Dangerous Arousal

[dr_mabeuse]

I found a book in the library called "Sexual Arousal". The author, a psychologist, put forth the theory that sexual arousal could be dissected into two basic emotions:

(1) physical pleasure or the promise of it
(2) a certain sense of danger or fear

Of course, (1) goes without saying. But (2) was kind of a surprise to me.

If you think of it in terms of danger of losing control, or of putting yourself in someone else's hands, I think it kind of makes sense, but I'm still not sure. My own understanding of arousal does include an edge of danger or a thrill of something beyond mere anticipation of pleasure, but I'm not exactly sure what that something is.

What is the source of this thrill? Surrender? Loss of control? Conquest? Or is it purely and ultimately chemical and beyond analysis?


---dr.M.

 

[MathGirl]

What is the source of this thrill? Surrender? Loss of control? Conquest? Or is it purely and ultimately chemical and beyond analysis?

Dear Dr M,
Two things occur to me:
1. If it is "purely and ultimately chemical" it is only beyond analysis in the psychological sense. If it is chemical, it is not beyond analysis. All brain function (including sexual arousal) is chemically mediated and therefore potentially subject to analysis. Not in the present state of knowledge and technology, unfortunately. Well, maybe not so unfortunately.
2. The writer of the study you read may be wrong.
MG
Ps. Please note that this is more than one line, and that I stated what I think about the subject. When I KNOW enough about something to offer my thoughts I do so. When I DON'T KNOW, I tend to let those who do know (or think they know) do the expounding.

 

[gauchecritic]

Two things occurred to me too, about the danger aspect.

1/ I'm a firm believer that we are still very much guided by animal instincts even in this day and age. Therefore the first danger is that when in the act of coitus we are at a distinct and dire disadvantage re: predators.

Possibly the danger is being found indulging. Some seek this danger, making the act exquisite.

2/ One French term for orgasm is 'Le Petite Morte' (the small death), sounds dangerous to me.

Or is that three things. Never mind.

Gauche

 

[openthighs_sarah]

What is the source of this thrill? Surrender? Loss of control? Conquest? Or is it purely and ultimately chemical and beyond analysis?

My own guess is that fear and arousal both trigger many of the same powerful biological and chemical responses. They're both intensely intimate; a person can't be detached from either emotion.

To me, at least, this doesn't mean that arousal implies fear, or vice versa. The author, recognizing the similarities, may be confusing the result (the chemical response which mirrors the chemical response to fear or danger) with the cause.

 

[Quasimodem]

Any guy who cannot remember at least one sexual encounter that was permeated with a "certain sense of danger or fear" either has forgotten their very first passage with the opposite sex, (may also be true for the same sex ) or else, was too drunk to register any emotion.

I rather imagine women undergo some similar feelings of desperation, but I possess no empirical truth, to sustain that statement.

 

[MathGirl]

I rather imagine women undergo some similar feelings of desperation

I may be a minority of one, but I've never felt anything remotely like fear or desperation. Of course, I've only had one lover, and he is an older man who always made me feel safe and protected. I must seem terribly naive. I sometimes feel that way, too.
MG

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Maybe danger is too strong a word for what I meant. I can't believe that I'm the only one here who feels a sense of tremendous excitement when things get hot, and I think it's more than just impatience to get on with it so we can go to sleep afterwards.

MG, I'm glad you understood what I meant. I figure that all emotions are ultimately chemical/electrical, and I wonder if we'll ever get to the point where we'll be able to talk about mental states in terms of neurotransmitters, so that instead of telling someone that you're sad or depressed, you could tell them you're feeling kind of norepinephrined out , or DOPAmined or whatever.

It would be like dealing with atoms of emotion that themsleves are not capable of being analyzed further, but could then be put together to make more complex emotions. Some emotions would form the basic set and these would correspond to the neurotransmitters.

(And I did notice the multiple lines, and I am chagined to find that I miss the pie in the face at the end.)


---dr.M.

 

[TheEarl]

I have read that arousal and fear are both created by similar hormones and one can often create the other. Hence why quite a few people get slightly physically aroused at horror films.

The Earl

 

[wildsweetone]

What is the source of this thrill? Surrender? Loss of control? Conquest? Or is it purely and ultimately chemical and beyond analysis?

Just sharing the devil's advocate hat for a moment dr.

I think you cottoned onto it with the word 'thrill'. Extending that a little. If you're doing something that isn't quite the 'norm' for you, then it has a tiny slither of excitement attached. That slither of excitement has a fine line and sits alongside 'danger'.

Have you ever been sexually aroused by something that your brain is telling you you should find 'repulsive' (harsh word that), or 'illegal'?

The heightened sense of arousal is addictive when you're doing something that you really know you shouldn't be. Hence the sense of 'danger'. Are you going to get caught?

 

[ag2507]

Adrenaline

Adrenaline is certainly one of the chemicals given off with sex: it is not consistent though as it seems to be associated more with vigorous activity rather than loving sex. That's one reason why it can be hard to sleep after a particularly vigorous bout.

Probably associated with the need to escape vengeance (irritated husband or not so willing woman) where sleep is definately a life threatening response.

