Dear Jogger-Person

G

Guest

Guest
September 13, 2004
4:45 a.m.

Dear Jogger-Person,

I wanted to take this opportunity to congratulate you on your dedication to your health. I know that in these times of health awareness that many people are turning to exercise to attain a longer life span.

I can appreciate the fact that you may be a busy person and must jog/run at odd times, however, I would be so greatful if you would please not run by my window at 4:30 a.m.

I don't know who or what you are. I, being an adult, must assume you are human but the sound you make whilst running negates these responsible ideals. At first I thought you were a horse because the sound you make is much like that of a horseshoe against cement. Ofcourse this is a silly thought.

I then began to wonder, could you possibly be a Centaur and I am being thrust into mythology against my will? If you are, you must be a female Centaur because your tread is light. No, no, no...I am too silly for words.

I caught sight of you as you traipsed around the corner. You definitely only have two legs. Well, you have one leg and one prosthetic. One, metal spring prothetic leg. How awesome that you have over come a disability. Please know how proud I am for you!

HOWEVER, if you run past my house before 5 a.m. again, I will be forced to hunt you down and steal your prosthetic leg and if I am not totally blinded with rage I will return it with a rubber sole...I can not promise you that I will not hit you over the head until you die. Children will make up horror stories to tell around campfires about your horrid and tragic death. They will speak of a woman who walks the streets of Noank with a spring loaded prosthetic foot as her weapon of mass destruction.

Thank you for taking the time to read my letter. I am sure you will head my advice.

Sincerely,

Vella
(glue factory president)
 
:D

Sorry, if this is for real I shouldn't grin, but it was damn funny. :p

I feel sorry for the jogger-person.

Lou ;)
 
Tatelou said:
:D

Sorry, if this is for real I shouldn't grin, but it was damn funny. :p

I feel sorry for the jogger-person.

Lou ;)

oh lou.. its real alright. i never would have been up that fricken early.. no worries.. if i do ever find this centaur/one legged person... i will be polite .. im all about the P.C. thing..

well ok.. im not, but there you go, rage does funny things to a person.
:p
 
vella_ms said:
oh lou.. its real alright. i never would have been up that fricken early.. no worries.. if i do ever find this centaur/one legged person... i will be polite .. im all about the P.C. thing..

well ok.. im not, but there you go, rage does funny things to a person.
:p

LOL! Indeed it does.

You are too much of a sweetie, though, I know you wouldn't really do something like that. :kiss:

I live with someone who has rage issues. :rolleyes:

I had to drive him to the station this morning and on the way we had to stop off at the petrol station. It was very busy and he was getting stressed about missing his train. I just stay quiet when he has his moments. Anyway, we were queued up and this car shot into the garage just behind me, who was obviously in an even bigger hurry than we were. They began leaning on their horn.

My husband began muttering under his breath stuff about getting out and giving them a thump if they tooted their horn again. Nice. I just told him not to be so silly and to chill - which earnt me the "death stare". I STFU.

Finally, we got our petrol and he got out of the car to go and pay. The person that had been in the car behind us turned out to be a very attractive and busty woman and she walked into the shop to pay at the same time as he did. He held the frigging door open for her and said, "After you." :rolleyes:

He can be very fickle. ;)

Lou
 
Hmmmm ... perhaps leave a bottle of lube in his path? (No, I don't mean Lou's hubby -- THE JOGGER!)
 
vella_ms said:
oh lou.. its real alright. i never would have been up that fricken early.. no worries.. if i do ever find this centaur/one legged person... i will be polite .. im all about the P.C. thing..

well ok.. im not, but there you go, rage does funny things to a person.
:p

It's not a metal leg Vella... it's a wooden leg... and anyway the parrot's always quiet:)
 
Oh you poor thing. I understand your conflict, yeah to her (?) for running at all...but 4:30 is just not civil. Do they even turn the air on that early? Hey, maybe it wasn't a metal leg, maybe it was scuba gear slipping down a bit.

