Curious About Other's Opinions

[CharityLynn]

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[KimGordon67]

I've had one or two exceptionally unpleasant things happen in my life that, when I remember them, aren't always remembered with the horror that they should be - not what you describe, but not dissimilar. I can't even make myself describe them, and the only two people who know about them are dead now.
I think suspect this conflict isn't too uncommon. I have absolutely no insight into why it happens though.

 

[justcurious1972]

Hope this might help but understand I am not entirely positive about this but I have heard of situations where a victim can feel an infatuation towards an aggressor in these situations. Usually though I believe when it's over a longer period like in kidnap cases..

Again I am not sure about all of this and there maybe ppl on here that may say it's a lot of shite, but worth considering anyways

 

[CharityLynn]

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[justcurious1972]

Most welcome for my contribution. If ever want to chat just send a pm

 

[SissySalina]

sissy would suggest your, id, it is not talked about anymore but is part of your subconscious.
It controls more than some think. Just an idea.

 

[dumbeg4]

I know a woman who suffered the terrible dichotomy of an orgasm brought on by a rape. This did not make the act any the less reprehensible but just increased the horror.

 

[Nezhul]

That's not surprising to me at all. Many people get turned on by the idea of rape, and even if you weren't thinking about that consciously - that might have been your case all along.

Other than that, your experience is the experience of sexual act mixed with danger on many levels. Basically, if you simplify, adrenaline+sex.
Sure, you didn't ask for it, and if offered a repeat - you would probably refuse. But that doesn't really matter. What matters is that your body feels a dick in your pussy, and it will be pleasurable if done right - no matter what your mind may think about the process or situation. On the other hand, you can't really control what pattern your mind responds to when it decides to become aroused. It's a complicated system.

You were "lucky".... that's not the word, but I'll use it. I'm not talking about "lucky" as in lucky to have been raped - no. No one should ever go through that.
But you just happened to be one of those people for whom the starts aligned so that you could find something arousing or enjoyable about the otherwise horrendous event. Very few people do - for most it's trauma through and through.

There's that. It's just how your brain worked, basically, which is rare coincidence but not really surprising, given the diversity of patterns and responses that human brain is capable of.

What you do next? Well, maybe if it's your thing - explore BDSM (which you seemingly already do, seeing you on this forum). Find a good partner who can make you feel trapped and helpless in a perfectly safe, sane and consensual environment.

good luck

 

[Nezhul]

I have heard of situations where a victim can feel an infatuation towards an aggressor in these situations. Usually though I believe when it's over a longer period like in kidnap cases..

This is called stockholm syndrome and is a defensive mechanism in - you are right - kidnap cases. It can happen in mere hours, but the longer the time the more the chances of developing it.
It's based on your body and mind starting to mimic the patterns of your assailant in order to relay a message that you are non-threat to him and thus should not be treated badly.

Her case - is a very short kidnap scenario, basically. I don't think that's it though, although it's not impossible

 

[Mqoi]

When I was about 20 and more into men than women, another guy tried to rape me in a restroom when I was driving overnight and stopped for a quick pee. I'm about 5'7" and weighed about 120 then. He was a head taller than me and a lot more muscular than me. He got an arm around my waist before I knew what was going on and had my shorts off almost as quick. As much as I struggled, I couldn't break free until he loosened up his grip to unzip his pants. But before that, I'd pretty much given up on the idea of getting loose and was trying to prepare myself mentally for the dry fucking was coming next.

Looking back on it now, I often wonder what would my later life have been like if I hadn't got free? Shortly after that I lost interest in other guys for several years. In those days, I'd been having sex with other guys much more than I was with women.

I've thought about writing a story about it where I didn't get free and he kept me as his possession (stockholm syndrome thing). Not sure if anyone would be interested it though.

