Daemon's Whore. Tell me if it's crap. Please, pretty please?

[smotp]

I have been writing erotica for about a year. Tried a couple of placements such as Clean Sheets etc and had some encouraging rejections. But I really need some dispassionate third party advice. Can't show the family or the friends etc. too embarrassed!

I've submitted some pieces to Lit. with mixed results but my latest submission is the begining of a novel and it got my first 'Hot' rating, currently hovering around 4.7 but no feedback at all.

It is Science Fiction and Fantasy with elements of Horror caled Daemon's Whore pt 01 and can be found at url http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=296717

I am trying to keep it as close to mainstream as possible but with solid erotica. I am looking at the markets hit by Laurell K Hamilton and L.A Banks and others but without the Vamps!

What do you think?

Language too tame, characters too thin? Is the plot pulling you in or not?
I build in research and suggest the reader do some Googling to make them fall into the fantasy a little.

It has elements of Tit 'n Tentacles beacause I like 'em. I have developed a detailed backstory arc that sustains at present five part complete novels but before I carry on I need to know if it is all worth it?

Any chance of some help guys?

Kind regards

Smot

 

[mjl2010]

I sure hope this isn't the end of the story. You're writing more right?

Really good job, I enjoyed it a lot.

MJL

 

[smotp]

Thanks for the encouragement MJL

I have Part 2 ready to go, around 13,000 words and I am editing Part 3 but I was going to post each one a few weeks apart apart?

Not sure what is the best way to present a series. Plus I need time to finish off the drafts properly before I submit.

I also would like to have a better idea of how the work is received to see if I need to make any changes as I go along.

All criticism is welcomed

Thanks again

Smot

 

[nimzo]

Whatever happened to this series. It has disappeared from the site. I thought it was really good.

 

[smotp]

Hi Nimzo

You wrote:- Whatever happened to this series. It has disappeared from the site.

When I finished the novel it was around 70k words. I left it up until the viewings slowed right down and then took it down.

I do that with all my stuff when it gets stale.

It has been rewritten and is available on my website, at the moment as a subscription series but in a few months as a pay for download novel.

Check out my Bio page for more info

http://www.literotica.com:81/stories/memberpage.php?uid=770476

 

[nimzo]

Thanks