Dear Clowns

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,

Great advice as usual, thank you.

I also think packing will be much quicker if I keep everything - it allows me to use my preferred method of shoving everything in a box, sitting on it and taping it down rather than have to 'waste time' sorting through.

Your tip about ARS is an excellent one; and I will be quoting you verbatim in my efforts to avoid the nasty household incidents.

x

I aim to please dear. I will also look forward to seeing you on ARS as you break down and start weeping when you learn that the face of Mary that has appeared in your cream cheese when you spread it on your cinnamon raisan bagel is actually worth $350,000.

 

[Husker1987]

Dear Clowns,

Last night I had a terrible night sleeping as something from my pillow kept poking my head. It was either that or the El Grande Stupido Burrito I ate on the way home from work. Anyway, I digress. I was half asleep when I reached into the pillow case and felt what appeared to be just a piece of paper. I assumed it was the list of 3,472 words in the English Language that end in "ATE" that I was trying to memorize by osmosis last month for a certain thread which will remain nameless. So, I just grabbed it and yanked it from the pillow case and threw it on the floor. This finally allowed me to drift off to sleep while oddly enough thinking about English women wearing mumus....don't ask.

When I awoke this morning I stepped on the floor and felt a piece of paper under my foot. I reached down to throw it away when, imagine my horror when I saw the words "DO NOT REMOVE THIS TAG UNDER PENALTY OF LAW. My heart stopped beating and I began to sweat profusely...which was still from the Burrito I assume.
I can't put it back on the pillow, I don't sew and surely the authorities will notice the duct tape attaching the tag back on the pillow.

Help me Clowns...I have not left my home all day. I have closed all my shades and now my phone keeps ringing and ringing...I won't answer it because I know it's "THEM" and I really don't want to spend the next 7 to 10 years bunking with a guy named Bubba in the big house.

Signed,

Paranoid in Pokipsy

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,

Last night I had a terrible night sleeping as something from my pillow kept poking my head. It was either that or the El Grande Stupido Burrito I ate on the way home from work. Anyway, I digress. I was half asleep when I reached into the pillow case and felt what appeared to be just a piece of paper. I assumed it was the list of 3,472 words in the English Language that end in "ATE" that I was trying to memorize by osmosis last month for a certain thread which will remain nameless. So, I just grabbed it and yanked it from the pillow case and threw it on the floor. This finally allowed me to drift off to sleep while oddly enough thinking about English women wearing mumus....don't ask.

When I awoke this morning I stepped on the floor and felt a piece of paper under my foot. I reached down to throw it away when, imagine my horror when I saw the words "DO NOT REMOVE THIS TAG UNDER PENALTY OF LAW. My heart stopped beating and I began to sweat profusely...which was still from the Burrito I assume.
I can't put it back on the pillow, I don't sew and surely the authorities will notice the duct tape attaching the tag back on the pillow.

Help me Clowns...I have not left my home all day. I have closed all my shades and now my phone keeps ringing and ringing...I won't answer it because I know it's "THEM" and I really don't want to spend the next 7 to 10 years bunking with a guy named Bubba in the big house.

Signed,

Paranoid in Pokipsy

Dear P in P,

Get ready to start sucking some PP...you are done for. If I were you I would start fingering your ass and get it ready because you are looking to be in a world of hurt when said "Bubba" gets a hold of you.

You might even have a congressional hearing called on this matter. The government doesn't like when you fuck wit their stuff. The pillow tag being one of them. You can not answer your phones all you want. The blinds will only shield you from the sharps of glass that will start spraying out as soon as they come flying through your windows.

Bottomline is that you CANNOT remove that tag. You must allow this tag which is way too fucking big for a pillow to dig into your neck and cause irritations as you try to sleep. It is the governemnts way of controlling us. They are watching you and an alarm wentoff as soon as you yanked that tag. Now you will be yanking Carl's cock behind the washers and driers whimpering to yourself and crying for Mommy. I would wish you well but what really is the point?

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns

WTF is a mumu?

Still Disgruntled Naughty Dog Owner

PS...it's the dog that eats the buttons not the dryer

I hope the mumus worked for you. If you have any pictures I have a fetish for hot women in ill fitting dresses. Thanks

 

[IhateClowns]

I am happy to say that my mail box is empty. I didn't think I could help lit so quickly but apparenty my advice went over so well, that people are having no more problems.

Now I have to go back to work flipping burgers. *sigh*

 

[ivantheterrible]

dear flippin,

is it ok for me to have an avatar that is not me?

 

[Rikki_13]

read this question in cosmo and am curious about what you would have said... yes, i could use the entertainment.

my boyfriend has a dick that is curved to the left, should i be concerned?

 

[kendra1980]

Dear Clowns,


Why is it most men seem to be better tippers than women?

 

[RyanBlack]

read this question in cosmo and am curious about what you would have said... yes, i could use the entertainment.

my boyfriend has a dick that is curved to the left, should i be concerned?

sheesh cant we PUH LEESE leave the politcs over at the GB!!!



Hiya miss Rikki----lady of the dulcet tones

hope things have been well with you

 

[RyanBlack]

Dear Clowns,


Why is it most men seem to be better tippers than women?

"just the tip" I promise

 

[kendra1980]

"just the tip" I promise

Ahhh, I like when men are "big tippers"...I'm still wondering though

 

[kendra1980]

read this question in cosmo and am curious about what you would have said... yes, i could use the entertainment.

my boyfriend has a dick that is curved to the left, should i be concerned?

