Curious Beginnings

[SubByDesign]

Merry meet to all!

First off, I would like to say I absolutely love this forum! I think it is amazing for so many people with like interests to be able to freely express themselves. Especially because the spread of western culture and ideology has affected how the world thinks of sex and eroticism, making it a bit difficult to talk about in the non-cyber world. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who thinks like I do. (I live in the Bible Belt... I was pretty sure I was the only one for a while.:-D)

But more to the point...

I was wondering how others found out they were into BDSM. I'm under the impression that it's an evolution of sorts. I don't think anyone loses their virginity while being bound and collared. Correction.. I don't think the majority of people start out this way. (I've been surprised before.. not going to limit myself.) I see it as a process that is gradually understood as being BDSM. As I only have myself to give examples, I will use me as a reference.

I am a slave, but I didn't start out under that title. The Man who would become my Master didn't start out like that, either. He was (is) simply someone I loved and trusted very much. At first, we engaged in rather typical/ vanilla sex. (correct me if I use the wrong terminology- I'm a newbie and I expect to be treated as such.) Eventually, we started to wrestle around in bed, and He began to hold me down. Then we started to scratch each other. Then He began biting me... then marking me through bruises. We made it several different levels, incluiding ropes and a bit of bondage. Eventually, He honored me by asking me to serve Him.

Obviously, there is more to it than the physical evolution of our relationship. I always trusted Him. He has always been a more level headed, logical, and self-confident person than me. I lack self-confidence, and He helped me build it up. He loved me, and showed me how and why I should love myself. I felt that He had done so much for me, had taken so much extra responsibility to ensure my happyness... I wanted to take the name of slave because I wanted to serve Him.

Perhaps I'm just an overjoyed little girl who is excited that I finally belong somewhere and to someone. But I wonder how other people arrived to similar places.

Thanks for reading my ramblings.

 

[bunny bondage]

welcome, SubByDesign! glad to have you aboard!

for me, even as a little girl i was into being tied up and things of the sort. once i found this site and i read some of the bdsm stories, i discovered that a whole genre existed! like you, i'm in the bible belt and was fairly sure i was an oddity. i always knew what i liked, but until i came here, i had no vocabulary, no way to articulate my desires. i guess i was about fifteen then, and that's also when i got into my first bdsm-type relationship. it was mostly just playing around in the bedroom rather than any serious power exchange, but that was my first step and i've never looked back! ^_^

 

[Bikewer]

It's an interesting question that defies an easy answer. Sexologists like the late John Money maintained that one's "lovemap" (a psychological construct of an idealized mating partner) is formed quite early in life. The lovemap can be altered during formation by a variety of things we don't clearly understand. Child abuse is one, of course, but there are a wide variety of fetishy-things that are quite benign.

In my own case, I knew I was fascinated by bondage quite young, kindergarten age or so. Found media images of people in chains and restraints to be very alluring. (Hehe-no VCRs when I was a kid)
It wasn't till I was in my late teens that I was exposed to bondage/BDSM writings and magazines that let me put a name to what I was interested in.

 

[Limbhugger]

Wife and I's relationship has evolved much like you say Sub. Always there was the underlying power exchange and trust. The proper foundation for a strong D/s relationship.

And welcome to the forum!

 

[FungiUg]

Always had an interest in owning a woman or two or three for sexual purposes (the harem fantasy)... so it's just grown out of that really. The realities have proven to be way better than the fantasies.

