Dating and our little "Quirks"

[HawkEye38]

Ethical/moral question that's always bugged me, how do people like us go about dating in the "normal" world? I.e. If we're developing a romantic relationship with someone, do we have an obligation to "warn" them about ourselves beforehand? Are we being completley unethical if we wait until we've been together for a while?

What makes us worry about this? Fear of rejection? Fear of persecution?

Opinions, anyone?

 

[Xelebes]

Well, I wait until I tell because then I get a few months of relationship before the possible rejection.

 

[caela]

I would think it would depend on the sort of relationship you want. If you want a full time D/s relationship than I think you should be up front about it pretty early one before either person gets overly attached. If all you want however is occassional play that might be something you could wait on (depending how quickly you start sleeping with someone) and perhaps introduce a little later.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Like caela says, I think it depends on what you want and whether D/s is a thing you have to have or something you could forgo possibly the rest of your life. My personal choice was to not bother swimming in the vanilla pool as I was not interested in a vanilla relationship, I respected people's choice to be who they were, and I didn't need the ego boost or have enough energy or time to be bothered entertaining the idea I might be able to convert a vanilla to my ways...just didn't gel with who I am I'm afraid. As to whether it is ethical, everyone has their own ethics but from a personal POV, I would have been very pissed off if I met someone who professed they were a Dom and they managed to fake it (possibly through saying they wanted to establish an emotional relationship before slipping into those roles, only to have them then turn around and say 'BTW, I'm actually vanilla and now we have a relationship, I think you could/should be one too'.

Catalina

 

[FurryFury]

If I had my dating years to do over again and I knew then what I know now, I'd be looking for someone who wasn't vanilla and knew it! I really seriously would.

Fury

 

[WyldChylde]

Hell, it's easy...

1st date, you take them to a nice place for dinner. The waiter comes out and takes your orders. Continue with the small talk until the salads arrive. Once your date has begun eating/chewing their first bite of salad you can select the appropriate statement from below (as best suits your personal tastes):

Dom: "So do you prefer being spanked bare-handed, with a whip, or with a paddle?"

Sub: "If you don't have your ropes ready at home Mistress/Master, we can always go to my place later."

If your date sprays salad all over you, then you know that BDSM is probably not on the horizon in this relationship. If they get a wicked grin on their face then you know to get the food "to go"...

In all seriousness though, gauge it by their personality. If you find yourself making out, try pulling hair, biting (lightly), and maybe a couple of slaps on the ass... if they seem to enjoy then open up a dialogue (later... finish making out/having sex first) about the possibilities.

 

[greenmands]

Hell, it's easy...

1st date, you take them to a nice place for dinner. The waiter comes out and takes your orders. Continue with the small talk until the salads arrive. Once your date has begun eating/chewing their first bite of salad you can select the appropriate statement from below (as best suits your personal tastes):

Dom: "So do you prefer being spanked bare-handed, with a whip, or with a paddle?"

Sub: "If you don't have your ropes ready at home Mistress/Master, we can always go to my place later."

If your date sprays salad all over you, then you know that BDSM is probably not on the horizon in this relationship. If they get a wicked grin on their face then you know to get the food "to go"...

In all seriousness though, gauge it by their personality. If you find yourself making out, try pulling hair, biting (lightly), and maybe a couple of slaps on the ass... if they seem to enjoy then open up a dialogue (later... finish making out/having sex first) about the possibilities.

I like your questions for the date. Sounds like something I would do.

 

[angelicious]

Hell, it's easy...

1st date, you take them to a nice place for dinner. The waiter comes out and takes your orders. Continue with the small talk until the salads arrive. Once your date has begun eating/chewing their first bite of salad you can select the appropriate statement from below (as best suits your personal tastes):

Dom: "So do you prefer being spanked bare-handed, with a whip, or with a paddle?"

Sub: "If you don't have your ropes ready at home Mistress/Master, we can always go to my place later."

If your date sprays salad all over you, then you know that BDSM is probably not on the horizon in this relationship. If they get a wicked grin on their face then you know to get the food "to go"...

In all seriousness though, gauge it by their personality. If you find yourself making out, try pulling hair, biting (lightly), and maybe a couple of slaps on the ass... if they seem to enjoy then open up a dialogue (later... finish making out/having sex first) about the possibilities.

This was the funniest thing I have seen all day so far!!!

 

[GothScotsman1]

Painfuly Honest

A great deal of honesty and trust are involved in pursuing any kind of relationship. Regardless of our little "Quirks". I think if I had never been introduced to the D/s lifestyle, and I were all of a sudden confronted with it in a random bedroom encounter... I might be a little more than intimidated. You see this in bad television and movies all the time. Guy goes on a date with a hot girl, later that night he is tied up and being beaten, he is totally confused and probably crying for his mother. It's very confusing to someone who has never known BDSM. Always be upfront and honest, it saves a lot of hassle in the long run.
On one hand you might get that oh so funny, dear in headlights look, and they run screaming into the night. No big deal, you pick up the bill and try again. On the other, they might get a mischevious grin on their face and say they have always wanted to try it... *evil grin* that is when the real fun begins.

 

[LadyAria]

Ethical/moral question that's always bugged me, how do people like us go about dating in the "normal" world? I.e. If we're developing a romantic relationship with someone, do we have an obligation to "warn" them about ourselves beforehand? Are we being completley unethical if we wait until we've been together for a while?

What makes us worry about this? Fear of rejection? Fear of persecution?

Opinions, anyone?

Better address this upfront. Repressing your needs to develop a relationship with someone unsuitable is a waste of time. Springing it months into the relationship could inspire a break up if they are not interested. If it is truely a part of who you are, then let them know it is a part of the package deal.

I believe what makes us worry is both rejection and persecution.

 

[Rrrosyn]

j and I knew our quirks (most of them) before we met RL. But finding out was more of a joking thing. Chatting with each other in a group of friends. I'd get into a mood. Just grumpy or something. Someone would comment, I was going to ream them with my sword and I'd comment about where. It was just jest, but through it j and I figured out which side of the whip we were on in our relationships.

Definately into open and honest. Very difficult. Rumors could get around that you're a pervert or something. Sounds like a difficult balance.

 

[marieR19]

Eh.... I've always been very honest from the beginning about what I'm into. A little "too honest" some might say, lol. But yeah, if the person I'm going with is going to freak out over my submissiveness, I'd rather know now then later, when I've gotten all cozy and in love, yunno?


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