Dear X:

[FatDino]

Dear Whatever-Your-Name-Is,

Here's how I want you to die.

I will come up to you from behind, hit you on your charming head with a baseball bat, knock you unconscious and stuff you in a bag. I will then drag you to an abandoned temple and tie you up in front of the Buddhas. When you wake up, I will have you look straight to a mirror and the Buddhas as I slowly use a blade to outline your gorgeous face. You will scream, for sure, but you will soon find out that your tongue has already been cut off. Let the Buddhas watch.

You will probably pass out, which is fine, because I will make sure you won't die. I am completely capable of that.

When you come to again, there will still be a mirror, the Buddhas, and me, in front of you. And you will watch as I hold your head back and drop nitric acid into your right eye. One drop is enough. Nothing will happen to your left eye. I want you to still be able to watch me.

Then the nitric acid will find its way to your chest, your abdomen, and your penis. How does one drop at every inch sound to you?

You will scream and plead me to kill you outright, but I won't do it, not before I show you a picture of her, then another picture of me and her together. I want you to know who I am and why I'm doing that.

Finally, I will do you a favor as I pour sweet honey over you, as sweet as the lies you used to pour into her ears, and just as deadly. The last image you'll have of me is my kicking you down a giant ants' pit and let them do the ultimate job.

Your Almost Sister-In-law, Aunt of Your Unborn Daughter.

~~~

Dear AH'ers,

I don't care what you'll think of me from this post, but do NOT hug me.

Dino.

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

Dear Dino,

Damn girl, you are FIERCE!

No hugs but I'll buy you a beer.

Salvor.

 

[Just-Legal]

Dear Dino

How about I buy you a beer too?

 

[Misty_Morning]

.....

 

[FatDino]

Dear Sal, J-L and Misty,

Forget the beer, shoot me with vodka. It's quicker and more effective.

Dino.

 

[Just-Legal]

Smirnoff, Vladivar or the illegal Russian stuff my dad has (and thinks I don't know about)?

 

[FatDino]

Smirnoff, Vladivar or the illegal Russian stuff my dad has (and thinks I don't know about)?

The illegal stuff, if I may.

 

[Just-Legal]

The illegal stuff, if I may.

*hands over the bottle*

Your liver may hate me for this.

 

[Chantilyvamp]

dear dino,

Hell forget the hugging I want to hire you out to some people

You didnt say nuthin about not kissing you

 

[lesbiaphrodite]

Dear X,

Let us go then, you and I, when the evening is spread out against the sky like a patient etherized on a table.

LA

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Dear S,
Thank you for holding me, keeping me safe and making me so very happy.
I love you.
P

 

[lesbiaphrodite]

Dear X,

Thank you for what you do. I admire your sensitivity.

LA

 

[scheherazade_79]

Dear Head,

Please function.


~~~~~~~~

Dear Imagination,

Please stop sending food signals to Head.


~~~~~~~~~

Dear Stomach,

Please stop backing Imagination up with lies.

~~~~~~~~~

Dear Boss,

I regret to inform you that your report hasn't been completed. My appetite got in the way. Be thankful that I'm working from home - can you imagine how much longer it would take if I had to walk to the refectory every time I wanted to eat something?

Zade

 

[RedHairedandFriendly]

Dear ...

*sigh*

Me

 

[glynndah]

Dear Powers that be and Possibly the School Board, too,

I'd really like that job and I'd be very, very good at it, too. We really don't need a PE teacher. We need me.

Sincerely,

Ms. Glynndah
The Library/lunch lady.

 

[scheherazade_79]

Dear X,

Didn't you used to be on Star Wars?

Zade

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Dear Hunk,

please have an urgent need to ring my doorbell in order to borrow my shower for whatever reason you can think of. And do forgive me for not having any clean towels, I swear I can make it up to you by blowing warm air on your yummy light brown skin.

//Horny

 

[lesbiaphrodite]

Dear X,

Your kisses flow like waterfalls and make me want to dive.

LA

 

[McKenna]

Dear McKenna:

Get up off yer arse. The flowers will not plant themselves.

 

[cloudy]

Dear X,

¿Sabe tu cuánto tu ha estades en mi mente últimamente? Soy confundido. Tengo nunca sentía esta manera acerca de una mujer antes; nunca fue atraído a uno como estoy a tu.

¿Oso tomarlo aún más? ¿Tendría yo el valor? ¿O acabaría por yo nos doler ambos?

Sepa que tu estás en mi mente esta noche y siempre.

Cloudy

 

[CrimsonMaiden]

Dear C,

Will you please make up your mind. I don't think I can take another 2 months of this. Three months has been long enough to be in hell.

 

[lesbiaphrodite]

Dear X,

I think of you constantly. I crave you. I wish I were with you right this instant. Please come.

LA

 

[Tarakin]

Dear C,

Will you please make up your mind. I don't think I can take another 2 months of this. Three months has been long enough to be in hell.

* Hugs *

 

[lesbiaphrodite]

Dear X,

You don't know what it's like to be caged. You don't know what it's like to be unfree. You've never had a truly fucked up day with the man chasing you down the street, his gun drawn, sirens blaring. No. You have no clue. Must be nice.

LA

 

[SusyQ]

Dear X,

Thank you for saying you were sorry, that it was all your fault. You didn't have to, I would have taken (at least) half the blame, but you beat me to all of it.

ybtw