curious

[katyushkachan]

My boyfriend and I are interested in exploring the lovely world of BDSM, but we are both frightfully new at it, and I really have no idea where to start. We are both switches, and think we can effectively both take turns domming and subbing, but it has fallen to me to research.

Does anyone have tips or pointers or anything that you think might be helpful?

 

[LittleSparks]

To start, don't let the responsibility of research fall on you alone. The both of you should be equality invested in learning as much as you can about BDSM and about each other, especially considering that you are both switches.

 

[intothewilddeep]

null post

 

[kinkyguy87]

If you sign up to SM place, (just google it) they have some really good FAQs and documents about starting out.

 

[twister947]

I have to ask: If you're both new at this, how do you know you're switches?

 

[Sir_Winston54]

My boyfriend and I are interested in exploring the lovely world of BDSM, but we are both frightfully new at it, and I really have no idea where to start. We are both switches, and think we can effectively both take turns domming and subbing, but it has fallen to me to research.

Does anyone have tips or pointers or anything that you think might be helpful?

Being new at something you're both interested in is a wonderful thing! However, let me reinforce LittleSparks' response below: You *both* need to look into the facets that arouse your interests, both individually and together. Learn together, grow together, enjoy together. Google BDSM checklists, too, and individually fill one out that you think might work for you, and compare and contrast your interests and squicks.

Also, it's probably good not to just "jump into the deep end of the pool," so to speak. Start with milder facets - e.g., spanking one another, etc. - and build up. That way, you have better opportunities to learn one another's tolerances and preferences and limits.

To start, don't let the responsibility of research fall on you alone. The both of you should be equality invested in learning as much as you can about BDSM and about each other, especially considering that you are both switches.

Very wise response.

If you sign up to SM place, (just google it) they have some really good FAQs and documents about starting out.

I wasn't previously aware of this forum (shocking!), but a quick glance looks like it may well have information of interest. It's also green-lighted on WOT (Web Of Trust, a well-known and highly-reliable website rating system), so it should be safe.

Additionally, you might want to check out and join FetLife.com (sign-up page), a free international BDSM "community" that has a lot of resources and information on groups and people involved in the BDSM culture, as well as information about events coming up in a wide variety of geographical areas, broken down by those areas. Many of those events include "Beginners' Classes" in just about everything from how to do wax play, singletail (whips), flogging, fire play, and even short classes (usually 60-90 minutes) on the legal ramifications of consensual BDSM activities in the area in which the events are held.

Good luck to you, and review our BDSM Library (top of this board) for topics of interest to you, too! We look forward to hearing of your experiences as you learn!

 

[katyushkachan]

I have to ask: If you're both new at this, how do you know you're switches?

We believe we are. During vanilla sex, we both know how to take control & do it well, and both of us have fantasies on both sides of the coin.

As for the rest of you, thank you so much! I will reply tomorrow, when I've had more sleep

 

[midwestyankee]

We believe we are. During vanilla sex, we both know how to take control & do it well, and both of us have fantasies on both sides of the coin.

As for the rest of you, thank you so much! I will reply tomorrow, when I've had more sleep

Just my experience, but I think you'll find floggers and paddles much more effective than coins.

Have fun!

 

[annikasfury]

Baby steps, that's the best advice I can give you. You don't know how much is too much until you toe the line, or stumble across it, so easy does it. Every day push just a little farther or try something new, and when you get to a comfortable place, you will know.

When my fiance and I started having sex about two and a half years ago, he was the dominate one. He guided me and taught me new things, but it was pretty vanilla. Fingernails, but that's about all. It's me that's into pain, submission and humiliation, and because he's the kind of guy that's much more interested in making me orgasm as much as possible than coming himself, it didn't take very long for us to start experimenting. We started with a little bondage, years ago, and this morning I'm black and blue, and he's got cat scratches, and we're both content.

There's all sorts of fun things to try, positons, toys, types of torture. And torture can be fun, for example my top will alternate between hurting me and pleasuring me until I orgasm, but then once I go, he wont stop his hand or his tongue and he forces me to keep orgasming until I'm begging him to stop because it's too much sensation and it turns into pain.

I highly recommend blindfolds for the bottom. There's nothing like waiting for a touch, whether it's a gentle hand or a stinging whip, when you you can't see it coming, especially if you're tied to the bed and you can't avoid it. Gags are fun, but I would advise waiting until you each know your limits very well because they obviously interfere with comunnication.

You can get handcuffs, and they feel great, but they can run forty or fifty dollars, I'd recommend soft nylon rope, with a good tight weave. It's inexpensive, and the knots won't come loose during sex, but are still easy to untie whien you done, even after you've been pulling on the rope.

Doggie is a good position for a submissive girl. I personally like being on my knees with my hands tied behind my back and my face and shoulders on the bed, with a pile of pillows under my thighs for support. This leaves me helpless and exposed, great for spanking as a warm up, and when my lover fucks me in that position, he can grab my bound hands and use them for leverage to fuck harder and deeper.

This post is getting too long, so I'll stop now, but I've tried all of the less extreme things outside of electricity(in which I'm very interested) so if you want any suggestions you can send me a message, although I've only topped my lover a few times, and he has a rather extreme pain tolerance, so my experience on topping men is pretty limited. Have fun.

 

[VladHarkonnen]

The fact that he's willing to leave the research to you tells me that he might be a bit more on the sub side. Just a thought.

 

[CutieMouse]

The fact that he's willing to leave the research to you tells me that he might be a bit more on the sub side. Just a thought.

Or maybe he trusts her research skills. Or her schedule is more open than his. Or he wants to see what direction her research leads (as a way to know her better). Or he wants to see how serious she is about BDSM. The world is not divided in submissive / not submissive.

 

[VladHarkonnen]

Or maybe he trusts her research skills. Or her schedule is more open than his. Or he wants to see what direction her research leads (as a way to know her better). Or he wants to see how serious she is about BDSM.

Maybe. As I said, just a thought.

The world is not divided in submissive / not submissive.

Thanks for clearing that up.