Dear Diary

[IhateClowns]

Dear Diary,

I am really bummed today because they are closing down the Craigslist Adult section. I was really starting to earn some money. My heart aches for Mildred's wallet, but alas evertime I call her on the cell phone I got her it goes to voicemail. It isn't because she is avoiding my call, it is because she doesn't know how to answer the damn thing. If it doesn't have a 20ft cord that can reach everywhere in the vicinity, not things off shelves and get seriously tangled she doesn't know how to answer it. I miss that old bat.

I had a good day today although I got stuck behind a student driver. Why on earth can't the teacher teach the driver when on a one lane country road maybe it is best to m0ove over and let the cars doing the speed limit zip by as your student drives 10 miles below it pumping the breaks every 3 seconds.

I think this thread is a good idea for me. I have too many out there. This one will allow me to put anything it it. Although I will still rant and ramble from time to time, I feel I need 1 place to spill my thoughts out on screen. I am tired of having to dig back to page 18 (this is where my threads end up) to find a thread to post on.

I will stilll answer any questions on my Dear Clowns thread but that one is dying slowly. I enjoy answering people's qestions but they seem to be running out of questions to ask.

Anyway diary, I look forward to putting more thoughts on your pages. That is all I have for now.

 

[LusterMunky]

Dear Diary,

I am really bummed today because they are closing down the Craigslist Adult section. I was really starting to earn some money. My heart aches for Mildred's wallet, but alas evertime I call her on the cell phone I got her it goes to voicemail. It isn't because she is avoiding my call, it is because she doesn't know how to answer the damn thing. If it doesn't have a 20ft cord that can reach everywhere in the vicinity, not things off shelves and get seriously tangled she doesn't know how to answer it. I miss that old bat.

I had a good day today although I got stuck behind a student driver. Why on earth can't the teacher teach the driver when on a one lane country road maybe it is best to m0ove over and let the cars doing the speed limit zip by as your student drives 10 miles below it pumping the breaks every 3 seconds.

I think this thread is a good idea for me. I have too many out there. This one will allow me to put anything it it. Although I will still rant and ramble from time to time, I feel I need 1 place to spill my thoughts out on screen. I am tired of having to dig back to page 18 (this is where my threads end up) to find a thread to post on.

I will stilll answer any questions on my Dear Clowns thread but that one is dying slowly. I enjoy answering people's qestions but they seem to be running out of questions to ask.

Anyway diary, I look forward to putting more thoughts on your pages. That is all I have for now.

As I suffer testicular droop and waste away, I will always have this going for me: I was the first to post on this thread.

 

[IhateClowns]

As I suffer testicular droop and waste away, I will always have this going for me: I was the first to post on this thread.

Dear diary I am googling doop

 

[goodgurlgetsbad]

Dear Diary
How do I stop smiling like a nut each time I see this certain cool "jock" ?

 

[msmaggie]

Dear Diary...This has been a very good week...

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Diary a friend shared this picture with me earlier today and I am trying to make heads and tails out of it:

http://img688.imageshack.us/img688/3051/caption09081.jpg

I mean i get the banana, Luster saw the homage to whatever the homage is and he needed to o his part to help out. I am unsure exactly what the turkey is fot though. What is it representing. My guess is that the person that put this together is stuffed. Maybe he had a double quarter pounder with cheese and was too full to smoke. So he needed to let the world know how he felt.

I am not sure if he is Indian because of the arrow or African American because of the Kools. My guess is neither because they are both smart enough not to waste good products like that. My guess is it is an uppity white rich bitch who has too much time on her hands.

 

[newbiebabe]

Dear Diary,

Why does it hurt so bad and when does it stop?

 

[LusterMunky]

Dear Diary a friend shared this picture with me earlier today and I am trying to make heads and tails out of it:

http://img688.imageshack.us/img688/3051/caption09081.jpg

I mean i get the banana, Luster saw the homage to whatever the homage is and he needed to o his part to help out. I am unsure exactly what the turkey is fot though. What is it representing. My guess is that the person that put this together is stuffed. Maybe he had a double quarter pounder with cheese and was too full to smoke. So he needed to let the world know how he felt.

I am not sure if he is Indian because of the arrow or African American because of the Kools. My guess is neither because they are both smart enough not to waste good products like that. My guess is it is an uppity white rich bitch who has too much time on her hands.

Do you not see the symbolism? Do you not realize who perpetrated this hate crime? Your Mildred, that's who. She's one hateful skank. The banana, with wisps of Rain's blonde hair would be me, who you said you'd like to have a drink with (she is very jealous!). The old bird would be Your Mildred, an arrow through her heart, longing for your semi-talented tongue. The pesos symbolize her prior financial agreement with you (You did know she was paying you in PESOS didn't you?). And the cigs were to remind you of how exotically adept she was, what with her being able to blow smoke rings with her dusty vagina (even I was impressed with that.)

