Dear X:

[CeriseNoire]

Dear AH:

I realize I've been bitchier than usual. To some, I apologize. To others, you thoroughly deserved it.

What few know is that I have an awfully full plate.

I'm dealing with a pending divorce in which I most likely will not get custody of my 6-year-old. It breaks my heart. The only alternative is to resign myself to living in a loveless marriage with an emotionally and sometimes physically abusive man. I just can't anymore.

The man I love is clinically depressed and thinks about committing suicide quite often. They aren't idle threats - he's already tried it twice. I live in fear that one day he will succeed. I count every day that goes past with him alive as a small victory.

I have a 16-year-old almost-stepdaughter who skips school with frightening regularity, doesn't care about anything but herself, and is well on the way to becoming an alcoholic. I love her anyway.

I realize very few of you give a shit, since so few have taken the trouble to bother asking why I've been so hateful, or what was wrong. but I wanted to explain anyway. For those who have, thank you.

~ Cloudy

Dear Cloudy,

Like Vermilion, I've never gotten anything but helpfulness from you. As for asking what's been wrong, I've been here to short a time to presume to ask personal questions.
Still I am sorry to hear life is hard right now. It's always painful to watch those you love willingly harm themselves, but believe me, even if they never tell you, knowing you care means a lot to them in their moments of lucidity.

Hugs,
Cerise

 

[FatDino]

Dear Aunt and Uncle,
Although I do love you, as much as family should, I have some things I just have to blurt out, even just on here, where you can't see.

Over the last year, thank you for letting me stay with you while I looked for an off-campus apartment. But I am sorry I pissed you off when I didn't do YOUR chores for YOU exactly the way YOU liked. And I am sorry that YOUR lazy ass son dropped out of college and is now staying at home. Unemployed. Yes, yes, yes, he is your son and I'm just your niece. So he's always right and I'm always wrong, even when he gets up at NOON and just marched in kitchen in his STILL grumpy sleepy state and dumped tons of dirty dishes for ME to wash, then stuffed his fat stomach with MY lunch and I had to go to class with only an apple in my hand.

And whenever you decide to criticize my parents about THEIR jobs, think of your own son's status and his fat lazy ass. At least MY parents saved up enough money to send me to college and taught me well enough to NOT drop out.

And just so you know, your son didn't use your $3,000 in his "opening soon" business, he spent it all in three days at the casino. So the next time you want to scold at me for spending too much time on the internet, at least I don't waste money sitting in front of my computer, I make it.

To sum up, thank you for all your lectures about hard-working, but maybe there is someone who needs them more than I do...much more.

Your moving-out-soon niece,
~FatDino.

 

[Just-Legal]

Dear Mum:

As much as I love you I can't stay here any more. Its killing me, and not in the emotive sense, but in a very real way - my fiance is terrified of letting me come home because he's not with me to keep me safe. Safe from myself. You told me I could tell you anything - I can't. I can't tell you the two reasons I'm still alive - that it would destroy you and him, and that you'd be the one to find me. I know. I've dreamt it often enough. Every time I think I can let go you two stop me.

There are so many reasons I can't tell you everything. I tell you I'm getting better because it would destroy you to know I'm getting worse. I told you the letter from the mental hospital was just a change in my therapy appointment, not that its a referral for a full psyche evaulation.

I sit up almost every night and cry. Cry because the drugs aren't working, because I can't stay in Uni even though I desperately want to, that I'm such a failure, and that I feel like the only person who understands me is slipping away. They've told him he's dying, albeit very slowly and painfully - there is no possibilty of getting better and that in all probability it will only get worse. He has been rediagnosed - AGAIN - and we're so sick of hearing "there's nothing we can do". And we can't tell anyone close to us because we don't have anything definate to say, other than "its getting worse".

I love you so, so much, and it hurts me so much to hide from you. But I can't, I *won't* be responsible for putting you back on your meds, for breaking your heart. Earlier, when you asked me if I wanted to watch a film with you and I said no? I heard the upset in your voice, and it hurt. But if I had... I would have told you. So instead I hide in here, staring blankly at the screen or playing mindless games, hiding in my head because in here is the safest place to be.

