dating?

[Guest]

Just out of curiosity

Im 22 years old good guy with a sence of humor whom works hard.
I have a hard time meeting women whom would want to go out with me or whom i would like to go out with.
In reality i have never met a woman whom would even want to be friends with me.

I do get my fair share of phone numbers and e-mail adresses
90% of which turn out to be correct and about 10% false or just not functional for which ever reason.

but of that 90% 100% of the women never e-mail me back nor do any one of them pick up any of their phones to call me back.

I do get a good responce from them when we chat but it never goes beyond the first meeting.

The way i meet most of them is trough friends, school or just
if i hit up a conversation with them on what ever subject pops up
in any given situation.

In the past 10 years of trying to get a functional dating life
i have never been on a date nor has any woman ever shown
any true intrest in me or for me.



Im just wondering in general why women in general never show or take the innitiative in the dating scene?
Unless they are drunk, on other drugs or just plain on the rebound out to hurt one of the "niceguys".
All of which i try to avoid with any means possible.


I accept that ill die alone due to the "niceguy" effect but what annoys me slightly is all of the pretentious games that go on with women i have met instead of just plain being truthfulla bout their interests and intentions.
The sad part of it is that most women never even realise what the games are that they play... others just call it a "strategy" of theirs without realising that it will only work with the kinds of people they should avoid in any reality.


Anyways thats my rant session after 10 odd years of frustrations... and disapointment.

Oh and by the way the omnly women whom have shown even the slightest bit of intrest have all been involved with others and
were only looking for an egoboost for them selves.

Im not too picky i just assume that ill get treated like a human being instead of like some animal when i try to get to know someone and i do extend that same courtesy to anyone i meet.

Golden rule "Treat others as you would like to be treated.".


As to the kinds of women im atracted to... well...
there is no specific type as long as they are sober, intelligent,
kindhearted and friendly towards me and others.
Oh and being nonreligious also helps.

Or is that too much to ask.

 

[Star of Penumbra]

As to the kinds of women im atracted to... well...
there is no specific type as long as they are sober, intelligent,
kindhearted and friendly towards me and others.
Oh and being nonreligious also helps.

Or is that too much to ask.

In my experience; you're more likely to be struck by lightning. Twice. In the same spot. Then monkeys fly out of your ass and do the Lindy Hop.

 

[Guest]

i though that it was pink elephants in tootoos doing the hippidy hop and not monkeys..... but is uppose that a cultural background dependant variable.

 

[lilpriss]

Sounds to me like you are a perfectly nice fellow, but maybe you are trying to hard...

What do we all want?

What we think we CAN'T have.

Key word being "think" here.

See, it's all in your attitude, if you assume you'll be alone... (sorry to sound fatalistic... but)... you will, in fact, be alone. If you think you have a lot to offer... then you do.

It's hard to believe, but it's so so so so so true, your mindset has everything to do with your success in life.

AND... if you're 22 and you've been frustrated since you were 12 then you were ready to start dating at a WAY young age.

 

[lilpriss]

Oh, and BTW, why don't you go ahead and register? You know you'll be posting more... this site is addictive.

 

[lovechild27]

10 years huh? Wow...you started young.

Most girls dont want jerky guys. When you go to a club or a bar to pick up chicks, there you find the girls who want jerky guys. The rest of us dont. We want the same thing you do...to be treated with respect.

What kind of girls are you hitting on? If it is nothing but overmade, breast implanted barbie dolls...well then there is your problem. If your so frustrated, look at singles ads. You find a bunch of people who are as frsutrated as you are.

 

[Guest]

lovechild... try reading trough my original post again and within it i do believe that youll find 2 paragraphs that should give you an idea on the kinds of women i try to look for....

I dont go to bars or clubs because the people there are always just plain boring, idiotic and not worth the air they breathe.
as to the boobimplant thign.. thats just plain insulting...

so try readin my original post trough carefully and reply again if intrested.
As to singles ads.. i tried that and the responce was the same as what i described before.


lilpriss
I dont have an "attitude" per say im a normal nice guy... but the fact of it is im merely wondering if its too much to ask to find some intelligent, completely sober, nonreligious kindhearted friendly lady out there. As to the dying alone part that was just
to point out the hopelessness of the situation. (do some propability and statistical equations to figureout what i mean.)

 

[Monazwx]

DUD, YOU'RE ONLY 22 YEARS OLD!!!
You're not even talking ten adult years, but ten teen years. Please, get a grip. There's plenty of time to find that perfect person, so don't rush it. There are alot of tacky bitches out there, but without 'em, you wouldn't appreciate the nice girl that comes your way.

