Dear Clowns

[IhateClowns]

calls dibs on Tiamo if you ever finish with her

You've got that wrong. Tiamo will be done with me well before I knew what hit me.

 

[cowslinger64]

Anything is a stretch, but thank God I have a sense of humor or I would be fucked.

You and Mr. Ryan Black are the two funniest people I've seen here.. Even better than moi.

 

[cowslinger64]

Dear Ode Lover,

They really are a godsend and if the creator were here I would buy them a drink.

Signed,

I can barely handle one woman, much less a harem.

Two women are soooooo much fun. Ya gotta do it at least once.

 

[Trekka]

I can barely handle one woman, much less a harem.

Dear Clowns,

I dunno, you seem to juggle all of our leg-humping pretty well, imho. Plus you're so good at taking our minds to the most unimaginable places... it's almost like you manage to squeeze us all into this tiny metaphorical thought-mobile and, like, whenever you arrive at a conclusion? All these ladies come tumbling out!

Sincerely,
Wants To Squirt You With Her Flower

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Dear clowns,

I always read dyslexia as dailysex.
Am I broken?

Seriously wondering why I even need ask.

 

[37_ttej]

Dear clowns,

I always read dyslexia as dailysex.
Am I broken?

Seriously wondering why I even need ask.

(I got this one IHC)

Dear NOT-Broken,

Nah that's just Freudian, not dyslexia.
You see what your brain wants to see.
It's a bit like me every time I hear the Puretones' song:
I know you can tell just by looking at my face
A word about my weakness
I'm totally addicted to ass.

PS: Sorry I've been AWOL and I owe you an email.

Bass-lover

 

[IhateClowns]

Two women are soooooo much fun. Ya gotta do it at least once.

I've done it. Was a longgggg time ago though.

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,

I dunno, you seem to juggle all of our leg-humping pretty well, imho. Plus you're so good at taking our minds to the most unimaginable places... it's almost like you manage to squeeze us all into this tiny metaphorical thought-mobile and, like, whenever you arrive at a conclusion? All these ladies come tumbling out!

Sincerely,
Wants To Squirt You With Her Flower

Dear squirter,

I wear 38 inch pants. I have long legs. More to hold onto. Plus I use gorilla tape.

Signed,

Walks with a limp.

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear clowns,

I always read dyslexia as dailysex.
Am I broken?

Seriously wondering why I even need ask.

(I got this one IHC)

Dear NOT-Broken,

Nah that's just Freudian, not dyslexia.
You see what your brain wants to see.
It's a bit like me every time I hear the Puretones' song:
I know you can tell just by looking at my face
A word about my weakness
I'm totally addicted to ass.

PS: Sorry I've been AWOL and I owe you an email.

Bass-lover

Thank you for jumping in.

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

Little Denny

Censored?????? First you scared me so bad when I was three that I peed my snow suit now you won't let me look into your nasty closet. No wonder I hate clowns.

 

[makemewet69]

Dear Clowns,

i really enjoy your posts. That is all.

 

[IhateClowns]

Censored?????? First you scared me so bad when I was three that I peed my snow suit now you won't let me look into your nasty closet. No wonder I hate clowns.

Funny. That's the exact same reason I hate them.

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,

i really enjoy your posts. That is all.

Dear post lover,

Don't feed the troll. It only makes his head get bigger.

Signed,

Heed! Pants! Now!

 

[DarkSimian]

Dear squirter,

I wear 38 inch pants. I have long legs. More to hold onto. Plus I use gorilla tape.

Signed,

Walks with a limp.

and this is why you are the master, and I the lowly apprentice

 

[Trekka]

Dear Clowns,

i really enjoy your posts. That is all.

Welcome to the leg-humping club! I've got dibs on his right thigh.

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

Funny. That's the exact same reason I hate them.

You peed your snow suit when you were three? We were at Circus World in Baraboo, Wisconsin in front of a million other people and 37 mean looking clowns. I had to wear that wet snowsuit until spring like that.
My testicles are still red and shriveled up. I'm nine now!

 

[Suz_anne]

Dear Clowns,

Can I ride your little red clown nose if I promise to fart?


Sincerely,
Queef Latifah

 

[37_ttej]

Welcome to the leg-humping club! I've got dibs on his right thigh.

Agnes says she loves what he can do with his big toe.

I don't ask and I try really hard not to think either.

I'm hoping that it's macrame or painting or some handicraft skill.

The alternatives are too frightening to contemplate.

 

[BradBigBrain]

Dear IHate,

FYI, pal...since we all know you're not a fan of fornicating on those lady's days...would a product like this change your mind???

San Francisco start-up The Flex Company has designed a tampon that allows women to experience "mess-free" sex during their periods.

The Flex tampon aims to help couples become more intimate by allowing them to have sex no matter the time of month.

Shaped like a curved disc, it works in a similar way to the Mooncup, a cup worn inside the vagina during menstruation. Flex fits against the cervix, creating a soft barrier that temporarily blocks menstrual blood.

It is disposable, and can be worn for up to 12 hours – four hours longer than the recommended time for an average tampon.

As it contours to the shape of a woman's cervix, it can't be felt by either partner during sex. But it is not a form of contraception.

https://static.dezeen.com/uploads/2016/04/flex-tampon-worn-during-sex_dezeen_936_1.jpg

 

[catherinewheel77]

let me tell you... if women were running pharmaceutical companies and making the decisions about research dollars - this kind of product would have come to market a LOOOOOONNNNNNGGGGGGG time ago.

just saying.

Amen, sister.

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear IHate,

FYI, pal...since we all know you're not a fan of fornicating on those lady's days...would a product like this change your mind???


https://static.dezeen.com/uploads/2016/04/flex-tampon-worn-during-sex_dezeen_936_1.jpg

let me tell you... if women were running pharmaceutical companies and making the decisions about research dollars - this kind of product would have come to market a LOOOOOONNNNNNGGGGGGG time ago.

just saying.

Amen, sister.

Dear Space Age Litsters,

I'm unsure this would be convenient. It last up to 12 hours??? Can you imagine anything being in a vagina for more than 96 seconds? I can't and haven't. I can only imagine what that things looks like after having been stored inside a blood haven for half a day. This was created by opportunistic vampires no?

Signed,

Only U2 plays on Bloody Sundays

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Dear Space Age Litsters,

I'm unsure this would be convenient. It last up to 12 hours??? Can you imagine anything being in a vagina for more than 96 seconds? I can't and haven't. I can only imagine what that things looks like after having been stored inside a blood haven for half a day. This was created by opportunistic vampires no?

Signed,

Only U2 plays on Bloody Sundays

You've watched Tarantino movies, right?

 

[IhateClowns]

You've watched Tarantino movies, right?

Yes ma'am I sure have.

 

[Trekka]

Dear Space Age Litsters,

I'm unsure this would be convenient. It last up to 12 hours??? Can you imagine anything being in a vagina for more than 96 seconds? I can't and haven't. I can only imagine what that things looks like after having been stored inside a blood haven for half a day. This was created by opportunistic vampires no?

Signed,

Only U2 plays on Bloody Sundays

^U2 reference! U2 reference!^

*jumps up and down and claps hands*

 

[GiggLeGasm]

I'm a space age Litster.. and that thing lasts the full 90 seconds that are absolutely necessary for maximum pleasure. (and longer if you don't you-know-what)