dating advice!!

[guywithglasses]

okay, ive gotten some great help in the past here, figured i'd ask out there again!

okay, so here is the long and short of it.

i got dumped out of a long term relationship last summer. since then, been with a few ladies, nothing permanent, nice people, fun. I'm 27, so, yeah, just trying to meet someone awesome, you know, biding my time, not wanting to rush into anything.

i have a huge crush on a friend of mine. shes a bartender, she got along with my group of friends, shes been co-opted into our group, life is grand. shes 22, but a very mature 22.

we've had some great talks, been to some movies in my "group" of people, hang out at her bar, get free drinks, life is good. about a month ago i find out shes dating someone, so, i go into action, and thanks to match.com, meet a lady.

shes nice, been going out for about 2 weeks, we've both had rocky relationships in the past, we kinda bonded on those principles, some bad kareoke and bam, it happens.

so, im seeing this one girl, shes great. i find out yesturday that the crush is single again, hes an asshole. my roommate is at the bar, tells her i have a crush on her, and she says, while blushing, thats really cute, he looks great (ive recently dropped a lot of weight, yes!!)

so, what do i do. how do i work this. I think i really want to try and go after the crush, any ideas?

 

[WhiteKnight326]

Caught between a rock and a hard place?

Really hard to say... in the end, go with your heart! Who do you feel the happiest around? Who's smile makes you warmer? Who do you honestly see yourself with based on where you both are in life?

Somehow, it sounds like the match.com girl may actually suit you better, since you already have some basic life/dating principles in common, and seem to be in similar places with your lives. Whereas the crush sounds more like "fun"... of course I don't know any of the 3 of you

Just out of curiosity, how old is the other girl?

I would ultimately go with who you feel you should in your heart. Don't let anyone tell you what to do (or not to do) including me in this post! lol But just let things happen as they will, and be true to yourself.

If you're asking for opinions, I would stay with the girl you met online Just my take on things...

Best of luck wherever it takes you though!

 

[guywithglasses]

the lady i am currently seeing is 27 too.

the question is more, do i try and get with the girl ive been crushing on for 9 months, or stay where am i......

and also is, how do i get the girl i am crushing on, because, that is the way I am leaning toward.

 

[WhiteKnight326]

Well, I think you should tell her how you feel! And not through your drunk friend! lol

Seriously, maybe a good conversation starter might be "Hey, I'm really sorry to hear about (Bob)... heard he was a jerk to you... and you deserve way better!" or something...

Or just tell her you heard she told your friend you were cute

Just talk about fun times you've both had... make sure to be really sweet especially about the issue of the asshole she just broke up with, and the most important thing would probably be to show her that you like her. Be a little affectionate; comment on how cute she looks, or her hair or something. Just make sure she knows you like going out of your way to be nice to her without blatently hitting on her. Unless she wants that

Play it cool, be yourself, and let her feel wanted! That's all a girl could ask for.

Other than money and chocolate.

 

[guywithglasses]

chocolate i can do...

 

[Bokimbol]

What ever you decided to do be assured it will be the wrong decision. Life just seems to work that way. Remember in the immortal words of the great Steven Tyler, "Ain't got no rubbers and it's raining all the time!"

 

[thetwolezz]

okay, ive gotten some great help in the past here, figured i'd ask out there again!

okay, so here is the long and short of it.

i got dumped out of a long term relationship last summer. since then, been with a few ladies, nothing permanent, nice people, fun. I'm 27, so, yeah, just trying to meet someone awesome, you know, biding my time, not wanting to rush into anything.

i have a huge crush on a friend of mine. shes a bartender, she got along with my group of friends, shes been co-opted into our group, life is grand. shes 22, but a very mature 22.

we've had some great talks, been to some movies in my "group" of people, hang out at her bar, get free drinks, life is good. about a month ago i find out shes dating someone, so, i go into action, and thanks to match.com, meet a lady.

shes nice, been going out for about 2 weeks, we've both had rocky relationships in the past, we kinda bonded on those principles, some bad kareoke and bam, it happens.

so, im seeing this one girl, shes great. i find out yesturday that the crush is single again, hes an asshole. my roommate is at the bar, tells her i have a crush on her, and she says, while blushing, thats really cute, he looks great (ive recently dropped a lot of weight, yes!!)

so, what do i do. how do i work this. I think i really want to try and go after the crush, any ideas?

IDK how many times I've told my son...so long as you are honest, there's NO REASON you cannot date more than one person.

 

[RUbensBeautY]

... be yourself, and let her feel wanted! That's all a girl could ask for.

Other than ... chocolate.

Agreed. As for a good way of going after the crush.

If your heart is in it I think that is also the honorable thing to do regarding the other lady you have been seeing. Make sure though to make things clear between you and your present lady BEFORE you make a move on your crush. The last thing ANY girl wants after having been with an asshole is to find out that new her beau is chasing someone else on the side. You need to decide if your crush is worth taking a chance and giving up on the other lady.