I encourage you to group date. It's easier than going it alone, one-on-one and the setting is more relaxed. You're with friends and chances are, you'll meet more people (i.e. girls). Plus, you'll have friends to back up what a nice guy you are.

Lilpriss is right though. Mindset is important. If you think you'll be alone forever, then you probably give off a depressing aura that you don't even realize. Think positive, it's addictive (in a good way).

Good luck.

 

[lovechild27]

OK...you are pretty damn rude. I am thinking that is your problem right there. I did read your post quite a few times. My answere stays the same. I can see now why no one would want to call you back.

 

[capricious_chic]

Isn't this the same person that was going on and on about how women are so mean. Wondering why women only want to hurt him. Wondering why the only women around him are drunk all the time or into drugs??

The syntax, phrasing, and gramatical errors are very similar.

If so, did you bother to read the other posts in the other thread you started?

If not, my apologies.

Perhaps it is you.

Doesn't really sound like you are all that nice of a guy. Your post and your responses to previous posts reflects an attitude that I would consider degrading to women.
Perhaps you are trying to "hook up" with people that are not attainable for you. YOU are responsible for the type of people you try and date.

If the attitude you present to all, is the same as in your post.. I wouldn't call you back or respond to an e-mail either.

22, and you have been trying to date since 12? That is ridiculous.
Very few people I know were even allowed to date until they were 16 or so.

Until you quit feeling sorry for yourself, you more than likely will remain alone. Do something with yourself, and your life. Girls are secondary, and will be much more interested in you if you portray confidence, intelligence, and a willingness to begin a relationship... even a casual dating one. Instead of crying about how you can never get a date, no one likes you, girls are nothing but users and addicts.. blah blah blah.

 

[Guest]

lovechild27
My responce may have been rude but it was merely so because i found your comments/ asumptions rather insulting. So deal with it.


capricious_chic

I said that no woman had shown intrest in me in any way not even as friends.
If there was a miscommunication on that part sorry about that...
but i did try to go out with a girl at the age of 12 as friends not in the boyfriend girlfriend capasity.
As to my parents they would have been just fine with me having have had a gf at that age too since they knen i was not the kind of person to go out and do something idiotic.

As to your comments on self pity... well i dont feel that im more amused by the little facts of life that i mentioned above.
As to my attitude its not half bad im a pretty normal guy and since you dont know my situations nor have you talked to me face to face youll have a hard time setting up a background for your propositions/ asumptions for my mental background.

 

[lilpriss]

Dude, chill out... this IS an opinion board...

No need to get all defensive...

Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and they all stink...

If you didn't want to hear it why bother with our questions?

Just curious, why must she be nonreligious?

 

[lovechild27]

Why did you ask if you didnt want to hear our answers? You are an incredibly rude person. Maybe if you changed your attitude you would find someone decent.

 

[peachykeen]

Isn't this the same person that was going on and on about how women are so mean. Wondering why women only want to hurt him. Wondering why the only women around him are drunk all the time or into drugs??

The syntax, phrasing, and gramatical errors are very similar.

If so, did you bother to read the other posts in the other thread you started?

If not, my apologies.

Perhaps it is you.

Just what I was thinking as well. My hunch is, same whiner. I could be wrong, but I doubt it. Far too close to the other one to be a coincidence, no?

 

[Quimmy]

Just curious, why must she be nonreligious?

I was going to ask that too. Religious people are cool. You might be less likely to get laid, but that doesn't seem to be what you're after... And honestly, there's nothing sexier than a nice Christian girl who is a demon in the bedroom.

Ah yeah, you're only 22. I mean, there are lots of us (I'm 22 too) that haven't had an illustrious dating career, but I don't think you should be quite so melodramatic about your "10 years of woe" until you're at least 30.

For normal people like me and most people here, meeting someone special usually just happens out of nowhere. Bars and clubs, IMHO, are useless, by the way. I suggest:

-join clubs about anything you have time for, and are remotely interested in
-go to the gym regularly
-take classes that allow you to socialize like karate/aikido, cooking, dancing, anything

And have you tried Internet dating services? I guess they're a mixed bag, in terms of results, but who knows? They aren't very expensive, in any case.

 

[Monazwx]

Yeah, adding that

Religious does NOT EQUAL uptight!!!

Originally posted by Quimmy
And honestly, there's nothing sexier than a nice Christian girl who is a demon in the bedroom.

Amen.

 

[Guest]

Oh....

That religion thing

quite simply id rather not deal with bible thumpers etc. not to say that everyone is like that but rather it would make it easier to deal with someone if you know that your dealing with someone of a possibly equal mind and mentality in those things.
As to religions in general.. in my eyes it is a sign of arrogance to
assume that they understand the beginning of the universe trough terms which can not be verified/ proven in any manner currently available.

