Dating Men

[shy slave]

I have not been around Lit this weekend

But have been thinking of men.

As a single girl, I go on alot of first dates, it's lucky I am an optomist otherwise I would give up all together lol.

This poem is dedicated to all first dates.

Any views, help, opinions all welcome.

I will catch up with everyone when I am back home next weekend.

 

[shy slave]

Ode to First Dates

I don’t want your worries and woes
Nor give sympathy words to your lows.
Erectile dysfunction, twice
Does not make me sweetness and light.

Have you noticed how old men just gripe
About bunions, ill health and blight?
Whereas young men complain,
without any refrain,
Of football, their mothers and weight gain.

Why can’t men be more honest?
I’m not asking for marriage, I promise.
I don’t want a white knight
To save me from plight
But a fuck from evening ‘til light

 

[sassynyc]

So, neither of these are poetry, but poetic. Rather songs, apropos of the subject of this thread. To be filed under WTF, regarding the mine field that is dating.
Maybe they'll inspire some poetry

What Is It About Men?

Stronger Than Me

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

I sympathize.. really. I totally understand. As a single mother, I, too, have had more than my share of 1st dates. Some fair, some nightmares..

I'm hoping I finally found a good one... after all the playas posing as real men.
I should say THE good one, cuz I'm pretty sure he's the only one out there.

-Sheila

 

[Safe_Bet]

I sympathize.. really. I totally understand. As a single mother, I, too, have had more than my share of 1st dates. Some fair, some nightmares..

I'm hoping I finally found a good one... after all the playas posing as real men.
I should say THE good one, cuz I'm pretty sure he's the only one out there.

-Sheila

Thats it then. I'm convinced! I not going to date men either!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I am positive men are a different species and 'someone' is sitting out there having a laugh about our continued attempts to intermingle and cohabit with an entirely wrong species that we have been led to believe is the right one and somewhere in the universe there is another pairing trying to do the same thing

 

[PandoraGlitters]

Did you read about the double allele thing? Apparently two out of five men have a double allele which genetically predisposes them to be adulterers with unstable relationships.

I wonder how long it will be before prospective couples begin testing at the onset of dating?

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Did you read about the double allele thing? Apparently two out of five men have a double allele which genetically predisposes them to be adulterers with unstable relationships.

I wonder how long it will be before prospective couples begin testing at the onset of dating?

OR it predisposes them to be polyamorous. Both adultery and the concept of a stable relationship are cultural concepts, not scientific constants. They may be very good people who are most successful in some kind of healthy multiple relationship structure.

just sayin'. I think I may have a couple of those and they're rather stable and quite faithful in every important way.

So, have they done similar studies in women?

bj

 

[PandoraGlitters]

I'm not a geneticist, I just read the newspaper. For more information, though, you might check this out.

Apparently it had to do with whether or not the males have a hormonal compulsion to stick around and interact with the female after mating (something I would think would be useful in polyamorous as well as monogamous relationships, but what do I know?)

 

[Safe_Bet]

I'm not a geneticist, I just read the newspaper. For more information, though, you might check this out.

Apparently it had to do with whether or not the males have a hormonal compulsion to stick around and interact with the female after mating (something I would think would be useful in polyamorous as well as monogamous relationships, but what do I know?)

You mean like actually TALKING after sex? Geeze, aren't you the demanding one! What will you want next? Cuddling?

 

[unpredictablebijou]

I'm not a geneticist, I just read the newspaper. For more information, though, you might check this out.

Apparently it had to do with whether or not the males have a hormonal compulsion to stick around and interact with the female after mating (something I would think would be useful in polyamorous as well as monogamous relationships, but what do I know?)

Well sure, but that's a really mushy study, as far as I can see. People aren't voles, and voles have a far simpler mating and social strategy than humans. More to the point, 'marital success' is a really amorphous term. So is "pair bonding." A male who stays around to nurture young may or may not be also a male who is attempting to spread his genetic material around as much as possible. Both are practical strategies, genetically speaking.

Guess I just get all het up at the term "adulterer." It's so, y'know, biblical. Their studies of "marital success" could have to do with just about anything; that there's a slight correspondence between men who have or lack a particular gene and their desire to form more than one pair bond, for example, or their ability or willingness to nurture children, or even their general sexual or emotional compatibility with a mate... meh, I think it's data that's going to be horribly misused.

I do come from a rather biased standpoint. I see how fucked up people get over issues like fidelity and monogamy, and studies like this only fuel misperceptions about the whole thing. Imagine rejecting a date just because he scored low on a genetic test. Wow, man.

It can be destructive on the other side too. I spend a lot of time explaining to people in workshops that the inability to keep promises you've made, sexual or otherwise, is not the same as being naturally polyamorous; in fact the two are rather mutually exclusive. "I am capable and desirous of loving relationships with more than one person" isn't the same as "I can't manage to keep it in my pants regardless of the commitments I've made." But in cultures that promote lifelong monogamy as the ONLY proper choice, that misperception is pretty common.