 

[o2baPrince]

Earlier today I was communicating with a man and told him something I hadn't told anyone in a long time: when I was younger I was raped a few times - in this case it was a gif that reminded me of it clearly. It was about 3:00 in the morning, in an alcove off the alley on the side of the club where I worked. I came out to leave and he was waiting, pointed a gun at me and took me into the alley, made me undress and raped me from behind against the wall. I was terrified that he was going to hurt me but he didn't do any serious harm. Some bruises and scratches was all. Anyway, it isn't the event itself that I want opinions on. I didn't ask for it and it wasn't my fault. And I don't want anyone else to have it happen. But here's what makes me wonder: that event, has remained in my memory as one of arousal and excitement (the couple of others have as well). And, honestly, though I was terrified, physically I enjoyed it. I know it's taboo to say that. And I don't want a fight with anybody (the pleasure of it, and the arousal from the memory of it, may very well be wrong - I don't claim otherwise, they're just what I felt and feel). This is the reason I don't tell people about it but decided that this was a place where I COULD speak my mind and share my feelings. That's largely why I'm here. So, does anyone have any idea why I would feel that way about such an event, when it goes against everything taught or expected of us? I welcome any honest ideas that could explain it. I have some of my own but prefer to hear others before saying them. Thank you all.

They are your feelings, I won't challenge them by declaring them right or wrong. But I understand the conflict. Good luck.

 

[L8tnIt]

Another point of view

I do not know how well my own experience can translate in this thread, but I will at least put it out there. I trust the people of Lit to be mature about such things; especially such as this. Here it goes:

As a young man, I had surprisingly very few sexual experiences. I did not actually lose my virginity until I was 20 years old. And I lost it to date rape.
The woman I was with, who was a good 5 years older than me, had gotten me drunk despite my protest to the otherwise (I was a real googy-goody back then, and I would not touch a drop until I was 21).
At one point, after seeing through the fog in my head, I realized that she had handcuffed me to her bed and was riding me like a sybian. I must've been hard, or she would have had nothing to sit on.
It only took a few weeks before I ended that relationship & realized what was going on.

But that experience has definitely shaped a lot of my sexual interests that I hold to today. I am not really a fan of rough sex, absolutely detest the idea of rape play (but hold absolutely nothing against those who do like it; I will just refuse to do so), I enjoy bondage and sensory deprivation, and prefer seduction and cohersion as opposed to dominating order-giving.

If you can take anything away from this, leave with the solid understanding that events in our past shape how we are in our future.
I hope this helped.

 

[sterculius]

While I've never experienced anything so violently against my will as the original poster describes, I have passively allowed myself to be sexually "used" by others, and willingly performed acts that are socially considered shameful for a man to indulge in. I enjoyed the humiliation and the degraded way it made me feel to surrender and voluntarily submit to their sexual demands. It's extremely arousing to know that to them, you're nothing but a piece of meat. They may not mean to hurt me intentionally, but they just don't care if they do. How I feel is irrelevant! And that excites me!

 

[Ralf913]

Curious

As someone else posted there is no right or wrong in your feelings.But it seems to bother you, I think if you find a rape support group and just share your feelings,it meant help.Good luck to u and enjoy life.

 

[snakeeyes15]

asdfg

 

[CharityLynn]

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[SexyHeavyLady]

Earlier today I was communicating with a man and told him something I hadn't told anyone in a long time: when I was younger I was raped a few times - in this case it was a gif that reminded me of it clearly. It was about 3:00 in the morning, in an alcove off the alley on the side of the club where I worked. I came out to leave and he was waiting, pointed a gun at me and took me into the alley, made me undress and raped me from behind against the wall. I was terrified that he was going to hurt me but he didn't do any serious harm. Some bruises and scratches was all. Anyway, it isn't the event itself that I want opinions on. I didn't ask for it and it wasn't my fault. And I don't want anyone else to have it happen. But here's what makes me wonder: that event, has remained in my memory as one of arousal and excitement (the couple of others have as well). And, honestly, though I was terrified, physically I enjoyed it. I know it's taboo to say that. And I don't want a fight with anybody (the pleasure of it, and the arousal from the memory of it, may very well be wrong - I don't claim otherwise, they're just what I felt and feel). This is the reason I don't tell people about it but decided that this was a place where I COULD speak my mind and share my feelings. That's largely why I'm here. So, does anyone have any idea why I would feel that way about such an event, when it goes against everything taught or expected of us? I welcome any honest ideas that could explain it. I have some of my own but prefer to hear others before saying them. Thank you all.

