cybersex ettiquette

[ynattirb]

I am new to cybersex (last night was my first time... is it always that good?!!). anyway, i was just wondering if there are polite and impolite ways to do things. like can you just approach someone and ask them if they wanna fool around? or do you have to flirt and make small talk first? and afterwards, should you stay chatting for the "afterglow"? or can you just split?

is there a normal way of doing things? are there rules? or does it just depend on the situation?

thanks

 

[mskittykatt]

welcome ynattirb,
i suggest handling this as you would any other relationship (yes one night stands really are relationships, of a sort)
personally i wouldn't be thrilled to be chatting and flirting with someone i considered a potential friend, and then when i say no to more, have them disappear to find someone else...
as far as Lit goes (where my only online experiance lies) *always* check profiles before you PM, and if you're in live chat i'd suggest asking permission to PM before you do.
as a rule, just be polite, and honest but expect honesty in return as your answer.

 

[Different Guy]

I've used MSN chatrooms and there's loads. If you go onto the romance section you still page upon page of rooms with titles such as 'Adult Erotica' 'Hot & Naughty Talk' etc. Nothing really too polite. You'll need a hotmail address to sign in mind or you could go in as a guest.

Go in a room with loads of people and just be blunt, ask someone if they'd like to cyber. But yeah, check the profiles first and check the room description because sometimes rooms don't want anybody who wants to have cybersex. I mean you always have loads of desperate guys typing

"Any hot and horny females that want to cyber press 123 or whisper me"

Excuse the language but there are loads of sluts in the room that are just there for cyber, in your case just like you! In a nice way of course! Two people who are horny and fancy a cyber have a private session. Give yourself a dirty name that will invite someone to message you

I've normally done it always as one night stands cos it's all in fun. Ya just talk real dirty trying to get one another off and that's it. I don't flirt for ages trying to pull.

What about others?

 

[Justine]

Unlike Different Guy I prefer to flirt first. I've had lots of fun just hanging around. I would suggest for you to check with your partner how he normally does that. By flirting and/or chatting for the "afterglow" you will get to know the other person a little better, and be able to remember with whom you cybered, and if it was good or not.

You see... it is not always that good! Just like the real thing...

For the reasons above, I prefer not to choose a blunt name. I like subtlety, and will only get it if I am subtle myself.

Try to discover how you like things, and then behave accordingly to what you are or to what you fantasize about. I'm sure you will love it!

 

[Different Guy]

I can see what Justine is saying, but I think her idea is of a relationship kinda way. I just do it in the fun way and don't intend to speak to them again unless y'know we wanna continiously meet up for cyber then we swap emails. It's not using someone in any way, two people that want to talk hot and dirty just meet up, do it and finish

 

[Justine]

I understand your point, Different Guy, but I think I didn't make myself very clear. Just like you I am also looking for fun (game), however I approach it in a different manner. I think I just want to make sure that the other person is viewing it as a game also. What ends up happening to me is that I find what we could call as "regular partners" for the game. No involvement, just fun.

Maybe you and I just have different manners to play the game.

 

[Different Guy]

Well someday you'll realise that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead...

Erm, yeah I see what you're saying. lol I guess maybe rooms I visit and people I get talkin with are just "that type" and need no foreplay heh heh!

 

[ynattirb]

So it's essentially like real sex - everyone is different and so is every encounter. I can handle that.

Here's my next question: how do you politely get rid of pms? When I'm chatting I love to get pm-ed (typical girl, I liked the man to make the first move), but sometimes, I'll be in the middle of something and get another pm. Do I just ignore it? Close it? Say "hi, but you're too late"?

Thank you for your responses! Everyone here is so helpful!!!

 

[Different Guy]

I think this raises the point of where you are chattin. The Lit chat is fairly decent I would say. Everyone here is mature whatever age and that's great. I love you all here at Lit, this place rules! Back on with the subject, it does depend on where you are. If you're in a room entitled hot, steamy sex chat chances are people have all sorts weird names such as Mr 11", I'm wearing a thong & bra" and the like and all you get is guys asking for cyber or nude pics!

Go in as a woman (not that I do lol you know what I mean) create a sexy name that shows you're a horny woman and you'll either get guys asking for it all the time or countless PM requests. You simply ignore them or block them from seeing your online status. In these chatrooms that's normal and no one is offended.

Basically just note where you are. In a Lit room I would say, sorry I'm busy with someone else. In an MSN chatroom I would simply close the popup window and they wouldn't bother me again. I really don't think it is like sex. It's like walking into a whorehouse and trying to pull! You say you want sex and they'll either say yey! Or, nah ugly!

Just depends where you are I say and being text based, emotions and the like don't really come into it unless you mean it

 

[SexyChele]

Wow, no offense Different Guy, but I'm so thankful we hang out in different chat rooms! "Adult" chatroom = whorehouse? Hmmm...don't mind being called a whore during sex, but if just logging into a chatroom makes me one, glad I don't go where you go.



ynattirb - as to your questions:

First, cyber is very exciting at first. Enjoy it while you can! For me, once the novelty wore off, I lost interest unless it is some one I know (as in, have already cybered with them), or some one catches my eye for some reason.