 

[Saint_Sinner]

I was lead around by the nose for most of my childhood, and had little or no influence on what direction my life would take. After a few carthartic moments, and a firm realization of who I am and what I have become, I realized that I had a deep rooted need to control. I believe in myself, my abilities, and my decisions. Because of the damage done ( and I know that I will catch shit for this......but hey, batter up...) by the feminist movement to the natural order of male/female interpersonal relationships and the collective male psyche, the views that I have are not now "politically correct". I became interested in the D/s lifestyle because I believe that it is much closer to the true ideal of what a man and a woman should have together. To clarify though, I do not seek to own a slave, but I will accept nothing less that being the master of myself and my own domain. A woman (my woman) will always have the basic innate human right to disagree with me, and because of existing mutual respect I understand the need for compromise. But I came to the decision that I will live my life my way.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

I was lead around by the nose for most of my childhood, and had little or no influence on what direction my life would take. After a few carthartic moments, and a firm realization of who I am and what I have become, I realized that I had a deep rooted need to control. I believe in myself, my abilities, and my decisions. Because of the damage done ( and I know that I will catch shit for this......but hey, batter up...) by the feminist movement to the natural order of male/female interpersonal relationships and the collective male psyche, the views that I have are not now "politically correct". I became interested in the D/s lifestyle because I believe that it is much closer to the true ideal of what a man and a woman should have together. To clarify though, I do not seek to own a slave, but I will accept nothing less that being the master of myself and my own domain. A woman (my woman) will always have the basic innate human right to disagree with me, and because of existing mutual respect I understand the need for compromise. But I came to the decision that I will live my life my way.

Oh yeah, dude...you'll pay for that one!

(If you knew you were going to pay, why post it? Hidden masochist tendancies? )

 

[catalina_francisco]

Oh yeah, dude...you'll pay for that one!

(If you knew you were going to pay, why post it? Hidden masochist tendancies? )

Perhaps it is a bit like the view some whites have about their superiority over other colours/races....helps keep down the fear and inner feelings of their own inferiority complex, and hey, sure provides an excuse to not grow and evolve through time, just maintain the same worn out, stagnant, and limited view.

Catalina

 

[lark sparrow]

That's "PMS" - pale, male and stale.

 

[Etoile]

Hi SubByDesign! Welcome to Lit!

I'm impressed to see that you've settled down with a master at just 18. I noticed in your journal that you're also dating someone - is that somebody different from your master? (That was the impression I got, but I want to be sure.)

How did I find out I was into BDSM? I was in a mostly-vanilla, somewhat-kinky relationship with my girlfriend, and we broke up briefly. I was already friends with the person who would become my Daddy, and we ended up together. Daddy is very dominant by nature, and I found that I fell into the submissive role naturally. Well, let me rephrase that - I'd always been submissive, but this was the first opportunity I had to submit. My girlfriend and I got back together (we celebrated our 6th anniversary last week), and Daddy and I are still together (almost four years now).

 

[Krinaia]

I was lead around by the nose for most of my childhood, and had little or no influence on what direction my life would take. After a few carthartic moments, and a firm realization of who I am and what I have become, I realized that I had a deep rooted need to control. I believe in myself, my abilities, and my decisions. Because of the damage done ( and I know that I will catch shit for this......but hey, batter up...) by the feminist movement to the natural order of male/female interpersonal relationships and the collective male psyche, the views that I have are not now "politically correct". I became interested in the D/s lifestyle because I believe that it is much closer to the true ideal of what a man and a woman should have together. To clarify though, I do not seek to own a slave, but I will accept nothing less that being the master of myself and my own domain. A woman (my woman) will always have the basic innate human right to disagree with me, and because of existing mutual respect I understand the need for compromise. But I came to the decision that I will live my life my way.

This makes me ask a question... do you wish to be in control of another as a retaliation of your fierce and controling father? Or because you desire to be a dominant. Because you like having a woman on her knees, ready to please you, wanting to please you, willing... I ask because it's very important to understand your reasons.

All people, not just women, not just men, have basic innate human rights. And people are always going to disagree with you on some things... it's the way of life. And you say that you understand a need for compromise but that you will live your life your way. Seems that by saying that, you're saying you're above the need for compromise. You say you do not seek to own a slave but if you want and need someone who does not need to compromise but will agree to whatever decisions you make... then I think "slave' is the most accurate label for the woman you seek.

