Death of Wooing?

[DiscusDave]

After a recent conversation, I had been thinking of courtship and the art of wooing.

In the animal kingdom, it's incredible the lengths creatures go to appeal to a potential mate. Colorful feather and fur displays, intricate dances, developed scent glands and musk, and even flat out raw brute strength.

In the days of old, it was an ordeal to vie for the affection of of a lady or a gentleman. The 50's style giving of the school pin. A lady giving a knight her handkerchief. Symbolic gesture that are done to show you interest in someone, but are not guaranteed a positive reaction.

Have we lost the art of courtship? It seems that people couple off so readily now a-days and don't care whether the relationship lasts or not. Bad marriages can be solved with divorce, "relation-shits" (as they're sometimes called) can be ended. Is this due to the fact that people have lost their will to really show just how committed they will be up front? Or is it due to the evolution of relationship style in our culture?

 

[graceanne]

I don't know. I've been married almost twelve years and wooing is dead in our relationship.

 

[JMohegan]

The fact that many people advertise themselves like used cars on the Internet tells me that things have radically changed for a big chunk of the population.

 

[graceanne]

people advertise themselves like used cars on the Internet

LOL!!

 

[Keroin]

I don't know. I've been married almost twelve years and wooing is dead in our relationship.

LOL. A few years back I wrote a very long blog explaining to men why it was necessary to continue the wooing throughout the marriage/relationship. I received a lot of thank you's from my female readers.

I love being wooed! Sadly, it's a dying art.

 

[midwestyankee]

The fact that many people advertise themselves like used cars on the Internet tells me that things have radically changed for a big chunk of the population.

Indeed.

"Runs good" = My divorce was almost three years ago and almost all my baggage is packed in the attic for good.

"Needs work" = My last four boyfriends were selfish fucks who never understood why I only give head in May and November.

"Good gas mileage" = I'd much rather go out for burgers and a beer in my jeans than put on a dress for dinner at a bistro.

"Freshly painted" = I had botox done last month.

"New tires" = I started jogging six months ago.

"Fully loaded" = Wait until you see my brand new implants. I've got boobage now!


Of course, your mileage may vary.

 

[Myskaninen]

I must say from personal experience that wooing works very well and I can never see myself writing a personal add hmmm I feel its much more fun just to go out and meet people

 

[graceanne]

LOL. A few years back I wrote a very long blog explaining to men why it was necessary to continue the wooing throughout the marriage/relationship. I received a lot of thank you's from my female readers.

I love being wooed! Sadly, it's a dying art.

Well. I threated to start laying on the horn in the car every time he doesn't open the door for me. So he was doing a bit better in that department, but he was much more gentlemanly when we were dating.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

"Needs work" = My last four boyfriends were selfish fucks who never understood why I only give head in May and November.

I must be a selfish fuck. The way I see it, if she'll give head in May OR November, she'll give it whenever I fuckin' well want it. There's no good reason for "yes" today, "no" tomorrow... unless she has a dental problem or somethin' like that.

If she won't give head, the curb is ----------> that way.

 

[graceanne]

I must be a selfish fuck. The way I see it, if she'll give head in May OR November, she'll give it whenever I fuckin' well want it. There's no good reason for "yes" today, "no" tomorrow... unless she has a dental problem or somethin' like that.

If she won't give head, the curb is ----------> that way.

I just don't get what so special about may and/or november?

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I just don't get what so special about may and/or november?

I think the May/November thing was kind of tongue in cheek, a funky metaphor for "I'll give head when I feel like it, and won't when I don't, regardless of what you want."

Personally, I think it's a yes-no question. Ya do or ya don't. If ya don't, there's the door - don't let it hit ya in the ass on yer way out. I don't insist on swallowing, but I do insist on getting - and giving - head

 

[graceanne]

I think the May/November thing was kind of tongue in cheek, a funky metaphor for "I'll give head when I feel like it, and won't when I don't, regardless of what you want."

Personally, I think it's a yes-no question. Ya do or ya don't. If ya don't, there's the door - don't let it hit ya in the ass on yer way out. I don't insist on swallowing, but I do insist on getting - and giving - head

It's always amused me when people refer to oral sex as kinky. Oral sex has always been just part of me and K's sex life, so I was surprised to find that people won't.

Don't get me wrong. Giving oral just doesn't do anything for me, but K likes it and sex isn't all about me, so I give oral.

 

[YourCaptor]

What is wooing?

Like specific modern examples?

 

[little_red]

i am very lucky in this department...iv been goin out with my bf for nearly two years, about once a month he wil bring me flowers ( or preferably chocolate) and take me out to the cinema or to dinner...but its not even about spending money (apart from the odd little treat its 50/50 when it comes to paying for stuff)... he always opens the car door for me and will come and pick me up from college (which is about a 50 mile round trip!)when he is not at uni...and he always drives me home

i was really unsure about it all when we first started dating though, being a bit of a feminist i felt a bit silly with him opening doors when i was perfectly capable of doing it myself...but i got used to it all very quickly and it his way of showing me how much he values me *contented sigh*

...im glad he is not so gentlemanly in the bedroom though

 

[DiscusDave]

What is wooing?

Like specific modern examples?

I honestly can't think of any modern examples of it, that's why I started the thread and asked peoples opinions.

 

[bitchee62]

Indeed.

"Runs good" = My divorce was almost three years ago and almost all my baggage is packed in the attic for good.

"Needs work" = My last four boyfriends were selfish fucks who never understood why I only give head in May and November.

"Good gas mileage" = I'd much rather go out for burgers and a beer in my jeans than put on a dress for dinner at a bistro.

"Freshly painted" = I had botox done last month.

