Dear Chemgirl (Abby)

[crazychemgirl]

Everyone remember “Dear Abby” … well .. Welcome to the advice thread! …

You can send your requests for advice to me via PM … and choose whether you want good or bad advice.

The responses for your letters will be posted publicly in the thread.



I look forward to helping (or hurting) you all!!

 

[crazychemgirl]

Please address the PM with Dear Chemgirl … and leave a pseudonym for your name..

Examples:

Frustrated in Florida
Curious in California
Stressed in Space

 

[BrendaBear]

I love the idea of right up front, asking for good old fashioned, honest, bad advice.

 

[crazychemgirl]

Dear Chemgirl,
I missed Hot Girl Summer and I want to be ready for Fat Girl Fall. What can I do to make the most out of the cooler months and help get my mojo back?

-Nojo in North America



Dear Nojo in North America,
I understand what it’s like to feel like you didn’t take advantage of things when they are happening. I definitely recommend you go to every single food event this fall … not only will you be able to enjoy all the lovely food … you might just meet a fellow foodie!! Once you two have thoroughly stuffed yourselves… you can eat pumpkin pie off each other naked. I’m sure that will get your mojo back in no time!!

 

[crazychemgirl]

Dear Chemgirl,
I'm wondering on how or if to approach my wife with the subject of me being Bi Curious.

She is very very vanilla and in the past her comments on married men being bi haven't always been pleasant.

-Willingtosuck UK


Dear Willingtosuck UK,
I think open and honest conversation is probably your best bet here… maybe start off slowly at first by making comments about men you find attractive. Slowly ramping it up, when you see men who are partially naked, you can say how much you love their body. Then when the bricks are laid a bit, you can start to have a conversation about sexual activity.. such as asking her about her fantasies and things she maybe likes but hasn’t tried yet. If she is receptive to trying new things, you could further test the waters by watching porn that has the kind of activities you’re interested in trying.

It’s all about open and honest conversation… I’m sure if you do that you’ll have good luck!

 

[crazychemgirl]

Remember everyone … make sure to indicate if you want good or bad advice.

 

[crazychemgirl]

Dear Long Distance Sir,

It’s clear you have something special with your lit-lady … and so to really take this e-relationship to the next level you need to post a loving tribute to your e-girlfriend and tell her her she is now your e-sub and you are going e-steady. You should also send her lots of photos of yourself naked (including butthole) … to show her how much she means to you. Bonus points if you write on your body..

“(Insert user name here) + Long Distance Sir (insert your actual name) 4 Eva”

I’m sure she will be smitten and then you can have amazing e-bone sessions and post about them for everyone to enjoy.

Also make sure to ask her LOTS of details about her personal life, like her address and her last name. That way she’ll know you are serious about your e-love. Once you’ve cemented your lit-love you can get e-engaged and and have some e-babies!!

 

[Indie]

Dear Chemgirl,

I want you to post the questions!

 

[crazychemgirl]

Dear Chemgirl,

I want you to post the questions!

Ok … from now on, I will post the questions

 

[crazychemgirl]

Dear Chemgirl,
I want all the sex…but can never consistently get the sex from the people I want it from. How do I get the sex? All the sexy sex? With all the sexy people.

-Slippery when wet



Dear Slippery when wet,
First off, kudos to you for being so open and forward with what you want. If you were interested in the sex from more people, I would recommend walking around naked in shady bars… or at least, as fully naked as you desire.
You might consider taking excessive photos of your parts … and photos of you masturbating … then when you are out in public just AirDrop them to random people that you think might be people you are wanting to do the sex with.

I wish you luck on your endeavours and I’ll keep my airdrop open, just in case

 

[crazychemgirl]

Dear Chemgirl.
I think a certain someone on lit is swell. I don’t want to give away her name so, i’ll call her “HazyRemHurl”.
How do I get “HazyRemHurl” to not think I’m a stupid dufus-head?

-NotaDufus in Nantucket


Dear NotaDufus in Nantucket,
I’m 100% sure the poster you are referring to doesn’t think of you as a stupid dufus-head.. but if you want to absolutely ensure this poster knows… you would have to endear to their favourite things. Have you considered sending dick pics? Or balls? … just embed them directly in threads where this poster is bound to encounter them regularly. Or you could post nothing but memes as a response and never answer a question directly. That’s always popular, ask @SirConradPeckereye
… or last but not least,.. just angry react to every single one of their posts… that way they will know for SURE you are absolutely in NO way a stupid dufus-head.

 

[crazychemgirl]

Dear Chemgirl,
I have a major crush on my yoga instructor not that anything will ever come of it since I am happily married and she is also one of my wife's best friends. I'm cool with that. Nothing wrong with a harmless crush.

The problem is she is also a great masseuse and though I try to fight it I usually wind up getting at least semi-hard during my massages and since I'm pretty juicy too I always leave precum evidence of how much I enjoyed the massage on the sheets. I've looked and even semi-hard my cock is hard to miss under the thin sheet she covers me with but there have been occasions when I got lost in the moment and I have no doubt that she had to notice my cock lifting the sheet.

I'm worried that she might think I'm just a horny old perv. She's never said anything to me and I hope she hasn't said anything to my wife.

Do you think this means I'm just a horny old perv, which, let's be honest, I am or that my feelings for her go deeper than an innocent crush on one of my wife's friends? Could it even be possible that I am picking up on more than friendly feelings that she has for me?

