Decrease A Man's Sex Drive...

[usa_2005]

Hello all, I've been lurking around here and reading for a while. This seems to be a really good board, with some very helpfull people. So on to my problem.

I have been married for a few years now, about a year ago my wife had some physical problems that required surgery (partial hystorectomy). After this her sex drive really went through the floor. She says she still has the desire, it just doesn't show up very often.

Now on to me, I still have the desire, very much so. I would just consider myself an average man, want it quite often. But because of the difference in drives it has become a point of tension in our relationship. I don't want this to happen, I love her more than anything, and I would consider everything else in our relationship almost perfect. She has been to doctors try to find ways to increase her drive to no avail. So the question comes, is there anything I can do to Decrease my drive? Any herbal meds, prescribed meds, anything really...??

Thanks

 

[M's girl]

...... is there anything I can do to Decrease my drive? Any herbal meds, prescribed meds, anything really...??

Thanks

Wow! That's a first, well for me it is... a man who wants to decrease his sex drive. I find the reason very sweet but I'm not sure if you should want to do that. Your sex drive comes from your body and mind and is (well, in most cases) a healthy thing. The only thing you could do of course is to stay away from all sorts of stimuli, but I guess that would sweep you right off this board as well. And we don't want that!

Different sex drives is very often a problem between couples. It's something you have to work on together and maybe even nogociate together. My sex drive is very high at this moment but it has been very low also at one point. There are certain things you can do to rise the level but I think lowering it is harder to do. There is no switch to turn off those feelings. Do you get the chance to masturbate? No harm in that is there? And then find ways to make sex more appealing for your wife again?

 

[bisexplicit]

I agree with M's girl. Hopefully, masturbation shouldn't be an issue with your wife considering the circumstances (some people do get touchy about that issue in a relationship, though). That should help you to relieve the tension and not create such strain over how often you two have sex.

 

[usa_2005]

I agree with M's girl. Hopefully, masturbation shouldn't be an issue with your wife considering the circumstances (some people do get touchy about that issue in a relationship, though). That should help you to relieve the tension and not create such strain over how often you two have sex.

Yes, I do get the opportunity, and do take advantage. The problem is, it does satisfy my on a physical level, but nothing more. All in all, the fantasy's running through my mind during masterbation, just lead me to think about completing them with my wife even more.

Yes, I know this is a rather un-common question, but a serious one. I really don't want something like this cause a problem in our relationship.

 

[Guest]

 

[usa_2005]

usa_2005.....I have never heard this question asked by a guy before either, and I would venture to guess that the contents of this site don't help you in that regard. I'm at a loss for words....which doesn't happen very often.

Bi....masturbation IS a touchy subject

Well.....this site is a double edged sword. There are helpfull threads, and then threads that get the juices flowing and don't help much....LOL

Unfortunatly there doesn't seem to be much info on this subject anywhere. I've spent countless hours searching google....etc.

I guess for me its a question of what I want more. I my heart and mind I would rather have a great and healthy relationship, than sex every day. If I could have both that would be the ideal, but I can't. The problem is, sometimes my dick tries to take over from my heart and mind.

I'm not looking for something to completly get rid of my drive, just take it down a couple of notches. So it won't be an issue that I have to wrestle with as often.

Hope this makes sense.

 

[LadyJeanne]

Hmm, if you haven't done so already, I'd suggest the two of you make an appointment with your wife's doctor. If this is a common side-effect of hysterectomies, maybe there is something the doctor can recommend to help increase her level of desire. Assuming you're already doing little things like frequently telling her how sexy she is and helping her know that she is still desirable to you (sometimes the psychology of that kind of surgery makes women feel undesirable, unsexy, less of a woman), there may be some kind of hormone therapy that can help.

Good luck to you both.

 

[TBKahuna123]

While my wife hasn't had a hysterectomy, she suffers from PCOS which has similar effects on a woman's hormonal balance. She recently started taking progesterone and WOW! Now, over the years her sex drive has fallen, and eventually mine fell as well to follow suit and keep me sane. Once she started taking this though it was open season! Now I'm fighting to keep up with her!

I won't promise this is the answer, but I think LadyJeanne is right, go see her doctor. And don't be afraid to ask these questions, doctors do worry about these kind of issues and do have ways to help. At the very least I can say that I applaud you for trying to take such a selfless approach as asking how to decrease your libido. Most men would try to find ways to increase their wife's drive to match theirs. That's a sign of a strong, selfless, loving relationship, something that is all too rare these days.

 

[human_male]

Watch a lot of porn, it takes the edge off.