Hey Rickki, Dr. Oz says men are curved or hang to one side or the other because the testicle on that side is larger.

Please check it out and let me know if he is right or not

 

[RyanBlack]

Ahhh, I like when men are "big tippers"...I'm still wondering though

well for me "just the tip" is still you know . . . . . .

 

[kendra1980]

well for me "just the tip" is still you know . . . . . .

Yes, as a member of your cock's fan club, and having received the membership "Package" I am well aware of what the tip of ... yeah. I do know.

That thing should come with a warning label

 

[RyanBlack]

Yes, as a member of your cock's fan club, and having received the membership "Package" I am well aware of what the tip of ... yeah. I do know.

That thing should come with a warning label

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww you say the nicest things miss K

 

[kendra1980]

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww you say the nicest things miss K

Well, all things considered, it would take a banner sized tag, and well, that could get chafing after a while.

 

[IhateClowns]

dear flippin,

is it ok for me to have an avatar that is not me?

No it isn't. I think everyone should use an avatar that is them. That way there is no fake-outs. No empty promises. Aren't you tired of talking to women on here that say they are 5'8 36-24-36 yet all they share is a pic from the neck up? Kinda peculiar huh? Then again i suppose it is better then from the ankles down.

As you can see with my avatar, i share a picture of myself so the womn know who they are talking to. A man that respects women. That would never expect to a woman to drop her kid on a dime and give him a blow job. A man that would nevr wish her to get gang raped by a bunch of ni*****. A man that would never call a woman a cunt over and over then breathe heavily into a phone like a creepy kid toucher.

Just be yourself as i am doing.

 

[IhateClowns]

read this question in cosmo and am curious about what you would have said... yes, i could use the entertainment.

my boyfriend has a dick that is curved to the left, should i be concerned?

Dear concerned,

Here is when you need to be concerned. Does your toddler tunnel curve to the right? If so then you could be introuble unless you are a gymnast and can fuck standing on your head.

They say a man who has a penis that curves to the left is very creative while a man that has a penis that curves to th right is well...gay. Lookling down at mine it curves to the left. Looking in the mirror it curves to the right. SO I am not sure how you are supposed to look at it. I am just great it is large enough to handle curvature.

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,


Why is it most men seem to be better tippers than women?

Dear concerned tipper,

the main reason is because you guys know money better then us and how to spend it. While we are tipping a waitress $20 on a $5 meal you are tipping the correct amount because you already have the other $18 spent before you get out of the booth.

Plus it seems to m that the majority of servers are women and well even though some of us are taken that doesn't stop us from trying to impress not only the person we are with but the waitress herself. By tipping larger amounts it makes our $7 an hour job seem better because we are wiling to leave a decent tip. Let me clarify that not willing to leave a better tip because it hurts like hell when we do but a false validation that ou lives are as terrible as they actually are.

 

[IhateClowns]

read this question in cosmo and am curious about what you would have said... yes, i could use the entertainment.

my boyfriend has a dick that is curved to the left, should i be concerned?

Dear cock concerned,

I need to make an amendment to my previous answer. I said there was nothing wrong with a curved cock especially to the left unless you have a right curved vag canal. I should further clarify this statement.

If the cock is so curved that he can scratch his hip without ever using his gand then yes there might be a problem. If his cock is rather large and curved this could cause scoliosis. Then we are talking back pain.

What i would suggest a man that has this issue do is get really drunk one night. Find a far sighted drunk ass woman and have her ride him. In her drunken haze she wont be able to see what she is doing and may bounce off and crack his dick good. Now this causes shearing pain and us normal guys would never want this to happeen. But like setting a broken nose back into place maybe he can get it broken back to a straight position.

Once again fellas please do not try this at home. This must be done by a drunken far sighted slut that wears extreely tight wrangler jeans and a tube top with no bra. She is the oracle. She can fix you.

 

[ivantheterrible]

dear clown paranoid

is it weird that with my new avatar that everything i read that i wrote or are typing i hear the voice of ash in my head? and everytime i see the avatar i want to laugh?

 

[eug3nius]

read this question in cosmo and am curious about what you would have said... yes, i could use the entertainment.

my boyfriend has a dick that is curved to the left, should i be concerned?

Not unless he's a socialist with it ...

Also, can you please get a microphone ...

 

[EnglishRoseFox]

Dear Clowns

You, me, doggy date. Hear what I'm saying?

She's Moved On To Press Studs Now Owner

 

[littlebabyclit]

Dear Clowns,

It's (still) a down economy and I'd like to keep my job. What's the best way to handle a babbling co-worker who won't shut the fuck up and a boss with a headache who's sulking, so that I don't lose it and stab them both (losing my job in the process)?

Sincerely,
Overexposed, Overcome and Overwrought

 

[IhateClowns]

dear clown paranoid

is it weird that with my new avatar that everything i read that i wrote or are typing i hear the voice of ash in my head? and everytime i see the avatar i want to laugh?

Dear paranoid,

Yes you should be paranoid about your av and the fact that you have voices in your head that make you laugh. Remember where you are here. Lit is the first serious people only erotic site. There is no laughing here. There is only reading, writing, jerking off, clit diddling, and if you are lucky some ass play.

There is no laughing. No socializing. No smiles or smirks. I need you to change your av as soon as possible or leave the site. people like to bitch, moan, whine, and cause drama out this site. That is what we live for. That is who we are.

Please change it or leave