As a submissive, I know there will be times I will say no. I will expect to suffer the consequences but I will also expect my partner to understand and accept my right to do this. But I think if you are expecting a woman to submit to you without question forever - you are likely setting yourself up for a big disappointment. Not because finding such a woman is impossible... but perhaps, after having spoken with you privately... I have to ask, would you be happy with such a woman?

 

[catalina_francisco]

That's "PMS" - pale, male and stale.

LOL..I love that!!

Catalina

 

[WriterDom]

Out of the blue one night, I spanked a red headed nurse. Luckily she liked it and didn't have me arrested. Then I looked for women who liked to be spanked. Found a grad student about 40 miles away that would come twice a month. I didn't discover bdsm till later that year.

 

[Saint_Sinner]

Did I stutter?

I will not argue semantics with you......You quoted me......did I not just state that, "a woman will always have the basic innate human right to disagree with me". I do not have the want or need to have a slave. If all I wanted is a piece of flesh to serve me when I am sexually aroused, I have my left hand. As a man and a dominant, I want to be able to please my partner to the best of my abilities. I want her to be happy.

You ask that after talking to me privately, would I be happy with a woman who cowtowed to my every whim, hell no. I would not be happy with that. I am looking for a partner first and foremost. Second and nearly as important, I look for a challenge. I believe that it takes a great amount of strength for a woman to truly submit herself to another ( I didn't say man for the sake of Etolie and others who have unknowingly earned my respect ). If I am given the gift of that submission, I will nurture and cherish that treasure to the very best of my ability. If MY ability is not in accord with what she needs, then I would not presume to impose myself upon her. Her final choice can ALWAYS be the door.

There is a big difference between wanting a woman on her knees in front of me and wanting a woman who wants to be on her knees in front of me. I do not get off on being worshiped, I get off on being trusted. That trust is something that I am more than willing to earn. The look on a woman's face when she hands her everything over to me knowing, trusting, and believing that I have the ability to care for it with everything I have is what I yearn for. It makes me a better man.

As a submissive, do you not want to be, and I paraphrase your words, "on your knees, ready to please, wanting to please, willing... ". Or do you want a compromise.........ok, i'll get down on one knee.......... I'll put my mouth on your cock, but don't gag me, or I'll stop,............ don't cum in my mouth, or this will never happen again.........Do you really want a Dom that will do as he's told?

A submissive ( a human) should always have the final say in what happens to them. Submission is the hardest choice sometimes. You either do it, or you don't. Never in my previous post did I say anything to the contrary. Therefore, semantics aside, you need a spanking.


catalina_francisco- I have no idea if I just made this better or worse, but I at least clarified my stance a little. My intent was not to offend, but maybe I offended with my intent.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Re: Did I stutter?

catalina_francisco- I have no idea if I just made this better or worse, but I at least clarified my stance a little. My intent was not to offend, but maybe I offended with my intent.

LOL, I have no problem with anyone saying what they believe, in fact I encourage it. I prefer people to be real than to try and please and in so doing misrepresent themselves. That does not mean I wouldn't bend your ear for an hour or so if ever we shared a coffee, just to clarify my varying definitions between submission by choice, and the rightful place of women in relation to men in society as a whole.

Catalina

 

[Etoile]

Re: Did I stutter?

I believe that it takes a great amount of strength for a woman to truly submit herself to another ( I didn't say man for the sake of Etolie and others who have unknowingly earned my respect ).

*blink* Wow, thank you. I am genuinely impressed and touched.

 

[Etoile]

Re: Did I stutter?

As a submissive, do you not want to be, and I paraphrase your words, "on your knees, ready to please, wanting to please, willing... ". Or do you want a compromise.........ok, i'll get down on one knee.......... I'll put my mouth on your cock, but don't gag me, or I'll stop,............ don't cum in my mouth, or this will never happen again.........Do you really want a Dom that will do as he's told?