 

[cybercoition]

Have similar problem

USA,

My wife over the years has had bi-lateral masectomies, and a total hysterectomy. While she is on hormone treatment, her sex drive has really dropped. She knows I have a higher level of sexual drive then her. So I masturbate on a regular basis. This relives my needs and removes any frustrations. She is happy I am not looking elsewhere. And she knows I am eagerly available when she does desire sexual fulfillment. She knows that I masturbate and is not interested in watching.

So this works nice for us. May not work for anyone else. And this is after medical consultations with her doctor. Of course there is always a cold shower!!!! I guess.

 

[karndav]

If your wife had a partial hysterectomy i am asuuming they left her ovaries. This is what I had. It did not decrease my sex drive in fact my sex drive increased because there was no chance of pregancy and i felt so much better after my hysterectomy. I wonnder if your wife is feeling depressed after her hysterectomy. Alot of women feel a very real sense of loss of womanhood, the loss of never baring children again. She nay not feel like a true woman in your eyes. You would not believe how many ignorant people said things to me like that, or asked things like "can you still have orgasms" ? Talk to her about her feelings and maybe have her talk to her Dr. these are things my Dr. talked to me about before we went ahead with my surgery.

 

[Tentacles]

Potasium Nitrate (yes oxidizer used in gunpower) is known to lower sex drive, the army used it durring WW I and maby WWII.... YMMV

 

[Pyro Paul]

Potasium Nitrate (yes oxidizer used in gunpower) is known to lower sex drive, the army used it durring WW I and maby WWII.... YMMV

um what?

Potassium nitrate is a highly toxic chemical which can cause liver problems, kidney problems, blood disorders, aminsiea, heart problems, breathing problems, lung deteriation, and in extreams; death.

there was No factual proof that potassium nitrate did any such effect on the limbido or on any one for any thing other than slowly kill them. back when it was administered it was belived that it Did do something and had no side effects. but then again, this is from a time when we belived the best way to cure a bullet wound was to hack the limb off.

 

[Pyro Paul]

unfortunatly there is little legal way to reduce your own sexual drive. and even so, a Males Sexual drive is generaly their life, when a males sexual drive starts to taper off that is proof that there is something medicaly wrong with them. usualy of a serious nature.

there is next to no way to lower your own sexual drive other than cutting out your prostate and testicals or taking huge amounts of illegal narcotics or steroids which effectively do the same thing stated above.

 

[jitb]

Look for meds and/or herbs that will reduce DHT (Dihydrotestosterone). Saw Palmetto is a common herb. Look into Prostate and baldness cures. Testosterone is the catalyst for sex drive, however many people believe that really DHT (what Testosterone can convert into) is the real driver.

I'm a steriod using body builder. Having tried just about every popular steriod out there, I can tell you that 2- winny and masterone will send your sex drive way into overdrive. Both are deriviates of DHT. These 2 steroids in low doses had a much greater impact on my sex drive than a gram of test a week (100mg is considered a replacement dose).

A warning- Lowing of DHT levels will also indirectly impact your sex drive and not in a healthy way. DHT is made from free (unbound) testosterone. By lowing DHT, you have more unbound testosterone floating about. Estrogen is also made by free testosterone. Lowing DHT levels will raise estrogen levels in a male. This can lead to increased weight gain and increased breast tisue. This happens in older males and can be prevented (lowering DHT has nothing to do with this cure) by taking certain breast cancer drugs. IMO, every male over the age of 40 should be on a low dose of one of the breast cancer drugs. This will keep his estrogen low (stopping the middle aged belly and increased breast size), keep his muscle mass up (increasing metabolism) and also keep his sex drive humming right along.

 

[SweetErika]

I think you've received a lot of great advice so far. As others have said, it's refreshing to hear your perspective, but the answer probably doesn't lie in cutting your drive. I'd even seek out another medical opinion, but perhaps the doctors can't do anything because her hormones are fine and it's psychological? If so, have you considered counseling or even finding some other women who have had a low libido following this procedure and come through it?

Are you guys doing things to try and spark her libido? Did she used to masturbate? What about reading stories and maybe even interacting on these boards? Thinking and talking about sex, even in this kind of informative way brought it back for me.

Another idea is to think about what you miss, and work on doing little things to fulfill those needs. For example, my husband missed the intimacy of sex (we did other stuff for the physical aspect), so I made an effort to be more intimate in other ways and try sex even when I didn't feel like it. If you miss fulfilling fantasies, perhaps you two could try to satisfy an element, like maybe she would be willing to read a first-person story or participate in masturbation in some way. We also tried some new things, like toys. It wasn't a miracle cure, but I think connecting back to the excitement I used to feel and kind of starting a new chapter of our sex life at the same time helped a lot.

