Dating sites?

[sophia jane]

So I took the plunge and signed up for an online single's site. I'm a little nervous about it. Of course, I get nervous about everything. Anyone have tips? Experiences to share? I have no idea what to expect- I haven't dated since the divorce and I wouldn't mind some hints, encouragement, warning signs or whatever.

Thanks!

SJ

 

[DrFreud]

So I took the plunge and signed up for an online single's site. I'm a little nervous about it. Of course, I get nervous about everything. Anyone have tips? Experiences to share? I have no idea what to expect- I haven't dated since the divorce and I wouldn't mind some hints, encouragement, warning signs or whatever.

Thanks!

SJ

Can't give you much in the way of advice. Just the regular safety tips (don't divulge too much info at first, meet in a public place,etc...).

In the way of hints, I've read once about an experiment done by a magazine where the same girl posted the same profile under different names and using different looks (classy, sporty, girl next door). The girl next door look got the most replies. So it seems you don't need to get fancy.

Otherwise best of luck. Go get'em.

DrF

 

[Softouch911]

Can't give you much in the way of advice. Just the regular safety tips (don't divulge too much info at first, meet in a public place,etc...).

In the way of hints, I've read once about an experiment done by a magazine where the same girl posted the same profile under different names and using different looks (classy, sporty, girl next door). The girl next door look got the most replies. So it seems you don't need to get fancy.

Otherwise best of luck. Go get'em.

DrF

I'd suggest she use one of her AVs, Dr. F.


Softouch

 

[blackhaus7]

So I took the plunge and signed up for an online single's site. I'm a little nervous about it. Of course, I get nervous about everything. Anyone have tips? Experiences to share? I have no idea what to expect- I haven't dated since the divorce and I wouldn't mind some hints, encouragement, warning signs or whatever.

Thanks!

SJ

One of my best friends found his wife online. They first met at a Borders. Been married about a year and a half. Suggest vigilance and optimism.

 

[DrFreud]

BUMP.

What you're all suddenly shy. Start talking.

DrF

 

[ElizabethWest]

BUMP.

What you're all suddenly shy. Start talking.

DrF

I've never done it so I have no wisdom to impart.

Be careful SJ, love. I'd hate for something to happen to you.

 

[Joe Wordsworth]

I'm old fashioned. I believe in "in person" meeting and date-findin'. Couldn't begin to figure out the net dating thing.

 

[sincerely_helene]

So I took the plunge and signed up for an online single's site. I'm a little nervous about it. Of course, I get nervous about everything. Anyone have tips? Experiences to share? I have no idea what to expect- I haven't dated since the divorce and I wouldn't mind some hints, encouragement, warning signs or whatever.

Thanks!

SJ

I once posted a few good tips on the GB board. I'll do a search later on and copy and paste from there if I come across it again.

 

[sophia jane]

BUMP.

What you're all suddenly shy. Start talking.

DrF

Thanks for the bump. I left it alone cuz I figured I must be the only one doing this.

SJ

 

[Svenskaflicka]

I met Hubby through an online dating service. I don't dare to tell you its name in case I'll get in trouble for advertising, but I'll give you a hint: What little wooden thing do you use to light candles with?

It's a great site. You have to fill in like 9 pages of questions about yourself and what you think about this or that or what you'd like to do in this or that situation, etc. Enables the other to get a really good view of who you really are. Hubby read my profile there, and sent me an e-mail. That was back in 2001. We've been together ever since, and we're gonna get our own place and raise a family in one or two years from now.

Be careful with online romances. Sometimes you run into jerks who are just out to have a little cyberfling or cheat on their wives. Sometimes you meet real psychos who're out to do Evil Things.

And sometimes you find the man of your dreams. I did. Definitely worth a try!
Good luck.

 

[Op_Cit]

OK, since there isn't much meat so far, here's my $1.02...

#1 get another (2nd) anonymous email address only for that specific purpose (personals). The address that the site will send contact messages/correspondence to.