AG

 

[Gabriel_Lee]

I guess it's something to do with loss of control. Somewhere in the higher brain functions where we loose the essential animalistic nature that needs to be expressed.

 

[Pure]

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[MathGirl]

Oh, dear.......

Darn. I'll try to regain my tercity, even at the risk of being chastised therefor.
MG

 

[Singularity]

Two Kinds of Danger..

I think the danger part falls into two categories:

Fear of doing something stupid, and not meeting the other person's expectations, or of being embarrassed, flatulent or some other horrible disgrace that lessens your reputation as a sexual god.

And then there is the fear or danger (or at least thrill or sense of excitement) tied to wickedness, doing something taboo, illicit, and all of the other stuff that society frowns on - while knowing that you really LIKE doing these obscene, nasty things. Things that were imprinted on you as being "bad".

These come in varying doses and intensities depending on the situation, your upbringing, and how depraved you really are <grin>.


Singularity

 

[Croctden]

I found a book in the library called "Sexual Arousal". The author, a psychologist, put forth the theory that sexual arousal could be dissected into two basic emotions:

(1) physical pleasure or the promise of it
(2) a certain sense of danger or fear

Of course, (1) goes without saying. But (2) was kind of a surprise to me.

---dr.M.

What's the story about a guy getting into a fight and afterwards finding he has wood? I've experienced this myself, so I'm going with chemical.

 

[Croctden]

I figure that all emotions are ultimately chemical/electrical, and I wonder if we'll ever get to the point where we'll be able to talk about mental states in terms of neurotransmitters, so that instead of telling someone that you're sad or depressed, you could tell them you're feeling kind of norepinephrined out , or DOPAmined or whatever.

---dr.M.

I doubt. Ever hear someone complain their computer is being a "jerk" or punch their car? People relate to what they know in their experiences. They may intellectually grasp that chemcial A or B is the cause of their trouble, but they're still going to be fucking pissed of god damn it!

 

[Croctden]

Re: Two Kinds of Danger..

I think the danger part falls into two categories:

Fear of doing something stupid, and not meeting the other person's expectations, or of being embarrassed, flatulent or some other horrible disgrace that lessens your reputation as a sexual god.

Singularity

Farting's not sexy? Right! I knew that.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

I think it's the whole letting-go thing that is scary to some people. In order to really enjoy sex, you have to relax and just let the orgasms roll over you, like friendly gushes of wind streaming out of an oscillalliti... osclitiall... out of a fan that moves from side to side, like mine does. Every now and then it blows cool air over me, then turns away, and then blows cool air over me again... and right now, that's even more welcome than any orgasm! (How can such a cold country like Sweden get so damned hot in the summer?)

 

[Guest]

(How can such a cold country like Sweden get so damned hot in the summer?)

Flicka, sometimes cool can be very hot (like your orgams, eh?)

Perdita

 

[Svenskaflicka]

"She had a very cool orgasm."

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I guess it's something to do with loss of control. Somewhere in the higher brain functions where we loose the essential animalistic nature that needs to be expressed.

This is what Flicka said too, and I agree. (I would call attention to the difference between "lose" and "loose" though. I had to read it twice.) It's true at least for me.

I think there'a a reason they call it "falling" in love and not "getting into" love. I think there is a fear of loss of control.

Certainly when we get aroused our bodies start pumping out some very potent chemicals, and "thrill" hormones like adrenaline are among them. We get butterflies, trembling, heightened sensitivity, all sorts of good stuff. It feels dangerous, there's maybe even a hint of implied violence, at least the violence of our own feelings.

---dr.M.

 

[Guest]

I agree danger is not quite the right word, nor even fear, though I do believe chemistry plays a part in all emotions; but sexual arousal and satisfaction can involve emotions similar to anxiety or uncertainty, perhaps like a phobic influence, e.g., the fear of heights or enclosed spaces. We speak of being taken to an edge, or drowning in pleasure. The ‘little death’ is quite apt; I can recall orgasms where the only way to describe the intensity was to say I thought I might die of it. And what’s scarier than death for most people? (I am speaking of this ‘fear’ with a lover one trusts, i.e., the anxiety is not derived from the relationship between the lovers.)

I recall that during my first visit to a sex toy store a dyke salesclerk was explaining the various vibrators to me, rather clinically describing how they worked and what they might accomplish. We got to talking about orgasms and she straightforwardly told me that she received her first O from a vibrator. Then she shocked me as she passionately exclaimed that it made her instantly and incredibly angry. She couldn’t say more and I still wonder what she meant.

My first orgasm was a complete surprise, an accident that occurred during foreplay. I was frightened and utterly ignorant. Due to that ignorance I had no idea what was happening in my body; I recall it felt as if my whole body, not just my cunt and clit, was going off (in fact I hardly knew I had a cunt let alone a clit). Only one other time was I frightened—during cunnilingus given by an incredibly expert man. I actually hesitated and nearly told him to stop.

Lastly, I recall being sexually aroused as a very young child, but there was no fear or anxiety to it. Perhaps it was learned later.