Nor do i want to deal with the memories i have of those people.
(ie. bible thumpers.)

Here is a question for you...
regardless of how nice of a person you are dealing with
would you want to associate with them if they remind you of some painfull issues of your past by simply sitting next to you?

As to being nonreligious that does not mean that a person is of loose morals or values. I hold my values, realities and other people to a high regard. I dont force them on anyone and i expect the same from those whom want to associate with me.

further on if i were to start to date such a person and the relationship further on developed in to one where i and the other individual wanted to have children. How many religious people do you know of that would voluntarily teach their children the views and values of other religions and cultures so that when they become of age the children would be able to make their own choice from all of those realities.

As a nonreligious individual to me it is a necessity to teach any children i might someday have of the rainbow of realities and cultures in this world and of how they them selves can make a choice to either create their own reality or choose between the various ones out there.



Lovechild27 was my answer really any more rude then your comments/ assumptions etc on what kinds of people i might go for and where i might look for them?
Think about it for a while and how someone might interpret your original responce in a bad way.


Quimmy

well i did try the internet dating service thing back in the day when they actually had free ones.
the one on Yahoo worked somewhat well but i only met psychopathic women on the rebound and a bunch of people whom never even showed up for the first meeting after having had chatted with me for a couple of months.
In general i dont feel comfortable giving out my creditcard number to an unknow party over the net or to a company that might not have a office to go and complain to in the case problems arose.

The gym suggestion, I workout at home simply because im always thinking of the fact that 70% of people out there never wash their hands after going to the bathroom (or after doing anything else for that matter) and at the gym your touching and
working out with the same machinery as those people are.

So on average a gym might have 300- 500 members going trough there each day (i live in a big city) and your using the same machinery that has never been cleaned and your getting the combined fecalmatter residue on to your hands from between 210-350 different individuals. Think about it for a while
and at the very least i did not use a fast food analogy for that

The socialisation suggestion trough various classes works to an extent i do chat with a number of various women and i do get quite a few numbers/ e-mail adresses and 90% of them are correct. But none of the women want to go on to develope a relatiohship of any kind further then that and none of them ever take the innitiative to call me even once.

Thanks.

hopefully my ramblings are clear enough to understand.. if not.. just ask and ill try to deliver clarifications.

 

[peachykeen]

OK, you seem to feel that the problem is always with the women, and what they do or don't do. I'm thinking you may want to do a little self examination here. You say in your original post you have a sense of humour, but there is little evidence of it here in this thread. (I'm not saying you don't have one, only that you certainly haven't shown it here - it's all whine, rant, complain.) I'm guessing, and this is only a guess, but it's the impression I get just from what you've chosen to share here, that in person you are probably coming across as rather intense, and time while you might think you are behing humourous it is coming across to women as...well, let's just say it's not working. You come across here as being rather judgemental and impossible to please, with a lot of expectations form a potential partner. Not exactly a turn on. My advice? Lighten the fuck up, dude.

 

[capricious_chic]

Here are my thoughts;

1. Anal retentive.

2. Some kind of "compulsive" disorder. (Bet you wash your hands over, and over.. and over.. and over..).

If you don't want anonymous stranger's "judging" you, and trying to "help" you, why the hell are you posting on a public forum?


You want a non-religious person with high morals? Isn't that like an oxymoron? Morals and such are learned mostly through religious means. Religious does NOT equate bible thumping.
Until you actually have a date, how can you know what the future would be. It is called COMMUNICATION. We have to communicate our wants and desires to another. It shouldn't be a guessing game.

Again, YOU are responsible for YOUR life. Sit at home, and wash your hands over and over again if you want. Go out and meet and mingle. Either way, it is YOUR choice.

Agree with Peachy here.. Lighten the fuck up.

 

[lilpriss]

Hey, we all gotta die somehow, why not let it be from e coli??
(ok, that was humour)

But seriously, as soon as you quit searching it'll happen...

I'm thinking about the movie "As Good As It Gets"... Great flick!

dud buff did you identify with Jack Nicholson's character? I know I did... at times... especially the parts when he was trying to be helpful and show that he cared but came off as a jack ass... And I'm afraid that this will come off that way, but it sounds like a counselor would help you a whole lot more than some anonymous people on an internet bulletin board.

 

[lovechild27]

Thinking...Thinking...No I am no where near as rude as you.

ASking if you go to bars to pick up women isnt insulting. A lot of people meet in clubs and bars, and not all of them are sluts. I was insinuating that maybe those werent people that meshed well with your personality, making it hard to pick up girls. Quit trying to blame women for all your problems. Your an asshole...plain and simple.