#2 Get a third email address for the specific purpose of 2nd tier conversations. That is, when you find someone you want to start going further with (meeting/or longer emails).

Why? Because of potential spam issues, harrassment, etc. Don't use your main email with them until you've become actual real friends. And women sometimes get a lot of responses and you may have to wade a bit through your primary reply address (i.e. things may get lost in shuffle).

#3 Don't feel you have to limit yourself to one site.

#4 Decide and be clear to yourself what your objective is: Are you out to get layed/have fun/casual dating, or are you looking for "the one". Don't straddle the fence on this: make your add target that objective. If part of you wants to have fun and part of you has a different idea about long term relationship... spend more time figuring out where you're going in life or have two separate adds.

#5 spend some time to prepare/write some generic but customizable replies: 1) a thanks but no thanks, 2) a tell me a little more about yourself, 4) a kind of delaying tactic one--the kind of thing you might do when someone knocks on the door and you're not dressed yet 5)... (beyond that you're probably not going to have trouble writing back)

#6 Reply to every contact.

#7 Reply to every contact.

#8 Reply to --- you get the idea. If you like copy, and paste the "thanks but no thanks" but also, don't feel you have to reply a second time or to any messages from the same person after you've said thanks but no thanks.

Also, try and tailor--choose from the off the shelf replies you've pre written--your replies to the effort displayed in the contact message: "hey babe want to get it on" = "thanks but no thanks" , long detailed contact = more gracious expression of non interest.

There may be times when you're in conversations with someone you are very intrigued with and another possibility comes along. The natural inclination is to ignore for now, maybe I'll get back to him... but after that second date went bad with the first guy, and a month has gone by you're not inclined to reply to the guy you ignored. (He may have been perfect one but you weren't looking--but understand, the non game playing guy who's perfect wont bother you again.) That's where the delaying thing comes in, and I don't think a white lie is bad here: you could say, "I'm sorry but there's fiscal year closing going on at work and I'm really swamped, I hope you don't mind if I follow up with you in a few weeks." (then make sure you follow up even if to say, "T.B.N.T."

If you're a woman you will get far more replies than you think. If you're hot looking with a picture you will have messages from around the globe. If it's a casual game for fun nights out... well you can choose to disregard and play the games. If you're serious, following this advice will help you and everyone else.

#9 If you post a picture make sure it's recent. Make sure it is not deceiving (hiding the hump on your back or the third leg growing from your left armpit). Not posting a picture is OK too, but you will get far fewer responses--if you are a woman though, the responses are likely to be from more substantive people.

#10 Don't get carried away.

#11 If you really want to have children at some point, say it clearly. Don't say "not certain or maybe or blank".

#12 Get wordy in your descriptions and let your personality show. The more generic your ad appears the more bad/waste of time responses you'll get.

#13 If you're a guy, don't ever imagine that any woman is ever going to make first contact, they don't have to... if you're a woman, buy a membership and make first contact and you will blow the socks off of any guy/girl. (no rant, just a fact of life)

#14 -- what the heck??!!!... I started out to just make a few points... sorry

This all sounds like I spend all my time doing it... not so. Only a couple times over the last several years. But I have found it to be mostly a silly game:

The funniest thing is all those that are clueless that post the silly profiles that are essentially: "Absolutely no game players!!! Now, here's my rules..." You know, and it goes on to say, "he must want to woo me, sweep me off my feet, like puppydogs and daffodils..." you get the idea it goes on to describe someone that does not exist in reality. Then they post a pic with a pose that came out of Hustler... The phrase "no game players" is like a shining beacon saying "ripe for the picking" to those that like to woo and wing.

OK, never mind, move along, nothing to see here...

 

[Black Tulip]

Ok, seems to be time to get honest here.

I do and so far I have no complaints. If you want to know specifics, PM me.

Most what Op_Cit said is completely true. Even though I'm over 50 I can sit back and pick the nice ones out of the flood.
To my surprise, some guys back out when you get practical about a real date. So be prepared. LOL

My profile is perfectly clear about what I am looking for. No picture and it seems my wording is attracting the right kind of guy. Try to make a remark that is funny to you. It's a nice filter.

