Dear Dr. Laura

[Dillinger]

The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by
a US resident, which was posted on the Internet

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people
regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from
your show, and I try to share that knowledge with as
many people as I can. When someone tries to defend
the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind
them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an
abomination.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding
some other specific Biblical laws and how to follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice,
I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev.
1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor
is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as
sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what
do you think would be a fair price for her?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman
while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness
(Lev.15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have
tried asking, but most women take offense.

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves,
both male and female, provided they are purchased from
neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this
applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you
clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the
Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put
to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating
shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a
lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree.
Can you settle this?

g) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar
of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit
that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be
20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed,
including the hair around their temples, even though
this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should
they die?

i) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a
dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play
football if I wear gloves?

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by
planting two different crops in the same field, as
does his wife by wearing garments made of two
different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He
also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really
necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the
whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16)
Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private
family affair like we do with people who sleep with
their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I
am confident you can help. Thank you again for
reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.

 

[BiBabe:)]

lol

I certainly hope that this isn't a real letter, but just an attempt to show how crazy the Bible is if you take it as it's written.

Some interesting laws though. I never knew half of them.

 

[Problem Child]

Dr. Laura needs a good assreaming.

 

[Weevil]

I Hate to do this but...

I know it has nothing to do with the above post(Which is pretty funny) but I thought I'd point out that footballs have been made out of synthetic plastic for some time.

 

[BiBabe:)]

Dr. Laura needs a good assreaming.

So do I

 

[MinkSoul]

Volunteers

 

[Problem Child]

Dr. Laura needs a good assreaming.

So do I

I can be of service BiBabe. If Mandy is up for it I can give you girls a package deal.