If you really like her make it an honest and clear start for both of you. You deserve to be honest about how you feel and who you have feelings for and so do both ladies in my opinion.

Best of luck! I am cheering for you.

 

[guywithglasses]

okay, so, I went to her place of work and she gave me a really long hug, and we talked for a bit. i asked her to go clothing shopping, and she said we would go soon, thats good right. she knows I have a crush on her, she just got dumpered, i'm really bad with trying to make things happen, this all sounds positive, though, right?

 

[WhiteKnight326]

okay, so, I went to her place of work and she gave me a really long hug, and we talked for a bit. i asked her to go clothing shopping, and she said we would go soon, thats good right. she knows I have a crush on her, she just got dumpered, i'm really bad with trying to make things happen, this all sounds positive, though, right?

Yes, but why on earth did you offer to go shopping??? eeeeeek i get shivers just thinking about being dragged on one of those awful trips...

I assume the woman you're currently with knows about this all?

 

[guywithglasses]

yes, we've decided to be friends,

and luckily were in a big city with hip neato stores, so, its not as boring as it sounds, and it wasn't necessarily my idea, so, you know, gotta start somewhere

thansk for the great words!

 

[WhiteKnight326]

ok sounds cool then!

Best of luck, just be yourself! And don't be shy; let her know you like her, think she's beautiful, and want to be around her!

Let us know how things go

 

[guywithglasses]

and if not, then at least i'll get some new clothes!

 

[RUbensBeautY]

okay, so, I went to her place of work and she gave me a really long hug, and we talked for a bit. i asked her to go clothing shopping, and she said we would go soon, thats good right. she knows I have a crush on her, she just got dumpered, i'm really bad with trying to make things happen, this all sounds positive, though, right?

I think so too! Congratulations, first steps are always the most difficult ones. The rest often follows in a natural rhythm, so be thoughtful and kind and enjoy the results.

I think shopping was a good idea, especially going shopping for YOU. I'd personally hate to have a guy along when I pick my own clothes, would kill the main idea of trying to wow him with my new outfit anyway. BUT asking a woman for advice in clothing is a very very smart move. We like to help and feel needed. Especially when it comes to cute guys who have a crush on us.

Have fun and wonderful time!

 

[WhiteKnight326]

.....

 

[VelvetDarkness]

It sounds to me that regardless of what happens with your crush, you should end things with the current lady. It's not fair to her if you keep seeing her purely because you don't want to end up on your own if the crush doesn't turn into a relationship. It seems obvious to me that you don't have strong enough feelings for the woman you're dating or you wouldn't have had your head turned in the first place by the crush being single again.

Do the decent thing before anyone gets hurt and then start worrying about making moves on this crush of yours.

 

[guywithglasses]

thats exactly what i did.

 

[Milly66]

I hope it works out for you truly, but I would just like to add that the grass may not necessarily be greener...

 

[guywithglasses]

so, we've been hanging out a lot this summer, wich is fantastic. nothing physical yet, just good talks, hanging out, doing things, you know.

Any ideas on how to get to the next level. she knows I really like her, and I'm pretty sure she likes me, where do I go from here, advice???

sooo exciting! thanks for the great ideas earlier.

 

[SweetErika]

so, we've been hanging out a lot this summer, wich is fantastic. nothing physical yet, just good talks, hanging out, doing things, you know.

Any ideas on how to get to the next level. she knows I really like her, and I'm pretty sure she likes me, where do I go from here, advice???

sooo exciting! thanks for the great ideas earlier.

She knows you really like her in a more-than-a-friend way, or just as a friend?

How come it's stayed platonic, instead of going to the next level? What's holding things up? You, her, or something else?

Have you talked with her about your desire to date if she's open to it? Or at least do you know if she's seeing anyone? Do you talk about relationships?

I dunno...it just strikes me as odd that if you like her and she likes you back, nothing has happened so far, even though you've spent a lot of time together. I'd think that one of you would make a move, and there's got to be something holding you back.

 

[guywithglasses]

Well, here is the lowdown,

we've hung out once a week for the past month or so, maybe 5 outings. Usually lunch, because we work lots of crazy hours, she mostly works at night, and i work all over the place. So we've made a point to hang out, and talk, and it just be the two of us.

When we talk, there is lots of eye contact, hugs, some touching, nothing crazy. We sat out on the river and talked the other day, I definatly feel it moving into a non platonic place. We've had talks about how were both looking to get into a relationship in general, so i think were both testing the waters, etc.

its been a great confidence builder, weve both had some bad relationships, and baggage, and I think we both are hoping not to fall into similar tidings,

so, as far as advice, i think its on the up and up, patience is a virtue.

 

[SweetErika]

Well, here is the lowdown,

we've hung out once a week for the past month or so, maybe 5 outings. Usually lunch, because we work lots of crazy hours, she mostly works at night, and i work all over the place. So we've made a point to hang out, and talk, and it just be the two of us.

