Daughters

[Selena_Kitt]

I'm having one of those days with mine... *sigh*


What are the best things about them? The worst? The things you'll always remember and treasure? The things you'll always remember and regret? Talk to me about your daughters...

 

[buxxxom]

I have two, one is pre-teen. My mother laughs hysterically.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

I have two, one is pre-teen. My mother laughs hysterically.

lol... damn, I can't wait to be a grandma and laugh my ass off...

 

[scriptordelecto]

Mine's almost seven, so we're still in the buddies stage. I'm enjoying it while it lasts. I know I don't have too much longer before Mom will be very uncool. *sigh*

 

[cheerful_deviant]

I have three beautiful daughters, four, two and about 0.2 or so. We're still at the stage where they love their daddy. Hopefully I'll be able to keep that alive through the years.

However, they do NOT listen! Aaaaaaaargh!

 

[cantdog]

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y90/sysladobsis/S_toddlerErika.jpg

Daughters are the best. They need to be given their head a little. I recommend candor and respect.

Memorable moments with one's children-- I wondered about that, and I made an opportunity to ask. Having a teenage daughter, one finds quite a few teenage boys about the house from time to time (and those people, mister, can eat), and not a small number of teenage girls. If one practices candor and respect, that is, and thereby becomes the household to which they come. I chose a moment when I had a roomful of each, and I waited until most of them knew me a little, thought of me as a fellow creature and not merely as someone's parent. And I asked.

"What things you did with your parents are the most memorable? Which ones stick, which ones will you remember?"

And the replies, of course, were anecdotal, but they fell into three categories. For me. The first were things that the parents had set out to do to be great things. Intentionally memorable things. Not set pieces, exactly, but things into which some planning had gone for that purpose. The second were surprise things, little things, totally spontaneous and small, and at least one was so insignificant that the parents might themselves have forgotten it.

The first category needs no elaboration, but the second results from putting in your time with your kids. The more you are there, the more chances there are for the memorable thing to happen. Prescriptively, I'm afraid, there is little more to be learned from them but to put in your time. And, of course, to use candor and respect.

The third thing was the only universal of all the things they listed. Every one of them listed it, and some listed it first.

It was the memory of being read to.

 

[sophia jane]

My daughter is three, and the youngest, so she's still in the adorable center of the universe stage, which isn't helped at all by the fact that her daddy adores her and nicknamed her his "princess." The funny thing about her, at least to me, is that when I had my boys everyone insisted to me that girls were easier, girls got into less trouble, girls didn't cause much mischief etc etc. Mine, however, is by far the most trouble of my three. But she's adorable and her language skills have been amazing us since before she was one, as does her memory (she can memorize books after hearing them a few times and she learns songs after hearing them once or twice). She's also the spitting image of me at her age, except she has a dimple.

 

[buxxxom]

BTW, SelenaKitten, I don't know you, but I do enjoy your posts and respect your opinions. Hope your birthday is a happy one. End of thread hijack, now back to daughters.

 

[cantdog]

Mine's almost seven, so we're still in the buddies stage. I'm enjoying it while it lasts. I know I don't have too much longer before Mom will be very uncool. *sigh*

My daughter and wife were like cats, man, coming into a static field. When they approached each other, the hairs went on end and the snarls began. They disagreed about control issues, even the tiniest of them. Mom knew better, all the time, and daughter was resenting it, every time. I took a picture of the two of them, one on each end of the couch, glaring at one another, and i kept it in my wallet. It was the only pic of either of em I kept with me.

One day, my wife saw the pic, and she scored me roundly for carrying this thing around. I said it was typically what I saw, and she gave me a big ol fuck you.

When I deemed the seething had subsided a bit, I approached her. She accused me of playing my daughter off her, so that she would like me and blame her.

I said it happened to me with young men. I could be standing on a street and there came a young man, and you know, there was nothing about the little bastard I liked the look of. He just irked me. And objectively, you know, he was just a guy. I didn't know him, hadn't met him-- he had done nothing at all to rile me but exist and be younger than me. I said it was just the ape social system, two women in one household, and one had to be dominant. I was exempt because I had no place in the female dominance chain, that's all. Instinct. It's something you need to notice when it starts to happen, and to rise above.

I gave my daughter the same talk, or a variant. It helped quite a bit, but it's really in the grue. You have to watch it closely, it sneaks up.

 

[scriptordelecto]

My daughter and wife were like cats, man, coming into a static field. When they approached each other, the hairs went on end and the snarls began. They disagreed about control issues, even the tiniest of them. Mom knew better, all the time, and daughter was resenting it, every time. I took a picture of the two of them, one on each end of the couch, glaring at one another, and i kept it in my wallet. It was the only pic of either of em I kept with me.

One day, my wife saw the pic, and she scored me roundly for carrying this thing around. I said it was typically what I saw, and she gave me a big ol fuck you.

When I deemed the seething had subsided a bit, I approached her. She accused me of playing my daughter off her, so that she would like me and blame her.

I said it happened to me with young men. I could be standing on a street and there came a young man, and you know, there was nothing about the little bastard I liked the look of. He just irked me. And objectively, you know, he was just a guy. I didn't know him, hadn't met him-- he had done nothing at all to rile me but exist and be younger than me. I said it was just the ape social system, two women in one household, and one had to be dominant. I was exempt because I had no place in the female dominance chain, that's all. Instinct. It's something you need to notice when it starts to happen, and to rise above.

