D/s W/O BDSM!

[Phoenix Stone]

D/s W/O BDSM! (w/o physical bondage or pain)

Could include (links to be added as I find them):

Tasks (must do thus-and-so at a particular time, for ex.):

Mind Control:

Humiliation:

Limits (non-BDSM such as?):

Sensation (either deprivation or intensity, but not to the point of pain, but with control, such as blindfolds, feather, ice):

Mind Games, such as pyschological domination: https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=249241&perpage=25&pagenumber=2

Examinations:

Role Play:

Service:

Force (non-painful):

Keeping you excited and waiting, (also comes under tasks I think): https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=235458

Orgasm control:


[/B][/QUOTE]

Anyone want to add to the list, or discuss how you've done these? (Or anything else that your heart desires, about D/S (without the B, S, or M)?)

 

[A Desert Rose]

Yes, I have some things to add... but I have to run for now.

I'll be back tomorrow and maybe have something worth posting and reading then.

 

[mcfbridge]

Could include:

Tasks (must do thus-and-so at a particular time, for ex.)
Mind Control
Humiliation
Limits (non-BDSM such as?)
Mind Games (maybe... does Mental Pain count as SM?)
Examinations
Role Play
Service
Force (non-painful)
Keeping you excited and waiting
Orgasm control

Anyone care to discuss how any of these deepened your submission or dominance?

I'll be back shortly to add some thread links.

Thanks and kisses. (Really I'm nice for such a Bitch Switch.)

You've basically listed the things that turn me on the most. I have tried actual bondage once or twice, and in all honesty found it to be very boring.

What I love to do is find what my partner thinks her limits are and very gradually push them. What people believe their limits are, and what they really are, I find is a vast difference. It's amazing how far they really will go if you take it very slowly. It's like the old story of the frogs in boiling water.

At least for me, the pleasure is not in having my partner where she is forced to submit. It is having choose to submit each time. If find the constant tests of obedience to be very erotic. Once someone is tied, there is no test and no challenge.

 

[alonelygal]

Could include:


Mind Games (maybe... does Mental Pain count as SM?)

This from the a dictionary i keep handy...

sa·dism ( P ) Pronunciation Key (sdzm, sdz-) n.
1. The deriving of sexual gratification or the tendency to derive sexual gratification from inflicting pain or emotional abuse on others

mas·och·ism ( P ) Pronunciation Key (ms-kzm) n.
1. The deriving of sexual gratification, or the tendency to derive sexual gratification, from being physically or emotionally abused

just trying to be helpful...
joanna

 

[Kajira Callista]

Could include:

Tasks (must do thus-and-so at a particular time, for ex.)
Mind Control
Humiliation
Limits (non-BDSM such as?)
Mind Games (maybe... does Mental Pain count as SM?)
Examinations
Role Play
Service
Force (non-painful)
Keeping you excited and waiting
Orgasm control

Anyone care to discuss how any of these deepened your submission or dominance?

I'll be back shortly to add some thread links.

Thanks and kisses. (Really I'm nice for such a Bitch Switch.)

i dont think it deepens anything, i kinda think doing or liking all that stuff is what makes you Dominant or submissive. *shrug*

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

D/s without "BDSM"? Isn't that a bit of an oxymoron? Perhaps you mean D/s without bondage? Or D/s without discipline? Or D/s without sadism and masochism?

The acronym BDSM means all these things:

Bondage and Discipline, Domination and submission, and sadism and masochism.

I think you'll find some of the things on your list (tasks, examinations, service, and orgasm control, for example) could very well be found under the discipline area of BDSM, given the context.

Food for thought.

~anelize

 

[NCShin]

Could include:

Tasks (must do thus-and-so at a particular time, for ex.)
Mind Control
Humiliation
Limits (non-BDSM such as?)
Mind Games (maybe... does Mental Pain count as SM?)
Examinations
Role Play
Service
Force (non-painful)
Keeping you excited and waiting
Orgasm control

Anyone care to discuss how any of these deepened your submission or dominance?

Tasks: I like to give small tasks, and when we finally live together (LD relationship right now) I'd like them to get more involved. Problem without the D part, there is no punishment if she fails to do the task, or does it incorrectly. I'm not all that certain how she feels about this, it'll be much easier to tell when we're together more.

Mind Control: I'm not into this personally. I like the consent part too much. The part where she makes a concious desicion to do what i tell her. Neither of us have ever brought this up to each other.

Humiliation: I love this, She loves it as well. So far it's all been private and some other things on your list play into this one. I'm a bit conflicted as to how much this turns me on as far as public humiliation goes. Part of me likes the idea, another part doesn't. For now I'm happy in private, we'll see how it goes and what she is interested in. She's said she'd like "risky" sex, meaning a place where we could get caught, not sure if that would fit into this or not.

