Defining service oriented submission

[CutieMouse]

(The brain hamsters are a bit bored this evening, which means they're creating things to think about...)


When someone says they are a "service oriented" submissive, what impression does that make upon you, or how do you define that phrase in your own mind?

 

[Daddyslilpet]

To me this involves non-sexual duties that the submissive does for the Dominant, such as cleaning, cooking, errands and the like.

 

[BeachGurl2]

I think many people seem to view service as being slave-like - acting as maid for the household. Not my idea of being submissive, but if it works for them, go for it. That's not how I truly see service oriented submission. I don't really think of it as simply doing the chores. I see it much the way I described it in RJ's poll thread. Sure, it often involves doing the daily chores as well, but that's not even close to the center of it, in my mind. Making those around me happy, nurturing them, loving them, taking care of them, that's what I see as service.

I operate in a 'giving' kind of mode 24/7. Everyday, I ask my daughter, "what do you want for dinner." If she wants something that I can obtain for her - buy or fix myself - then that's what we have. If I am shopping and I see something that I know an SO would like, then I buy it for him. Whatever I do throughout the day always is done with someone else in mind. I've tried to stop sometimes and think about what I would rather be doing instead and often can't come up with something.

I have to be very careful in relationships because I tend to 'disappear' in a way. No, my personality doesn't change, but I tend to compromise a lot of what I want or prefer for those around me. I love mushrooms, he hates mushrooms, I don't cook with them, kinds of things. Sounds simple when I say it out loud, and a bit silly even, but that's what I do. I don't even do it consciously. It just happens. So I have to pay attention to the things I begin giving up in favor of someone else and try to keep myself from doing that too often.

 

[JMohegan]

When someone says they are a "service oriented" submissive, what impression does that make upon you, or how do you define that phrase in your own mind?

Ebonyfire had a great line recently. She wrote:

My goal is not to play games, but to get a cup of coffee the way I like it.

https://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=18495011&postcount=8

If all I know about a person is that they call themselves a "service oriented submissive", I would assume that they are, or would like to be, in service to a Dom/me like her.

There are many different kinds of D/s relationships. The service oriented submissives whom I have known over the years have often not been interested in combining love & romance with their D/s, and occasionally not interested in combining SM play and/or sexual contact with their D/s either.

If someone says, "I am in service to Joe", I assume something very different about the relationship than if she had said, "My boyfriend is a Dom".

I see it much the way I described it in RJ's poll thread.

I see this as something very different from what is being discussed in RJ's thread. Looking again at Ebonyfire's post, referenced above, she wrote:

I am a service dominant, and my subs/slaves are service oriented. I teach them to do things the way I want.

For example, My slave serves me coffee, and he has to put the correct amount of milk and sugar in it. If he makes a mistake I correct him. I do that once. If I have to do it again (which btw, does not happen) I might decide to whack him one and tell him to do it again. Or I might just tell him to do it again, and again until it is perfect.

That is the type of thing I think of when someone refers to themselves as a "service oriented submissive", or says that they are "in service" to a particular Dom/me.

 

[BeachGurl2]

If all I know about a person is that they call themselves a "service oriented submissive", I would assume that they are, or would like to be, in service to a Dom/me like her.

I think that you're right, most people view it that way. For me, that was the bottom line difference between a slave and a submissive. At least in my mind. However, I do perform service, out of a desire to please. Mine just extends beyond what I call the 'slave' aspect. In fact, if someone were to whack me because I didn't get the cream and sugar just right in his coffee, I'd probably whack him back. So if that's the case, then maybe I need to change my view of what I see as service.

As I was writing this, it made me think about a quote that Furry had on another thread, and I can't for the life of me remember which one right now. Where she said something about being asked - have you been a bad girl and do you need some spankings? and her reply was something like, hell no, i haven't been a bad girl but you can give me some spankings. Furry, I know that quote was waaay off of what you actually said, but that's the gist of it. For me, too.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I think many people seem to view service as being slave-like - acting as maid for the household.

Which is usually called a wife in a vanilla household, lol.

