DEATH -soon!

[fifty5]

A couple of days ago I had a letter from the doc that suggested I might have the big C

I know how I reacted, but before I tell you, I'd be interested to read what others might feel.

So...

YOU have just heard that you've got a fatal condition that means you'll only live a few more months.

WHAT'S YOUR REACTION?

f6

 

[Guest]

A couple of days ago I had a letter from the doc that suggested I might have the big C

I know how I reacted, but before I tell you, I'd be interested to read what others might feel.

So...

YOU have just heard that you've got a fatal condition that means you'll only live a few more months.

WHAT'S YOUR REACTION?

f6

Same as it is every morning. Until I am dead, I am alive. And I will live until I am dead.

I am sorry to hear of you condition, f5. I have been through it with family members, I know it is not a good thing to deal with.

But right now you have some choices. You can accept that you are going to die, or you can do your damndest to find a cure.

In the mean time, either way, you can sit and watch the last days of your life simply slip away. Or you can live them.

Were I in your shoes I would choose to live them.

 

[SeaCat]

Been there, played tht song, and it sucked at first. I was misdiagnosed with Nephrotic Cancer. For three months I had a death sentance over my head. (There is no return from that one.) When I first heard the diagnosis I went nuts, then I decded to have fun wth what little life I had left. I found pleasure in the little things in life, then when it was revealed the diagnosis was wrong I started finding pleasure in the big things as well. Most people can't understand this feeling.

I've been close to death several times, always from trauma which leaves you no time to think of your mortality, Cancer gives you that time.

Because of the misdiagnosis I have found a way to find something fun and/or worthwhile in everything. I just went through two hurricanes. Rather than freaking out after them I was just happy to be alive and have my wife alive and uninjured with me. It puts things in perspective. The little things just don't mean shit, and you realize that. (It helps that I work with Cancer patients every day.)

I recently had a twenty three year old patient who had terminal Ovarian Cancer. She whispered her last wish in my ear, and I broke multiple rules to make sure she had it. (I work in a Catholic Hospital.) Her last wish was to have sex, for the first and only time, with her boyfriend of many years. I stood outside her door until they were done and made sure they were not interupted. She died three hours later. I now wear, at her request, a small Jade Teardrop on my chain around my neck. Her Borfriend gave it to me, with he parents watching. She died with a smile upon her face, not because o the sex, but because someone understood what she wanted. She died how she wanted to, under circumstances no one could have predicted. (She is an inspiration to both me and my wife. She was one of the strongest people I have ever met. She decided she was going to live and die as she wanted.)

Cancer is not the end of all life, there have been too many breakthroughs in treatments, but if it is terminal take heart, life is what you make of it. Keep fighting, and make the most of what you have.

I am always here, and yu can E-Mail me at ecookj@yahoo. com.

Cat

 

[doormouse]

Haven't been there myself fifty. Lost my father three months ago to it.

Positive attitude has a lot to do with recovery. We'll support you all we can. Just stay strong in yourself hon. It's all you can do.

If anything, live like there's no tomorrow. I do, and I'm loving it regardless of my health. I hope things turn around for you.

{{{hugs}}}

 

[minsue]

You're in my thoughts, F5.

As to your question, obviously, I couldn't really say what my reaction would be. There have been a so many other situations where I thought I knew how I would react and I was completely wrong. My instinct, though, is that I would live as much as I could in the time that I had left. Leave no apologies ungiven, make sure all those that I love know exactly how much they mean to me, and do everything I can to live each day to its fullest.

Regrets are terrible things.

 

[Guest]

A couple of days ago I had a letter from the doc that suggested I might have the big C

I know how I reacted, but before I tell you, I'd be interested to read what others might feel.

So...

YOU have just heard that you've got a fatal condition that means you'll only live a few more months.

WHAT'S YOUR REACTION?

f6

A letter from your doctor? Not in person or over the phone? When do you find out detailed results? And how quickly can you find a second opinion? Those are always my first thoughts when dealing with the medical profession.

I hope things are fine with you, that this is a false alarm, or something that can be treated. My thoughts are with you.


To answer your question - to truly find out something as horrific as only having three months left?

My family went through this last summer with my brother. He died 86 days after his diagnosis.

We were all in shock - overwhelming, all-encompassing, walking around in a daze shock.

The first thing the doctors did was put my brother and his wife on high doses of anti-depressants. My sister and my mother did the same. I tried, but I was not comfortable with the effects.

With only three months you aren't really healthy enough to get anything accomplished. His deterioration was pretty swift. No last fling at Disneyland, no going to Vegas, no wild parties.

