Bob Peale
angeli ribelli
- Joined
- Sep 4, 1999
- Posts
- 10,535
Before becoming involved in any kind of cybersex, please make
sure your spouse, boyfriend, kids, etc. are out of the room at
the time, (preferably out of the house and not during a major
holiday when your in-laws are also present or at a time when all
your relatives are in attendance). It really gets difficult
explaining what you are doing undressing in front of the
computer, drooling out of one corner of your mouth, moaning and
groaning, while the buzz of various "toys" can be heard.
For men, before you begin, please check that your modem
protector is on, along with the splash guard for your keyboard.
It will stop the future embarrassment of telling the computer
technician that your keys are "stuck" and you have no idea why.
For women, no matter what you are truly wearing, such as:
sweatpants, sweat shirt, torn bathrobe, slippers, t-shirt with
stains on the front, bloomer underwear that could cover a car or
be used for a parachute, always tell your potential cyber partner
you are wearing a thong, garterbelt with black stockings, and
your best Wonderbra (the one that has everything pulled up so
high your bellybutton is under your chin), and a pair of high
heels. We don't want to destroy that myth that all women dress
that way when we sit down at the computer (although I have a
friend who truly wears these things each and every time she sits
in front of her computer; it does seem to cause a bit of a
commotion at the office - but she has certainly worked her way up
the ranks in the company). As for what the man should be wearing,
we all know that they are all naked and wearing just a smile.
If the cyber begins to get very hot please refrain from
straddling your monitor. There are many emergency room stories
to be told if you get overly excited, not to mention the many years
of therapy to get you to let go and not continue this sordid
affair with your 15" screen.
If the cyber is not going well, please let the other person know
in the best way you can. It is not very polite to tell them that
you are doing your nails, have just made up your grocery list for
the next month, shingled the house, pulled out one of your
wisdom teeth because you were bored, would rather read the
instructions on how to set the time on your VCR, checked your
fridge to make sure the light still works when you open the door,
and last but not least, stuck your tongue to an ice cube tray to
stop the monotony.
When it really starts getting hot and heavy, please check your
spelling before you send that embarrassing typo, i.e., oh baby,
let me suck on those beautiful beasts of yours. I just love your
hot, wet posse (although it does kinda put a western slant on
things - hmmmm, things could get interesting with boots and
spurs though). Oh baby, you have such a big coke, (hope you got
the supersized fries and burger with that). That's it baby, show
me that beautiful clint, (go ahead, make my day), and the
proverbial oh fork me hard!
Pay attention to what is going on. Please refrain from putting
your "coke" in one place, when your cyberpartner had just typed
that it was someplace else. If you have no clue as to where the
cyber is going, ask to buy a vowel. If you are really lost and
can't keep up, or you had a case of premature cybering, and
really do not feel like typing for 3 days to satisfy your female
counterpart, just pretend you got bumped offline.
That always works and at least she won't take it so personal.
Please refrain from the excuse, "I have to let my dog out."
Once both cyberpartners have been satisfied, or faked
satisfaction, (oh great, we now have the added pressure of faking
cyber-orgasms too), at least say thank you. (Thank you can mean,
thank God its over, or THANK YOU because you truly had a
wonderful time.)
If it was a truly bad experience, do not feel pressured into ever
having cybersex with this person again. When they ask for your
email address, just give them the wrong one. If they begin to
pester you, it's proper etiquette to just bump yourself offline,
or just say HUH? I never got your message. Nobody needs to
suffer a really bad cyber twice.
Last but not least, remember that cybersex will not make you go
blind, unless you keep all the lights out in the house while
having it, watching the screen in the dark does make your eyes
burn. Realize that you may be addicted if your real life partner
walks by naked and you'd rather be typing with one hand and still
trying to keep a steady rhythm going. Sex can be just as nice
with a partner you know. And just for variety, when your right
hand gets tired, try dating your left hand for something different.
sure your spouse, boyfriend, kids, etc. are out of the room at
the time, (preferably out of the house and not during a major
holiday when your in-laws are also present or at a time when all
your relatives are in attendance). It really gets difficult
explaining what you are doing undressing in front of the
computer, drooling out of one corner of your mouth, moaning and
groaning, while the buzz of various "toys" can be heard.
For men, before you begin, please check that your modem
protector is on, along with the splash guard for your keyboard.
It will stop the future embarrassment of telling the computer
technician that your keys are "stuck" and you have no idea why.
For women, no matter what you are truly wearing, such as:
sweatpants, sweat shirt, torn bathrobe, slippers, t-shirt with
stains on the front, bloomer underwear that could cover a car or
be used for a parachute, always tell your potential cyber partner
you are wearing a thong, garterbelt with black stockings, and
your best Wonderbra (the one that has everything pulled up so
high your bellybutton is under your chin), and a pair of high
heels. We don't want to destroy that myth that all women dress
that way when we sit down at the computer (although I have a
friend who truly wears these things each and every time she sits
in front of her computer; it does seem to cause a bit of a
commotion at the office - but she has certainly worked her way up
the ranks in the company). As for what the man should be wearing,
we all know that they are all naked and wearing just a smile.
If the cyber begins to get very hot please refrain from
straddling your monitor. There are many emergency room stories
to be told if you get overly excited, not to mention the many years
of therapy to get you to let go and not continue this sordid
affair with your 15" screen.
If the cyber is not going well, please let the other person know
in the best way you can. It is not very polite to tell them that
you are doing your nails, have just made up your grocery list for
the next month, shingled the house, pulled out one of your
wisdom teeth because you were bored, would rather read the
instructions on how to set the time on your VCR, checked your
fridge to make sure the light still works when you open the door,
and last but not least, stuck your tongue to an ice cube tray to
stop the monotony.
When it really starts getting hot and heavy, please check your
spelling before you send that embarrassing typo, i.e., oh baby,
let me suck on those beautiful beasts of yours. I just love your
hot, wet posse (although it does kinda put a western slant on
things - hmmmm, things could get interesting with boots and
spurs though). Oh baby, you have such a big coke, (hope you got
the supersized fries and burger with that). That's it baby, show
me that beautiful clint, (go ahead, make my day), and the
proverbial oh fork me hard!
Pay attention to what is going on. Please refrain from putting
your "coke" in one place, when your cyberpartner had just typed
that it was someplace else. If you have no clue as to where the
cyber is going, ask to buy a vowel. If you are really lost and
can't keep up, or you had a case of premature cybering, and
really do not feel like typing for 3 days to satisfy your female
counterpart, just pretend you got bumped offline.
That always works and at least she won't take it so personal.
Please refrain from the excuse, "I have to let my dog out."
Once both cyberpartners have been satisfied, or faked
satisfaction, (oh great, we now have the added pressure of faking
cyber-orgasms too), at least say thank you. (Thank you can mean,
thank God its over, or THANK YOU because you truly had a
wonderful time.)
If it was a truly bad experience, do not feel pressured into ever
having cybersex with this person again. When they ask for your
email address, just give them the wrong one. If they begin to
pester you, it's proper etiquette to just bump yourself offline,
or just say HUH? I never got your message. Nobody needs to
suffer a really bad cyber twice.
Last but not least, remember that cybersex will not make you go
blind, unless you keep all the lights out in the house while
having it, watching the screen in the dark does make your eyes
burn. Realize that you may be addicted if your real life partner
walks by naked and you'd rather be typing with one hand and still
trying to keep a steady rhythm going. Sex can be just as nice
with a partner you know. And just for variety, when your right
hand gets tired, try dating your left hand for something different.