--

Dad

Fuck off and die you asshole. You have no idea. None at all, and if you open my mail one more time I will lose it with you. And then I will tell her what you've been doing.

You see, I figured it out. All this "oh I only want [mum] to be happy" bullshit is a nice way of getting yourself a peaceful life. I know you're fucking disappointed in me, hell, you lie to EVERYONE about me, you always have - You threw me out and made me take my sister in, I worked my ASS off in a job I hated to pay the bills, and you told everyone I was "taking a year out". You never told ANYONE I was living with a partner, because you were ashamed.

But then, you always have been. Why else would you take my AD medication off me when I was first diagnosed, say it was a load of bullshit and that I was fine? I'm. Not. Fine.

You know what? I give up. Screw you, and screw the little leech that's the spit of you. I only care about one other person in this house and if I could, I'd get her out of here.

You don't deserve her, and by god does she know it. Oh, and that whole crap about you persuading her to let me back in when I went back to uni? You REALLY think I fell for that crap?

*eyeroll*

What. Ever.

 

[Guest]

dear JL
i wish i had the words. i dont...but my heart aches for you.
im here if you need someone to lean on.

 

[sutherngent985]

Dear N...

I dont know why I expected us to pick right up where we were considering its been a few years since we talked. At first you didnt seem like you were interested, then you started talking and asking me questions that, in my mind anyway, made me think that maybe you WERE interested in getting together again. As time went on, it seemed like we were getting closer, the times we cybered were out of this world. Then the bombshell....you didnt want to get involved in a LD relationship again. Right out of the blue. I have a pretty good idea it was because you met S, but I was like ok ...if thats what you want, as long as we are friends I can deal. Then you broke up with him and its back to the same thing...making me think that maybe you might be interested. Maybe its just me, in my male thinking with my little head kinda way but do you have any idea how much I really love you? I would give up everything to be with you. Like I said if it isnt to be, at least we are friends. All I ask is that you be honest with me about it...I know now your going out with T and thats cool...but tell me your interested in a relationship with him, not tell me 'Oh we are just friends' when I know better.

 

[Vermilion]

JL - if you can find any comfort in the kindness of strangers then know that I am thinking of you and I hope you find the strength to help yourself and those who you love.
x
V

 

[Just-Legal]

Dear Vella - Thank you. Words are somewhat unimportant if the feeling is there.

Vermillion - Thank you also

--

Dear sis

Pointscoring at the dinner table is bad form. It also furthers the image you are and always will be a spoilt little brat. Arguing with me over a peice of chicken, when I eat roughly 1/3 of what you do (and sometimes don't eat at all but there we go) is just nasty. I had a roll and three slices of chicken tonight, because I just wasn't hungry. Do you know why mum gave that peice to me?

Because it was my first food of the damn day.

Also - I wish I'd had a camera on me to capture the look on your face when you "accidentally" looked in the bag with my easter egg from the fiance in it. I'm never going to eat it all and I *was* going to give you half but now I'm not. Your arrogance and "curiosity" is infuriating.

And if you touch my damn dress again I will shoot you. No, it wouldn't suit you and no you can't take it out of my room.

 

[ChristopherMaxwell]

Dear Neighbour

My smoking happens in the confines of my flat and is none of your business. And no, Alexis isn't interested in you, so leave her alone. I'm not a jealous man, but I am very protective of the women in my life, and when someone creeps them out, I bloody well don't intend to make it easier for that bloke to get time alone with her. By the way, she said that part of why you creep her out was that you tried to kiss her when we were still engaged. That tells me exactly what kind of neighbour you are, so bugger off, alright?

And kiss my arse, because she's not letting you anywhere near hers. Stalking is a crime.