I gave my daughter the same talk, or a variant. It helped quite a bit, but it's really in the grue. You have to watch it closely, it sneaks up.

Thanks for the gem of wisdom. I've seen even the closest Mother's and Daughters go through rough stages, even though they eventually made it past. I am worried because I was always very headstrong, and she is exactly like me. Right now, for the most part, she's my little best friend.

BTW, fabulous sketch! I noticed the name in the link. It's my girl's name too, just spelled a little differently.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

She's also the spitting image of me at her age, except she has a dimple.

both of my daughters look so much like me it's almost eerie! Although neither of them got red hair... both are dark brown-ish (although the 16 year old is currently blonde, and has been black... and blue... and even red... sometimes all at once! )

 

[Nirvanadragones]

http://i41.photobucket.com/albums/e275/Nirvanadragoness/100_9409.jpg

She brings me treasures, and shares beauty with me. She shows me the world through her eyes. She grounds me, and reminds me of what love is supposed to be.​

 

[starrkers]

My daughter is 14. We're mates, mostly.
She's smart, she's sensible, she's responsible, she's fun.

She's also secretive, moody, and untidy to the point of the easiest way to clean her room is with a shovel.

I try not to get on her case too much. I remember my dealings with my mother when I was a teen. We still can't stay under the same roof for more than a couple of days (sometimes a couple of hours) without it getting ugly and I'm in my 40s now.

 

[impressive]

... funny thing about her, at least to me, is that when I had my boys everyone insisted to me that girls were easier, girls got into less trouble, girls didn't cause much mischief etc etc. Mine, however, is by far the most trouble of my three.

I totally agree.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

I totally agree.

they do seem... more troublesome...

*sigh*

 

[starrkers]

I think little girls are less trouble than little boys. I'll let you know about older girls and boys when the little boys become big boys

 

[cantdog]

Thanks for the gem of wisdom. I've seen even the closest Mother's and Daughters go through rough stages, even though they eventually made it past. I am worried because I was always very headstrong, and she is exactly like me. Right now, for the most part, she's my little best friend.

BTW, fabulous sketch! I noticed the name in the link. It's my girl's name too, just spelled a little differently.

Not so fabulous. The girl's almost 30 now. I have improved.

 

[impressive]

they do seem... more troublesome...

*sigh*

Imp: Your main purpose in life is to disagree with everything I say.
Diva child: No, it isn't.


*snort*

 

[cantdog]

My daughter is 14. We're mates, mostly.
She's smart, she's sensible, she's responsible, she's fun.

She's also secretive, moody, and untidy to the point of the easiest way to clean her room is with a shovel.

I try not to get on her case too much. I remember my dealings with my mother when I was a teen. We still can't stay under the same roof for more than a couple of days (sometimes a couple of hours) without it getting ugly and I'm in my 40s now.

Man, that's rugged. My dad was really poisonous about me. I was the eldest and he hadn't had to deal with it before. He made some rotten ass mistakes.

You sound very much in a better place than he was.
I know you'll do well.

 

[cloudy]

All I can tell those that have teenagers is hang in there. It gets much better.

My daughter is 26 now, and we're VERY close (she called me the day after she lost her virginity to tell me )

Now I'm dealing with a 15 year old stepdaughter. We'll see if I still have the patience or not.

 

[S-Des]

Mine is 6 and is the most amazing thing I could have ever imagined. She is kind, loving, and about the most well-behaved child I've ever seen. The things I remember most are the times she was feeling slighted, then came and retrieved me with a declaration of, "Daddy, I need to snuggle." I hope I'm able to maintain a closeness as she grows. If not, it won't be for lack of effort.

 

[Vermilion]

One thing my mum did that really helped the relationship is always always made my friends welcome - whether she knew them or not.

You stay at home a lot more if you feel you can bring your friends back there.

To be entirely honest, however, the thing that made our relationship into what it now is was me being very ill for some time and her caring for me for two years. When you find yourself suddenyl in that situation where you rely on someone else for nearly all of your needs again once you've reached an adult age (I was 19) you learn to see them as a person and not just some mother figure out to spoil your fun.

We're still very very close and we talk on the phone nearly every day.

Now the relationship with my *sister*... don't even go there. Much trickier ground - for me and for my mum and dad!

Gotta love 19 year olds, huh?
xx
V

 

[angelicminx]

Sunday, January 21, I got to snuggle with my daughter. She rarely slows down enough for that anymore. We were laying on the loveseat watching 'Dogma'. There wasn't enough room for us to lay side by side, so she decided to lay on me, her back against my chest, her head under my chin. After laying like that for about half an hour, I felt her relax and heard a soft snore. My baby had fallen asleep. She hasn't done that in at least 8 years. She slept like that for nearly two hours. I will never, never forget it.

 

[Vermilion]

That's lovely. Moments like that are so important.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
V

 

[cantdog]

Sunday, January 21, I got to snuggle with my daughter. She rarely slows down enough for that anymore. We were laying on the loveseat watching 'Dogma'. There wasn't enough room for us to lay side by side, so she decided to lay on me, her back against my chest, her head under my chin. After laying like that for about half an hour, I felt her relax and heard a soft snore. My baby had fallen asleep. She hasn't done that in at least 8 years. She slept like that for nearly two hours. I will never, never forget it.

What a lucky mom.