dear laurel

[Sean Renaud]

Dear Laurel,

Would it be so wrong to just bop him over the head and drag him back to my cave?
His hair isn't long enough to draw him by but he does have nice long legs.
I suppose I wouldn't want to head injure him, so would have to think about the logistics of this.
Any suggestions?
I could torture him with bebop, make him watch Mae West Films, while I painted his toe nails crackled purple.

~Noor

Dear Laurel,

Tell her Noor can bop whoever the fuck she wants over the head so long as he is neither a Sean nor a Renaud. We are a rare and magical breed and we fear she wouldn't treat us properly. If you get us wet we spawn alts, if you feed us after midnight we become Jen, Renard and Miles.

 

[Noor]

Dear Laurel,

Tell her Noor can bop whoever the fuck she wants over the head so long as he is neither a Sean nor a Renaud. We are a rare and magical breed and we fear she wouldn't treat us properly. If you get us wet we spawn alts, if you feed us after midnight we become Jen, Renard and Miles.

It's nice to have some support

 

[Sean Renaud]

You shall have my steadfast support so long as you refrain from picking me up like a field mouse Little Bunny Foo foo.

 

[Noor]

You shall have my steadfast support so long as you refrain from picking me up like a field mouse Little Bunny Foo foo.

I don't have talons and if I did they wouldn't be big or strong enough, so no worries there.

 

[Laurel]

Dear ogg,

I agree with her. I've had conversations with people who are "anti-porn" only to find that when they say "porn" they often don't mean all explicit depictions of people having sex. They mean specific hardcore things which they find offensive - many of which (as you say) are already illegal.

When you actually clarify definitions, I think you'll find that the vast majority of people are not actually anti-porn at all.

And I don't think anyone worthwhile thinks children should view it anymore than kids should drink or smoke - so it's a non-issue.

But if anyone deserves and award, it's you and all the other authors.

Waiting to buy your autobiography,

Laurel

*

Dear Noor,

Hope you're feeling well!

Love,

Laurel

*

Dear islandman,

I've never been to Nebraska. What makes it good: the food, the view, or the company you're keeping?

Love,

Laurel

*

Dear Lorilei,

Duly noted. I did wipe my eye once with a pepper-hand and nearly died.

Love,

Laurel

*

Dear smiley,

If you're cooking, I'm there.

Love,

Laurel

*

Dear islandman,

If he is, go with it. He seems doable.

Love,

Laurel

*

Dear Sean,

I like to make things difficult for myself.

Love,

Laurel

*

Dear LTR,

Yay for 4 more days!

Love,

Laurel

 

[Debbie]

Dear Laurel,


http://dailypicksandflicks.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/picdump-978-6.jpg

What do you get if you google cat, balloons and Christmas?

http://c.shld.net/rpx/i/s/i/spin/im...op_sharpen=1&resMode=sharp&op_usm=0.9,0.5,0,0

Happy 1st of December in New Zealand.

 

[subdued_passion]

Dear Laurel,


The GB needs a sticky with the following threads:

Chat is down but you can hang out here and bitch about it, thread.

Old timer returning to bitch about how glorious the GB used to be and how lame it's become, thread.

People whining about how weird/rude/mean posters in the GB are, thread.


G'day.


Psst- You'll need to create the other two threads like you did the first one and insert links.

 

[cjh]

Dear Laurel,

Do you remember back when people were polite on the GB and chat functioned properly?

Those were the days.

Wistfully,

cjh

 

[Fata Morgana]

Dear Laurelle

A poem for Saturday.

THE MINOTAUR SPEAKS

The queen lay in the hollow
of a wooden cow so my father
would mount her, his white hide
glistening like a raw moon.
To love is to look up, up, up.
She named me Asterius,
the starry one. When the king
heard my birth cry, he raised
black curtains to every window
in Crete. He began to build.
My father was led away by a rope
around his neck. My mother
gave me the apple of her breast,
and I bit it off. To love is to feed
and feed again. My room
has thirty-two walls, no doors,
no chair, no light, no mirror.
I touch a face that is leather
and horns and mine, mine, mine.
They say this man has flaxen hair,
a mouth so fine the gods
beg him to speak. They say
my death will make him
a hero. Everyone loves a hero,
but a hero only loves you
until he reaches the next island.
This is my only island. To love
is to unwind the long thread
of your heart and, at the end, tie
a noose. Love, come and get me.

Sandra Beasley

 

[Laurel]

Dear Debbie,

For you:

https://31.media.tumblr.com/ea96582e9ddb5201cdf817b55c5b001d/tumblr_mvxc5qHSCW1qljj91o1_400.gif

Love,

Laurel

*

Dear s_p,

You're absolutely right. And once I get motivated, I will.