 

[Alexandra1979]

My smoking happens in the confines of my flat and is none of your business. And no, Alexis isn't interested in you, so leave her alone. I'm not a jealous man, but I am very protective of the women in my life, and when someone creeps them out, I bloody well don't intend to make it easier for that bloke to get time alone with her. By the way, she said that part of why you creep her out was that you tried to kiss her when we were still engaged. That tells me exactly what kind of neighbour you are, so bugger off, alright?

And kiss my arse, because she's not letting you anywhere near hers. Stalking is a crime.

What he said. See, I love you, babe!

 

[Nirvanadragones]

Dear C

You were born, today 6 years ago, and while I was telling you last night about the day you were born, it was an experience for me, to remember . . . the magic, the tears and the laughter and the incredible joy of having you as part of my life. You are my life. I didn't realise exactly what my purpose was in life until you were born, and then I knew it was so we could meet and be together.

Thank you for being my little girl. I am blessed to be your Mum and to see you grow and learn and change. You're amazing and I love you more than there are stars in the universe, and the distance from the earth, to the moon, and then the sun, and through all of the solar system. I'm running out of comparisons, but I know how much you like them, so I try . . .

I'll love you forever. No matter what.

Happy Birthday, Sweetheart.

Mummy
xxx

 

[Alexandra1979]

Dear C

You were born, today 6 years ago, and while I was telling you last night about the day you were born, it was an experience for me, to remember . . . the magic, the tears and the laughter and the incredible joy of having you as part of my life. You are my life. I didn't realise exactly what my purpose was in life until you were born, and then I knew it was so we could meet and be together.

Thank you for being my little girl. I am blessed to be your Mum and to see you grow and learn and change. You're amazing and I love you more than there are stars in the universe, and the distance from the earth, to the moon, and then the sun, and through all of the solar system. I'm running out of comparisons, but I know how much you like them, so I try . . .

I'll love you forever. No matter what.

Happy Birthday, Sweetheart.

Mummy
xxx

I think that is beautiful, Nirvana.

 

[Just-Legal]

Eloquent and gorgeous as always Vana

--

Fuckwit - AKA "Dad"

I have glass in my hair. My favourite pair of jeans is ruined, and we're not sure about my t-shirt. Even if we get the wine out we're not sure about the glass. And all you did during the whole fucking process was sit there.

I know you didn't mean to knock the glass over, I know it wasn't supposed to smash on the plate, and I'm fairly certain that it wasn't supposed to end up in me being covered in shards of glass and wine. But did you have to just *sit* there while *mum* rushed around with me cleaning it up?

So now she's mad at you. You blame me. All I freaking did was sit there. I didn't want to be here at all this weekend.

And I'm picking at the cuts because I really want to go to sleep but I'm too scared that there are still shards in my hair.

--

Bitch

I know you let the cat in my room. So you can figure out a way of getting her white hairs off my black velvet. I knew you were jelous of the dress. I suppose I should be glad it's in one peice. No worries, its coming with me to the fiance's.

And I reiterate. POINT SCORING AT THE TABLE IS FUCKING STUPID! Especially when I'm covered in fucking GLASS and WINE. Calling ME a selfish bitch for being close to tears when I'm in shock and pain is just crass.

Oh, and would it kill you to get off your fat, lazy arse to DO something? Mum and I cleared the table, made the coffees, filled the dishwasher, washed up and sorted dessert. Like we always do.

But then again, you are you're fathers daughter.

--

Mum.

I'm leaving. Come with me. Please?

 

[cloudy]

Eloquent and gorgeous as always Vana

--

Fuckwit - AKA "Dad"

I have glass in my hair. My favourite pair of jeans is ruined, and we're not sure about my t-shirt. Even if we get the wine out we're not sure about the glass. And all you did during the whole fucking process was sit there.

I know you didn't mean to knock the glass over, I know it wasn't supposed to smash on the plate, and I'm fairly certain that it wasn't supposed to end up in me being covered in shards of glass and wine. But did you have to just *sit* there while *mum* rushed around with me cleaning it up?

