Dear John reasons

[tigger_lover]

We all have our dear johns online, the usual being ive been busted by the partner, or I'm not feeling this anymore, or just plain ghosting. But what are you more unusual reasons

Today i had the reason of "Karma" has caught up with me because of our chatting"

Look forward to hearing from you

 

[Ingenue844]

I Dear John someone when I realize how entirely one-sided the friendship is.

 

[CuriousJoyeur]

I haven’t been Dear Johned, but been ghosted a few times.

 

[positiveflirt]

Haha based on that, clearly it's polite to get a Dear John rather than a

"Karma catching up with me" is definitely one for the scrapbook though! Odd.

 

[tigger_lover]

Haha based on that, clearly it's polite to get a Dear John rather than a

"Karma catching up with me" is definitely one for the scrapbook though! Odd.

i agree there Hes blaming our chatting on family ill health, still at least he didn't ghost lol

 

[GabbyDebarres]

A former lover from a few years ago broke off our relationship via email, the gist of it saying they weren't mature enough for a relationship. Of course, they were over 40 at that time and we'd been seeing each other for over six months. It became more interesting a year later when I received an email from them wanting to rekindle our relationship. I read it twice to make sure I understood what they were asking, then deleted the email and never looked back.

 

[Chillygirl]

Most have just ghosted but there was one who wrote me a message saying he didn’t need me anymore, he was happy in his marriage now.

 

[Chillygirl]

I think it's a symptom of electronic communication that people look for waht they want and as soon as it isn't giving them a dopamine rush, they move on, usually without a word. Nothing wrong with that, but it's pointless to expect anything more. I suspect it's doubly true on a website decicated to sexual the,es.

It’s definitely more fun when you learn to manage your expectations. In the beginning it’s easy to get caught up in all the attention. This was actually my first “relationship” on lit and honestly I’m happy for him.

 

[ThePitViper]

Back in the bad old days, I was dumped on Valentine's day because the other person, a heart-breaker and achingly beautiful girl, said she didn't deserve me.

And people wonder why I hate Valentine's day. (Oh, and it happened one other V-day too.)

 

[GabbyDebarres]

It was only one person. I was describing the relationship as generically as possible. My apologies for not being more precise.

 

[CuckVoyager]

I've almost never had to Dear Jane someone but if I did, 99% of the time it was because of their behavior, not mine. As soon as they get lazy in their correspondence and stop making any effort, I know something's up, and that's fine, as long as they have the decency to explain to me why. Life gets to all of us, just tell me what's up and we can part as friends. . As soon as the one-liner replies start, I know something's up and if they can't offer me the respect and common courtesy I've always given to them, I know it's time to either Dear Jane or just ghost altogether.

This is especially true with new connections. You take the time to write them a 4 or 5 paragraph email about the things they wanted to know about you and in return you get some lame, "Wow. That sounds pretty neat." type of reply and even worse, they share nothing about themselves. Sooooooooooooooo disrespectful and frustrating.

 

[CuckVoyager]

I Dear John someone when I realize how entirely one-sided the friendship is.

Bingo! Well said!

 

[CuckVoyager]

Most have just ghosted but there was one who wrote me a message saying he didn’t need me anymore, he was happy in his marriage now.

Ouch! That was unnecessarily rude.

 

[Chillygirl]

Ouch! That was unnecessarily rude.

Yes and no. Honestly I’m good with it. I’m glad he found a way to fix things at home. And I’m glad he told me instead of just ghosting and making me wonder if I did something wrong.

 

[StarGazer58]

I have had a couple with the decency to write why they were no longer interested, the vast majority just ghost. I expect that behavior now since it so common.

 

[StarGazer58]

I've almost never had to Dear Jane someone but if I did, 99% of the time it was because of their behavior, not mine. As soon as they get lazy in their correspondence and stop making any effort, I know something's up, and that's fine, as long as they have the decency to explain to me why. Life gets to all of us, just tell me what's up and we can part as friends. . As soon as the one-liner replies start, I know something's up and if they can't offer me the respect and common courtesy I've always given to them, I know it's time to either Dear Jane or just ghost altogether.

This is especially true with new connections. You take the time to write them a 4 or 5 paragraph email about the things they wanted to know about you and in return you get some lame, "Wow. That sounds pretty neat." type of reply and even worse, they share nothing about themselves. Sooooooooooooooo disrespectful and frustrating.

