Darwin Award Candidates
- Thread starter Draco
- Start date
Draco
2bOrNot2b
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3. Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-
deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat
inside it. Beach goers said Daniel Jones, 21 dug the
hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had
been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday
afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet
of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used
their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to
Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not each
him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment
almost an hour to free him while about 200 people
looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat
inside it. Beach goers said Daniel Jones, 21 dug the
hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had
been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday
afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet
of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used
their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to
Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not each
him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment
almost an hour to free him while about 200 people
looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
Draco
2bOrNot2b
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- Mar 30, 2001
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4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in
Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first through the ceiling
of bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused
when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to
keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull
as he hit the floor.
Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first through the ceiling
of bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused
when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to
keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull
as he hit the floor.
Draco
2bOrNot2b
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RUNNER UP:
TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with
several friends when one of them said they knew a
person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows
Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation
grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the
walkway of the bridge at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at the
midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had
brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued
drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of
lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was
secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied
to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable
tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He
miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water
and was rescued by two nearby fishermen.
"All I can say," said Bingham, "is that God was
watching out for me on that night. There's just no
other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never
located.
TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with
several friends when one of them said they knew a
person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows
Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation
grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the
walkway of the bridge at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at the
midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had
brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued
drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of
lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was
secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied
to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable
tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He
miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water
and was rescued by two nearby fishermen.
"All I can say," said Bingham, "is that God was
watching out for me on that night. There's just no
other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never
located.
Draco
2bOrNot2b
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2001
- Posts
- 6,762
TA DAH..or should that be DER..?
AND THE WINNER THIS YEAR:
GIESSEN, GERMANY - Overzealous zookeeper Reinhardt Lutz (Klutz...??)
fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal
laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and
prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly-
and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
Investigators say ill-fated Lutz, 54, was attempting to
give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the
relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the
elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Lutz to
the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay
unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his
bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted Giessen
police detective Erik Dern. "With no one there to help
him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour
before a watchman came along, and during that time he
suffocated. "It seems to be just one of those freak
accidents that happen."!
AND THE WINNER THIS YEAR:
GIESSEN, GERMANY - Overzealous zookeeper Reinhardt Lutz (Klutz...??)
fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal
laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and
prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly-
and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
Investigators say ill-fated Lutz, 54, was attempting to
give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the
relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the
elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Lutz to
the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay
unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his
bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted Giessen
police detective Erik Dern. "With no one there to help
him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour
before a watchman came along, and during that time he
suffocated. "It seems to be just one of those freak
accidents that happen."!
Last edited:
Myrrdin
Agrarian
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- Aug 20, 2000
- Posts
- 3,246
Hand in hand with the Darwins go the Stellas;
It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named after 81-year-old Stella who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonalds. That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most uniquely successful lawsuits in the United States for last year. Actually, joint awards should be given to the plaintiff attorneys and the flaming idiots on the juries who awarded anything at all to these morons--who deserved NOTHING!!!!
The following are this year's candidates:
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.
A 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.
Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
This year's favorite could easily be Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma, City, Oklahoma. Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On his first trip home, having driven onto the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly, the
RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the owner's manual that he couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons buying their recreation vehicles.
It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named after 81-year-old Stella who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonalds. That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most uniquely successful lawsuits in the United States for last year. Actually, joint awards should be given to the plaintiff attorneys and the flaming idiots on the juries who awarded anything at all to these morons--who deserved NOTHING!!!!
The following are this year's candidates:
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.
A 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.
Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
This year's favorite could easily be Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma, City, Oklahoma. Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On his first trip home, having driven onto the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly, the
RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the owner's manual that he couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons buying their recreation vehicles.
flawed_ethics
Professional Dufus
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- Jul 14, 2001
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At first you read these, and you feel sad for the participants. Drowning in two feet of water because you want to get your keys (an understandable feat). Zoning out during a jog (I know how that is, and the fact that he fell 100 ft means he ascended 100ft, so he was putting in a good run I imagine, unless it was downhill, but I'll give him the benifit of the doubt).
But then a guy is sitting in an 8-ft deep hole of sand? What?! After this they all seemed too funny. A tie-game of chicken. Four bullets and a revolver.
Ironically, the winner is funny and tragic. He was, after all, doing his job (above and beyond, I'd say), when, well, their attempts proved unfortunately successful.
The Stella Awards are a hoot too. (Cruise control. Please!!!) I'm a little terrified that most occured at resturants though. Working at one, I know that people do dumb things constantly. It's never cool to see an event happen, but sometimes one wonders what inspired them to set themselves up to allow that to happen in the first place.
Regardless, a great post by both of you! (Draco & Myrrdin)
But then a guy is sitting in an 8-ft deep hole of sand? What?! After this they all seemed too funny. A tie-game of chicken. Four bullets and a revolver.
Ironically, the winner is funny and tragic. He was, after all, doing his job (above and beyond, I'd say), when, well, their attempts proved unfortunately successful.
The Stella Awards are a hoot too. (Cruise control. Please!!!) I'm a little terrified that most occured at resturants though. Working at one, I know that people do dumb things constantly. It's never cool to see an event happen, but sometimes one wonders what inspired them to set themselves up to allow that to happen in the first place.
Regardless, a great post by both of you! (Draco & Myrrdin)
acitore_vuli
Scuttle Buttin'
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Spinaroonie
LOOK WHAT I FOUND!
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You do know that the Darwin awards are fake don't you?
acitore_vuli
Scuttle Buttin'
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G
Guest
Guest
THATS gotta hurt. BTW, the Awards may not be real but the stories are factual.Draco said:
teddybear4play
better when i'm drunk
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For what it's worth, a story involving a beagle, a pellet gun, and $14,500 was on Jay Leno's "Headlines" tonight.
Some of the details were different, I think, but noteworthy nonetheless.
TB4p
Some of the details were different, I think, but noteworthy nonetheless.
TB4p