When we talk, there is lots of eye contact, hugs, some touching, nothing crazy. We sat out on the river and talked the other day, I definatly feel it moving into a non platonic place. We've had talks about how were both looking to get into a relationship in general, so i think were both testing the waters, etc.

its been a great confidence builder, weve both had some bad relationships, and baggage, and I think we both are hoping not to fall into similar tidings,

so, as far as advice, i think its on the up and up, patience is a virtue.

Okay, so perhaps you could wait for a moment when you feel like you're really connecting and lean in to kiss her or tell her you'd really like to kiss her and see how she responds. From all you've said, it seems like she'll probably respond positively, but the only way to really know is to find out. Even if she says she's not ready or wants to wait, at least you'll know.

You could also just talk to her, basically telling her what you told us (recognize that you both have baggage and haven't wanted to do anything before either of you is ready, but you're feeling ready). Ask her how she feels. Keep it light and genuine, and emphasize that your main priorities are her comfort and your friendship.

And if you haven't done so already, you might try planning a real nighttime date. Whereas lunch/day get togethers might feel more like a friendship date to her, dinner/evening activities may feel more date-like and help spark romance. You could tell her you'd love to do XYZ (have something(s) specific in mind, but be flexible) the next time she has an evening free, and ask if she's game. If you plan something that's likely to involve closeness or touch, like dancing, a movie she wants to see, that might provide you with ample opportunities to take it to the next level.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Sounds like you're both pretty shy. Even in these modern times, the girl still often expects the guy to make the first move and assumes that he's not really interested if he doesn't. You seem fairly confident that she's interested in you so my advice, like Erika's, is to go for it.

You don't have to say anything as corny as 'will you go out with me?' Tell her how great you think she is and how you can't stop thinking about her. If she's interested, she'll reciprocate and if she's not, she'll be more than flattered enough to let you down gently and still value your friendship.

I don't think you have much to lose here, you sound very positive about everything. Please do tell us what happens.

 

[guywithglasses]

okay, its definatly getting to the nitty gritty.

We went on a daytrip to meet some friends of ours for a party, good car talks, was about a 2 hour drive. Had a great day at the party, as friends, definatly some flirting here and there.

On the ride back, she fell asleep, it was a very long day. I played some fantastic music. Not a lot of talking, but it was like 2am on the ride home afterall. I dropped her off at her place.

2 days go by and she texts me that she can't stop listening to the bands that I played in the car, and that she's been falling asleep to them.

My work picked up for a bit and havent seen her in a week or so. I asked her to go to dinner with me for my birthday, just the two of us and she accepted. were going to go to a fancy place you have to dress up to go to, reservations, etc. No set date yet.

so, i think this is the make it or break it point, time to put my charming pants on, and see what can happen. any advice, i've never met or been around someone this great before, and I am pretty much scared pantsless, if anyone could mess this up, it would be me.

 

[SweetErika]

My work picked up for a bit and havent seen her in a week or so. I asked her to go to dinner with me for my birthday, just the two of us and she accepted. were going to go to a fancy place you have to dress up to go to, reservations, etc. No set date yet.

If it's coming up, check with her and make reservations. Set the date, so it doesn't get too close and turn out that she's unavailable or you can't get a reservation.

so, i think this is the make it or break it point, time to put my charming pants on, and see what can happen. any advice, i've never met or been around someone this great before, and I am pretty much scared pantsless, if anyone could mess this up, it would be me.

For one, stop thinking like that! If you think you're likely to fuck it up and put all of your eggs in this one basket, you're probably going to end up screwing it up and then not being able to bounce back from the disappointment in any reasonable period of time!

It's wonderful to think (and tell her!) she's great, but remember that there are MANY wonderful women out there who will cross paths with you. If it doesn't work out, there's a good reason, and you will move on having learned some very valuable info/lessons. Making mistakes or having bad luck with this woman/relationship doesn't translate to never finding great women or always screwing up (well, unless you refuse to learn from your mistakes and insist on repeating them), you know?

People who think they can/do screw everything up actually end up doing just that. Their bad attitudes repel others, they find and focus on the negatives, and they miss good opportunities. Don't be one of those people. Do recognize that people make mistakes and sometimes things just don't work out, but you can stay positive by seeing those things as opportunities for growth and change. Do be yourself (while staying open to learning and growing), know "it takes two to tango" (if it doesn't work out, it may very well be because of her, rather than you screwing up), try your very best to do well and make things right, believe things usually go well and ALWAYS turn out for the best (even bad things happen for a reason and have a silver lining). Focus on all of your rights and good fortune, instead of your wrongs and bad luck.

This woman (and everybody else you want to be around) will like you more for having a positive attitude, and you will undoubtedly find yourself far happier and more successful (and even "luckier").