Curiouser and curiouser

[cricketmuse]

There's just something about it that intrigues me and I'm nothing if not a curious person. I am, however, a coward and uncertain and all those other things that keeps me from attending a local munch. I've gone on a few bdsm websites, but I'm generally unimpressed by the terrible spelling and random penis pictures.

So, how does one creep in to look around and decide, "yeah, I could try that"? The stories I read, while intriguing, can also seem like a set-up. Of COURSE the man is handsome and the woman is petite and he can ALWAYS get her off. In my (albeit limited) experience, the only one who can always get me off is me, so is it better to investigate further and find out for sure or to settle on reading the stories?

 

[paisleyavenger]

Hi cricket!
interesting post. The stories held me over for a good long while. But i started to feel a bit as if something were missing. YMMV, though.(if pressed, I'd say that I'm subbish outside the bedroom, too.) So, I joined fet and collarme. and boy-howdy are you right about the spelling and such. Anyhoo, i dipped my toe in the water, had some internet interactions, but finally met someone real. He's taking his time with me and is, overall, pretty shiny.
My objective in sharing this is to illustrate that those sites arent hopeless. Also, to point out that imho, the experience is so worth the work.
good luck and peace!

 

[desertslave]

Welcome!

One bit of reassurance. If you've found a munch nearby, keep in mind that they're generally held some place public, like a restaurant or club. You could always stop by but ask to be seated by yourself and hopefully keep an eye on them if the place isn't too big. I've seen (and met) a few people who got started that way. Most folks, in public, won't dress out in full gear, scanty clothing or anything else terribly blatant, which helps with the non-threatening aspect.

Good luck!

 

[cricketmuse]

Delete

 

[cricketmuse]

Thanks for the replies, I guess I'll just have to suck up my nerves and attend a munch. It makes me blush just thinking about going by myself. I'm such a research nerd that I really just want to ask so many questions!

 

[Stella_Omega]

Thanks for the replies, I guess I'll just have to suck up my nerves and attend a munch. It makes me blush just thinking about going by myself. I'm such a research nerd that I really just want to ask so many questions!

Join fetlife.com, to get a feeling for who is in your area. And also, research.

 

[desertslave]

What Stella said!

Honest, truly, most of us don't bite (unless asked nicely). Many of us don't want to be recognized "in public" any more than you do, and all of us want to have a good time. Going to a munch won't hurt. Like most of life, there will be folks you like, folks you don't like, and a bunch in between.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

 

[graceanne]

The question to ask yourself is this - when you get to the end of your life will you look back and wish you'd at least checked it out? If the answer is no, then don't worry about it, keep it in fantasy. Nothing is wrong with that, and honestly there are some things that are really only hot in fantasy (like rape). However, if you say yes, then don't let fear get in your way.

And be safe. Safety is more important in the kink community, because we allow ourselves to be tied up. Don't allow someone you barely know to tie you up, don't go home with someone you barely know without letting someone else know who they are and where you're going. Research any kinks before you try them to make sure that you are showing caution, and if a PYL says that you don't need a safeword RUN.

 

[cricketmuse]

I did sign up for fetlife account, now I just have to figure out to use it!

Biting is lovely, my cowardice has more to do with myself (and social anxiety) than any concern about who I might encounter. I'm am pretty open minded about most people.

 

[RuReal]

I did sign up for fetlife account, now I just have to figure out to use it!

Biting is lovely, my cowardice has more to do with myself (and social anxiety) than any concern about who I might encounter. I'm am pretty open minded about most people.

• Most munches I go to are in bars.
• Like someone else pointed out most people do not show up in anything but street wear.
• Lots of talk goes on about normal everyday things.
• Ask all the questions you want most people love to answer them.

My wife reads lots of the BDSM stories and they do tend to be something normally a bit different. Great to read and enjoy, but like most stories not quite the same as real life.

I will say one of the things that has turned me on is all of the learning I have gotten to do and research on different things. I wish you luck and hope you enjoy yourself.

 

[HottieMama]

There are a lot of us at munches that would love to sit and talk with you and answer your questions. In general, most people are very friendly and delighted with a honest expression of curiosity.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I did sign up for fetlife account, now I just have to figure out to use it!

Start off by putting your city, or closest city, into the search field. Then you can choose "kinksters" "groups" and "events" to poke around in. "Groups" on fetlife means discussion groups, not real-lif clubs-- they are open to be read and joined if you want.

Biting is lovely, my cowardice has more to do with myself (and social anxiety) than any concern about who I might encounter. I'm am pretty open minded about most people.

That's totally understandable.

 

[Licia]

If you have a close and trusted friend it may help ease some of your anxiety to take them along.