There was time to be together as a family, to repair any old rifts, to try to give each other strength, to plan a funeral together.

In truth, three months passes by in an instant.

Please let us know what is happening with you.

 

[Liar]

YOU have just heard that you've got a fatal condition that means you'll only live a few more months.

WHAT'S YOUR REACTION?

Honestly? I have no idea. I might think I can answer it, but the truth is I'd probably surprise myself.

My reaction to your post was the same as sweetsubsarahh's. A letter? I don't know what the customs are in your hood, but to me that sounded a little...impersonal.

Like previous posters have said, the big C is not nessecarily always the end. So I'm holding my thumbs for you over here.

#L

 

[oggbashan]

Best wishes with your condition.

I hope that you can find a way to live well with either the good or bad news.

My reaction if...

Would I finish all the incomplete stories? Not sure.

Would I try to write THE novel? Maybe.

Would I live each day as it comes? Yes.

Would I try to leave a mark on the world before I go? Probably too late but I'd like to be remembered once in a while. One thing I do know - I wouldn't want an expensive memorial or a plaque. Perhaps a tree planted somwhere or a bench (un-plaqued) that people could rest on to look at a view. My body? Cremate it or a green burial like my in-laws - their graves will eventually be part of a wood with a notice on the gate listing all those buried there. The tree over their graves is doing very well.

Og

 

[rgraham666]

I'm really sorry to hear about what's happened to you fifty. You'll be in my thoughts.

My nearly terminal condition was depression. Ten years ago I found myself hanging from my own belt. Luckily I found the strength to get free and find some help.

That taught me to enjoy the quiet, small things in life. Friends, family, creating, just living. I gave up on all the big ambitions, I discovered I didn't want any of them.

And like it or not, we're all under a death sentence. The only thing we don't usually know is when.

 

[SnoopDog]

I can't really add what anything that hasn't been said before.

I've experienced it through close friends and I think no-one who hasn't experienced this himself can give any good advice.

I just want to say I feel for you and hope that you and your body can fight this for a long time and that you can enjoy this time.

Snoopy,

 

[Guest]

A couple of days ago I had a letter from the doc that suggested I might have the big C

I know how I reacted, but before I tell you, I'd be interested to read what others might feel.

So...

YOU have just heard that you've got a fatal condition that means you'll only live a few more months.

WHAT'S YOUR REACTION?

f6

Very sorry to hear that, f6. I'll be hoping hard that all turns out ok.

My thoughts and fears would be with those I'd be leaving behind, not myself. I kind of know that for sure. I wouldn't be scared of dying, but I'd hate for my loved ones to watch me.

Stay strong,

Lou

 

[Guest]

 

[English Lady]

fifty5..I have no idea how i'd react....i really don't......


My thoughts and prayers are with you!

 

[McKenna]

I'd be shocked. Possibly traumatized, (temporarily.) I'd want to cling to my family and friends for support; I'd want to accomplish one or two things I've been meaning to do, but never have. I'd want to create a few memories to last my family's lifetimes.

Beyond that, I don't know what else I'd do. Cope, probably, because there is no other option but to accept and move on.

 

[Honey123]

You are certainly in my thought and prayers.

But I do agree with some of the posts here.

1 - not crazy that your doctor sent you a letter!

2 - it’s not always “the end” - There are so many alternative routes that can be taken these days that Cancer can be held at bay for a number of years.

3- I think everyone’s situations are different. I guess you have to do what’s best for you to live the rest of your days happy - making others happy and just trying to get better.

I think you need to sit with your doctor - get all the facts - and get educated on what can be done to keep you going for a number of years to come. Don't put it in your mind that this is the end. Once you have that defeatest attitude, it's hard to get out of it. - Go at this as if you are going to kick the shit of the Cancer and that it is NOT going to kick the shit out of YOU!

Then, take each day as it comes - take time to smell the roses - take time to call those friends and family members you haven’t heard from in years. But mostly, take time to be yourself.

And if that doesn’t make you feel better - tell everyone to bugger off!! (just trying a bit of humor there!)

es - -

 

[Guest]

 

[lucky-E-leven]

f5

I've missed you, sweetie.

I didn't read all the previous posts very closely, but I didn't notice anyone being angry. I, for one, would rail at the Gods if I were face to face with dying now. Logically I can pull out a thousand reasons NOT to do this, but I know myself and raw emotion always comes first. Luckily, I don't make rash decisions during these times, but I know for a fact I'd be angry.