The devil on my shoulder is telling me that I'd set up an ambush. I'd print out your brilliant rant on poster board, laminate it, and set it up in your yard.

5'll get you 10, you'd get as many applause from your similarly disturbed neighbors as you would complaints from the One-legged-jogger Antidefimation League. ;)

G
 
p.s. The good thing about the little devil on my shoulder is that when she's done beating the living hell out of the devil on your shoulder, she'll kiss and make it better.

Oh I DEFINATELY like your devil!! ;)

G
 
Originally posted by vella_ms

I caught sight of you as you traipsed around the corner. You definitely only have two legs. Well, you have one leg and one prosthetic. One, metal spring prothetic leg. How awesome that you have over come a disability. Please know how proud I am for you!

Vella


Pop_54
"It's not a metal leg Vella... it's a wooden leg... and anyway the parrot's always quiet"

Vella:
I read your post and pop's reply. Then it clicked! This is not a problem, but an opportunity. From pop's insightful reply, this is not just a jogger, it is a modern pirate, jogging for health (the parrot was a dead giveaway!). Vella, there is a story here!

Why is a modern pirate jogging for health? Is this a backlash against the hazards of his profession? Is the jogging stress related? What are the effects on the parrot?

You can submit erudite analyses to psychology magazines, jogging magazines and yes, the big one: Parrot Fancy!

Go for it Vella!
 
I know how you feel Vella. We have a guy in my neighborhood who jogs late in the evening. He's about 70 or 75 years old and probablly 40 pounds overweight (maybe more). He's out there almost every night, plodding slowly past my house dressed in the white 'wife-beater' shirt, green running shorts (circa. 1970's), headband, sneakers and black dress socks.

We call him "The Wheezer" because he sounds more like heavily winded horse than a human. We can hear his wheezing long before we can see him.

I'm starting to feel a little bad for him. He's been running past my house ever since I moved in 5 years ago and he doesn't look like he's lost a single pound.
 
cheerful_deviant said:
I'm starting to feel a little bad for him. He's been running past my house ever since I moved in 5 years ago and he doesn't look like he's lost a single pound.

Seventy plus and still running every night? :eek:

Right on, I say! It's not about the pounds, babe. Heart health is king and he'll probably tick on for many many years.:)

Where've you been, ghost man?

~lucky
 
lucky-E-leven said:
Seventy plus and still running every night? :eek:

Right on, I say! It's not about the pounds, babe. Heart health is king and he'll probably tick on for many many years.:)

Where've you been, ghost man?

~lucky

I suppose you're right, I'll be lucky if I'm even around at 60, never mind 70+.

Busy at work. I actually had work to do at work last week. Very inconvienient. Haven't been able to post much, but I've been lurking. :devil:
 
cheerful_deviant said:
I suppose you're right, I'll be lucky if I'm even around at 60, never mind 70+.

Busy at work. I actually had work to do at work last week. Very inconvienient. Haven't been able to post much, but I've been lurking. :devil:

Well I think you should plan on being around after sixty, SO it's time for one of those running double- strollers with the bicycle wheels and a hand-brake. :D Get your ass out there and be sure you're wearing dress socks, buddy!

Things have gotten busy lately, haven't they? Work to do at work? :eek: Blasphemy! It's been the same at school, so I feel your pain. Anyway, the devilish duck has been missed and I'm glad to see you here. Stay awhile?

:rose:

~lucky
 
lucky-E-leven said:
Well I think you should plan on being around after sixty, SO it's time for one of those running double- strollers with the bicycle wheels and a hand-brake. :D Get your ass out there and be sure you're wearing dress socks, buddy!

Things have gotten busy lately, haven't they? Work to do at work? :eek: Blasphemy! It's been the same at school, so I feel your pain. Anyway, the devilish duck has been missed and I'm glad to see you here. Stay awhile?

:rose:

~lucky

I have a jogging stroller, I run 3-5 miles a day (ok,ok, 4-5 times a week :rolleyes: ). Not a double stroller though, one kid is heavy enough to push up the hills around here. :D

Yeah, work sucks, I'm goin' out to get some lottery tickets.