-My Yoga Instructor has Me Tied Up in Knots



Dear My Yoga Instructor has Me Tied Up in Knots,
I think honestly … there’s nothing unusual about men getting semi or even fully stiff when getting a massage. The massage is probably very pleasurable … and so your body just does what it does. It probably doesn’t help that you are physically attracted to her …
But I think it’s probably nothing unusual for her… and as long as you are not trying to put her hand on it or are expecting sexual gratification from her… I wouldn’t worry too much about it.

 

[crazychemgirl]

I hope you all have been enjoying my (occasionally) terrible advice.

 

[lakesailer_mi]

I hope you all have been enjoying my (occasionally) terrible advice.

So far, I think I can tell the difference between your good advice and your bad advice....

Which suggests you're not quite as crazy as I'd feared....

 

[crazychemgirl]

So far, I think I can tell the difference between your good advice and your bad advice....

Which suggests you're not quite as crazy as I'd feared....

Damnit … I thought I was being super subtle and aloof

 

[MrsPassion]

I hope you all have been enjoying my (occasionally) terrible advice.

I’ve picked up so many life skills. Thank you.

 

[crazychemgirl]

Dear Chemgirl,
I've always been nervous trying to initiate conversation with women in social situations, especially in bars. I'm always shy, never know what to say, and too chicken shit to do so with confidence. What is the best way to approach women and speak with confidence?

-Trying Not To Make It Harder Than It Already Is



Dear Trying Not To Make It Harder Than It Already Is,
I’m honoured that would come to me for this very important information… I have so many great tips for you. First off, women absolutely LOVE when you approach them with confidence… one way to do this is to have a great dick pic on your phone and just put it on the bar in front of them. The confidence really shines though there, trust me.
If that’s not up your alley … just start regaling them with tales of your sexual prowess. Just start right in with, “the last time I made a woman orgasm, she lost the use of her legs for 2 days” … I guarantee you will have them begging for your phone to put their number In.

Good luck and happy hunting!

 

[crazychemgirl]

Dear Chemgirl,
How do you get over an attraction to a person that’s bad for you?

-Tipsy Talker


Dear Tipsy Talker
This is the struggle of so many, so I’m very grateful you asked this question. I want to ask though, how do you know this person is bad for you? They might actually be really good for you, but you just can’t see it.
If not, have you tried changing them? I’m sure that’s 100% something that has worked for others in the past.
I’m certain there must be traits about this person that are good, and you just need to focus on them.
If none of the above work for you… maybe you should just find someone else to slather your juices attention on. What’s that old saying, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else? I’m available for in person therapy if required… just so you know.

 

[crazychemgirl]

Dear Chemgirl,
What is the best way to let someone know you have them on ignore, without coming right out and saying it?

-Sticky Picnics


Dear Sticky Picnics,
Clearly someone has irked you and you’ve taken the responsible measure of putting them on ignore. I commend you for your maturity, but if you want them to know they’re on ignore you absolutely have to tag them in almost every post on lit. Clearly make sure they are aware you know they exist but aren’t listening to a thing they say. Putting their name in your signature is another way you can be clear with this poster that they have been ignored… I recommend something like,

(Insert ignored posters name) I see your lips moving but all I hear is “blah blah blah I’m a dirty whore”

Lastly … encourage other posters to casually mention in their posts to ignored poster that you can’t hear them or see them because they have clearly been a twatwaffle and don’t deserve your attention. This way everyone can be involved in the ignore fun.

 

[Daisy_Love]

I hope you all have been enjoying my (occasionally) terrible advice.

Love love love this thread
It’s brilliant

 

[crazychemgirl]

Dear Chemgirl,
I am seeking advice on a little problem Im having on Lit. I have become a full time resident of the “friend zone” here. In fact so much so that I may be the last person to even get a tickle from **user not named**.. Not that the good folks of Lit don’t make lovely friends but as a full time resident of the Hen House, it’s hard to find a way to get my freak on when the ladies just want to sip the tea and dish with me. How do I break free?

-Boneless in Bemidji


Dear Boneless in Bemidji,
Despite the obvious benefits of being in the inner sanctum of women, I can understand you’re in desperate need of some e-bone action. I would recommend when you encounter a woman on lit you are interested in, that you immediately send her a cock shot to her via PM … with no explanation besides maybe, “you like that, bitch?!” …, cuz we all know women go for the assholes.
As well, always treat her with aloofness and don’t pay too much attention to her in the threads.. always leave her wanting more.
Beyond that, if you are still having trouble getting some lady action on lit, I would recommend posting many (and I mean MANY) photos of your cock in AmPics .. as well as action shots or video of you masturbating to pony porn. Girls love that.

 

[MrsPassion]

“you like that, bitch?!”

fucking hell. There’s toothpaste all over the bathroom mirror now thanks a lot.

 

[crazychemgirl]

fucking hell. There’s toothpaste all over the bathroom mirror now thanks a lot.

omg you’re welcome!!

I’m glad people are finding this thread so helpful

 

[OrdinaryPerson]

omg you’re welcome!!

I’m glad people are finding this thread so helpful

My life is going to be so much more interesting after taking all your advice.

 

[LupineOne]

My life is going to be so much more interesting after taking all your advice.

“Interesting” is a good word