"New tires" = I started jogging six months ago.

"Fully loaded" = Wait until you see my brand new implants. I've got boobage now!


Of course, your mileage may vary.

What would "good original condition with matching numbers" be?
My husband and I have been married for 23 years and he still finds ways every week to show how much he loves and desires me. Sometimes its a call just to say I love you or he will surprise me with something he knows I love dove chocolates, a new book or something I had admired but would not get for myself. I try to let him know with the things he loves as well. He's pretty happy with a good hot bath and long massage before we play or for no reason. The other side of this is we no longer seem to structure our romantic gestures. Valentines day is not something we need/want to make a big deal over, or any of the other calender romance days.
Sorry for the book I seem to be in ramble mode.

 

[intothewoods]

I think one thing that's less common these days and certainly when I came of age (eighteen zillion years ago) is just plain ol' dating. No elaborate courtship need be involved. Just casual going out and doing things together (could be hiking, movies, bowling, mini golf, anything!) for a long period of time before getting serious. What happened to that?

As far as continuing to woo someone you're in a relationship with (and by that I presume we mean giving the person your attention and affection), that is important and often lost these days. While I don't want to let people off the hook, I think the underlying cause is often that we're all so damn busy, overworked and stretched thin. Often you and your partner come last. I'm not excusing it, since it really causes damage, but I think coming at it with you should be doing x, y and z finger wag is probably going to be less successful than wow, you're doing so much for this family. Thank you. How can we make time for you and me and us?

The partner who is totally disinterested in sex may be a jerk (male or female - I know women whose husbands are disinterested and they're climbing the walls) but they may be really overworked and stressed.

 

[DiscusDave]

I think one thing that's less common these days and certainly when I came of age (eighteen zillion years ago) is just plain ol' dating. No elaborate courtship need be involved. Just casual going out and doing things together (could be hiking, movies, bowling, mini golf, anything!) for a long period of time before getting serious. What happened to that?

This is exactly what I meant when I asked about wooing. It does deem that the time leading up to a relationship has been cut down drastically. There's no "going steady" before an actual relationship. No testing the waters as ITW talked about. IMO, there are no lead up activities at all. Just meeting someone you are interested in and "ta-dah" you're dating.

As far as continuing to woo someone you're in a relationship with (and by that I presume we mean giving the person your attention and affection), that is important and often lost these days. While I don't want to let people off the hook, I think the underlying cause is often that we're all so damn busy, overworked and stretched thin. Often you and your partner come last. I'm not excusing it, since it really causes damage, but I think coming at it with you should be doing x, y and z finger wag is probably going to be less successful than wow, you're doing so much for this family. Thank you. How can we make time for you and me and us?

And doing those small things to continue showing you care is really important I think. But it also seems that most of the people here posting regularly, are all very invested in their specific relationships or making relationships work in general. I know with lifestyle relationships there needs to definitely be more of a constant reissuing of trust and reassurance that you care about someone, but does that go the same with the majority of the relationships happening out there?

 

[intothewoods]

This is exactly what I meant when I asked about wooing. It does deem that the time leading up to a relationship has been cut down drastically. There's no "going steady" before an actual relationship. No testing the waters as ITW talked about. IMO, there are no lead up activities at all. Just meeting someone you are interested in and "ta-dah" you're dating.

Yeah. I said this somewhere else on a thread recently. No one dated when I went to college. You had a boyfriend/girlfriend or you didn't. Totally lame.

And doing those small things to continue showing you care is really important I think. But it also seems that most of the people here posting regularly, are all very invested in their specific relationships or making relationships work in general. I know with lifestyle relationships there needs to definitely be more of a constant reissuing of trust and reassurance that you care about someone, but does that go the same with the majority of the relationships happening out there?

Relationships are relationships. I don't think it's trust and reassurance, more that the relationship is a living thing that needs to grow. Or is that too cheesy?

 

[DiscusDave]

Yeah. I said this somewhere else on a thread recently. No one dated when I went to college. You had a boyfriend/girlfriend or you didn't. Totally lame.

Same way at my school. Talk about "bleh."

Relationships are relationships. I don't think it's trust and reassurance, more that the relationship is a living thing that needs to grow. Or is that too cheesy?

Very true, and no not cheesy at all. In my eyes, that's the right attitude to have about relationships. But at the same time, do you (or anyone reading this) feel that the vast majority of our society believes that and feels that way too?

 

[MisterSir]

I honestly can't think of any modern examples of it, that's why I started the thread and asked peoples opinions.

The easiest one should be bloody obvious, just act like a gentleman to her and you're a goddamn novelty already given the amount of pricks out there.

 

[ownedsubgal]

hmm, interesting thread. i don't believe in "wooing." i don't believe in dating either, for that matter. i don't understand the concept of actively hunting/looking for a mate. i don't feel that one should plan, blueprint and interview for a romantic relationship like you would for that dream job. i don't understand the concept of meeting someone with the expectation of hope of becoming romantically involved with that person. i don't understand centering all of one's interactions with a particular individual around your future potential romantic relationship. for me it all just seems like an extremely unnatural way to go about finding love.

now if you're just looking for something VERY casual, of course that's different.

so yeah, i've always been the kind of person who's either in a very serious committed relationship, or completely free and single (with lots of casual partners of course! ). there is no in-between "dating/wooing" stage. i don't understand the in-between, i guess i'm just not wired that way.

 

[jockdom]

Is buying her a drink considered wooing?

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Is buying her a drink considered wooing?

A drink yes. Sixteen drinks is just trying to get in her pants, whether she's conscious or not.

 

[jockdom]

A drink yes. Sixteen drinks is just trying to get in her pants, whether she's conscious or not.

Depends what the drink is!