Dd/lg Story -- Thoughts/Feedback?

[ClassyGirl]

Ahhh, I am nervous. This is the first story I've written or published in almost a decade, and the subject material is quite a departure for me...

I've only very recently realized that I've got a bourgeoning Dd/lg kink, and this story was borne out of that -- it originally started out as me writing down a fantasy in detail. Obvious disclaimer that ACTUAL incest is horrifying and does nothing for me, and all characters are of age. I'm quite self-conscious and conflicted about even being interested in Dd/lg. But here it is!

"Firsts" is a first-person present story about a girl's first ever orgasm. Enjoy, if you're into that sort of thing. I'm open to non-judgmental thoughts and/or feedback.

 

[lovecraft68]

I liked it. It had a good authentic feel to it. MC knew what she wanted, but was conflicted and shy and I like you kept her that way and she didn't switch the 'porn absurdity switch' and turn into a dirty talking porn star.

The father also knew what he wanted, and the first refusal to touch her legs was a realistic touch, then when he did he had a commanding tone, but was still slow and easy.

In general a good first experience story.

Couple of things. Lit's formatting shows up different than when your story is in word. Make your paragraphs smaller or when you paste it in look through it in the box and split the paragraphs because some are in big blocks.

The 'pro noun thing' this is a fine line in a taboo story. The readers want to know its family with family, so yes, they want plenty of "daddy" and from him things like baby girl, baby etc...

But sometimes it can be too much, replace a few of the Daddy with him...when you speak to someone in a conversation you don't always use their name, right? So in your story some of her lines don't need daddy at the end. There's only two of them in the room, they know who they're talking to.

There were some places you could have used some better word choices or dropped some altogether, and I'm sure someone else will point them out, I'm not the grammar intensive person on the forum.

What I do know is the more you write the more the word choice will become better and there will be fewer extra/repetitive phrases as you'll develop more of a sense of flow and more importantly confidence.

All in all a solid first effort. Nothing here took me out of the story at any point, the voice stayed consistent, characters were consistent, the scene itself sexy, but not "OH my God!" more like nervous excitement and a tru first time feel.

In closing let me point out something you did that to me, as both a reader and author of taboo stories, is pure gold.

The last part where she says she wants to return the favor, and he says he wants to(with a nice stammer tossed in..mister cool gets flustered because he wants it.) but only if its what she wants.

What she wants...too many dad/daughter stories show dad with a lusty creepy vibe when they are the instigator, not the case here and him not wanting to do anything she don't want to shows her feelings are more important than his lust and he would go without if she weren't ready

Yeah, that's the stuff.

Good job on this. Keep going.

 

[HollyLoriAnnalee]

Hey Classygirl!

My name is Holly, hi!

I just started publishing, too. Congratulations on getting it out there!

I love, love, love your attention to every minute detail of their encounter:

When he reaches the hem, his hand stops, seems to hesitate — then moves back up my body, torturously slow. He massages me and I feel his fingers brush the side of my breast as his hand moves up my body. I let out a little noise of pleasure and I feel his intake of breath.

At first, I thought this was just going to be another same old same old father-daughter piece, but I really feel that your imagination shines through the descriptions of their body movements. Her hesitation and shy girl thing completely successfully contrasts with his slow, deliberate, careful approach.

Another thing I caught was this super hot vibe in the father's subtlety keeping his underlying massive strength dormant for the most part. You get the feeling that in future situations, he will go get what he wants to get, and he has this truly dominating physical presence. It's everything you can hope for in this kind of story, and it really turned me on.

I thought the piece played out and read very much like your own personal fantasy. That actually dragged me into it more than I thought it would, and I read every word of the whole thing, then... yknow, did my ahem thing. It really, really worked for me! Haha

The one thing that did not work for me so much--and this is totally ridiculous, and absolutely just a personal thing that YOU chose as your style, so I completely respect it--was the (oh my god, it's so stupid) capitalization of the word 'daddy.' You want it to kind of stick up off of the page--err, screen--and that's great. It just rubbed me the wrong way. But I don't want you to change! That was a stylistic choice, girl, and you do you!

All in all, I was impressed by the consistent attention to detail and the spectacular buildup--not too long, and not too short. Just f***in' right!

Awesome job!

xxx Holly