That is a very broad statement. We are talking about consentual slavery. It is a whole different kettle of fish.

 

[Ebonyfire]

To me this involves non-sexual duties that the submissive does for the Dominant, such as cleaning, cooking, errands and the like.

Piggybacking...

But it could also involve sex. Sex is just another service.

Eb

 

[BeachGurl2]

Which is usually called a wife in a vanilla household, lol.

That is a very broad statement. We are talking about consentual slavery. It is a whole different kettle of fish.

Oh, no. I didn't mean it the way I think you took it. And I define myself as submissive but not a slave, because a slave is not what I want to be. However, I respect those who choose that life. In fact, a very good friend of mine is slave to her husband/Dom. And she loves her life very much. I was being simplistic in my definition because I believe that is how many people do define service. But I also explained that I believe there are degrees to that as well. I think if you read the remainder of what I posted, you would understand more about my view of service versus what I see as the simplistic generalized view.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Piggybacking...

Sex is just another service. Sex is just one of many aspects or the type of service a slave can render. For instance, if a slave is an accountant, he may do taxes for the dominant. If he or she is an financial analyst, computer guru, plumber, the list can go on and on.

If he is a handyman, lol. All it takes is a little creativity.

Also, most men these days know how to cook, I have been approached by chefs, who want to be in service to Me.

To those of you new to this forum, there is an article I have had posted here back in the day, and explains about service and how many submissives have a need to be used and to be useful to their dominant.

The article is What Slaves Need by David Stein. Read it if you have an interes about what service is all about.

Eb

 

[Ebonyfire]

Oh, no. I didn't mean it the way I think you took it. And I define myself as submissive but not a slave, because a slave is not what I want to be. However, I respect those who choose that life. In fact, a very good friend of mine is slave to her husband/Dom. And she loves her life very much. I was being simplistic in my definition because I believe that is how many people do define service. But I also explained that I believe there are degrees to that as well. I think if you read the remainder of what I posted, you would understand more about my view of service versus what I see as the simplistic generalized view.

I did not assign any negativity to what you said in my reply. Honest. I was responding the way I do. Do not get defensive please. There is no need cause no one is attacking or flaming you.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Ebonyfire had a great line recently. She wrote:

https://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=18495011&postcount=8

If all I know about a person is that they call themselves a "service oriented submissive", I would assume that they are, or would like to be, in service to a Dom/me like her.

There are many different kinds of D/s relationships. The service oriented submissives whom I have known over the years have often not been interested in combining love & romance with their D/s, and occasionally not interested in combining SM play and/or sexual contact with their D/s either.

If someone says, "I am in service to Joe", I assume something very different about the relationship than if she had said, "My boyfriend is a Dom".

I see this as something very different from what is being discussed in RJ's thread. Looking again at Ebonyfire's post, referenced above, she wrote:

That is the type of thing I think of when someone refers to themselves as a "service oriented submissive", or says that they are "in service" to a particular Dom/me.

However I must add that women submissives look at servce much differently than men do. Maybe because it falls within the "normal female role" that is often assigned to them by society.

I cannot tell you how many times I have read on this very forum something like this:

"I don't do my own dishes, so why would I do yours?".

It exhausts me to read how heated this discussion gets.

Eb

 

[Ebonyfire]

In service

See to me, that is just wording. When I talk about slave, I say I own him. I am his Dominant and he is my slave.

Slavery is just another form of submission in my book. Some submissives just do not want to go "that deep" into submission, and that is fine.

I like to simplify it this way: all slaves are submissives, but not all submissives are slaves. It just makes it easier. How deeply the slave goes is a personal matter between the slave and dominant. It is almost impossible for anyone outside of the relationship to understand.

Understand this my opinon and how I see things within the context of my own world. YMMV.

Eb

 

[CutieMouse]

I like to simplify it this way: all slaves are submissives, but not all submissives are slaves. It just makes it easier. How deeply the slave goes is a personal matter between the slave and dominant. It is almost impossible for anyone outside of the relationship to understand.