Limits: Everyone has limits for everything. So at least for me, now, public humiliation is a soft limit i'm not willing to go to with my submissive right now.

Mind Games: you bring up mental pain, but what about Mental Bondage? Like say, lay down on the bed with your hands above your head and your legs open. Don't move until I tell you to. Just as an example. would this be considered part of Bondage, and not fit into D/s without bondage? Or does bondage have to mean actual ropes or cuffs?

Examinations: I think this falls into humiliation, at least for my sub. Also tasks if I find a runaway hair

Role Play: Something we haven't gotten into much yet. I think it's due to the LD aspect, maybe if we spent more time together things like this would seem more interesting. We did spend one night shopping for outfits that we could roleplay in, I liked the schoolgirl ones, her being japanese, and having worn those uniforms for a good part of her life was more into the maid style lol...

Service: I guess there is sexual service and non-sexual as sub catagories here. I've found that non-sexual service is much more fun in a fantasy than in real life. It's only fun to watch someone doing chores for you for so long. Personally I'd rather do them myself and know where my dishes are when it's done. It would be too much micromanagement for me to direct her in every action, which is what it would take for me to be happy with the job she did.

Force: Something else we tried that just didn't work. I've posted before how for her, she wanted to fight it. Fight it for real. For me, the only way to REALLY force myself on her would have required me to REALLY hurt her. That wasn't the goal, so it was a bust.

Keeping you excited and waiting: Something else I think really falls under the humiliation heading. I guess it could be done in ways that aren't humiliating, but i think it would be hard. For her to stay "excited" she'd need some stimulation, which means she'd have to do it herself, or you would. If that was in public or private i think having to masturbate 1 out of every 5 minutes would be embarrassing on some level.

Orgasm control: Something I want to get into much more when she's around more.

Of all of these, I think exams, and humiliation exhibit the most submission on her part. Service might run up there as well. All are exposing yourself as much as can be done in different ways. Allowing another to see any physical flaw you may have up close and personal in an exam, someone looking at you as you've likely never been looked at before.

Humiliation is exposing your mental flaws, your fears, your most inner wants and desires, things that no one else in the world may ever see. Exposing yourself more to someone than just taking your clothes off could ever expose you. I think that being willing to be humiliated and show yourself that way is a wonderful thing.

Service is a bit different than those two, but shows a level of dedication and selflessness. doing something for someone else just because they want you to be it sexual or not. Simple or difficult, it's the willingness that is great.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

To clarify...

i dont think it deepens anything, i kinda think doing or liking all that stuff is what makes you Dominant or submissive. *shrug*

Wrote quickly (as I'm jobhunting) but meant -- anyone care to discuss how any of these (as opposed to bd or sm) have helped you go deeper -- the same way we've discussed how sensation play and bondage can.
But that wasn't my primary interest in starting the thread. (Meant that sentence as a welcome for non=painplay, non bondage-minded D/s-ers who would like to discuss feelings about d/s.)

However, primary focus was intended as a place to put links, which I will do shortly (takes some hunting and I'm a bit hunted out right now) and as a place to list non-pain- non-bondage D/s interests, to contribute D/s scenes that Don't involve bondage or pain. To put the other stuff together in one place and, if anyone wants, to talk about it.

 

[Kajira Callista]

http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/Default1.htm

 

[Phoenix Stone]

D/s without "BDSM"? Isn't that a bit of an oxymoron? Perhaps you mean D/s without bondage? Or D/s without discipline? Or D/s without sadism and masochism?

The acronym BDSM means all these things:

Bondage and Discipline, Domination and submission, and sadism and masochism.

I think you'll find some of the things on your list (tasks, examinations, service, and orgasm control, for example) could very well be found under the discipline area of BDSM, given the context.

Food for thought.

~anelize

Yeah, just felt kinda silly making the title D/s w/o bsm. And there'd already been threads or at least thread that differentiated that way. Trying to simplify.

D/s without bondage and without pain (sadism and masochism) is how I meant to explain in first post. (Maybe should go back and redo.) Sorry for hurry/lazy posting. (Its seemed to me like, even though people say the D/s is in BDSM, usually they're divided as bd (bondage and discipline) and sm, which would get rid of the oxymoron problem. Isn't trying to get doubleuse out of the letters cheating? ) Note: I don't really care -- just explaining. Can redo.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Re: Re: D/s W/O BDSM!

T
Of all of these, I think exams, and humiliation exhibit the most submission on her part. Service might run up there as well. All are exposing yourself as much as can be done in different ways. Allowing another to see any physical flaw you may have up close and personal in an exam, someone looking at you as you've likely never been looked at before.