Speaking for myself, I would hate this. I'd hate myself for being so demanding and I'd hate a dom that gave into it. Topping from the bottom is hard to define, but that definitely sounds like it.

 

[Saint_Sinner]

I have read many of your posts, and respect what you have to say..............If I don't agree with it, at least it's always interesting.........but there are very few times I didn't agree.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Re: Did I stutter?

As a submissive, do you not want to be, and I paraphrase your words, "on your knees, ready to please, wanting to please, willing... ". Or do you want a compromise.........ok, i'll get down on one knee.......... I'll put my mouth on your cock, but don't gag me, or I'll stop,............ don't cum in my mouth, or this will never happen again.........Do you really want a Dom that will do as he's told?

Submission with a 45 point list of "I won't, I don't, I can't, I shouldn't," and most especially YOU WON'T, isn't submission at all in my book. It's topping from the bottom, and being a plain old manipulative pain in the ass. In my humble opinion of course. *grin*

~anelize

 

[Saint_Sinner]

bump

bump

 

[Krinaia]

Re: Did I stutter?

There is a big difference between wanting a woman on her knees in front of me and wanting a woman who wants to be on her knees in front of me. I do not get off on being worshiped, I get off on being trusted. That trust is something that I am more than willing to earn. The look on a woman's face when she hands her everything over to me knowing, trusting, and believing that I have the ability to care for it with everything I have is what I yearn for. It makes me a better man.

As a submissive, do you not want to be, and I paraphrase your words, "on your knees, ready to please, wanting to please, willing... ". Or do you want a compromise.........ok, i'll get down on one knee.......... I'll put my mouth on your cock, but don't gag me, or I'll stop,............ don't cum in my mouth, or this will never happen again.........Do you really want a Dom that will do as he's told?

A submissive ( a human) should always have the final say in what happens to them. Submission is the hardest choice sometimes. You either do it, or you don't. Never in my previous post did I say anything to the contrary. Therefore, semantics aside, you need a spanking. .

I am glad you have said these things.. I for the most part, agree. and you are right - I do not want a submission with a million hesitations and constant questioning of the one I am submitting to. I want to find someone I can trust... someone I can hand myself to and know he will respect me, desire me, and cherish it. And I expect it to be very difficult at times and I wouldnt have it any other way. Other times I think that it will be so easy it will be like breathing and that I also look forward too. Problem is finding that someone... hell even finding someone to play with while I look would be nice but that too seems impossible.

And perhaps you're right. I could probably use a spanking... for more reasons then that I seem to have riled you up.

 

[MissTaken]

Re: Did I stutter?

There is a big difference between wanting a woman on her knees in front of me and wanting a woman who wants to be on her knees in front of me.

Well put!

I do not get off on being worshiped, I get off on being trusted. That trust is something that I am more than willing to earn. The look on a woman's face when she hands her everything over to me knowing, trusting, and believing that I have the ability to care for it with everything I have is what I yearn for. It makes me a better man.

.

I, too, find that the trust and love between us is the true high in our relationship. How we chose to share and enjoy that is how we play.


As for my humble beginnings, I began reading about BDSM here at lit. Then, befriended a few people, on line and learned more. I threw myself into the melting pot of submissives at a few kinky personal's sites and dated, screwed up, dated some more, found a Master, didn't work, dated some more, and then, was taken under teh wing of a training Dominant. As for the training Dominant, we are very good friends and he was not at all surprised at my evolution into Dominance.

When all is said and done, i began switching with women last year and am now with my guy.

Perhaps, part of the evolution was finding out that I wasn't submissive. I went through highs and lows in the journey and realize now, that I was looking for something a Dominant couldn't provide. Why? I believe I was denying my Dominant nature.

And now, that I am in a wonderful relationship, each day is further exploration and evolution into happiness. Just when I think it can't be any better, it is.