So now she's mad at you. You blame me. All I freaking did was sit there. I didn't want to be here at all this weekend.

And I'm picking at the cuts because I really want to go to sleep but I'm too scared that there are still shards in my hair.

--

Bitch

I know you let the cat in my room. So you can figure out a way of getting her white hairs off my black velvet. I knew you were jelous of the dress. I suppose I should be glad it's in one peice. No worries, its coming with me to the fiance's.

And I reiterate. POINT SCORING AT THE TABLE IS FUCKING STUPID! Especially when I'm covered in fucking GLASS and WINE. Calling ME a selfish bitch for being close to tears when I'm in shock and pain is just crass.

Oh, and would it kill you to get off your fat, lazy arse to DO something? Mum and I cleared the table, made the coffees, filled the dishwasher, washed up and sorted dessert. Like we always do.

But then again, you are you're fathers daughter.

--

Mum.

I'm leaving. Come with me. Please?

Dear JL,

From one woman in a tough spot to another, I just want to hug you, and let you know that I have faith it will get better - for both of us.

~ Cloudy

 

[Just-Legal]

Dear JL,

From one woman in a tough spot to another, I just want to hug you, and let you know that I have faith it will get better - for both of us.

~ Cloudy

Right back at you.

I shoulda thrown the remnants at his damn head...

 

[LeRuse]

Dear AH:

I realize I've been bitchier than usual. To some, I apologize. To others, you thoroughly deserved it.

What few know is that I have an awfully full plate.

I'm dealing with a pending divorce in which I most likely will not get custody of my 6-year-old. It breaks my heart. The only alternative is to resign myself to living in a loveless marriage with an emotionally and sometimes physically abusive man. I just can't anymore.

The man I love is clinically depressed and thinks about committing suicide quite often. They aren't idle threats - he's already tried it twice. I live in fear that one day he will succeed. I count every day that goes past with him alive as a small victory.

I have a 16-year-old almost-stepdaughter who skips school with frightening regularity, doesn't care about anything but herself, and is well on the way to becoming an alcoholic. I love her anyway.

I realize very few of you give a shit, since so few have taken the trouble to bother asking why I've been so hateful, or what was wrong. but I wanted to explain anyway. For those who have, thank you.

~ Cloudy

Like Skip said, more of us care for you than you may realize. My silence stems from a newfound respect for personal privacy. My heart and prayers are always with you.

Love ya, girl.

Minx

ETA: Do ya get the idea that LeRuse used my computer to post on his birthday thread?

 

[SimpleGifts]

Dear AH:

<snip>

I realize very few of you give a shit, since so few have taken the trouble to bother asking why I've been so hateful, or what was wrong. but I wanted to explain anyway. For those who have, thank you.

~ Cloudy

Count me among those who don't know you well enough to know when you're acting out of character, nor well enough to inquire about your personal life, but who still wishes to offer you deepest wishes that things will be better for you soon.

We all face difficult decisions in life but your dilemma seems particularly unjust...I hope that the resolution will eventually bring you the peace and joy that you deserve.

SG

 

[FatDino]

Count me among those who don't know you well enough to know when you're acting out of character, nor well enough to inquire about your personal life, but who still wishes to offer you deepest wishes that things will be better for you soon.

We all face difficult decisions in life but your dilemma seems particularly unjust...I hope that the resolution will eventually bring you the peace and joy that you deserve.

SG

To cloudy: I'm in the same group as Sim. I wanted to ask about what was happening but didn't think it'd be appropriate, given I only started talking to you since yesterday. But I truly hope everything would work out for you. You're still living and so are your loved ones, that means there's still hope.

 

[AppleBiter]

Dear You: I miss you. Every day. Me, T, and R are getting your tattoo on your birthday. Mom's making your favorite meal. Dad will probably play your guitar. Wish you were here.

Love,

Me

 

[Just-Legal]

Dear L:

I know today is rough on you, that everything is going to shit at the moment. You know you're always welcome to escape up here for a while. They'll get him, and the court will see sense. They *have* to. And if they say you have to go on the stand again to do it, I'll be there like I always am.