 

[deliciously_naughty]

OK, I live in a huge city (NYC...they don't get bigger in the US)

Quite frankly, 22 year old guys, especially ones who haven't had a g/f tend to be...

1. uptight assholes
2. clingy
3. bad in bed or unwilling to learn or virgins, none of which most girls your age are willing to deal with
4. claim they want to date smart women but can't cope with them when they meet them (and I quote..."I don't usually date girls as smart as you")
5. the various neuroses that you've demonstrated are not attractive
6. You seem unwilling to deal with other peoples neuroses...there's no such thing as someone without baggage...deal with it.

I have no trouble meeting men...and yes, I hit on them. I"m smart, funny, sexy and enjoy having a great time. However, guys I've met in NY have been self important asses who all work in finance and only want to talk about themselves. Yawn.

 

[Guest]

lilpriss

I got the joke and i see that you understood the reality based humor behind my handwashing comment. (sad but treu that one)

well the councelors out there that ive talked to havent really helped at all since their advice and solutions revolve around the asumption that i have not tried anything yet to solve my problems. The solutions etc they try to suggest are those that ive already gone trough and have been of little or no help at all.

Im not obsessive compulsive but like i said i dont associate with people whom remind me of painfull issues from my past.
Then there is the general hygeine comment that i made...
well i take care of my personal hygeine quite well as a favor to my self and to others... and as such it really creeps me out when people dont do simple things like wash their hands after using the bathroom. (imean jeez its just common courtesy)

So to give you the short version... No i do not fuss over the silverware at a restaurant i might try to eat at... (as if the food were any different).


deliciously_naughty

Just to let you know that about 99% of people out there are really quite unsophisticated and boring in any ocation.
those indioviduals do tend to compensate for the lack of personality, creativity and intelect by doing the barhopping and or
drowning them selves in work and the financial stuff you mentioned.
As such let me tell you this ive tried to talk to quite a number of women whom have said that they are inteligent but only aproximately 3 of all the women i have met so far have been able to back it up.
One of them worked for a greenpeace related organisation the name of which i cant remember right now. we had quite a few conversations relating to ecology, politics economics etc...
she was 28 and did not want to date a "younger" guy.

One of them was actually disabled and had braindamage but we still had very indepth and interesting conversations on a variety of subjects mostly life experiece stuff. (need i say the problems that might have risen from that relationship legal nad otherwise)

The third of which was a married lady whom shared an interst in literature, history, psychology. We got along well but like i said she was married.

by the way what wrong with a guy being a virgin.. or is it some prejudice asumption on the part of the woman that the guy might lack knowledge on hwo to "preform...?

finally i dont mind dealing with other peoples neuroses as long as im not reminded of sertain ast issues and i can relate to them in some way so that i might be able to help the other person deal with their problems and so that they might be able to help me deal with mine.
That and complete equality is what most successfull relationships are based upon. (the equality things does not mean equal atributes etc but rather just a matter of respect.)



Oh and just in general as a funny little pointer... it seems that women are allowed to complain about guys and how "awful" they are without having anyone coment on that back to them.
But guys are not allowed to complain about women.... if they do the only commentray they recieve goes along the lines of "quit whining", "take responcibility for your actions" etc etc etc...
from women whom them selves propably behave exactly in the manner described by the guy...

Oh and most of the time the commentary has no basis in reality its just prejudice based assumptions on the part of the person making them.

 

[Guest]

just wondering...

how come noone here tried to answer my 2 questions earlier....

here they are again if you missed them...

Regardless of how nice of a person you are dealing with
would you want to associate with them if they remind you of some painfull issues of your past by simply sitting next to you?

that questions was in regard to why i try to avoid religious people, druggies and party hearty individuals...


the other one was just a questions on probabilities
of all the people you know how many of them are
non religious
drug and disease free (drugs legal or toherwise)
how many of them are intelligent individuals with high morals.

 

[lovechild27]

To your first question...if your still dealing with painful issues from your past your not ready to date. Those who do have bad pasts are going to have to associate with someone who brings up a bad memory. I had an ex bf who was very abusive towards me and played guitar. My bf now, who is not abusive at all and is a wonderful, intelligent person plays guitar also. Do I run from him because he reminds me of a bad experience? No. I hope to amrry him one day. We all have bad pasts.

Second, you mention non religious, disease free. The non religious people I know tend to be shallow, self centered asses who participate in activites other than drugs and free sex.

You have way more issues than you want to see. I think your past is keeping you from finding a successful relationship, and using disgustingly high standards is your way of dealing with it.

And no, I dont complain about how awful men are. And considering I have been raped and abused two separate occasions by different men, I think I would have a right to do so. I have yet to read a post by a woman on lit complaining about men.