If you get so far as to actually meet someone, make sure you have a back-up. Meet in a public place and leave the address with somebody you will call at a specified time. Decide on a safety word. Pick a phrase you can use when things are bad. I have one that means "call 911, now!". It may sound a bit melodramatic but it gives you a very safe feeling and you never know when you will be glad you had a safety net like that. Oh, and use your own transportation.

Go for it, girl!

 

[Op_Cit]

Most what Op_Cit said is completely true.

Gasp! sputter! what?!

OK, I did leave out a lot of guys only stuff like: Never, never ever, reply to an add with a heading that includes the word "goddess" or "princess".

But "most"? Where was I off base?

 

[Whisky7up]

So I took the plunge and signed up for an online single's site. I'm a little nervous about it. Of course, I get nervous about everything. Anyone have tips? Experiences to share? I have no idea what to expect- I haven't dated since the divorce and I wouldn't mind some hints, encouragement, warning signs or whatever.

Thanks!

SJ

Hope you are using one that doesn't entice you in with 'free' membership, only to charge you to read replies or send mails to other members. Especially when you pay, only to discover that person is no longer looking.
There are many sites around ripping you off in this way.

 

[kendo1]

The world's most eligible bacholerette.
What will we do without you?

 

[sophia jane]

The world's most eligible bacholerette.
What will we do without you?

Me???



SJ

 

[Couture]

My main pet peeves about dating sites are all related to the weak ass people using them.

Pet Peeve number one: If you wink at someone, and they write you back. Then, if you don't have the courtesy to write them back, they should pull your fucking membership on the spot. Bam! That would probably weed out 85% of the weak-ass people using the site right there.

Pet Peeve number two: If you go out with someone and a love connection isn't made, don't be a weak ass mother fucker and screen the calls and not reply to emails. Save the other person from wasting any unnecessary time and show enough backbone to send them a little email saying you enjoyed meeting but it wasn't quite what you were looking for.

Pet Peeve number three: If you are married or in a relationship, and you want a little ego boost. Go to a fucking marriage counselor you idiot, but stay the fuck off the dating sites. The people there are there to date, not be your fluffer - you weak ass bitches.

 

[kendo1]

Me???



SJ

Of course SJ.
Good Luck.

 

[Black Tulip]

Gasp! sputter! what?!

OK, I did leave out a lot of guys only stuff like: Never, never ever, reply to an add with a heading that includes the word "goddess" or "princess".

But "most"? Where was I off base?

*sigh*

#12 Get wordy in your descriptions and let your personality show. The more generic your ad appears the more bad/waste of time responses you'll get.

Let your personality show, most certainly. But that doesn't have to be in a wordy description.

#13 If you're a guy, don't ever imagine that any woman is ever going to make first contact, they don't have to... if you're a woman, buy a membership and make first contact and you will blow the socks off of any guy/girl. (no rant, just a fact of life)

Depends on what you call first contact.
I've been known to wink first.

 

[Black Tulip]

...My main pet peeves about dating sites are all related to the weak ass people using them...

[indignant mode]
Really! I will have you know that my ass may not be very prominent, but it's firm and well muscled. Thank you very much.
[/indignant mode]

 

[oggbashan]

My main pet peeves about dating sites are all related to the weak ass people using them.

That used to be true twenty years ago. Now much more reasonable people use the internet to look for a partner.

There will still be some who are too desperate and too self-centered ever to make an acceptable partner even for just a cup of coffee in a public place but those are usually obvious.

The obvious things have been said above.

Good luck.

Og

 

[Couture]

That used to be true twenty years ago. Now much more reasonable people use the internet to look for a partner.

There will still be some who are too desperate and too self-centered ever to make an acceptable partner even for just a cup of coffee in a public place but those are usually obvious.

The obvious things have been said above.

Good luck.

Og

Unless things have changed since last night, my opinion of time wasting people stands. That said, I've met much worse in bars, and my overall experience with online dating sites has been very positive.