What you wrote is so true. Someone will post that they are looking for someone to make a connection with, someone they can talk with everyday but oh so often their replies are never engaging, just a line or two in response. Maybe that is reflection of them in real life, maybe they are trying to juggle too many people at one time so don't have the time to write more or maybe what I wrote was not that interesting. Don't really know. I have found it pretty standard here on Lit.

 

[CuckVoyager]

What you wrote is so true. Someone will post that they are looking for someone to make a connection with, someone they can talk with everyday but oh so often their replies are never engaging, just a line or two in response. Maybe that is reflection of them in real life, maybe they are trying to juggle too many people at one time so don't have the time to write more or maybe what I wrote was not that interesting. Don't really know. I have found it pretty standard here on Lit.

"maybe they are trying to juggle too many people at one time so don't have the time to write more"
Yep! I think you nailed it, at least from my POV.
Speaking only from my experiences here and that's limited...I've seen the women that messaged me get lost in having too many men to chat with. I've had several women that ended up being dirty penpals for over 5 years(one as long as 8, although infrequently due to the demands of her career). I treated each one uniquely and paid very close to the conversation and treated them as if they were the only person I was talking to. Likewise, they did the same with me in return.

I am possibly somewhat sensitive too(???) as I don't roleplay. I'm not dealing in fiction. I am sharing some very deep, personal info of 35 plus years of debauchery and taboo and kinky experiences. I feel like if I trust you enough to share it, you should appreciate and respect that. Although it's kind of hard to not be insulted when you share some heavy details and ask questions like, "Tell me more about yourself and why you're into XYZ? How did such and such a thing happen to you?" and they never bother to answer. Grrrrrrr! LOL

 

[AnotherDude99]

i'd rather be 'DJ'd' .. than be ghosted. i think i speak for a lot of people..

 

[StarGazer58]

"maybe they are trying to juggle too many people at one time so don't have the time to write more"
Yep! I think you nailed it, at least from my POV.
Speaking only from my experiences here and that's limited...I've seen the women that messaged me get lost in having too many men to chat with. I've had several women that ended up being dirty penpals for over 5 years(one as long as 8, although infrequently due to the demands of her career). I treated each one uniquely and paid very close to the conversation and treated them as if they were the only person I was talking to. Likewise, they did the same with me in return.

I am possibly somewhat sensitive too(???) as I don't roleplay. I'm not dealing in fiction. I am sharing some very deep, personal info of 35 plus years of debauchery and taboo and kinky experiences. I feel like if I trust you enough to share it, you should appreciate and respect that. Although it's kind of hard to not be insulted when you share some heavy details and ask questions like, "Tell me more about yourself and why you're into XYZ? How did such and such a thing happen to you?" and they never bother to answer. Grrrrrrr! LOL

At least you have had some dirty penpals. I always seem to meet someone who met the love of her life in Lit just before me. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. lol. I have tried to be attentitive but then I get complaints that I am too long winded and ask to many questions but how do you get to know somebody if you don't ask questions. I have tried to be much more brief and vague but that has not garnered interest either. Oh well, such is life.

 

[adamISOeve]

I see this conversation reveal two facts of life: a sad one and an encouraging one too. So let me dwell on the latter first….. Apparently there do exist some people on the Personals who possess emotional sensitivities and “manners”. Not a great term, manners, but I figure that CuckVoyager + Chillygirl + Stargazer + the Slutty Beignet understand what I mean with it. So that preps up my hopes again.

On the other hand, plenty of users here who are nothing more than users, self-centric to the n-th degree. And CuckVoyager, when you come right down to it, any woman who reacts with blandness to a well thought out PM of yours – she is actually doing you a favor, isn't she, by revealing her lack of substance right away. Imagine she did that only after you had developed some affection for her?

 

[StarGazer58]

I think its probably a matter of luck meeting the right person who wants the same stuff you do. Even if you find the "right" person there's not guarantee that they aren't actually a sociopath. I talked to one person on here everyday for a bit, I did ask all the questions and they were comfortable unburdening themselves about family trauma, 9/11 and various other very heavy subjects. But day i found out that my brother was really sick, like dying sick, this dude told me I was "too emotional" that day and he wasn't going to talk to me anymore.

When I asked to talk to him for like five minutes, he was a coward about it, then proceeded to say some pretty awful things to me. His big thing was being emotional, that we had this big connection, but apparently that connection was only one way. He did me a favor by showing he was a trash person with the emotional maturity of a scone. The thing is there was about a million ways he could have gone about ending things but he's one of those always right- born on third thinks he hit a triple types and other people didn't exist. The most ironic thing was that I was looking to not meet boring dudes who only talked about themselves and sports and that's what I ended up getting wrapped up in some weird fever dream with. Someone who didn't like or respect me (rejection I can handle, doing it that way makes you absolute garbage) Live and learn I suppose.