Humiliation is exposing your mental flaws, your fears, your most inner wants and desires, things that no one else in the world may ever see. Exposing yourself more to someone than just taking your clothes off could ever expose you. I think that being willing to be humiliated and show yourself that way is a wonderful thing.

Service is a bit different than those two, but shows a level of dedication and selflessness. doing something for someone else just because they want you to be it sexual or not. Simple or difficult, it's the willingness that is great.

Thank you so much for posting and commenting!! I want to come back and comment on comments when have a bit more time, probably tomorrow. Meanwhile, if you have anything you feel belongs on the list, or comments to make on the subject in general, please feel free.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/Default1.htm

Hi, I tried this link and it didn't lead me to something relevant as far as I could tell. The page labeled D/s is now a memorium and the articles won't open. Am I in the right spot?

And thank you, alonelygal. I guess many would argue that mental pain is disqualified.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

moved

 

[Kajira Callista]

Hi, I tried this link and it didn't lead me to something relevant as far as I could tell. The page labeled D/s is now a memorium and the articles won't open. Am I in the right spot?

And thank you, alonelygal. I guess many would argue that mental pain is disqualified.

look at the site map darling...every subject is separate, it may help in what you are looking for. Start here
http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/Lifestyle/what_is_epe.htm

 

[Phoenix Stone]

look at the site map darling...every subject is separate, it may help in what you are looking for. Start here
http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/Lifestyle/what_is_epe.htm

I'd clicked on the stuff on the left but missed this. Thanks! Found stuff to add.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Re: Re: D/s W/O BDSM!

You've basically listed the things that turn me on the most. I have tried actual bondage once or twice, and in all honesty found it to be very boring.

What I love to do is find what my partner thinks her limits are and very gradually push them. What people believe their limits are, and what they really are, I find is a vast difference. It's amazing how far they really will go if you take it very slowly. It's like the old story of the frogs in boiling water.

At least for me, the pleasure is not in having my partner where she is forced to submit. It is having choose to submit each time. If find the constant tests of obedience to be very erotic. Once someone is tied, there is no test and no challenge.

Love this.

Care to give any examples? Or discuss here further?

 

[Etoile]

This sounds like a thread for osg. I hope she'll give her input.

 

[s'lara]

i've put together a list of sites which touch on a number of subjects, including the more mental/psychological D/s and force roleplay.

Some of the sites start you at the beginning and take you through to some of the deeper, emotional elements of D/s. There are ideas here for role playing, sceneing, etc. While some of the articles/essays refer to exploration of BDSM through S/M, there are references to the type of D/s you are seeking which may be applicable.

In addition to these sites, Catalina recently bumped a few threads which dealt specifically with the subject of D/s in the vein you are seeking.

As you are looking for more of a "How To" to achieve some of the more mental and non-BDSM aspects of D/s, it might be better to pursue information on how to bring about mental bondage, induce non-violent force scenes, etc. from the Dominant's pov. i have some more researching to do, but this is a start.

To others, please add your best ideas/links which relate to D/s from a perspective that addresses non-pain, non-violent, non-bondage scenarios. i will add links from the threads mostly recently (and thoughtfully) bumped by Catalina.

http://www.soj.org/review/1997/Mar12.html

http://www.sexuality.org/l/subnet/AboutBDSM3.html

http://www.sexuality.org/l/subnet/AboutBDSM4.html

http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/handb_tw.html

http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/consarg.html

http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/position.html

http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/deckneg.html

http://www.sensuoussadie.com/sadiescolumns/series/autoerotica2.htm

http://www.bestslavetraining.com/slavemgtpower.htm

http://www.bestslavetraining.com/attitude.htm

http://www.bestslavetraining.com/Hypnosisclan.htm

lara

 

[Phoenix Stone]

In addition to these sites, Catalina recently bumped a few threads which dealt specifically with the subject of D/s in the vein you are seeking.

As you are looking for more of a "How To" to achieve some of the more mental and non-BDSM aspects of D/s, it might be better to pursue information on how to bring about mental bondage, induce non-violent force scenes, etc. from the Dominant's pov. i have some more researching to do, but this is a start.

To others, please add your best ideas/links which relate to D/s from a perspective that addresses non-pain, non-violent, non-bondage scenarios. i will add links from the threads mostly recently (and thoughtfully) bumped by Catalina.

lara

Thank You! This is Great!

And yes, I enjoyed those threads Catalina had brought up, had in fact already read many of them in the library months ago, as they are to my taste for the psychological --

However, I was indeed, instead, looking for 'How To' stuff, which I somehow didn't seem to be able to articulate in a way that came across.


Thank you, again.

 

[Netzach]

How to in this area is so vastly different from how to in others.

Don't hit the kidneys.

It's a LOT less subjective than my personal manner of creating feelings of nervousness and inadequacy in the adult male (usually male)

That said, there are some road maps that I resort to over and over.