Love,

Laurel

*

Dear cjh,

Indeed. Those were the days.

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m270jnbquO1qlpcti.gif

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m270kbTbry1qlpcti.gif

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m270kkIkxS1qlpcti.gif

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m270l0uae31qlpcti.gif

Love,

Laurel

*

Dear Fata,



Now my Saturday is perfect.

Here's some holiday paper for your wrapping:

https://24.media.tumblr.com/3f92cb15f4ba00b69b37275ff0f45f37/tumblr_mws77mtFOF1qh07b6o1_500.jpg

Love,

Laurel

 

[RobDownSouth]

Dear Laurel,
I forgot what I wanted to ask you.
Have a wonderful Saturday anyway, and stay warm.
Love,
Rob

 

[JohnnySavage]

Could you imagine Archie Bunker being on TV today?

Thank Laurel he has the GB to post on!

 

[oggbashan]

Dear ogg,

...
But if anyone deserves and award, it's you and all the other authors.

Waiting to buy your autobiography,

Laurel

*

Dear Laurel,

If it is ever written, it should be filed, like most autobiographies, under 'Fiction', and probably in the Adult section.

What people write about themselves in a biography is always based on the truth but the bits the author wants to forget, or would prefer to skate around, are omitted. Those episodes that they are proud of are always better in retrospect than they were at the time. The author's contribution to the event is maximised, those of other people minimised.

'Official, approved' biographies have the same flaws. Very few people are prepared to have their life written like Cromwell's portrait 'warts and all'.

A real 'warts and all' autobiography, or 'official, approved' biography would probably be boring. The real unvarnished truth should be left to the Recording Angel.

Regards, Ogg

 

[yossi]

Dear Laurel,

http://imgur.com/Ogr3T.gif

Yours affectionately,

Yoss

 

[ms_ann_thrope]

Whatever happened to Kyle?

 

[Adre]

Dear Laurel,

I like you.

Best regards,

Adre

 

[qoogle]

Dear Laurel,
Chat is down.
Love, Sweetie.

 

[yossi]

Chere Laurel,

Have you seen this shit? Armored tights. Made me think of you...not that I'm ever not thinking of you, just this was a particularly specific thinking of Laurel kind of event.

http://imgur.com/UnuGXqn.jpg

http://www.etsy.com/ca/shop/Mitmunk

Yoss

 

[Laurel]

Dear Rob,

I did! Hope you did too.

Love,

Laurel

*

Dear JohnnySavage,

I think there's like 20 Archies posting here.

But yeah, the world's a different place, isn't it? And in such a relatively short period of time.

Love,

Laurel

*

Dear oggbashan,



This is true. And even the reader brings his/her own bias into the mix.

I'll still buy it, even from the Fiction sectin.

Love,

Laurel

*

Dear yoss,

I stared at that for 5 minutes.

And those are sweet! Some some rad gradient tights on Etsy as well. I'll link em if I can find em. It's tights/leggings-and-jackets-with-boots season again. Hate the cold, love the cold weather wear.

Love,

Laurel

*

Dear ann,

Dunno! Good question.

Love,

Laurel

*

Dear Adre,

That's a good thing, because I like you too.

Love,

Laurel

 

[Beco]

Could you imagine Archie Bunker being on TV today?

Thank Laurel he has the GB to post on!

Have you seen Modern Family?

 

[unregistered]

 

[Wings]

Dear Laurel,

Today I talked about poop for the first time in my years here at Lit. I'm also sporting new ear muffs with the speakers in them, genius invention except every time I say or type "muffs" I think of having two women on my head then I get distracted and suddenly I need to go find some me time.

I hope your day is going really well. My thighs hurt from dancing for 3 nights in a row this weekend. I'm not even sorry.

Love,
Wings

 

[JohnnySavage]

Dear

Anal probing is seldom as awful as we imagine it. Just think about baseball and it will be ok.

Sincerely,

Johnny
Laurel's Correspondence Assistant.

 

[islandman]

Dear Laurel-itious,

You moved the Atlantean conspiracies thread, but to where I don't know.

Little help?

 

[RobDownSouth]

Dear Santa Laurel,

I've been a very good boy all year and helped out countless conservative chuckleheads understand the errors of their hyperpartisan ways.

For Christmas, I'm asking for just one of two things

• World Peace
• Raising the avatar size limit to 30K.

Either one would bring about an enormous positive change for a great many people in the world. The latter, particularly, might even result in a return to the halycon Golden Days of Literotica™, when dinosaurs ruled the Earth and fantastic avatars ruled the General Board. It's so very hard to find quality sexy avatars that are less than 15K in size.

Wishing you the merriest of Christmases,
I remain your devoted servant,
Rob