Glad to hear someone noticed I was gone. Thanks beautiful. :rose:
 
cheerful_deviant said:
I have a jogging stroller, I run 3-5 miles a day (ok,ok, 4-5 times a week :rolleyes: ). Not a double stroller though, one kid is heavy enough to push up the hills around here. :D

Glad to hear someone noticed I was gone. Thanks beautiful. :rose:

I'm sorry to break this to you, but I'm not sure the exercise you're doing is going to be worthwhile without the right socks. :eek: Just think... You find some ugly dress socks (preferably almost knee high) and you might be able to cut two or three of those ass-kicking hills out of your normal route. :D

I'm not the only one that noticed. Just the only one around right now to appreciate your presence. :rose:

~lucky
 
lucky-E-leven said:
I'm sorry to break this to you, but I'm not sure the exercise you're doing is going to be worthwhile without the right socks. :eek: Just think... You find some ugly dress socks (preferably almost knee high) and you might be able to cut two or three of those ass-kicking hills out of your normal route. :D

I'm not the only one that noticed. Just the only one around right now to appreciate your presence. :rose:

~lucky

I don't think my fashion ego is big enough to wear socks like that with sneakers. :eek:

Nice to be appreciated. :rose: :kiss:
 
cheerful_deviant said:
I don't think my fashion ego is big enough to wear socks like that with sneakers. :eek:

Nice to be appreciated. :rose: :kiss:

Maybe you're looking at it all wrong. When I run, I do it in a sports bra and running shorts. I'm fairly certain that though I took the same route for months that not one of the people I passed daily while running, had a fucking clue about what kind of socks I was wearing. :eek:

So I'd suggest you spend a little time cranking up your biceps and pecs, get a tan and run in those great little running shorts that are so split up the side that your ass shows with every step that your footwear wouldn't be very likely to distract. Plus, you get the benefit of sock-power! :D

:heart:

~lucky
 
lucky-E-leven said:
Maybe you're looking at it all wrong. When I run, I do it in a sports bra and running shorts. I'm fairly certain that though I took the same route for months that not one of the people I passed daily while running, had a fucking clue about what kind of socks I was wearing. :eek:

So I'd suggest you spend a little time cranking up your biceps and pecs, get a tan and run in those great little running shorts that are so split up the side that your ass shows with every step that your footwear wouldn't be very likely to distract. Plus, you get the benefit of sock-power! :D

:heart:

~lucky

Send me a pic of you in your running outfit and I'll see if I notice your shoes. :devil:

Maybe they wouldn't see my socks. I have noticed that I get many more looks and smiles from women when I'm running than when I'm just out some where like shopping. Maybe they're more interested in a man who appears to be taking care of himself physically? :confused:
 
i can think of a squillion reasons not to jog...
lucky your breasts.. think of my buttons!

knees.. poor things by the time you get to 60 youll have to think about that hip/knee replacement.. remember to save up... its not cheap

the noise and visual distraction..

just have sex on my lawn ok? theres your exercise, your burned up calories and on top of all that, its fun.

JOGGING SUCKS
 
cheerful_deviant said:
Send me a pic of you in your running outfit and I'll see if I notice your shoes. :devil:

Maybe they wouldn't see my socks. I have noticed that I get many more looks and smiles from women when I'm running than when I'm just out some where like shopping. Maybe they're more interested in a man who appears to be taking care of himself physically? :confused:

cd...
i noticed that your imood is crabby

have you been watching spongebob... and did you have a crabby patty for lunch...


oooooooo who live s in a pineapple under the sea...

SPONGEBOBSQUAREPANTS!
 
vella_ms said:
cd...
i noticed that your imood is crabby

have you been watching spongebob... and did you have a crabby patty for lunch...


oooooooo who live s in a pineapple under the sea...

SPONGEBOBSQUAREPANTS!

I havn't had lunch yet, that's why I'm crabby! :mad:

(Actually I changed it a while ago but it doesn't seem to be updating.)

CD ~ Crabby and Hungry :(
 
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