1. "Dropping the bomb":

while crawling across the floor to fetch a dog toy with his mouth, or while polishing my toenails, I might casually inform him:

"you know, even if you do this right, you're still doing it wrong don't you?"


2. Painting into a corner:

make the bottom choose between or amongst things. Let it get complicated. Inform them it's not a fucking democracy after the choice is made and proceed with plan c.

3. Sugar and spice

Inflect the most outrageous claim with the nicest little flourish.

"Honey pie, sugar lamb, we're going to to hang this off your balls now" (holding up a canteloupe.)

Whether this claim comes to pass or not isn't even the point, and it may or may not as you wish.

 

[Netzach]

Also had a minor epiphany, as the need for discipline discussed on other threads went through my head...

Is there a place for Master/servant and not only Master/slave?

In other words, a highly self-regulated, self disciplined relationship, where force is not necessitated. Chez Netzach, the new trainee or the indispensible Jeeves has one job and one only.

Make me happy.

I leave the details to the staff, so long as that gets done.

 

[SwtSouthrnSub]

.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

As you are looking for more of a "How To" to achieve some of the more mental and non-BDSM aspects of D/s, it might be better to pursue information on how to bring about mental bondage, induce non-violent force scenes, etc. from the Dominant's pov. i have some more researching to do, but this is a start.

To others, please add your best ideas/links which relate to D/s from a perspective that addresses non-pain, non-violent, non-bondage scenarios. i will add links from the threads mostly recently (and thoughtfully) bumped by Catalina.

I looked through all the links quickly and while interesting, at first glance, most are more the psychological underpinnings side, (which is what Catalina thought I was looking for -- and I'm not, because I can find that). As you mentioned here, How-to is more 'it,' and when-to and where-to and what-to. (who and why I've got covered. )

Good point about looking for info from the Dom's pov, for bringing about these things. (I guess I've been trying to answer the question 'if there was a movie about D/s w/o the other stuff, what would it look like?' They wouldn't just be sitting there thinking, or doing the Vulcan mindmeld, I hope.

Btw, the mild reluctance/non-consent I've been reading on Lit (which seem more like not admitted consent/reluctance, rather than true non-consent) seem to fit the bill, as they have been typically no-violent, no-pain, no-bondage but lots of D/s. (Hope no one is offended by my reading those stories that way, and including reluctance as D/s rather than offense or abuse. They seem to be purposely designed to exploit this angle.) Does this kind of force belong here? I don't know. Maybe a question for a different thread.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

How to in this area is so vastly different from how to in others.

Don't hit the kidneys.

It's a LOT less subjective than my personal manner of creating feelings of nervousness and inadequacy in the adult male (usually male)

That said, there are some road maps that I resort to over and over.

1. "Dropping the bomb":

while crawling across the floor to fetch a dog toy with his mouth, or while polishing my toenails, I might casually inform him:

"you know, even if you do this right, you're still doing it wrong don't you?"


2. Painting into a corner:

make the bottom choose between or amongst things. Let it get complicated. Inform them it's not a fucking democracy after the choice is made and proceed with plan c.

3. Sugar and spice

Inflect the most outrageous claim with the nicest little flourish.

"Honey pie, sugar lamb, we're going to to hang this off your balls now" (holding up a canteloupe.)

Whether this claim comes to pass or not isn't even the point, and it may or may not as you wish.

Well you always have interesting things to say, Netz! This kind of D/s sounds kinda like Mindfuck-lite. Certainly mindgamey, D/s, and could be done with painfree force or even hand's off. Includes service, humiliation and poss. roleplay. #2 and 3 would work for me personally. (1 is a little too reminiscent of my childhood, and the way I feel about life when in morose mode.)

A for your Jeeves post.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Two things that occured to me today about this topic: one on our first subjects/objects of our D or s and the other on mindset being more important than what your doing.

Body worship is generally seen as something done by the sub for the dom/me. Ex. a sub might gave a dom/me a shave on command or that might be one of the things s/he is expected to do. Or the sub might be expected to keep him/her self shaved. So what if dom/me wants to shave sub and sub is afraid but of course, let's dom/me do it? If subs body is being adored against his/her pref and in a way s/he would pref not? That seems like either D/s or being bottomed from the top. Any thoughts?

The other thought was that if we come into the world with our domminess or subbiness already set, and yes, I know that's a big if, then wouldn't our families be the first people we'd play that out on, in service at least? (I mean if this isn't just a sexual thing, and we're Not talking incest or incestual feelings,) wouldn't we, being as we are, still want to or need to behave in the way our dommness or subbness demands? Do dom/mes try to control their families or parents even when young? I know I tried to serve and please them. and serving and pleasing my Sir Husband is a way to get that right this time. To serve someone who actually loves me and is pleaseable.