Cyber Relations and Conflict

[TN_Vixen]

I understand as much as the next person the diversity and complexity that abounds when online and although I understand this and have experienced it on many levels.. having been online since '97, I still am dumbfounded how soooo many people take offense to issues that arise.

So someone doesn't like you.. so what?

So, someone censures you... hey, it happens

So someone takes on a fake persona in order to generate conflict... get over it.

What the fuck? People, this is a medium in which people will do all of the above and more. Take your piece of the pie and walk away. Don't take it personal. Don't flame, talk back or upset the general order. As you can see, it gets you nowhere in the long run other than more upset or more depressed or more isolated than you may have been in the beginning.

Can no one else see the absurdity of this? Am I alone in this line of thinking or what?

 

[Angel]

Can no one else see the absurdity of this? Am I alone in this line of thinking or what?

No you aren't alone in this line of thinking. However we are all only human. Maybe someone had an emotionally draining day, and something that normally wouldn't get to them, pisses them off completely. Or perhaps they get so entirely sick of the whole thing that they comment on it to vent their frustrations. Or maybe someone hit on a sensitive spot, causing a reply. Just because this is the internet, and we all know that there are a bunch of flakes and morons out there doesn't mean that sometimes our feelings and frustrations wont sometimes outweigh our common sense.

 

[TN_Vixen]

then again, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe the majority of people who frequent boards such as this one thrive on drama and conflict? Maybe I'M the one who doesn't get it.

*shrug*

It just seems so inconsequential to me.

 

[TN_Vixen]

Can no one else see the absurdity of this? Am I alone in this line of thinking or what?

No you aren't alone in this line of thinking. However we are all only human. Maybe someone had an emotionally draining day, and something that normally wouldn't get to them, pisses them off completely. Or perhaps they get so entirely sick of the whole thing that they comment on it to vent their frustrations. Or maybe someone hit on a sensitive spot, causing a reply. Just because this is the internet, and we all know that there are a bunch of flakes and morons out there doesn't mean that sometimes our feelings and frustrations wont sometimes outweigh our common sense.

And, Angel, I GET that. I've done that so many times... just vented, got it out .. the IT that made me feel badly made me feel the "ugh" type of feeling we all get, but I think I'm wondering more about those who dwell on it... those who can't just vent and let it go. What is IT that keeps them focusing on the issue that drags them down??

 

[Angel]

And, Angel, I GET that. I've done that so many times... just vented, got it out .. the IT that made me feel badly made me feel the "ugh" type of feeling we all get, but I think I'm wondering more about those who dwell on it... those who can't just vent and let it go. What is IT that keeps them focusing on the issue that drags them down??

Maybe they like the attention.

 

[TN_Vixen]

good point, but that makes it sad, doesn't it? I don't want to think of anyone here as being sad.. THAT depresses me... smile

 

[Angel]

good point, but that makes it sad, doesn't it? I don't want to think of anyone here as being sad.. THAT depresses me... smile

::giggles:: Well we *are* on a porn site. Which means that probably half of us are normal. And the other half are pure fucking psycho.

 

[Mustang Sally]

I agree in theory, BUT...

I, for one, am not portraying some fictional character when I communicate online. This is genuinely ME. When I post, I'm sharing my honest opinions and feelings with all of you.

So in the case of an online conflict (someone doesn't like you or someone censures you):
When anyone, even someone I can't see and won't ever know personally, ridicules or otherwise attacks my words, I can't help but respond negatively to that.

On one hand, you could say it is only my words under attack and not really me. True, it probably won't hurt nearly as much as if it happened in real life, face-to-face, but it's still gonna bother me a bit.

On the other hand, those words represent my feelings and opinions. I will naturally respond defensively if they are maligned.

Either way, I probably won't dwell on it too much once I've turned off the computer. UNLESS it involved myself and someone I had grown to consider a "friend." And friendships are so easily made and broken online.

As for the third thing Vixen mentioned, the fake persona problem, as an observer I really don't care. If, however, I had become "friends" with that phoney character, I would be upset because my feelings have been involved. In that regard, I understand why people react so strongly to it. Even if they weren't personally involved, they recognize the potential for hurting innocent people who ARE being honest and real.