1. I take it you are a female? I would really shy away from extremely slutty names. Yeah, you will get A LOT of attention, but mostly consisting of "Hey, wanna fuck?" If you are into that, great. And you might be right now, since all is new. However, if you give it a couple of months (and trust me, cyber gets old very quick) you may find yourself being very selective and not want quite so much attention. Or at least not such blatant attention.

2. As far as the way you approach some one, it depends. Above all, be sure you read a person's profile! Some people are in "relationships" online, and will only cyber with a certain person - they will say so in their profiles. Most men will welcome PMs from women anytime - though expect a man to tell you that he currently has 3 or 4 windows open already and can't handle any more. If you approach another woman - unless she has indicated she is horny - it helps to strike up a conversation in the room first. I personally feel it is just an act of politeness to ask the person in the room that they are in if you can PM them - even if it is non-sexual.

3. Afterwards, it's entirely up to you. But I've had men get off and then simply log out - leaving me "high and dry". (Then they have the gall to PM me when they see me online again - yeah, just color me stupid!) I think it's always nice to at least thank the other person, say good-bye, just a few niceties. If you have to leave in a hurry, apologize for "bugging out" so soon. You may see these people again, and people do develop reps in chatrooms. Do you wish to be an inconsiderate slut? Or some one people like to spend time with? It's all up to you. (and neither one is necessarily bad, just how you are perceived)

4. To get rid of unwanted PMs is a difficult task here at Lit. In most other places, if you ignore them they will go away. Lit doesn't seem to attract that type of person. If you ignore the first one, they will usually continue until they get an answer. (especially if you have a slutty name and/or reputation as being an "easy hit") The way to *try* to control unwanted PMs is to first put in your profile that they are to ask you first in the room where you are at. That works for a few. If you are cybering, set up a private room - easy to do at Lit. That will get rid of a few more. For the ones who can't see that you are in a private room, or want to "join in", inform them that you are busy at the moment. If they persist (and a lot will, trust me!), tell them the next time they PM you, they will be redlined. Be firm - if they PM you again, hit that redline button, and really make them go away!

Most important, have fun - that's what it's all about. But it is important to think ahead a little. When I first started at Lit, I wrote my profile in a way that attracted a LOT of attention. It was all very exciting and fun - right up until the night I had 5 PM windows open, and I realized I was only writing to get the guys off and I wasn't receiving any satisfaction. Of course, once these guys "came", they just bugged out. That night was the night I got burned out on cybering. I go back into the chatroom here at Lit (after several months being gone), but I am very selective who I cyber with. Just be prepared - and when it is no longer fun, walk away from it.

But, for the time being, just enjoy the hell out of it!

 

[Guest]

I agree with Chele

Wow, no offense Different Guy, but I'm so thankful we hang out in different chat rooms! "Adult" chatroom = whorehouse?

I see chatrooms more like a single's bar... everyone is looking for company, but it doesn't necessarily have to lead to sex.

However, if you give it a couple of months (and trust me, cyber gets old very quick) you may find yourself being very selective and not want quite so much attention. Or at least not such blatant attention.

It does get old, and you might realize that flirting is way much better. When I don't want all that attention, I logon with a male name (which only a few know it is me), and have fun just the same, but with less PMs for me to deal with.

4. To get rid of unwanted PMs is a difficult task here at Lit. In most other places, if you ignore them they will go away. Lit doesn't seem to attract that type of person. If you ignore the first one, they will usually continue until they get an answer.

That is why I normally answer them all - normally with "Hi... sorry but I am busy now." Most of them just say okay and leave. The few who insist, I simply ignore and they get tired and leave. Once, however, I was surprised by "Well... can I join you guys, then?", and that led to a great 3some!

 

[Justine]

Unregistered...?

Well... the "unregistered" there was me... wonder why that happened...

 

[Different Guy]

No offense taken, must kill... heh heh

What I was trying to say was the rooms you go into. There are rooms entitled singles bar where you would see it as a casual place and there are the slutty places. I just imagined cyber to be more associated with slutty rooms and if you asked for it in a singles bar people might be offended

 

[triman AZ]

cyber and phone sex

I've met most of my cybersex and phone sex partners from the message boards, not in chat rooms. I get way too tired of "17 yr old hs girl wants to talk dirty", and I'm never certain of who is really on the other end of the system- often i picture some creepy old guy (like me haha?) or high school kids of some sort.

I often strike up conversations first by private messages or email in response to a post, after a few exchanged messages it's easy to see if the other person is interested in overtly sexual conversations. It also allows me to be a bit more certain who I'm talking to.

Often the cyber sex chats lead to a phone conversation - Justine once you have done some cyber and "graduate" so to speak to phoen you'll never go back... lol

Happy cybering and phoning...

Stephen