You are amazingly brave and I wish I had half your strength. Just hold on a little longer.

--

Dear T:

Yes! YES YES YES YES YES! I'm so, so glad your dad is a tissue match! Come back to us soon, we miss you.

*lots of love and hugs*

--

Dear P:

You're too late. Sorry buddy.

--

Dear Daddy *Dearest*:

I'm in my room. I heard that. I'm still laughing about it. What makes me feel even better is I know this time its not my fault. And I'll be the better person and not gloat after you've ripped her a new one like you did me.

And if you don't? Well then I just have further proof you're a dickwad.

Oh and yes, the scratch on my cheek is from glass shards in my hair. Not that you care, but whatever.

--

Dear sis:

You're in for it. I'd hide for a while if I were you. Didn't you think he'd notice when you made a mark on his precious credit rating? I want to feel sorry for you, but I can't, so instead I'll settle for prewarning you.

Having said that, I warned you to stay away from credit and you didn't listen so...

--

Mum:

I do like the idea of living in York but I'd never be able to get to Uni. But you have no idea how much it cheers me up to see you looking for houses. Yay for you sticking to your guns!

--

Self:

Sleep tonight, or else. No going comatose on his sofa at 2 in the afteroon, you know how it scares S.

 

[CrimsonMaiden]

Dear life,

You really suck.

 

[Elsie Grey]

Dear T

Do I figure in your plans for the crew or not?

And if not why am I doing the training? You say it's needed for the crew but if I'm not in the crew then surely I can go practise sculling or something useful instead of wasting my time trying to reach impossible goals? We both know I'm not as fast (yet) as some other but I'm more comitted than any of them, how many more times do I have to prove it?

Elsie

xxx

 

[Fallenfromgrace]

Dear mum,

This is for yesterday, i will NEVER forgive you for that. Ever. That was SO important to me and you'll NEVER understand that.

Your daughter.

~~~

Dear P,

You are amazing, and i am so grateful for having you. I don't think words could express how wonderful you are, and you were there for me yesterday when i needed someone. Even though you are where you are, and i am where i am.

Pyaar

<3 N

 

[Just-Legal]

Dear mum,

This is for yesterday, i will NEVER forgive you for that. Ever. That was SO important to me and you'll NEVER understand that.

Your daughter.

~~~

Dear Fallen

Would you like to borrow mine for a little while? She gives great hugs.

JL

 

[Jubal_Harshaw]

Dear L,

Yes. Yes, you were wrong. Yes, you acted like a bitch and that is indeed why I tossed your stuck up ass to the curb. Yes, I was pissed that you took my favorite shirt. Yes, it has been pretty quiet around here since you left, I've enjoyed the peace. Yes, I have thought about you a few times over the last couple months. Yes, I have wished it had turned out differently. Yes, I do think you could change, if you didn't let your friends tell you what was best for you. Do I want you back?

No. No, FUCK NO! No.

No love for you,

Chris

 

[FallingToFly]

Dear M:

I heard your name tonight in a conversation with an old friend. It still cuts me to the bone.

I can tell all the funny stories about high school, the trouble we got into and out of, the Killearn golf course at midnight, the band hallway. I always remember the little things, the way you looked in spring sunlight and the way you smiled and the way you laughed. I remember the way your lips wrapped around a cigar and your episode with too much vitamin C turnign your skin orange.

I'm sorry I was such a fuckwitted spaz back then. I loved you as my best friend, and the best way I knew how. I still hae your pictures. I tried to send them to your parents at Christmas but ended up taking them out of the envelope just to see them one last time.

I hear you're doing all right, and that life is good for you in a lot of ways. I just want you to know that I'm glad.

And even after all this time, more than a decade now, one of my biggest regrets is that I didn't say I was sorry for all the harm I caused. being a teenager is no excuse for being cruel, and I'm sorry. Walk soft, friend.

G.