[Edited by Mustang Sally on 10-24-2000 at 09:31 PM]

 

[TN_Vixen]

Angel.. smile.. well, I'm an admitted pervert and proud to be so.. *puffs chest*

And, Mustang, I am too. I never understood those who would want to portray themselves as anything but their true selves online, but then again I'm a very confident person in real life.... who's to say how I'd react if I weren't.

I have found myself in situations where I've befriended someone whom I've later found out wasn't as they seemed, and yes it does sting and it makes you feel as though you've fallen prey to their manipulative actions, but that's no excuse for airing things on a public forum, is it... or am I wrong here?

 

[Angel]

Angel.. smile.. well, I'm an admitted pervert and proud to be so.. *puffs chest*

And, Mustang, I am too. I never understood those who would want to portray themselves as anything but their true selves online, but then again I'm a very confident person in real life.... who's to say how I'd react if I weren't.

I have found myself in situations where I've befriended someone whom I've later found out wasn't as they seemed, and yes it does sting and it makes you feel as though you've fallen prey to their manipulative actions, but that's no excuse for airing things on a public forum, is it... or am I wrong here?

Oh psshh. I said Normal Vs. Psycho. I'm a raging pervert. I thought that *was* normal. ::grin::

I've also befriended people on the net who've been a total opposite of what they portratyed themselves as, and I really haven't been hurt. I'm the type that figures if you lie to me, then you arent worth a damn to me after I find out about it. I tend to just get pissed off and move on.

 

[TN_Vixen]

Angel, we should get together. (and I'm NOT coming onto you.. grin)

Raging perv? wheee... maybe you could teach me a thing or two?

hehe

Nice to meet you, girl

 

[Mustang Sally]

I have found myself in situations where I've befriended someone whom I've later found out wasn't as they seemed, and yes it does sting and it makes you feel as though you've fallen prey to their manipulative actions, but that's no excuse for airing things on a public forum, is it... or am I wrong here?

Nope, you're not wrong. I don't think I would do it either. But people deal with their problems and emotions in different ways. I assume they feel the need to "expose the villain" so that person is rejected and the rest of us don't get burned.

 

[TN_Vixen]

good point Mustang, and yeah.. take me for a ride as long as the ride is top down to let my long hair flow in the wind... smile.

 

[Angel]

Angel, we should get together. (and I'm NOT coming onto you.. grin)

Raging perv? wheee... maybe you could teach me a thing or two?

hehe

Nice to meet you, girl

LOL. Nice to meet you too. Seriously, I'm such a raging perv, I scare myself sometimes. But I doubt I'd be able to teach anyone anything. I'm far from having alot of sexual experience, but I have a perverted mind/sense of humor/fantasies/taste in men.
And lately I've been getting more into the actual TRYING stuff out instead of just coming up with the idea.
I guess you could say I was a slowly evolving Raging Perv.
::snicker::

 

[TN_Vixen]

Angel, hey sweets, good luck in your evolution and alhtough I've known for some time that I'm a perv and have -in increments- evolved into a "proud" one... I still believe there's always SOMEthing one perv can teach another.. LOL

going to bed, unfortunately there's a time limit on this perv's evolution. I think we'd be good cyber friends, holla at me. *s*

 

[Angel]

Angel, hey sweets, good luck in your evolution and alhtough I've known for some time that I'm a perv and have -in increments- evolved into a "proud" one... I still believe there's always SOMEthing one perv can teach another.. LOL

going to bed, unfortunately there's a time limit on this perv's evolution. I think we'd be good cyber friends, holla at me. *s*

Goodnight! Have a good time in BED ::evil grin::

 

[Weird Harold]

Re: I agree in theory, BUT...

When anyone, even someone I can't see and won't ever know personally, ridicules or otherwise attacks my words, I can't help but respond negatively to that

http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?threadid=15430

The link is a thread I started some time ago, which contains some good thoughts on this subject.

I too am "the real me" on the BB, and I sometimes take things personally. I respond negatively to a lot of things I see, but I have come to realize that If I play their game and let them know they raised my blood pressure, then they win.

Once in a very great while, I will post a negative response when something bugs me for more than a day or two. Mostly, I let the problem slide off onto the second and subsequent pages until it fades from everyone's memory. Putting something that angers me back at the top of page one is counter-productive.