This is all supposition, but I think I'd go through a transition period from Anger to Knowledge. I'd be voracious with gaining information and figuring out as much as I could about my 'odds', if we can call them that. And once I had things lined up in my life & mind, I'd go nuts. That trip to Ireland I've always wanted to take, would get booked. The skydiving promise I made to myself would be indulged. Moonlit walks on the beach, camping trips in the backyard, baking brownies for supper, etc...

I suspect that somewhere down the line, if I played my cards right, I'd find peace with it. But at this particular time in my life, I admit that I'd be hard-pressed to find peace. Might have something to do with the two and a half year old humming behind me on the bed right now. I dunno. At any rate, it's not a good hand to be dealt and I have all the faith that you'll face this challenge head-on as I've seen you face others.

It's good to have you back.

~lucky

 

[neonlyte]

I see this thread and feel guilty each time I skip by. I'm truly sorry to read your news and can only hope you find a route forward that is the least burdening for you and your loved ones.

I had family die from C many years ago and confronted the shock of my personal mortality about this time last year. I'm not ill, just the realisation that our alloted time is finite. It has taken me a year to deal with that and I'm not sure how I would react to the type of news you have received.

My thoughts and prayers (such as they are) are with you.

Neon

 

[Belegon]

While part of me hesitates to say what I think I would do because I have often surprised myself with reactions, I know I would get very defiant about it.

I tend to be pretty calm about things until backed into a corner. Then I am a fighter and can be very angry and stubborn.

I would want to "repair" relationships I felt were broken. I can see myself getting in contact with people I have not seen in years.

I would want to organize things so that when I went, it would already be planned out. Losing my father-in-law taught me the importance of that. No family squabbles created by agressive salespeople at "memorial gardens" etc. Burn my ass and for a funeral rent a big room, buy lots of good food and alcohol and tell stories. No solemn memorial service. Remember the way I lived, not how I died.

F5, best wishes to you man. I hope to hell that all is not as bad as it seems.

But don't go gently into that goodnight....

 

[gauchecritic]

I'm sure the clinical psychologists will be able to give you the low-down, but apparently, as in bereavement, there are 5 (I think) steps to go through.

The best and most gratifying one is anger, don't try to skip past the denial it just lingers. The acceptance is a shitter.

Gauche

 

[GingerV]

I don't know. I just don't know. I imagine I'd curl up in a ball and try to make it go away for about a week. After that...I'd start touching base with all the people I haven't had as much time for as I would've wished, all the people who may not realize that they mean as much to me as they do. I think I'd keep it a secret, as much as I could...I hate fuss. And I'd go back to my mountains...remind myself that I'm a small part of it all, and that I've been so lucky already.

My "extra" grandfather, the one who was of no blood relation but who's known me since I was a little kid, died a few years ago of lung cancer. He and I had a disagreement...he chose not to fight it after the first round of chemo. He'd have had to give up his last trip home to where his kids lived, his last summer on the boat in any kind of health. He didn't want the pain of the treatments, he wanted to end on his own terms. His choices were so like mine...and so very different. I'd fight to the bitter end. It's who I am, but I came to understand and respect his decision. He isn't me, and this was what he wanted.

He said the best thing he decided to do was reread all his favorite books, aloud, to his great grand daughter that summer. Our families still pray that she remembers even a fraction of the pleasure it gave him.

I hope your "maybe" turns out to be wrong. If not, do what seems right for you. No matter what anyone else would do in your shoes.

My warmest thoughts.

G (who has to go explain her tears to her office-mate now...)

 

[Guest]

 

[McKenna]

I wrestle with myself...and the idea of wanting attention/simpathy and telling no one. As it is...as far as I know...i am healthy (physically).

I think I would wrestle with this too. On one hand, I wouldn't want to be treated differently. I wouldn't want people to think they have to be nicer to me or pity me or anything. I'd just want to be treated "normal." So you think I'm a bitch... great! Treat me like one, but for God's sake don't be nice to me because you think you have to be. It's one reason for not telling.

The attention/sympathy thing would be welcome for a while if I did tell, but as with all new things, it would get old, quickly, and I'd just want to be treated "normal" again.

I miss my parents.

((((Rhinoguy))) (Those are hugs.)

 

[Guest]

 

[Just-Legal]

f6 ( I can't believe almost everyone forgot yer 6 not 5 now)

Firstly *hugs*

Secondly.... Geez. I'd end up in the States knocking on the door of everyone I've wanted to meet. Then I'd go round the UK. If I ever got the money together I'd go bug my NZ friend too

I'd hope to give everyone happy memories of me, and if it was definately definately terminal?

Get VERY drunk. Cause hey, who needs a liver when yer dead?