My point here is- in my limited opinion you aren't missing a lot. Not that friends and whatever don't happen I'm here. I've met some really great people since then. But being online allows people to treat each other atrociously and then feel okay about themselves. The thing I learned from this experience was to in future treat people leaving the way I do IRL and listen to my gut more.

I have been on Lit a long time though I have come and gone at times. While I never made one of those "I found my soulmate" connections, I have never expected to make one. I am one of those that don't believe you can really make that kind of connection without meeting in real life. If you have never eaten a meal or spent at least several days together, how do you know the other person does not have some annoying real life habits? I know many will dispute me on that. I do believe you can make some good friends on Lit but I have found it is not easy to find someone where I can connect enough to keep a conversation going. I also understand that sometimes real life intrudes. My mom passed a couple of years ago and I had to take care of things and grieve and one thing lead to another and I found I was gone from Lit for about 8 months.

I totally agree with you in that a person should treat people on Lit the same way you would treat them IRL. Sorry about your bad experience.

 

[AspiringAuthor]

I always seem to meet someone who met the love of her life in Lit just before me.

I'm one of those lucky "I met the love of my life on Lit" people. I took a chance on someone that countless other women never looked twice at, and he turned out to be the biggest gift in my life. My little secret stays a little secret. No one knows my guy is so damned perfect, because they never engaged him.

Their loss, my gain.

---

I've been ghosted plenty, and gotten a few "DJs". One has "DJ'ed" me several times... I'll never understand that (nor do I understand why I keep corresponding with him when he comes back.) One "DJ" in particular was extremely rude and abrasive. I'd have rather he ghosted me. A few ghosts have kinda stung a bit... but I just pick up and move on. Sometimes, the trash takes itself out.

 

[Booboobear84]

I'm one of those lucky "I met the love of my life on Lit" people. I took a chance on someone that countless other women never looked twice at, and he turned out to be the biggest gift in my life. My little secret stays a little secret. No one knows my guy is so damned perfect, because they never engaged him.

Their loss, my gain.

---

I've been ghosted plenty, and gotten a few "DJs". One has "DJ'ed" me several times... I'll never understand that (nor do I understand why I keep corresponding with him when he comes back.) One "DJ" in particular was extremely rude and abrasive. I'd have rather he ghosted me. A few ghosts have kinda stung a bit... but I just pick up and move on. Sometimes, the trash takes itself out.

Not sure which makes me happier, that you found the love of your life, or that he was one of the ignored. Love to see the underdog win.

 

[Chillygirl]

I'm one of those lucky "I met the love of my life on Lit" people. I took a chance on someone that countless other women never looked twice at, and he turned out to be the biggest gift in my life. My little secret stays a little secret. No one knows my guy is so damned perfect, because they never engaged him.

Their loss, my gain.

---

I've been ghosted plenty, and gotten a few "DJs". One has "DJ'ed" me several times... I'll never understand that (nor do I understand why I keep corresponding with him when he comes back.) One "DJ" in particular was extremely rude and abrasive. I'd have rather he ghosted me. A few ghosts have kinda stung a bit... but I just pick up and move on. Sometimes, the trash takes itself out.

Yes the little known men are the ones to take a chance on. Best wishes to both of you.

But that last line…that’s the best. It’s so true!

 

[shmily]

I have been on Lit a long time though I have come and gone at times. While I never made one of those "I found my soulmate" connections, I have never expected to make one. I am one of those that don't believe you can really make that kind of connection without meeting in real life. If you have never eaten a meal or spent at least several days together, how do you know the other person does not have some annoying real life habits? I know many will dispute me on that. I do believe you can make some good friends on Lit but I have found it is not easy to find someone where I can connect enough to keep a conversation going. I also understand that sometimes real life intrudes. My mom passed a couple of years ago and I had to take care of things and grieve and one thing lead to another and I found I was gone from Lit for about 8 months.

I totally agree with you in that a person should treat people on Lit the same way you would treat them IRL. Sorry about your bad experience.

I agree, i have been here forever it seems. I have met a few in RL, though there was never a sexual connection, we remained friends for years, then got lost in the shuffle.
I have chatted with several others here and felt a good connection, great conversation, mutual likes etc, just distance got in the way. I have been ghosted and ghosted. Sometimes it was life getting in the way, others the connection just didnt work. I have been on and off also.
Agree with your last thought.
Hugs