I am concerned for your safety. Hell hath no fury like a Jilted Hag Scorned. And so I offer you this . . .

http://i1030.photobucket.com/albums/y370/LusterMunky/FlyingMonkeySecurity.png

 

[Stryderthorongil]

I never know what to write in these things and always lose the key.

 

[Rosemaryythyme]

Do you not see the symbolism? Do you not realize who perpetrated this hate crime? Your Mildred, that's who. She's one hateful skank. The banana, with wisps of Rain's blonde hair would be me, who you said you'd like to have a drink with (she is very jealous!). The old bird would be Your Mildred, an arrow through her heart, longing for your semi-talented tongue. The pesos symbolize her prior financial agreement with you (You did know she was paying you in PESOS didn't you?). And the cigs were to remind you of how exotically adept she was, what with her being able to blow smoke rings with her dusty vagina (even I was impressed with that.)

I am concerned for your safety. Hell hath no fury like a Jilted Hag Scorned. And so I offer you this . . .

http://i1030.photobucket.com/albums/y370/LusterMunky/FlyingMonkeySecurity.png

my sides hurt from laughing so hard

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Diary,

I am able to see that I am a text whore. The fact that my Blackberry screen went bezerk and I cannot see anything on it shows me just how sad of a person I am. You see the phone works just fine, but I can't see anything on the screen. It keeps vibrating everytime I get a message, but I have no clue what the message is.

Luckily I have the gift of gab, ok I am a bullshit artist, so I was able to convince Sprint to send me out a new one even though it is out of warranty, oh and because I am so full of shit I was able to convince them that my wife needed one as well and so they are sending me two free. She will be quite happy to see it when it comes in the mail next week.

I hate not knowing the messages on my phone..luckily only half the screen went out at first so i was able to delete any "evidence" that I may have left on it. I look forward to breaking in my new one as soon as it arrives.

 

[DaemonOfSin]

The Epic is more awesome than the Blackberry.

Phones should be there Saturday I would think. They overnight them.

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Diary,

http://img266.imageshack.us/img266/495/toddlerquitsmoking.jpg

I hear that Ardi Rizal the two year old smoking kid who has taken the internet by storm has quit. I am wondering what effects his 40 cigarette a day habit will have on his developement. Those cigaretees were a crutch for him when he went through potty training and now he shits himself everyday.

I know for a fact that after he suckled his mama's titty he would relax with a smoke afterward and now I wonder just how he is going to come down off that high of his mama's sweet nectar.

Can yuo give a 2 year old gum? Do they have breast milk flavored nicorette gum? I wonder if the patch comes with cool designs for kids his age, like Scooby Doo or Sponge Bob Square Pants.

The Indonesian government was so embarassed by the video circulating the internet that they offered the Rizal family a car if they could get their son to quit, but quickly recanted the offer when they realized the kid would probably just wrap his lips around the tail pipe to get his daily fix in.

He is a 2 year old kid who completed rehab. We have dozens of celebrities out there from Lindsey Lohan to Mel Gibosn who are much older and experienced and they can't get their shit together.

Art Linkletter would always say "Kid's say the darndest things" maybe some of these buffoons should stop and listen if the kids voicebox isn't to scratchy.

 

[DayMaker]

Dear Diary,

I am able to see that I am a text whore. The fact that my Blackberry screen went bezerk and I cannot see anything on it shows me just how sad of a person I am. You see the phone works just fine, but I can't see anything on the screen. It keeps vibrating everytime I get a message, but I have no clue what the message is.

Luckily I have the gift of gab, ok I am a bullshit artist, so I was able to convince Sprint to send me out a new one even though it is out of warranty, oh and because I am so full of shit I was able to convince them that my wife needed one as well and so they are sending me two free. She will be quite happy to see it when it comes in the mail next week.

I hate not knowing the messages on my phone..luckily only half the screen went out at first so i was able to delete any "evidence" that I may have left on it. I look forward to breaking in my new one as soon as it arrives.

I had a problem with my phone earlier this year...took it back in and the nice gentleman got me a new, nicer one for free because my warranty was up. I didn't really have to much conviencing, I think the front of my shirt did most of the talking for me. However, I had to tell him to take his time getting it for me as I madly deleted some of the more inappropiate things contained on it...

 

[IhateClowns]

The Epic is more awesome than the Blackberry.

Phones should be there Saturday I would think. They overnight them.

I am sure it is I am just not going to spend a ton of money when I can screw sprint out of paying for any new ones and just have them send me free ones

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Diary,

Please please please punch me in the dick if I get severely drunk and click on Woody's house of hard beef again. Now that I have to have eye surgery from scrolling down too far and getting poked in the eye I would appreciate it if you would just squat down and punch my dick as hard as you can if my cursor arrow ever even glances that way again.