Sort of the same here, my first sexual experience in my late teens was three men taking what they wanted from me. I won't elaborate (will pm if you really must know) but after that it has happened a few times again as the first time broke my understanding of a healthy relationship and I put my self in danger looking for that high again. It's only recently that I've stopped doing this and through talking therapy am trying to work out why my needs are what they are.
I'm not ashamed of it.
But nor am I happy.

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

Dollie

I felt this is a topic here that really is taboo. Yet it happens and to talk about it may help someone else.
For me rape at an early age changed my life until I was much older. In fact I was 73 before I ever had intercourse with anyone other than my husband. Yes 73, an age way too old for most women to even be able to have intercourse.
I use the word intercourse because just saying sex would not be true. I was still young when I met my husband. Because of my strange family fondling had been a part of my world as long as I can remember.
So my husband, a virgin, was taught to use and abuse me as I was raised. The big difference he was and is gentle and I was always able to say no about anything.

My story is a long one. When I was raped I was working on my older sister's and her husband's farm. Mostly picking strawberries and tomatos. I was tricked into going to their home. There my own sister and husband held me spread wide while they watched one of her lovers rape me.
This happened many times over a week or more. I blocked out much of what happened. My parents, teachers, or no one did anything. Back then it was family and family business only.

I grew up and no one ever knew. I never dated because i was afraid of all men. Something made me fall in love with a boys photo in the newspaper. Against his wishes he said he'd date me one time.
Of course we dated and 60 years later are still dating.
I can't remember the details. But sex came up and he told me he was afraid to have intercourse because he wasn't circumsized. First I cried and told him I am afraid too but my reasons are worse.
Besides my parents and a teacher, only those at the rape knew. I told this new boyfriend and immediately I felt free and in love.

Still, of all of the things he and I did, I would not give in to intercourse with another.
Rape is a terrible thing. It hurts to write this many years later. Like others, we can talk freely. Everyone but us are dead. Few even know my rapist called me a few years later. I was ready to go on a date to the drive in movies with him the same night my first date with Denny. Who knows what may have happened.
Later Donald, D******t, my rapist died of AIDS, I believe. I still block much of the memories and have forgotten the worse parts.

Even now, the person raped seems to get the blame. Believe me I was not like I am now or was as I got older. I was a child. Sadly this will be deleted. But the truth needs to be told in all of these cases.
Thanks for reading my story.

 

[CharityLynn]

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[CharityLynn]

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[oneaboveall23]

This is called Stockholm syndrome and is a defensive mechanism in - you are right - kidnap cases. It can happen in mere hours, but the longer the time the more the chances of developing it.
It's based on your body and mind starting to mimic the patterns of your assailant in order to relay a message that you are non-threat to him and thus should not be treated badly.

Her case - is a very short kidnap scenario, basically. I don't think that's it though, although it's not impossible

One of the theories regarding Stockholm Syndrome is that when you are threatened in that manner; you are so grateful for not being beaten, tortured, killed etc, that "only" being raped can seem like a great humanitarian act by your assailant.

 

[GhostFeather18]

I can't I know why but you aren't alone. I was raped too, but can't help but look back on it with arousal. It sickens me and turns me on at the same time.

 

[MattWright]

First Charity let me congratulate you on being a survivor. The presence of a firearm in this situation put you in extreme peril. You could have been killed either intentionally or unintentionally.

Your feelings are not uncommon at all. Years ago I had a relationship with a girl who had been sexually abused by her father when she was a teen. I knew her in her early 20's. When we had sex she wanted it the same way she learned it the first time. I introduced her to some other options but her favorite way never changed. Butt up and head down with two pillows under her tummy. She could only orgasm one way. We are imprinted when we are imprinted we do not control what is forced upon us.

 

[harry johnson]

Charity Lynne

One feels what one feels and it's never wrong. If it's cold outside, you feel cold. Nothing wrong with that. If someone close to you is sad, you might feel sad. Certainly nothing wrong with that.

Be comfortable with all that you feel. I'm sure you are an incredibly lovely woman.