I am a curious male….have had about 3 bi encounters (no sex…just “foreplay”)….was at the gym last week and while I was in the shower I saw a man “eyeing” me. Does this mean he is bi as well, or does this just mean he was looking at me? I was kind of turned on by the glances and gave him several full frontal looks. After he left the shower he immediately got dressed and left the gym. Just wondering if this is something I should look for again, or if I am just dreaming? The other 3 encounters have been with openly gay men, so this is different for me. If I see this guy again should I be open with him?
Curious male………
- Thread starter sc_man
- Start date
SweetErika
Fingers Crossed
- Joined
- Apr 27, 2004
- Posts
- 13,442
I'm guessing he probably would have come over and talked to you if he was interested in something sexual at the time. Often when we find someone attractive or want a certain something, we interpret innocent looks and comments as evidence for mutual goals.
Now I'm not saying he's not interested, just that he likely would have made a move if he wanted something to happen then. Maybe he's new to this and timid, so he's testing the waters.
If you see him again and think he's showing interest, I'd advise being friendly, but not predatory or sexual in any way. If he's interested in a friendship or anything else, he'll be friendly back, and you can go from there once you get to know each other.
If you want to make a move when you're uncertain as to where he stands, go ahead, but be prepared for him to out and spread rumors about you if he's offended by your advances. It's sad, but if there are negative consequences of being outted for you, you'll probably want to be very careful about who and how you approach.
You might ask for this to be moved to the GLBT forum, as they no doubt have more experience with giving and interpreting covert signals. However, I'd suggest taking everything with a grain of salt - sometimes advice on questions like this completely ignores reality, and people interpret based on their own fantasies (e.g. a hot guy at the gym looking giving signals he wants something sexual).
Now I'm not saying he's not interested, just that he likely would have made a move if he wanted something to happen then. Maybe he's new to this and timid, so he's testing the waters.
If you see him again and think he's showing interest, I'd advise being friendly, but not predatory or sexual in any way. If he's interested in a friendship or anything else, he'll be friendly back, and you can go from there once you get to know each other.
If you want to make a move when you're uncertain as to where he stands, go ahead, but be prepared for him to out and spread rumors about you if he's offended by your advances. It's sad, but if there are negative consequences of being outted for you, you'll probably want to be very careful about who and how you approach.
You might ask for this to be moved to the GLBT forum, as they no doubt have more experience with giving and interpreting covert signals. However, I'd suggest taking everything with a grain of salt - sometimes advice on questions like this completely ignores reality, and people interpret based on their own fantasies (e.g. a hot guy at the gym looking giving signals he wants something sexual).
alaskabibear
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Apr 5, 2007
- Posts
- 416
sc_man,
It's hard to know if he was interested in more than just the casual "checking out what other's have" kind of look based on just one encounter. What I would do, try to again be in the shower area while he is on several more occasions. See if his interest continues. Eventually, try to make eye contact - I think you will be able to discern his interests by the look in his eye (no guarantee of course, so do take Erika's advice about taking it slow). If you still think there may be some interest, talk to him as you two are dressing and try to establish a friendship and see where it goes - good luck and remember to be safe!
VelvetDarkness
Polysyllable Whore x
- Joined
- May 24, 2006
- Posts
- 6,521
Also, if you don't want to be 'outed' in the gym, be aware that other people may notice your behaviour around this man. Prolonged eye contact and strutting around to attract interest may make other men wonder and maybe feel that you are predatory even if none of this is directed at them. If people you know go there regularly you need to be careful that none of this backfires into your life as a mostly heterosexual male. Men are no less gossipy than women and there is still very much a streak of homophobia running through many of them, especially if you're in the room when they're getting naked.
Sorry to be negative.
Sorry to be negative.
etoile_filante
My Star Has Burned Out
- Joined
- May 23, 2007
- Posts
- 1,874
Velvet, I don't think you're being negative at all. Actually you've given very wise advise.