My goodness, how I do go on. Sorry. I'm prepping for a workshop in a couple of weeks and I'm all preoccupied.

I hope they flesh this study out a bit. There may be worthwhile data in there somewhere, but right now I think it's going to be really slanted, and probably produce another crop of the "I can't manage to keep it my pants" category, only this time they'll have genetics as an excuse. Sad.

I'm done ranting. My apologies.

bj

 

[PandoraGlitters]

I hear what you are saying, bj, about cultural assumptions and how such a study does not include polyamory anywhere in its possible field of normalcy. I also hear you when you say, "I see how fucked up people get over issues like fidelity and monogamy . . . " and think that it is true that people get fucked up a lot over mismatched expectations and desires. But for some people it is natural to be monogamous.

Sometimes I feel that polyamorous people view what I am naturally (monogamous) to be the same as repressed, frigid, closed-minded. But it is natural to me. It is who I am. I am perfectly capable of being an extremely sexually happy and happy-making person, but when I am in love, I have eyes for one person only. To be otherwise (and I have tried for the sake of someone I loved) felt like putting my heart into a large vat of fingernail polish remover. To see someone I loved love others and for me to try to be cheerful about it and try to date more than the one person I loved when it felt utterly wrong for me, well it sent me packing for a psychologist because of the tremendous emotional upheaval and depression it caused. (I was able to get through it with support, but it was dreadful.)

Having experienced that, I can say that I empathize with how polyamorous people might feel in that they are forced by societal constraints to behave in ways that are unnatural to them unless they reject those constraints. Further, as a feminist, I would be the first to say that biology isn't destiny. But knowing about things that inform one's compulsions can't be bad. In fact, I would think that self-awareness of any kind gives one more tools with which to make authentic choices that one can live with.

Respectfully

-D.

 

[naamplao]

mmmmm....I am going to interpret this thread a little different. Instead of "Dating Men", I will say it is "Dating - Men"...in other words dating from a male point of view, specifically from a shy man's point of view.

I have written several poems on the subject as re-entering the dating scene after a divorce is not easy for some...not all men are players

At a risk of rejection from this group I will offer "The Chasm" (excuse the ellipse usage)

The Chasm
by Naamplao

A deep chasm divides the lonely trail.
A single plank lies across the expanse.
Placing my foot on this strip of wood,
I nervously avert my eyes as,
Icy winds claw at my body,
trying to toss me into the void.

Why am I afraid of crossing this bridge?
Were the plank placed on the ground,
there would be no problem at all.
I could skip happily, stop,
observe my surroundings and dance
with arms stretched out wide to the sky.

But then there would be no risk.
Yes, risk...the fear of failure immobilizing us all.
Creating obstacles where in reality none exist.
What if I fall? comes first to mind.
The rewards of crossing the bridge are distant.
What if I fall?

Seated at a bar room table with friends.
Relaxing in a cocoon of familiarity,
a woman passes and our eyes briefly meet.
She is pretty...no gorgeous!...and seated alone.
Why don’t I introduce myself,
just walk over...

‘Well, she is probably waiting for someone’,
I console myself, but minutes pass and
she is still alone. If she were an old friend
there would be no problem.
‘Yes, but the plank would be on the ground’,
I smile to myself.

I want to get up but my mind is tainted
by the deeps of rejection.
What if she says no? Frozen by the risk,
I cannot bridge the chasm.
She leaves as I watch helplessly,
whispering a silent goodbye.

 

[Safe_Bet]

mmmmm....I am going to interpret this thread a little different. Instead of "Dating Men", I will say it is "Dating - Men"...in other words dating from a male point of view, specifically from a shy man's point of view.

I have written several poems on the subject as re-entering the dating scene after a divorce is not easy for some...not all men are players

At a risk of rejection from this group I will offer "The Chasm" (excuse the ellipse usage)

Very nice poem naamplao. It expressed feeling that are not solely male, but solely human.

P.S. Stop with the "At a risk of rejection from this group" crap. You are a nice, sensitive guy and a very good poet. Don't worry we won't tell!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

What's it worth not to tell?!!

 

[unpredictablebijou]

I hear what you are saying, bj, about cultural assumptions and how such a study does not include polyamory anywhere in its possible field of normalcy. I also hear you when you say, "I see how fucked up people get over issues like fidelity and monogamy . . . " and think that it is true that people get fucked up a lot over mismatched expectations and desires. But for some people it is natural to be monogamous.