 

[sunshinegirl05]

Dear Diary,

Please please please punch me in the dick if I get severely drunk and click on Woody's house of hard beef again. Now that I have to have eye surgery from scrolling down too far and getting poked in the eye I would appreciate it if you would just squat down and punch my dick as hard as you can if my cursor arrow ever even glances that way again.

LMAO..............omg. poor guy.

 

[border_humper]

Dear Diary,

Do you have any idea why the fuck I am awake at this hour?

If you do, please let me know.

BH

 

[Sensualdreamer]

Dear Diary:

I forgot what I was gonna say...but it was REALLY good

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Diary,

I had this amazing dream last night. It is one of the hottest dreams I have ever had. I woke up with a raging boner, that is right boner, that I have ever had. It is the first wet dream(s), (it could have been more then 1 with the amount of puddle I woke up in) I have had in a very long time.

The biggest smile crept across my face when I realized that even though I was disgusted for sleeping in such a mess, I wouldn't have to worry about cleaning it up thanks to the haotel staff. I am still beaming.

The funny thing is it wasn;t about a woman. It wasn't about any sport championship, a destination, something I was watching. None of that at all. I dreamt about something I have never dreamt about before. I wasn't even sure this existed until this dream.

When I woke up this morning I unglued myself and hopped on the computer to see if it existed. I googled it and sure enough there it was:

http://img339.imageshack.us/img339/4894/deepfriedbeer.jpg

Are you fucking kiddng me? Was it my subconscious? My will for it to be true? Whatever the reason I don't care. I just want Sam's to start carrying it by the bulk load please.

I can imagine the mass hysteria of middle aged fat men lining up in front of the store at 6am like Black Friday. As soon as the door opens it is like a cattle stampede of drooling wife beating idiots. All going for the same thing: Deep Fried Beer.

Is there a greater combination of food? Grease and Alcohol? I don't believe so. So i want to shake the hand of th man who invented this tasty treat. Bow down to him and let him know he is my King from now on. I know it is a guy because no woman would ever put those two things together. The thought repulses a woman and knows the hedges will never get trimmed because Al won't stop eating beer poppers and get his lazy ass off the couch.

God Bless you Beer Popper inventer. I don't say God Bless you too often especially on an erotic website, but my dear King, you deserve it even if you didn't sneeze.

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Diary,

I found the cure for a guy that gets wood:

http://img64.imageshack.us/img64/3119/thailandvaginatree.jpg

I want a nickel for every drunk man who has tried to hit that tree at 2:30am. I would be a rich man I tell ya. At least the tree goes brazillian. I don't mind a little hair if it wants to grow some moss or something but keep yourself clean down there. I woulndt want to catch some form of roots or something that would cause me to have a burning feeling and seeing a Dr.

I am also wondering what the fella in the picture is thinking. I am thinking he may be taking a mental picture to beat his pud to later on. Or he could be thinmking that is the longest taint I have ever seen.

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Diary,

I snapped this picture about an hour ago while trying to convince the store manager that Fried Beer would be a fabulous stock item to sell.

http://img714.imageshack.us/img714/7706/doublestuffed.jpg

I think this woman is onto something. I mean if it works for Nascar why can't product placement work for us regular joes as well? It would be a whole new form of advertising. People walking around as billboards for their favorite products or the highest bidders.

I mean for the right price I will slap on a Tampax temporary tattoo on my chest and walk around shirtless. This woman is another genius and is looking to make an extra buck for herself. I wonder if she is getting paid double for obviously endorsing Doble Stuffed Oreos

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Diary,

I am tired of people asking me about why I need so mch money to live a lifestyle I have become used to. I understand people question my motives when it came to Mildred. I also understand why people would look down upon me when it came to me whoring myself out on Craigslist.

To each their own really. Some people don't understand the life of a rich and semi-famous person as myself. They don't get that I have an image to uphold. Asking for a grand to be able to kiss me isn't asking much in my opinion.

You might not understand just how much money I like to spend on things. Just the other night I took a few friends out to Finnegans for a good time. I told them my treat. Anything they want.

That was the last thing I remember. I know we got crazy because I have bruises and bite marks all over me but I am unsure as to who caused them and where they came from.

I rummaged through my pockets and found this:

http://img715.imageshack.us/img715/2639/ironmaidenslipperynippl.jpg

It is all becoming clearer to me. So as you can see the life of luxury comes with expenses that I need to maintain. I have tried almost everything, but I think I may have an ace up my sleeve. I hear Donald Trump has started a pyramid company that if I join now I will start off on the ground floor and move up quickly. I am very pumped and am looking into it immediately.

I am just glad my ass doesn't hurt after the other night....

 

[goodgurlgetsbad]

Lmaoooo that receipt got me chuckling even if I have no idea what those are but the prices OMG -that receipt looks very real ~~~ I'm starting to believe you really need to whore, btw Trump wants to buy the muslim mosque - is that where he will make his pyramid ?

 

[LusterMunky]

The 136 bucks for Coca-Cola is an absurd extravagance.