 

[shereads]

I hate the conventions.

Except tonight.

Tonight is "Bill & Hil Night."

Literacy! Yowsa!

 

[shereads]

With two guys named John on the ticket, these people have no marketing savvy whatsover if they miss the opportunity for a tearful "Salute To John-John."

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

We have a section of Hell where politicians are forced to watch never-ending coverage of conventions complete with political advertisements. The amount of souls attempting an Oedipus in that section are staggering.

 

[shereads]

We have a section of Hell where politicians are forced to watch never-ending coverage of conventions complete with political advertisements. The amount of souls attempting an Oedipus in that section are staggering.

John-John isn't there, is he?

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

John-John isn't there, is he?

Nah, he's a random spirit walking the world that eats "Dead Kennedys" CDs out of record shops to sustain his ectoplasm.

 

[Guest]

Who gives the shit about you, anyways! (plural)

 

[shereads]

Who gives the shit about you, anyways! (plural)

I can't resist a man whose liver is in an advanced state of decay.

I think I love you.

 

[SeaCat]

Porn helps some, yes. But when I'm reading a dirty story and the dog turns on the TV in the other room, I sometimes get an unsettling glimpse of masterful Lord Ravensomeone wearing a flag lapel pin and wielding a red, white & blue flogger, and my evening just goes all to hell.

You see my dilemma, right? It's the dog. She loves the #$@! conventions.

So have the dog run for president. She can't be worse than some we've had in the Oval Office.

Cat

 

[shereads]

She's underage, SeaCat.

Damn, I miss Bill Clinton.

 

[shereads]

Elvis? Or America's first Black president?

Elvis Has Reentered the Building

By Mark Stencel
Washington Post Staff Writer
Tuesday, July 27, 2004; 10:26 AM

BOSTON, July 27 -- The plan was to focus on the positive, but Democrats kicked off their national convention to nominate John F. Kerry for president Monday night with a series of harsh critiques of President Bush by some of the party's most prominent leaders.

The night's star speaker at the FleetCenter was former president Bill Clinton, whom Washington Post television critic Tom Shales said was greeted by the party faithful here like "a veritable combination of Elvis, the Beatles, James Brown and Bruce Springsteen put together."

Political correspondent Dan Balz said Clinton and the other Democratic luminaries who spoke -- including former president Jimmy Carter, former vice president Al Gore and Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (N.Y.) -- "sent a jolt of energy through Boston's FleetCenter that got the convention off on the high note that organizers had hoped for."

"Clinton staunchly defended the Massachusetts senator, saying that when young men such as himself, Bush and Vice President Cheney found ways to avoid going to Vietnam, Kerry volunteered for service there," Balz reported. "And he mocked Bush and the GOP for suggesting that Kerry and his running mate, Sen. John Edwards (N.C.), would be soft on terrorism. 'Strength and wisdom are not conflicting values,' he said. 'They go hand in hand.' "

According to an analysis by staff writer -- and Clinton biographer -- John F. Harris, the speeches by the Clintons and Gore "presented cause for anxiety among Kerry operatives. Kerry did not want his convention to be overshadowed by sour grapes from Gore, by Bill Clinton's more flamboyant personality, or by speculation about Hillary Clinton's possible future as a presidential candidate. These were the reasons they spoke on Monday, three days before Kerry's acceptance speech.

"When the night was over," Harris wrote, "it seemed that Kerry's team had little reason for concern. All three mixed the case for their own records with vigorous endorsements of the nominee's record and values."


'The Teresa Heinz Kerry Fan Club'


Before Monday night's speeches, the big story in Boston, such as it was, was Teresa Heinz Kerry telling a conservative Pittsburgh newspaper editorial writer to "shove it." For women attending a convention caucus luncheon Monday, Sunday's remark by Kerry's wife "was just the sort of thing most politicians wish they could say to pesky reporters, and just the reason that Heinz Kerry is such a fresh breath of air amid the stale on-message speechifying by most politicians," staff writer Evelyn Nieves reported. "They were also annoyed at the media for harping on the exchange. . . .

"But somewhere, Democratic Party strategists were biting their fingernails, wondering not for the first time whether Heinz Kerry's popular candor can sometimes prove as much of a distraction to the ticket as an attraction," Nieves wrote. "Heinz Kerry's remarks looped all day on the cable news channels, and were Topic A of every pre-scheduled interview she gave to the major networks, which will air Tuesday on the morning shows."

The Keynote


Tuesday night's speeches include the convention's keynote address by Barack Obama, a dynamic but little-known liberal state senator and U.S. Senate candidate from Illinois. If elected in November, he would be the only African American in the Senate -- and just the third since Reconstruction.


The Media


As Post editorial cartoonist Tom Toles observed, the press is as much the story here as the partisans, which has kept media reporter Howard Kurtz very busy.

Tuesday's Post includes articles by Kurtz on the GOP's 30-person media spin team in Boston and on untraditional media outlets -- such as Comedy Central, MTV, ESPN, BET and even World Wrestling Entertainment, who "have rushed to fill the vacuum" left by the lack of TV coverage by Big Three networks.





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