Sometimes I feel that polyamorous people view what I am naturally (monogamous) to be the same as repressed, frigid, closed-minded. But it is natural to me. It is who I am. I am perfectly capable of being an extremely sexually happy and happy-making person, but when I am in love, I have eyes for one person only. To be otherwise (and I have tried for the sake of someone I loved) felt like putting my heart into a large vat of fingernail polish remover. To see someone I loved love others and for me to try to be cheerful about it and try to date more than the one person I loved when it felt utterly wrong for me, well it sent me packing for a psychologist because of the tremendous emotional upheaval and depression it caused. (I was able to get through it with support, but it was dreadful.)

Having experienced that, I can say that I empathize with how polyamorous people might feel in that they are forced by societal constraints to behave in ways that are unnatural to them unless they reject those constraints. Further, as a feminist, I would be the first to say that biology isn't destiny. But knowing about things that inform one's compulsions can't be bad. In fact, I would think that self-awareness of any kind gives one more tools with which to make authentic choices that one can live with.

Respectfully

-D.

Hey doll,

I know it may have seemed like I was going off on you, and if so I'm sorry. It's not you; it's culture I get mad at.

I don't think monogamous people are repressed, nor do I think everyone is polyamorous by nature. Studies like this worry me, but mostly I've just been all het up about a bunch of stuff and it's got nothing to do with any of this.

Peace, baby.

bj

 

[PandoraGlitters]

mmmmm....I am going to interpret this thread a little different. Instead of "Dating Men", I will say it is "Dating - Men"...in other words dating from a male point of view, specifically from a shy man's point of view.

I have written several poems on the subject as re-entering the dating scene after a divorce is not easy for some...not all men are players

At a risk of rejection from this group I will offer "The Chasm" (excuse the ellipse usage)

Thank you. I liked reading your poem (especially the use of repetition in it) but further I liked hearing from you folks on the other side of that divide.

 

[PandoraGlitters]

Hey doll,

I know it may have seemed like I was going off on you, and if so I'm sorry. It's not you; it's culture I get mad at.

I don't think monogamous people are repressed, nor do I think everyone is polyamorous by nature. Studies like this worry me, but mostly I've just been all het up about a bunch of stuff and it's got nothing to do with any of this.

Peace, baby.

bj

Thanks bj.

 

[naamplao]

Very nice poem naamplao. It expressed feeling that are not solely male, but solely human.

P.S. Stop with the "At a risk of rejection from this group" crap.

Hahaha, ok, I feel a part of the group now, thank you. Underyourspell I'm not sure I could meet your price

I will post another shy-type poem from my collection. I have had feedback that this poem is universal and not particularly a male perspective. Just substitute the appropriate gender as you read this. (I have other poems on this subject but this is the last one on this subject I promise )

Shy
by Naamplao

It was just a compliment,
nothing special really.
Just words in a social setting
required for the moment,
though I meant every one.

Don’t feel obliged,
to return the favour ,
to become interested.
Let me observe at a distance,
where I am safe.

No closer, I beg of you,
you will be disappointed.
I am not as I seem.
It is just an act, bravado;
the real me is much different.

I let no one into
my hidden world,
not anymore anyway.
Tried it once...maybe twice
it hurts too much to try again.

So, let us join with the others,
allow me to play my role;
to laugh and joke,
then we shall part.
God!...you are beautiful!!...

 

[sassynyc]

mmmmm....I am going to interpret this thread a little different. Instead of "Dating Men", I will say it is "Dating - Men"...in other words dating from a male point of view, specifically from a shy man's point of view.

I have written several poems on the subject as re-entering the dating scene after a divorce is not easy for some...not all men are players

At a risk of rejection from this group I will offer "The Chasm" (excuse the ellipse usage)

Very nice poem naamplao. It expressed feeling that are not solely male, but solely human.

P.S. Stop with the "At a risk of rejection from this group" crap. You are a nice, sensitive guy and a very good poet. Don't worry we won't tell!

Ditto to SB's sentiment. Vulnerability is human. Everyone can relate to it on some level. And congrats on being the lone man to 'step out on the plank'.

 

[Safe_Bet]

Ditto to SB's sentiment. Vulnerability is human. Everyone can relate to it on some level. And congrats on being the lone man to 'step out on the plank'.

Sassy, you for got the last word: SUCKER!

 

[sassynyc]

Sassy, you for got the last word: SUCKER!

Shhhhh! We are trying to lull him into a false sense of security. Don't go alerting him to all the traps.

Just kidding Naamploa. Here, sit. Get comfortable. Can I interest you in some refreshments?

*passes the tray of ACME brand cocktail franks that look suspiciously like mini sticks of dynamite*

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Oh god I finally got old I want to mother him not smother him !!

 

[Safe_Bet]

Oh god I finally got old I want to mother him not smother him !!

Um, Naamplao - your middle name wouldn't happen to be Oedipus would it?

 

[Remec]

Um, Naamplao - your middle name wouldn't happen to be Oedipus would it?

Does it help 'round here? I could prolly fake it, if necessary...(well, unless someone actually reminded me of my mother. My acting isn't as good as it used to be. ) hehehe