I like your simplification, Eb.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I like your simplification, Eb.

At your service!

 

[BeachGurl2]

I did not assign any negativity to what you said in my reply. Honest. I was responding the way I do. Do not get defensive please. There is no need cause no one is attacking or flaming you.

I wasn't getting defensive at all. I just felt that you may have misunderstood what I had said, is all. Just clarifying. It's all good.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Piggybacking...

But it could also involve sex. Sex is just another service.

Eb

Have to agree Eb....if both enjoy it great, but more importantly it is done for the Dom/me´s enjoyment on whatever level works for them. That is how I see service orientation, doing what is required to please or ease the one in charge in whatever way they specify, and not with thought as to whether it pleases the sub.


Catalina

 

[Ebonyfire]

Have to agree Eb....if both enjoy it great, but more importantly it is done for the Dom/me´s enjoyment on whatever level works for them. That is how I see service orientation, doing what is required to please or ease the one in charge in whatever way they specify, and not with thought as to whether it pleases the sub.


Catalina

I perceive service as a subject that can be as broad or as narrow as the involved parties care to make it. Relationships take the form that meet the needs of the interested parties.

Eb

 

[JMohegan]

To those of you new to this forum, there is an article I have had posted here back in the day, and explains about service and how many submissives have a need to be used and to be useful to their dominant.

The article is What Slaves Need by David Stein. Read it if you have an interes about what service is all about.

Eb

Thanks, Eb. Easy to find with google, and an interesting piece. An excerpt:

"Ideally, what slaves need - whether they're aware of wanting it or not! - is clear direction, firm goals, consistent rules, unambiguous orders."

Found here.

However I must add that women submissives look at servce much differently than men do. Maybe because it falls within the "normal female role" that is often assigned to them by society.

I cannot tell you how many times I have read on this very forum something like this:

"I don't do my own dishes, so why would I do yours?".

Good god. I am sitting here contemplating how I would respond to such a question. I suppose that the answer, "To please me, of course" hits closest to the mark.

I believe there is an important distinction between the need addressed by Stein, and the need to please a partner. Both are present in varying degrees in most submissives, but mine have all possessed the latter much more so than the first.

 

[babiesmiles]

I am not a service oriented submissive so I can’t add too much .

That is for two reasons , first one I am not good at house errands , I really don’t do them even in my own house cause I work all day ( sometimes even more ) and luckily I have someone else who takes care of my house . In second place I am in a LDR so the few times Master and me are together “ services “ ( in the meaning of not sexual ones ) are the last thing we think about .

However I must add when Master and me met last time few months ago , I was still having problems with my leg ( and still will have till my next surgery ) which affects my freedom of walking and I just had a real bad relapse while being with him.

I found myself in a very critical situation as I was far from home and far from my doctors and stuffs , so notwithstanding he is the Master in every bit of our relation and he could claim me doing all sorta things to please him it ended up he kinda “serving “ me ( as he said all time laughing and taking joke of me) .

He brought me breakfast in bed , he helped me in everything daily like dressing and having showers , he brought me to the beach cause I needed swimming , he cooked for me cause at that time I couldn’t even stand in front the cooker without falling , he took care of me in every single way till I was able to come back home

What I could do pretty well was lie in bed and “act” in there and must say I found the way to make him more than happy in that situation .

He didn’t feel even for a minute he was being ..let say “ less Dominant “ doing that for me cause I had to follow his instructions in everything and he “ordered “me to allow him to take care of me in everything .

He said he would have been a very poor hearted Master not doing it for his “most precious belonging “.

I guess next time we will meet ( after I will have had back the full use of my walking skills ) he will ask me the whole with interests . But I can’t wait for it !!!! Really !

I apologize if I went off topic but I liked to share that !