 

[Tentacles]

AWE come on, WWII tech is great, im sure its not THAT bad for you, and besides if that does not work go straight to radation...


ABOMB baby

 

[morphio]

Stress is almost always guaranteed to kill it...

Or sometimes overtraining (in a sports sense) will sometimes kill it off. But this isn't reliable - sometimes training will make it worse

 

[Xenolan]

I have a similar problem, a wife whose sex drive is near zero in large part due to medical problems. My current solution is to spend a lot of quality time with Lefty.

However, there was a time when I was on Zoloft for unrelated reasons, and I found that it had a marked effect on my drive. Zoloft is only available by prescription and is usually prescribed for depression, but you could probably convince a doctor that you are depressed because you aren't getting any (it might even be true).

The trouble I had with that personally is that while it put a stopper in the physical need (and ability), I still had a powerful urge for simply holding and touching my wife, and at the time she wasn't much into that either. Hopefully yours is more understanding.

 

[usa_2005]

Thanks for all the great advice. Many have suggested talking to doctors, which we have done....weeks of tests...etc...etc. All of which has so far hasn't helped at all. While she is all for trying to figure things out, and try to get herself hormonally back on track. I'm just looking for something that will help take the edge off for a while until hopefully things change.

In any case, I thank you all for taking the time to reply.

In the mean time.....I'm limiting my time lurking in some sections of Lit....LOL

 

[Pyro Paul]

you know what would kill your sex drive quickly and near perminatantly?

A swift Kick to the knickers.

make that Repetated swift kicks to the knickers.

not only will you not want to have sex, but make it rather hard to when you are so sore you cant even stand!

well you Wanted Effective answers Didnt you!?!

 

[M's girl]

you know what would kill your sex drive quickly and near perminatantly?

A swift Kick to the knickers.

make that Repetated swift kicks to the knickers.

not only will you not want to have sex, but make it rather hard to when you are so sore you cant even stand!

well you Wanted Effective answers Didnt you!?!

Careful now with your advice... !
(Just kidding but..) M and I just started a thread in the BDSM forum (and we don't consider ourselves to be too much into BDSM per se) on spanking... balls that is! I can assure you it can work the other way as well!

Sorry....

 

[jitb]

Thanks for all the great advice. Many have suggested talking to doctors, which we have done....weeks of tests...etc...etc. All of which has so far hasn't helped at all. While she is all for trying to figure things out, and try to get herself hormonally back on track. I'm just looking for something that will help take the edge off for a while until hopefully things change.

In any case, I thank you all for taking the time to reply.

In the mean time.....I'm limiting my time lurking in some sections of Lit....LOL

If you are taking the doctor route with her find one that will prescribe Testosterone cream for her. This will work- trust me, I know what I'm talking about. If by chance you live in Canada, you can actually get her an injectable. This will increase her sex drive. Let me repeat- this will increase her sex drive. How much is dose dependant.

 

[alias x]

Maybe this suggestion is obvious, but perhaps consult a sex therapist and ask them this question?

 

[jitb]

Maybe this suggestion is obvious, but perhaps consult a sex therapist and ask them this question?

Trouble is- everyone thinks that this should be the answer!

I'm sick of this answer and others like it- try romancing her, talk to her, she says she wants sex more but doesn't know what's wrong with her. Blah, blah, blah!

Sex drive is hormonal. How much you want sex is also hormonal. Go to a doctor and get your hormone levels checked. Wanting sex is not usually mental. Wanting sex is something designed into our bodies so we can carry on the species.

Don't believe me? Why do women sexually peak in their 30s and men peak before they are 20? Hormones! A man's testosterone levels are highest in late teens earlier 20s. A women's are pretty constant until they hit their mid 30s. The their estrogen levels drop. This changes something called the T-E ratio (testosterone/estrogen). It swings it in favor of testosterone.

Finally, do a google of bodybuilding and steroids and find a few boards out there. Most have information on how to use steroids. A few are also devoted soley to women. Almost all of them have an off-topic sex discussion section that rivals this board. Men and women on these boards are so juiced up on hormones that sex 2-3 times a day is a normal thing. Women date male bodybuilders and vis-a-versa out of necessatity. They both need sex so much more than the average human.

Now, don't just go off thinking I'm in favor of hap-hazardly juicing up your hormones. Let a professional do! See a doctor, run some tests. You just might not only end up cured but saving yourself a lot of money instead of spending a small fortune on a therapist!