I believe it's something that all bi-curious people need to hear. If they're taking those baby steps towards satisfying their curiosity I believe it's better to know all the possible pitfalls of their overanxious actions before doing or saying something that could lead to embarrassment and ridicule from a homophobic society.
south_florida_bicur
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Mar 18, 2004
- Posts
- 1,402
silkybiblue
Experienced
- Joined
- Jul 10, 2005
- Posts
- 66
caution
be careful if you do not want to be outed, i have been in similar situation in the showers at the gym and the other man became nervous, i was too, i got a great look and was very turned on but he was either not interested in a MM encounter or was too nervous to stay, i was ready for anything at that moment but in hindsight the gym showers would have been a bad place to have my first time - being outed as curious would have been disastrous to me so please be careful, a moment of lust can change your life but not necessarily in the way you want..know that you are not alone and sadly we suffer in silence
be careful if you do not want to be outed, i have been in similar situation in the showers at the gym and the other man became nervous, i was too, i got a great look and was very turned on but he was either not interested in a MM encounter or was too nervous to stay, i was ready for anything at that moment but in hindsight the gym showers would have been a bad place to have my first time - being outed as curious would have been disastrous to me so please be careful, a moment of lust can change your life but not necessarily in the way you want..know that you are not alone and sadly we suffer in silence
thanks for the thread......it is good to see others have similar thoughts/experiences!!!!!
Good advice....afterwards I did think of the "morning after" regret possibility
Simple advice
Spontaneous opportunities are nice, but be patient and find the right person. Meet someplace neutral and private to have a drink or a cup of coffee and make sure there's an attraction beyond eye contact and a bit of flirting. Talk honestly about what you're interested in and don't hesitate to walk away with a handshake and a smile if it doesn't work for both of you. On the other hand, if it does work for both of you...
Spontaneous opportunities are nice, but be patient and find the right person. Meet someplace neutral and private to have a drink or a cup of coffee and make sure there's an attraction beyond eye contact and a bit of flirting. Talk honestly about what you're interested in and don't hesitate to walk away with a handshake and a smile if it doesn't work for both of you. On the other hand, if it does work for both of you...
silkybiblue
Experienced
- Joined
- Jul 10, 2005
- Posts
- 66
spark
that spark of lust was great though, getting the hard on with the possibiblity of being seen and maybe giving head there was an amazing feeling, probably good that there was a bit of unexpected cold water in that shower
he did have a great ass!
that spark of lust was great though, getting the hard on with the possibiblity of being seen and maybe giving head there was an amazing feeling, probably good that there was a bit of unexpected cold water in that shower
he did have a great ass!
update....
Just an update on my gym buddy....seems like that was a big "no" on the attractiveness part.....I actually talked with him in the gym the other day and basically this was the conversation:
Me: Hey man what is going on?
Him: Aren't you the guy who keep flashing me in the shower?
Me: Yea...but you seemed to like it!! Ha Ha Ha
Him: BS!!! I was about to think you were a fag!!! Ha Ha Ha
A let down....but better than a beat down......
Just an update on my gym buddy....seems like that was a big "no" on the attractiveness part.....I actually talked with him in the gym the other day and basically this was the conversation:
Me: Hey man what is going on?
Him: Aren't you the guy who keep flashing me in the shower?
Me: Yea...but you seemed to like it!! Ha Ha Ha
Him: BS!!! I was about to think you were a fag!!! Ha Ha Ha
A let down....but better than a beat down......
SweetErika
Fingers Crossed
- Joined
- Apr 27, 2004
- Posts
- 13,442
No shit. With as obvious as you must have been and what you said, I'd consider you very lucky and hope that luck continues with him keeping his mouth shut and not outting you in the gym or community.
Try talking first and saving the overt sexual gestures for later, when you know someone's interested next time, unless, say, you're at a gay club or bathhouse.