 

[Etoile]

I am service-oriented by nature, but that's not really what my relationships are like. I am happy with them anyway. For me, service-oriented means that my goal is to make my partner's life easier and more pleasant. As Ebonyfire said, sexual service is part of it, but not the whole thing...that's the "more pleasant" part I guess. The "easier" part is that I automatically jump up to turn off the hall light if it's been left on, even if I'm snuggly in bed, or pumping the gas even if I'm not driving and it's not my car. Those are the little things I do every day that make me feel like I'm performing a service, and that's what makes me feel satisfied.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I believe there is an important distinction between the need addressed by Stein, and the need to please a partner. Both are present in varying degrees in most submissives, but mine have all possessed the latter much more so than the first.

See you have just made my point for me.

That is why I mentioned the differences between men and women submissives. Because I do not perceive a diiference yet you do. The only time that argument comes up about a partner being different, is when you have male Dom Femsub.

Even though the article comes from the leather community, it has always held true in mine regardless if the submissive is a partner or not.

Why? because I only accept submissives or slaves who are walking with me, not against me in the lifestyle.

Eb

 

[Ebonyfire]

I am service-oriented by nature, but that's not really what my relationships are like. I am happy with them anyway. For me, service-oriented means that my goal is to make my partner's life easier and more pleasant. As Ebonyfire said, sexual service is part of it, but not the whole thing...that's the "more pleasant" part I guess. The "easier" part is that I automatically jump up to turn off the hall light if it's been left on, even if I'm snuggly in bed, or pumping the gas even if I'm not driving and it's not my car. Those are the little things I do every day that make me feel like I'm performing a service, and that's what makes me feel satisfied.

Thanks Etoile. You showed us even more ways service can be interpreted.

 

[Ebonyfire]

While I am at it, Etoile brought out that she is service oriented by nature.


What if your submissive or slave is not service oriented by nature?

That is when training, rituals, and other forms of directing the sub/slave comes into play.

If I have a submissive who does not cook well, I teach him to cook. I set goals for his behavior. Such as teaching him to make a healthy breakfast for himself and or me if I am there (since we live apart at this time). If I want him to cook certain things, I teach him how to make them to my standards. Since I used to be a corporate trainer, it is not hard for me to train a sub/slave over time.

It also enhances the submissive skill set which wiil increase his value.

If I want pedicures, I teach him to do them to my standards.

Eb

 

[DemoonKatjie]

Service

Ebony has made some really good points, i especially like the one that with service, sex is pretty much a bonus (my words not hers...)

i am a slave for my master. for me serving him -the man that i love- is a gift... as with Etoile, i am also service oriented by nature, i know this becuase when my master tells me to do something, i jump without question... i cook for him, clean for him and otherwise take care of the house for him.

when he chains me to the bed or just takes me to bed with him i know i've done well and that hes happy with me.

Service to me is something that you do for someone becuase you respect them and/or love them. its showing them that your care about them and that your willing todo for them. maybe this is just the way i show my love for my master, but i do know that its also just the way i am, i cant stop answering his commands, nor could i possibly ever hit him back in responce to his smacking my rearend with out a grin on my face so he knows i'm playing.

i think that the problem with defining "what is service by a sub or slave", is that, just like with everything else, this is something that is defined by who we are and how our hearts and minds work. we may be able to agree on certain points, but in the end, what is service to me, is going to different to what service is to another.

(i hope i got my thoughts out clearly lol i'm not used to writing in this style... oh and i'd like to say ''sorry'' for all of my spelling errors! )

 

[WolfShadow73]

(The brain hamsters are a bit bored this evening, which means they're creating things to think about...)


When someone says they are a "service oriented" submissive, what impression does that make upon you, or how do you define that phrase in your own mind?

For me it means I have an overwhealming need to be needed...to be useful....to be relied on....to be helpful....

I feel fulfilled when I am doing for someone....looking after someone....be it a boss, a lover....whatever....

I get that partly in my career - my last few roles have been PA roles, taking care of all the details of my boss' worklife from making sure he has the right reports to anticipating when he needs another cup of coffee (and providing said coffee).

I also tend to take this role naturally in relationships, be they platonic or otherwise.

I feel very insecure and anxious if I have no one in my life to fuss over. Im just wired to look after people's needs.

Sex is totally irrelevant to the dynamic, for me.