Curiosity

[GremDeLaGrem]

So, I've always been fascinated by the idea of bondage. I remember being 9 and tying up my barbie dolls. It seems like a young age for a sexual component, and it was, but it wasn't sex to me. It was adventurous. She'd get tied up, struggle and break free to more adventures. Probably comes from a strong adoration for Indiana Jones, but now, as an adult, I'm intrigued by the idea of being tied and, to put it bluntly, dealt with. I love spanking, I love having my hands over my head, being held down, dirty talk, hair pulling, biting, and all that stuff. Being told what to do, being stripped down or shoved up against a wall, saying no - it really gets me going. I'm not sure how to bring this up at the beginning of a relationship or even a year or two into one. Oh hey, by the way, I get turned on from bruises on my ass that can only be applied by an open palm - give it a go? Any suggestions? Am I a totally boring candidate for BDSM or is this a good place to start?

 

[Sir_Winston54]

So, I've always been fascinated by the idea of bondage. I remember being 9 and tying up my barbie dolls. It seems like a young age for a sexual component, and it was, but it wasn't sex to me. It was adventurous. She'd get tied up, struggle and break free to more adventures. Probably comes from a strong adoration for Indiana Jones, but now, as an adult, I'm intrigued by the idea of being tied and, to put it bluntly, dealt with.

I love spanking, I love having my hands over my head, being held down, dirty talk, hair pulling, biting, and all that stuff. Being told what to do, being stripped down or shoved up against a wall, saying no - it really gets me going.

I'm not sure how to bring this up at the beginning of a relationship or even a year or two into one. Oh hey, by the way, I get turned on from bruises on my ass that can only be applied by an open palm - give it a go? Any suggestions? Am I a totally boring candidate for BDSM or is this a good place to start?

Starting from the bottom and working upward (what the hell, I'm tired, cranky and the pain pills aren't doing a damn thing for me at the moment)...

No, you're not a totally boring candidate for BDSM, and yes, this is a good place to start.

Bringing this topic up from the pyl point of view can be difficult. One way is humor. Find something your potential PYL says or does that you can twist a little bit, e.g., "So if I put too much sugar in your coffee, what are you going to do, spank me?" with a smart-alecky grin. You can learn a *whole lot* from the expression on his face/in his eyes when you ask something like that.

Alternatively, you can look for potential partners in kink-friendly venues, such as Fetlife.com. It's free, it's nation- and world-wide (believe me, it has more members in my sparsely populated state than I would have ever believed!), and it also has a lot of information about groups in just about every geographic subdivision you can think of. Get out to a few munches and see who you run into!

As to your post in the other thread inquiring whether there's a forum to introduce a woman to a Dom, yeah, there is... it's called "BDSM Personals," and you'll find it near the bottom of the list of fora. TBH, I wouldn't recommend it at this point. Your Private Message inbox will be inundated by HNGs looking to score some cyber with someone new to this world, and/or predators looking to score more, perhaps, than you're willing to contemplate in your worst nightmares. Of every 100 PMs you get, I would bet that 90 or more would fall into one of those two categories. I honestly feel you'd be much better off finding an organized group somewhere near you, and meeting people real-time and gaining some knowledge, even if not actual physical experience, before venturing too deeply into the realm of online relationships that you hope to turn into offline relationships.

Good luck to you, and welcome to BDSM Talk and the BDSM Café, our sub-forum which has discussions of damn near any- and everything, usually from a lighter-hearted point of view, and often giving a bit of a BDSM twist to discussions of topics completely UNrelated to BDSM.

 

[sub_spankee69]

I would actually echo the suggestion to take a look at Fetlife and if you fancy doing so, attending some local munches or something similar just to meet some kinky people in your local area in a relaxed environment. Just as with here and as I am sure you are aware, there are also fakes and predators on that site. Having said that, there are also plenty of nice people, groups full of like-minded folk who share your particular kinks and a number of useful articles on how to go about finding what you're looking for and how to look after yourself while doing so!

From personal experience, I have found the conversation about "so this is what I like..." a little challenging although it depends on my relationship dynamic. However, I think the suggestion of 'testing the water' is a good one, to guage reactions. I also think being open and honest upfront is definitely the best thing. Trust me, leaving the "I love a good spanking" conversation to a point when you are well into a relationship only makes it harder.

Good luck!

 

[GremDeLaGrem]

Thank you so much for your help, and I really appreciate being directed to newbie friendly sites! I'll definitely check them out!

 

[Stella_Omega]

One more thing: remember that you are placing yourself in a position of vulnerability. JUST BECAUSE some dude asks you what your safeword is? DOES NOT prove that he will honor it.

Use every bit of street smarts you have. BDSM is not always a hallmark moment.